Help Needed! Mistaken for a gran today

[NewRoseExpert]

Hi All,

I’d love a bit of advice. Today I took my DD (9) and her friend (11) out for a play date. We bumped into someone who knew my daughter’s friend, and he asked her if I was her Nan. I could have cried!

I’m 44, peri-menopausal, and a proud mum to DS20, DS17, and DD9. I’ve recently lost quite a bit of weight, and most days I don’t wear makeup. I do have grey hair, but I thought I had it under control… clearly not! I came straight home and dyed it a sweet latte shade from Garnier.

Now I’d really appreciate some tips on makeup and style to help me look fresher and younger. On weekends, I tend to dress very casually — today it was M&S shorts, an oversized T-shirt, and trainers. During the week, I’m much smarter for work (smart jeans/trousers or dresses).

Any recommendations for quick, easy makeup routines (including product suggestions) and styling ideas that are comfortable but flattering?

I’d love to feel more “younger mum” than “gran”!

Thanks so much, lovely MNs xx

it will have been the grey hair which you’ve now dyed and lack of basic foundation

I have friends who have embraced their grey hair and it’s very aging but it’s not for me to tell them that.

I dye my hair as did my DM into her 80’s. I will never embrace the grey.

I am the same age as you OP. The greys need to be covered I feel too. Like the previous poster, I am unsure if I will embrace the grey ever.

I have a fringe. I had one for years before covid hit and it was more for a fun look. During lockdown I didn’t maintain hair so much so grew it out.

I realised I needed it back these days not for a fun youthful look but to cover the lines between my eyebrows and a few creeping around the eyes. Quick and easy coverage and much cheaper than getting Botox. Pop sunglasses on when outside for even more coverage of dry skin and emerging wrinkles.

@NewRoseExpert at age 24, believe me he didn't look any further than the grey hair

@Helpmefindmysoul I love crocs and sketchers and when you get to my age you might love them too .... or not give a toss what anyone else thinks so wear them anyway. 🙂

Sorry but patterned dresses, sketchers and bright tops are the epitome of granny clothes!

I have grey hair and Im rocking it - but then I am a 61 year old gran of a 19 yo grandson :)

I was 42 when he was born, and often mistaken as his mum because aged 42, Id have rather died then gone out the house with the grey on show and hair not styled, and I most certainly would never have worn an outfit like that one , the most casual back then would have been jeans

Aged 40's I never needed make up, it was all about the skin care

60's , its still about the skin care and now a bit of make up, just to brighten and even things up - a lifetime of being outdoors has reddened the cheeks

I thought this too!

It'll be the short, grey hair OP. Very few women in their 40s let their hair go grey nowadays and very few middle-aged women have short hair. I only know one (and I'm 51), everyone else hair that's at least bob-length and the vast majority dye their hair in their form.

But a 24-year-old bloke is going to find it really hard to correctly age a middle-aged woman. When I was that age anyone who was in their 40s was just 'old'.

Haven't read the full thread OP but just come on to say I'm only 32 and my sister is 24, at my hospital appointment the other day the doctor said "come on let's go and get your daughter and tell her the good news" 😐 there is only 8 years difference. I must look absolutely haggard! My sister obviously thought it was hilarious and called me mam the rest of the day haha. Solidarity and hand hold.

Why not? You could have had a child at 16 who had a child at 16 which would make you 43 when that child turned 11.

He didn’t necessarily think you looked older than your actual age.

You sound so chic and exactly how aspire to be when older (or now tbh)

For sure it's the grey hair.

Of all the 40s-aged women I know (and I know a LOT of women that age), I think only one doesn't dye their hair to cover the grey. It's become the default.

When everybody does this, it builds the assumption that anyone with grey hair must be significantly older than their 40s.

That bloke saw grey hair and just didn't look (or think) any further.

Good for you. How rude and judgemental.

What the hell is wrong with shorts t shirt and trainers?! When out with your kids as well?

I’m surprised he thought you were a nan in that outfit. That’s something my teenagers would wear!

