Help Needed! Mistaken for a gran today

[NewRoseExpert]

Hi All,

I’d love a bit of advice. Today I took my DD (9) and her friend (11) out for a play date. We bumped into someone who knew my daughter’s friend, and he asked her if I was her Nan. I could have cried!

I’m 44, peri-menopausal, and a proud mum to DS20, DS17, and DD9. I’ve recently lost quite a bit of weight, and most days I don’t wear makeup. I do have grey hair, but I thought I had it under control… clearly not! I came straight home and dyed it a sweet latte shade from Garnier.

Now I’d really appreciate some tips on makeup and style to help me look fresher and younger. On weekends, I tend to dress very casually — today it was M&S shorts, an oversized T-shirt, and trainers. During the week, I’m much smarter for work (smart jeans/trousers or dresses).

Any recommendations for quick, easy makeup routines (including product suggestions) and styling ideas that are comfortable but flattering?

I’d love to feel more “younger mum” than “gran”!

Thanks so much, lovely MNs xx

Doesn't it just mean the boy moves in circles where a 9yo's Gran is 44, ie Grans he knows are around that age?

I think it's one of those things that vary hugely between social circles. I know women who would be grans of 9 year olds by their early/mid 30s and women who have just had their first DC then. If you're from one group it's not insulting to assume the other group are the same as you.

Also lots of people are utterly shit at guessing age. Several people assumed I was my sister's mother when I was 18 with an unfortunate haircut. You only have to look at the 'guess my age' threads on here where people happily go two decades in both directions.

But yes, the main thing is the grey hair. It can look absolutely amazing on some women, but people do link it with 'older.'

The clothes it's harder to say - from the pics you've posted that outfit is very similar to what loads of 20 year olds are wearing and if you changed to a 'nice dress' it could age you more. However cut and patterns can change a lot - because you mentioned m&s it could be that a version of that outfit actually looks completely different and slightly different one could make all the difference.

Do you have a trusted friend you could ask? or your older dd? really it's hard to say without actual photos of you (albeit understandable you don't want to post them).

As others have said it's likely to be the grey hairs. Men have it soo much easier than us ladies in that department, unfair really. 🙄
I've been using facial serums since turning 50 and that's helped too. Boots sometimes sell them on their 10 pound Tuesdays so that's a good and cheap way of seeing what suits you.

I must be the odd one out as i think a full face of makeup, especially in the summer, ages people, same with a 'nice' blow dry. I always think summer is a time to embrace a slightly more casual/beachy look with hair and make up not to be primed to perfection.

The outfit sounds fine for the park, I was at the park yesterday and all the women were in the same kind of outfits.

A haircut that suits you, a good night's sleep, lots of water and a well fitting bra are where to start. I always look older after a bad night's sleep, and when I'm dehydrated and tired I develop lines on my forehead (they're not there any other time).

Maybe try the John Lewis style service? I’m sure you look fine and it was just a youth seriously misjudging things but the John Lewis stylist appointment is always a confidence boost. I do think at your age (and also mine) it’s a bit awkward you can be a mum to an adult, a mum to a toddler or anywhere in between - also a grandma to any age. Don’t take it too personally !

There is a very obvious explanation - if said 24yo knew your daughter’s friend’s mum already by sight, he’d have spotted her with a female relative (presumably older than her mum) and guessed aunt or gran - so picked nan (probably without very much further thought). I wouldn’t give it another moment of your precious time if I were you - t-shirt and shorts is completely normal attire in hot weather and at the weekend/when you’re relaxing!

Blimey, Grans have changed!

My sister has a 25 year old daughter and a 17 year old daughter and a 9 year old grandson
she is 46

No one ever thinks she is her grandsons granny 😂

she looks younger than her age - she has great skin and hair and reasonably slim and never smoked

This is not a criticism of grey hair but many of my friends have let it go white and where no make up at all and comfy clothes which I think can look a bit aging but it’s up to them

Maybe it's not you, maybe this says more about the person who thought you were the nan/ And some people are grandparents in their late 30s....

Oh how silly of them 🙄 I mean it’s possible you could be a gran to a very small child but not a 9 year old .
I am a gran but was taken aback when I was discussing foundation with the young hairdresser I go to .
she said “ oh my gran uses that too , she’s about your age but you look younger” turns out her gran is my age and the hairdresser is 19 🤪😂

A new hairstyle?

I don’t think grey is automatically ‘ageing’, especially now grey is a commonly requested dye by younger people in salons.

Tinted moisturiser - I like the one by Green People as it’s natural but evens skin and is a bit glowy with SPF 15. I still use a moisturiser underneath for extra hydration.

A bit of cream blush.

