Impossible work wear rules

[HereKittyKitty6]

New role and dress code is conflicting! No low necks, no open toes, smart enough to work in council offices but also ‘relaxed’ enough to meet with homeless folk (some on street so plenty of walking). Have been told I look too expensive (?!). My style is quite classic and I struggle with non natural / soft fabrics.
Im pear shaped 10 (have recently developed the love handles so I do seem to look strangely curvy not nice curvy now!), petite 5ft 2, and shoes without a strap just fall off!
So far I have wide legged jersey trousers in navy, black paper bag tapered trousers, and a light cream cashmere cardigan. It’s cold/hot I’m really struggling here! Thinking of budget high street maybe? Please help!

I live in the south of England and today I am wearing a crew necked T shirt. Its not EXTREMELY hot!

do you work with adults who have varying and particular mental and emotional needs problems and challenges?

@Arina22 , I don't know why you posted that. It makes you seem immature.
There is usually an unspoken dress code.

@someone2025 "What you described you are wearing sounds perfect, if they want you to buy a whole new wardrobe they should be giving you a budget, ignore them and if they continue go to HR"

😂😂 stop it!
Go to HR about the workplace bully advising you not to wear diamonds and cashmere to meet homeless clients. Actually please do this and report back. Tell them you need a clothing allowance of £1000 per season to buy an organic hemp tracksuit.

I agree with this.

I also work in the South East in a regular office that does not have vulnerable clients nor students. It is uncomfortable and I dare say inappropriate to see one inch of cleavage in the boobs or bum or excess exposed skin on a colleague. It is not hard to avoid exposing it. Cool linen or cotton fabrics in loose clothing are better in hot weather than exposed skin.

Interesting that many people who live in climates much hotter than the south of England ever gets wear loose and flowing and pretty much totally covered up. Having cleavage on display is not some sort of automatic cooling system.

At any rate, your office is not the OPs and doesn't sound like cleavage is the issue. She has been given guidance about her dress. Given how easy going most social services environments are about such things, it was for a reason.

ETA I have known students over the years being gently told sensible expectations. They survived.

Exactly this. I am in London, it gets hot. I manage to stay cool with higher neck, long sleeve dresses

I work in civil service and just wear smart casual shirts or blouses and trousers, knee length jersey dresses, wide legged trousers with plain crew neck t-shirt and cardigan etc. Wear for shoes, Chelsea boots, loafers or brogues or black trainers.

I think I'd minimise the jewelry on days I was meeting homeless people!

Where did you get that from? Where did she mention anything about colleagues being jealous? She said she was told, could be her boss?

She identified that as something she should change, so there’s a good chance it’s designer or an expensive looking bag. So it should be left at home. It’s not a fashion show.

I do think it’s a tricky one depending on what your job is. If it’s a professional, ie,council employed/NHS, then normal day to day clothes should be worn in this setting. If she’s not the type to wear trainers and jeans then she doesn’t need to change her sense of style to be really casual, but choosing basic clothes like trousers and t shirts, sensible shoes.

I’m a social worker and my aim is to be casual yet professional. I would never be suited and booted, or in formal office wear, but I also don’t wear trackies or flip flops. And if I worked with homeless people I’d be particularly mindful about obvious displays of wealth.

However, if I was in a voluntary or outreach position I’d deffo be going for as casual of a vibe as I could as I’d not want to look like a professional, but rather someone who is approachable and not in a position of authority

yup, also our work experience folk. We used to send out a sheet with our expectations....basic stuff like arrive on time, no heavy perfume, basic health and safety and so on. We had one student turn up in a sequin boob tube and sequin flip flops!

OP has a way to go though to equal the story I was told by a colleague about a social worker they were in a team with in the 80s, who considered it appropriate to do home visits in a very deprived inner city area in a white skirt suit, dripping with gold jewellery, driving a white Mercedes.

She didn't last, unsurprisingly.

Unbelievable, but like sequined boob tubes, some people really are that clueless. What matters ultimately is how amenable they are to adapting, though, in jobs that by their nature require quite a lot of flexibility.

