Help Needed! Mistaken for a gran today

[NewRoseExpert]

Hi All,

I’d love a bit of advice. Today I took my DD (9) and her friend (11) out for a play date. We bumped into someone who knew my daughter’s friend, and he asked her if I was her Nan. I could have cried!

I’m 44, peri-menopausal, and a proud mum to DS20, DS17, and DD9. I’ve recently lost quite a bit of weight, and most days I don’t wear makeup. I do have grey hair, but I thought I had it under control… clearly not! I came straight home and dyed it a sweet latte shade from Garnier.

Now I’d really appreciate some tips on makeup and style to help me look fresher and younger. On weekends, I tend to dress very casually — today it was M&S shorts, an oversized T-shirt, and trainers. During the week, I’m much smarter for work (smart jeans/trousers or dresses).

Any recommendations for quick, easy makeup routines (including product suggestions) and styling ideas that are comfortable but flattering?

I’d love to feel more “younger mum” than “gran”!

Thanks so much, lovely MNs xx

I think how old you come across is a combination of loads of factors, from the sound of your voice, to your posture and overall energy. Plus the usual stuff like skin, lines and clothing. There are eleventy billion videos on YouTube about what ages you, clothing wise.

Grey hair is automatically ageing. Agree with pp that losing too much weight after 40 can lead to a haggardness. Also that the age of the asker must be taken into account.

I had a lady say to me that I was ‘clearly much younger’ than her. But when I asked a much older friend who knows us both how old she thought this lady was, she gave a number nearly five years younger than me. I myself can’t tell how old this lady is. A lot of it is about your own perceptions and you can only really worry about feeling right in yourself. Fighting ageing is a lot and some people just have better things to do.

Crikey all this because of a young man who probably only looks closely at a woman if he fancies her? My son is a similar age and I absolutely love him to pieces, and his friends, but they're not the most observant of people.

The clothes don't scream gran to me. They look quite teenagery though they might not look teenagery on you.
A photo minus your head might help.
I wonder if it's the grey too. I have grey bits and when I look in the mirror at home I think it looks fine but when I catch myself in the mirrors at self check out I always think i look horrid and older. I do think people see grey snd think your older if they are not paying attention as I think generally people don't stop dyeing until their in their 60s and lots still do at that age.

Honestly he was a 24 year bloke so statistically likely to be a complete fool.

I agree that it's the grey hair. Invest in this. I think the clothes are lovely.

I (47 and not especially young looking) have long, thick dark hair. I never let grey in. I was out for dinner on a double date last week. The other wife is ten years older than me, she looks phenomenal and not even close to her age, not a line on her flawless face The idiot waiter was taking payment and couldn't see her face, obviously just clocked the grey hair. He referred to her as my mother. It was ridiculous, she actually looks younger than me. It's the hair.

Sorry but that's not a good look 😬 I would also add that grey hair tends to give an " old " impression. There are times I've looked at someone and thought " ooh what a lovely hair colour " and then have been quite taken aback at a much younger face than I assumed with it.

Well I am the same age as you and have a 3 year old and would be mortified if someone thought i was her granny!

I’m guessing it was the grey hair and the fact that the man in his early twenties thinks anyone over 40 is ancient! I’d start by booking a hair appointment and maybe getting a restyle. Clothes wise, a skirt or a pair of wide leg trousers and a t-shirt/jumper looks so much less casual than shorts and t-shirts while style being comfy. That’s the sort of thing I wear and I’m all about the elasticates waist band. Also I find Abercrombie and Fitch jeans super soft and comfy.

Now there's a waiter who needs to work on his soft skills!

I heard a waiter referring to my friend (in her 50s) as "the young lady" the other day. A man of tact and discretion. And probably a man who does pretty well for tips.

My friend told me to use vitamin c serum in the morning to brighten my face, and hyaluronic acid in the evening - I do think this has helped. I’ve been doing this for about 4 years and I’m 49.

It's definitely the hair, it puts 15 years on people. Very few middle aged women can pull grey off well.

Perimenopause, the grey will be wiry as well. Keep your hair dyed and styled and you will look and feel your age.

Yeah, it does math. If you had a child at 16 and that child had a child (grandchild) at 16, by the time grandchild was 11 you'd be 43/44

@NewRoseExpert i think facials are a game changer when in 40s . Also moisture and use tinted moisturiser Instead of foundation.
I still moisturise while using tinted moisturiser.
I’d head for more casual clothes than lazy and keep on top of your hair . Could you get a few layers or thicken it out .

When you're young it's about the brand, when you're old you just want comfort 😉

(I'm late 30s and dress for comfort...)

I am wondering whether you were wearing a decent bra, because although your outfit isn’t to my taste I really don’t think it’s ageing in itself, in fact quite current. Obviously there is no law to say that we must wear bras but as I age I notice more and more women around my age who would massively benefit from a bit more support in that department as a drooping bust is very ageing.

Dont underestimate the power of posture either.