A casual look but still a bit more polished - something in between this and work wear.

So start with the basics.

Moisturise, if you cba with full make up I think a warm tone rose lippy and a touch of blush make a difference (id add mascara in for me becuase my eyelashes are blonde)

Unless these are tailored shorts I suspect you looked.. frumpy. Not trying to be unkind, but you want some shape. So tailored shorts and a loose top or baggy shorts and a fitted tshirt. If you've a reasonable sized chest, make sure you've a good bra. Ans stand straight posture makes a difference

Hope you feel better soon

It's maybe a bit late now but it's going to be massively easier to blend your grey regrowth with dyed blonde hair than it is with brown.

Dark hair dye, especially if you were a dark blonde originally, is going to be very harsh against your skin, too.

Try and find something stylish but comfortable so that you can look decent even when you can't be bothered. I got a great black linen pinafore dress from COS - midi length. When I cannot be bothered or I ate two pizzas there night before, I wear this. It's a great cut so I look put together.

I also got some nice loose but still interestingly cut linen trousers from Oysho. I wear these with a t-shirt when I really cannot be bothered. Because the pants are nice, I still look like I have my shit together, even though it's basically pajamas.

I truly think shorts flatter very few people.

Buy a hyaluronic acid serum and some simple facial moisturiser. Put the HA on when your skin is damp and then the moisturiser over the top once the serum is just past tacky. If you can get some tretinoin from somewhere, do.

I am a gran. One day I took my then 3 year old granddaughter to a dance class. She walked up to a woman and said "are you a mummy or a granny"? The woman was about 40! So it happens.

it will most definitely be the grey hair! It ages people 10/20 years. My aunty was grey for a few years until a stranger asked is she was my mums mum. She was so upset about it so she dyed her hair and looked instantly 10 years younger.

I get Botox, and I have been getting it since I was about 38 (only once per year) and it really does take years off.

If you don’t already take care of your skin with a good routine then start, this doesn’t have to be expensive btw just products to keep you hydrated things like aquaphor before bed, and a good spf daily. Get some peels every few months this really helps me look more youthful.

Your clothes do seem a bit granny like maybe look at some style influencers for a bit of inspiration.

Curling your eyelashes and having good brows always makes me feel good too.

And try not to worry too much you are actually in the age category to be a young nan so looking a few years older (one a bad day isn’t the end of the world.

Did you see the outfit OP posted? If that’s your vibe then fine but OP wanted advice and mine was don’t go out and about looking slobby and disheveled. It’s really easy to pull together a nice pair of shorts and a t-shirt which are comfortable and don’t look like you’ve just rolled out of bed.

Yes, I did. Good for you.

Good point about shorts not being very flattering. I don’t think many people have got the legs for shorts unless they are young and slim. I can only wear them in the garden.

EVERYONE has the legs for shorts FFS

I agree 💯 that the legs'll give you away as not youthful from midlife onwards..

I don't agree that that should stop anyone.

I also think that the OP is of the age where she could be a parent or a grandparent so doesn't necessarily look "older" as her actual age is old enough to be a gran

And also those particular shorts are hideous on anybody..

But everyone should wear shorts! They're a staple!

@SkylarFalls l could not disagree with you more. Perhaps anyone COULD wear shorts but that certainly does not mean that they MUST. Very few people over the age of thirty, of either sex, look good in shorts, unless they have slim, athletic looking legs without being skinny and with no broken/varicose veins. Fine on the beach or in the garden if you really want to wear them. I have not owned a pair of shorts since around 1990 as I look dreadful in them. I have lipodoema,which means I have a very large bottom and thunder thighs, complete with thread veins. Why would I want to inflict that sight on anyone else? In the hot weather, I wear a slip-on dress or a skirt and top. I keep cool and these clothes are far more comfortable and flattering.

Dresses and skirts are crap for doing things like gardening in, they catch on bushes and it's annoying

They're also annoying for sunny but blowy walks, think coastal paths in summer

I would never "dress up" in shorts

But not every outfit is about looking "nice" because amongst other more sensible reasons, no matter how "nice" your actual garment is, if it's not fit for the function you're doing, you'll look less good doing it!

It really depends on the background of the asker, though I understand your upset. I have a friend, 5 months between us. Her grandchildren are in their 20s. Friend had DD at 20, DD had GDS at 19. Friend would have been a granny at about 42.

Thank you. I wear Sketchers because I've had Plantar Fasciitis and they're the only shoes that don't aggravate it. Yes, they ARE comfortable, that's why I wear them. Up until about 10 years ago, I wore heels, but can't these days. I try to look decent with everything else. I hate Crocs, they're so ugly.

I AM a granny!