I wear a lot of wide leg trousers (River Island, with the stretchy waistband at the back - really comfy) and pair it with a 'nice' tshirt / long sleeve jersey top / boat neck jersey top.
Footwear is mostly ankle boots (with a very small heel) - I have some lovely faux suede Skechers ones, a pair in black and a pair in grey - very comfy to walk in but look smart and go with almost anything too.
In the colder months I often go for a jersey/stretchy-ish dress, long sleeve, high neck, midaxi length. Really easy to wear, goes with the boots.

yes definitely. and your 80's SW....how did she not get mugged?

Erm... not so much her but the car was how shall I say not exactly showroom condition very quickly, apparently. The wheels were removed while she was on a visit.

Probably ditch the cashmere…

Did your office have a court blazer? We used to have a women's and a men's in case you got urgently summoned 😁 used to get washed every now and then with the upw hi Vis vests

This outfit: https://www.uniqlo.com/uk/en/products/E475719-000/00?colorDisplayCode=52&sizeDisplayCode=003

with Mary Jane ballet flats (if you google this term hundreds will come up).

Example - https://www2.hm.com/en_gb/productpage.1269851005.html?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=mk_gb%7Cln_eng%7Cpl_google%7Cct_sh%7Cbu_ladies%7Ckt_bra%7Cbg_branded%7Ccs_shopv1%7Cadt_all%7Csp_low%7Cpi_gbg06anu3aa214&utm_term=&hier_id=go_cmp-12828082235_adg-121943361976_ad-517954073663_pla-362029177567_dev-m_ext-_prd-en-1269851005011_sig-CjwKCAjw24vBBhABEiwANFG7yxrkJNcqUeV99ZI14U-Mmj7i9LAL4-cChKdSpTZHrK_Nl9GD-reB0hoCTCsQAvD_BwE&utm_source=Google&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=12828082235&gbraid=0AAAAADvrmzTlIV00fun15kLQaIA1iGAny&gclid=CjwKCAjw24vBBhABEiwANFG7yxrkJNcqUeV99ZI14U-Mmj7i9LAL4-cChKdSpTZHrK_Nl9GD-reB0hoCTCsQAvD_BwE

You could ditch the diamond necklace and leather bag. Primark has some longchamp style bags which are perfect work bags!

Breasts arent sexual though.

The UK's attitude to breasts is very reserved, i guess.

For example, If you go to a beach in spain or italy, there are loads of topless women walking around. No one cares in the slightest.

If a woman went topless on a beach in the UK, she would probably be arrested for indecent exposure.

Not on most beaches tbh, and certainly not on a nudist beach of which there are plenty.

By all means, go topless to work with service users and see how non-sexual breasts become.

@Arina22 , you keep repeating that breasts aren't sexual, but that is an opinion, and what you think and what others think won't necessarily correspond.
Some of us remember 'Page 3'.

@Peaceandquietandacuppa , longchamp style bags?!

A beach is not an office.

Can I ask who said you look "expensive"? I worked and volunteered in very grimy homeless hostels for two years and no one ever worried about this. I didn't remove any of my jewellery or dress down. I was a pretty bog standard M&S Autograph/standard label type of dresser and I never dressed down to meet my homeless clients - it was considered better to normalise their environment. I think it a bit condescending to dress specifically to meet the homeless - they are just people down on their luck, not another species. If someone says that you are at risk if you wear your jewellery, then you have to listen, but otherwise I don't think I was asked once about my rather flashy engagement ring.

Having loved M&S for years, I'm now a massive fan of H&M dresses. They are always natural fibres, in part or in whole, and they can be ultra-easy to wear. Here is just one example.* *Then they do multiples of the same frock, which makes shopping easy. And they are so cheap, even compared to M&S.

I don't understand why people still wear suits - you can spend a fortune to get a nice style and fabric and the bugger still won't really fit. I have worked for some very shiny firms over the last 30 years and suits were very rarely worn - only on the days that big deals are signed! But you could easily have one or two blazers to wear over these for meetings:. I've picked a short style because I'm short and either work a short blazer or a long jacket with cropped trousers only.

Finally for footwear, I either wear DMs or Converse leather sneakers. DMs are better for your feet, but they may be a bridge too far. I have a couple of pairs of these and they are surprisingly supportive when walking, and they have that classic feel.
I hope some of that is helpful!