Im happily going grey but my hair type can take it. I’d rather spend on a cut every eight weeks than on colour, as I look scruffy easily. It’s a very personal thing though.

It really doesn’t put 15 years on people…

I've never understood the hatred for Skechers. They are just trainers. They don't look better or worse than many other trainers. Loads of plain trainers look interchangeable with Skechers to me. They don't make a statement, but nor do many everyday trainers. Can someone explain what is so uncool about them? I have Skechers, Hoffs, Adidas, New Balance and they all work for me. But the Skechers are way the most comfortable.

No style advice (i could do with some myself) but as soon as I read that it was a bloke I thought you probably look absolutely fine, he is just a twat. I worked in retail years ago and so men who were shopping for their mum for 'outsize' (very large) clothes or nightdresses when asked about their mum's measurements would say about your size/age, (as in me) I was 20 and very slim!

I was 16 or 17, the age of your eldest, when my GREAT Grandmother died, and my Nan was an older mum for her time.

But that's by the by. You've been raising three children and are now peri, both of which can play havoc with skin and hair.

Don't beat yourself up, OP, he was being daft.

Main things that contribute to looking younger IMO are: enough sleep/ manage stress so you don't look drawn and tired all the time, drink plenty of water, being a bit overweight (softer/ rounder face does look younger), take a lively interest in other people and the world around you (giving off lots of energy will register as younger).

Get the hair dyed if it bothers you. Grey hair does does register as older.

Personally something like new haircut always makes me feel immediately transformed! Maybe a bob or something could be fun with the lovely new hair colour? They’re definitely in but also classic and look good on most people. But could be any fab cut that you like, I just always feel like it’s an easy and quick way to be refreshed. Fun to be pampered too for an hour. Also just a side note - I personally love silver hair so don’t let it stop you from embracing it in future as I bet you look fantastic either way! I know some people who also put blonde highlights in theirs so it’s just subtle and softly fades in with the grey too.

It sounds like it was your hair and your oversized t shirt. Both scream older woman to me. Hair is particularly important during peri/meno. Are you on HRT? It can do wonders for thin hair like you describe? Also, get your hair trimmed and styled regularly, as that can make you look younger.

Exfoliate your face with a gentle exfoliator weekly; use a proven serum; moisturise and use eye cream; use sunscreen on your face and neck; and watch your eyebrows. I’m a similar age to you and can no longer get away with ignoring my eyebrows as they either go thin (ageing) or develop random hairs that stick up. Do your brows every day even if you only make subtle enhancements.

That’s what getting older is - needing extra tweaks to look normal, basically! Put makeup on each day. It doesn’t have to be a lot and it shouldn’t be heavy, but spending time on this will make you look younger. Curl your eyelashes too, as that opens your eyes up and makes you look younger (and less tired).

A good quality BB cream, small amounts of concealer, light bronzer, blusher ending two fingers width from the side of your nose and highish on your cheekbones, a finishing powder like ELF Halo Glow, good quality eyeshadow, eyeliner, tubing mascara, lip balm and a neutralish brown or rosewood lipstick, and you’ll look polished - and younger!

Spend more time on yourself.
Buy magazines and get an inkling of what would suit you - go Primark/New Look etc if money an issue. Dress younger.
Go Superdrug and get some makeup ask assistant for help if money no issue get a makeover at department store.
At least your hair is sorted but that will be at least a once a month job. My friend has decided to go grey and looks 10 years older (was blonde) beggars belief why woman do this. It’s about £7 for a hair colour and I do mine monthly.
Go to a recommended hairdressers and ask for help also use products that thicken hair - John Freida eg also dry shampoo thickens hair and you can get it in colours.
Put yourself first for a change and imagine you’re 30!!

@Cinaferna I think you answered your own question 🙈 sketchers are about comfort over style.

I personally just don’t find them in trend or fashionable. I’d say new balance are also not very attractive but have become quite popular.

If you like them, work with your outfit and make you feel good when wearing them that’s the most important thing 😊

Agree, unfortunately.

I actually thought OP's fit was pretty youthful. Not stylish at all, but very young person coded so it must have been the grey hair giving the gran look.

If you have grey hair at a youngish age you really need to have a sharp, modern haircut and style it daily or it is very aging.

It's why I dye mine, I don't enjoy "doing my hair" so keeping it my natural colour is necessary for me.

I was mistaken for a Gran (or Nanan here) when I was about 31.
Was with my eldest child (who was about 1 at the time).
I was actually quite upset at the time!
I recovered.
Now I am a real Gran - and proud!

Depends what your issues are. For wrinkles try an LED mask from Boots for example, perhaps a NuFace for facial muscle tone. Waah your face with a light oil based cleanser and apply a moisturiser with sunscreen, wear a light tinted moisturiser every day and a slightly pink lip gloss. Consider getting your eyebrows done with permanent make up if light, thin or uneven and tint your eyelashes. Get your colours done and wear flattering colours and shapes.