It would be the hair op but is it better now you have dyed it?

Grey hair is aging, especially longish hair

You don't need make up, unless you want to. Drink lots water and use moisturiser, needn't be expensive

It's time you joined the 'I don't care' club!
Grans tend to be kinder and more patient, than mums, so perhaps he was basing his judgement on your lovely gentle nature, you don't know!
Not every one rates people's age on appearance or style. Or he may well have got your age right, it doesn't preclude you being a gran. It really doesn't matter, be proud of yourself for who you are, you have brought up 2 older children, and after a gap, had another, you are magnificent!

It will be the combination of:

• Grey hair (not that it physically makes you look older, but as other posters have said, the majority of women around your age dye their hair if they're going grey, so the automatic mental association is grey = old/nan, regardless of what the person looks like or their actual age, unless they're obviously a much younger person who has intentionally dyed their hair grey)
• Him not knowing you but knowing your daughter's friend and having a split second to come up with a logical association between the two of you

and that's it. Obviously MN is full of people who insist everyone thinks they look 20 years younger than they actually are, but unless people actually know you, people are going to make an assumption based on context and any very obvious visual clues. It doesn't mean if he actually looked at you he'd think 'yes this woman must be ancient'. Change your hair, skincare, makeup, clothes etc if you want, but please don't fall into the trap that the only way to look good or groomed past the age of 40 is either dressing like you're in a catalogue ad for mobility aids for the young at heart (sketchers, peach lip gloss, white jeans) or being the living embodiment of the I Shall Wear Purple poem.

A lot of people saying that you can be a gran in your early / mid 40s which is true but let’s be honest, more people who are grans at that age would get mistaken for being the child’s mother rather than a 44 year old mum being mistaken for their gran!

I bet you don’t look like a gran and he just made a quick comment without thinking.

OP - just a few changes will help - are you healthy and drink loads of water? I really notice a difference in how my face looks if I drink alot of water (rather then my puffy, dry tired looking face when I’m mainly drinking fizzy drinks!)

Also have a look at Beauty and the Boutique - she has some really good advice and easy to follow make up tutorials to make your face appear fresher/younger etc. She does sell the make up brands she uses which can be expensive but you could probably watch the videos and buy cheaper similar products.

Just found out I dress like a gran! I’ve lost a load of weight and was feeling good about my new patterned dress! Although I am 57, so fair enough.

Let's be truthful, he's a man and they have no clue about ages.

Don't take the opinion of a 24 year old man/boy so seriously! They know nothing.

Lots of stereotyping going on here I think....

Op as others have said if you have good skin, that's half the battle.

Also consider going to get your makeup done by Bobbi Brown or similar, you pay a set price but can use the money towards buying their products. I am a lot older than you and am currently using Lisa Eldridge skin tint and lip colour. The skin tint is fantastic.

I also dye my hair every 6 weeks, I think that I would look a lot older than I currently do if I didn't.

Good luck!

Equally, it's a certain age group that wears what you wear. My mum age mid 60s would, too - and she's just as judgemental and rude! She wouldn't be seen dead in Sketchers though 😂

Younger people wear clothes similar to the outfit the OP posted. Maybe you've missed the athleisure trend. Not wearing makeup doesn't make you tatty.

My sketchers look like vans, only more comfortable. Don't knock the sketchers, they are amazingly comfortable. The vans I bought are unwearable.

Oh, and I have platinum white hair, but it's always been that colour, so did I look like a gran age 20??

You sound quite cool to me. I’d maybe focus on good skincare and I really recommend supergoop glowscreen. It’s a tinted spf so looks after your skin as well as adding a really light dewy glow that doesn’t collect in any lines xx

eta- I’ve just seen the pp’s post about wearing dresses and sketchers and feel I need to add that I’m 34 and don’t think you sound tatty at all. We don’t need to all be walking around like a stepford wife in a tea dress in my opinion but good on the PP if that’s how she’s comfortable. (No need to be rude mind)