Impossible work wear rules

[HereKittyKitty6]

New role and dress code is conflicting! No low necks, no open toes, smart enough to work in council offices but also ‘relaxed’ enough to meet with homeless folk (some on street so plenty of walking). Have been told I look too expensive (?!). My style is quite classic and I struggle with non natural / soft fabrics.
Im pear shaped 10 (have recently developed the love handles so I do seem to look strangely curvy not nice curvy now!), petite 5ft 2, and shoes without a strap just fall off!
So far I have wide legged jersey trousers in navy, black paper bag tapered trousers, and a light cream cashmere cardigan. It’s cold/hot I’m really struggling here! Thinking of budget high street maybe? Please help!

I agree.

Loose the diamond necklace, you really don't need that when meeting with homeless people. Can you wear jeans? Cotton or merino sweaters. There are cute sweatshirts these days that are versatile.

People who have actually done this sort of job (or adjacent) are giving advice based on their own experience and it is about adapting how you dress to the role you're doing. Pale cashmere and bling jewellery (etc) is not OK in either practicality and sensitivity terms for this job.

Yeah but you dont know what anyone has been through. I wouldnt assume.

I have a good job now and i wear nice clothes

I also have a very abusive family and i lived in emergency accomodation when i was younger when i was homeless for a while.

I now work in an area helping young people.

I remember one man and his teenage son came in to talk to me and the dad said to me ""you have no idea what it is like, living on the breadline. Sitting up here in yiur fancy office"

When i have been homeless in the past myself

Caged sandals? Simple cuts in the fabric that suits you?

I also hate when people say that we shouldnt show cleavage. One poster wrote that on here.

Its hot . Its summer. I want to wear a dress, i dont want to wear a high neck dress, and i dont want to wear a cardigan over it.

I wear a dress with sleeves to work. It shows the top of my cleavage. Our breasts are part of our body

I remember a video i saw where a man approached a woman on the street and said "do you think its ok that your cleavage is showing?"

And she said in return, "you do realise that they are attached to my body?"

Fitted cotton tshirt. Trousers. Sturdy leather shoes that are good for walking.

No diamond jewelry beyond your wedding rings. No colored leather bag. It screams expensive even if you got it for a bargain. Brown or black leather is more durable and people use it even as it develops age marks so you could get away with something plainer.

keep 2-3 layers in the office. A blazer or cashmere sweater for meetings. A cotton cardigan for outings.

this absolutely. My NHS job was a mix of community clinical activity and fairly high level meetings. The very senior and looked it people I mixed with didn't bat an eye at my clothes, I was there for my knowledge, experience and change management skills. For safety reasons in my clinical job (both personal safety and health and safety) the only jewellery we could wear was a wedding band and a watch. I get preferring soft natural fabrics, had to give up synthetics entirely when the hot flushes started, but there are options which are not silk or cashmere! In this kind of job, you are not there to display your personal style!

This really does depend on what you are doing and what clients you are working with. Its not kind or sensible (sometimes not safe) to display cleavage to some clients, any more than it would be kind, safe or sensible for men to wear tight trousers in similar circumstances. Additionally in my job, I used to give physical interventions and mobility assistance to some people and its most innappropriate to have people in those circumstances in contact with bare cleavage skin.

It's really not impossible, it sounds like the dress code for pretty much every office I've ever worked in! You have a wealth of ideas to choose from.
Trousers - wide leg, boot cut, tapered etc
Blouses / shirts - short or long sleeved
Smarter T-shirts (I often wear the plain cotton ones from Primark that are about a fiver each)
Skirts - knee length, long, fitted, flared
Dresses - midi, knee length, shirt dresses
Shoes - loafers, ankle boots, wedge court shoes, ballet pumps
These are just things from my wardrobe that I've thought of off the top of my head - if you give it some thought I'm sure you'll realise it's not impossible!

@Arina22 , not showing cleavage is fairly standard. I don't want to see anyone's cleavage in the office. There are plenty of tops and dresses in between low cut and high necked.

No its not fairly standard. It might be standard in your office. Its not in mine.

We can wear what we want. In our dress code, nothing about cleavage is mentioned. Ive seen lots of my female colleagues show the top of their cleavage. We are talking maybe an inch. No one has their whole cleavage hanging out.

No one shows cleavage to be sexy.

We are hot. It is extremely hot in the south of england at the moment. My male colleagues, if they wear shirts, have the top buttons of their shirts undone.

The women are wearing dresses. Some show an inch of cleavage.

Im not suffering in this heat, and thankfully my bosses dont expect me to

I think there are lots of ways to tone it down for visits or up. In general a lot of people are now much more casual in offices anyway so good chance you probably are already a notch above within the office let alone for outside.

post pandemic it was the shoes I really noticed in my office. Before hand no-one ever wore trainers in the office but would get changed. Afterwards it was the reverse- wear trainers and have a spare pair of better shoes just in case. On my floor there was one lady who clung to heels- just one.

Ditch the jewellery and structured bag for visits and keep a blazer in the office if you need to up the smartness and a hoodie for if you need to go more casual.

I wouldn’t go white or cream- it just looks more expensive if you can maintain the uptake. Go for approachable colours like blue or green . I’d also be tempted to go for black jeans if you’re allowed as you can dress up or down.

Trust me, when you end up in a job where you don’t want to show cleavage, then you figure it out, even if you have big boobs and a limited budget. I don’t know if it’s written into our dress code or not, but neither I nor any female colleagues choose to show cleavage while working with teenage boys. It’s not worth the potential criticism, comments or rumours. Regardless of how I choose to dress or act in my own personal life, no one actually wants to be known as the hot teacher in a high school. I tend to wear buttoned blouses in thin enough fabrics that they drape flatteringly, even in a size big enough to avoid any gaping. I also usually sew up the plaquette between the buttons that might gap or pop open. I wear them open at the neck so I get a V neck shape but no visible cleavage.

Well, if it's fine in your dress code it's fine. It isn't in the OPs. Either way, I don't actually think it is impossible to have a cool outfit that shows no cleavage (and a man with his shirt unbuttoned to the point where cleavage starts would be inappropriate in many, many work environments).

Ah yeah you are a teacher, working with young people, so that's different. If i was a teacher, I would also take more care in dressing conservatively , as i would be working with minors. And i would have to take care in how i dress and act around them.

However, I work with adults, and no one in our office cares if we show an inch of cleavage.

I think the cleavage thing really depends on the type of job you do. I don't suit/like low-cut or v-neck things anyway, but if I did, I probably wouldn't wear them at work when I'm frequently leaning forward over students' laptops to see their work - but women who work in support staff would be fine in that sort of top/dress. Likewise a primary school teacher frequently sitting down on the floor with kids is unlikely to choose shorter skirts with bare legs in summer, which might be fine for a woman working in an office.

@Arina22 , where I work doesn't have a dress code AFAIK, but I wouldn't expect someone to be showing their cleavage. I'm in the South East.
What you consider suitable might not be someone else's idea of something suitable.

Generally, cleavage, shoulders, underarms, midriff, bum cleavage, and toes are not expected to be visible. Clothes should be clean and not distressed.
It's common sense.

I agree. That said, I'd leave the diamond necklace and earrings at home.
The posters saying that an old blue bag is inappropriate are being ridiculous.

Breasts arent even primarily sexual.

They are primarily for feeding babies.

Well I will certainly be getting my inch of cleavage out in the offfice! It's absolutely roasting in our office, even with the fan on.

I don't work in an office as such but find it kind of mad that anyone would wear open toe at work unless they're a lifeguard or something. But that might be my own toe related issue given that when I see people with their feet out on the tube it makes me want to boak.

These sort of things with trainers/plimsolls and then take ballet pumps for office days?

OP works with homeless people. She is likely is a position of some authority - perhaps helping homeless people to access emergency housing for instance. Although the clients are adults rather than teenagers, you’d still want clear separation of social life/ potential dating life and your work life. And the organisation would absolutely not want any social/romantic connections between staff and clients. Hence the dress code.

Could you keep some casual clothes in a locker at work and throw them on before heading out?

ditch the diamond pendant and earrings, cashmere cardigan and leather bag AT ONCE. Leather bags and diamond earrings have zero effect on how sweaty you feel, they’re just about showing off your wealth. I get that you find cashmere comfortable, but there are other non synthetic fibres which don’t scream expensive - go for cotton in the summer or wool in the winter.
Do you honestly never feel uncomfortable working with homeless while using a blue leather bag and wearing diamonds??? Tone it down a bit. Wear practical shoes, a practical cardigan… leave the nice bag and diamonds for when you go out for dinner.