Impossible work wear rules

[HereKittyKitty6]

New role and dress code is conflicting! No low necks, no open toes, smart enough to work in council offices but also ‘relaxed’ enough to meet with homeless folk (some on street so plenty of walking). Have been told I look too expensive (?!). My style is quite classic and I struggle with non natural / soft fabrics.
Im pear shaped 10 (have recently developed the love handles so I do seem to look strangely curvy not nice curvy now!), petite 5ft 2, and shoes without a strap just fall off!
So far I have wide legged jersey trousers in navy, black paper bag tapered trousers, and a light cream cashmere cardigan. It’s cold/hot I’m really struggling here! Thinking of budget high street maybe? Please help!

To be honest when I first read this - I thought this was a wind up 😱😁😁.
But then I remembered. An old colleague who dressed like this ...

It just came across as unprofessional... As they couldn't adapt their clothing to the client group /environment..

Almost it felt like.. I'm wearing what the hell I like,

It did put up barriers..

You are the only person that has referenced flaunting. A diamond necklace doesn’t equate to expensive, and a diamond necklace can be mistaken for a crystal but anyone that doesn’t know better.
I also except a diamond necklace can look and be expensive. We don’t know on what in this situation and we don’t need to either. I have one inherited from my mother, I wear it every day. Its sentimental value is far greater than it any physical value.

@TMMC1 All I can say is that you are clearly as tone deaf as the OP and have hopefully never worked in any job relating to the vulnerable in our society. I also have sentimental diamond jewellery which I have inherited and I would never wear it at work if I was employed in the OPs role. Time and a place!

ex·cept
preposition
not including; other than:
"they work every day except Sunday" · "I was naked except for my socks"

ac·cept
verb
consent to receive or undertake (something offered):
"he accepted a pen as a present" · "she accepted a temporary post as a clerk"

I totally get where you are coming from.
Nobody should compromise themselves to do their job.
Everyone should strive to work with likeminded people that they work alongside, and with, to improve themselves, each other, their department/organisation…

Reading what you have said , this department in this organisation is not the place for you: the insecure, over promoted and no doubt over paid person that has fed this back to you will continue to be difficult for you to work with. The culture of this particular place (and current leadership) does not align with yours.

I have no doubt you are good at what you do, and the role is right for you, it’s the place that isn’t. Look for something else and surround yourself with people you will thrive around, enjoy working with and applaud you for taking pride in who you are and what you do.

Not tone deaf, a different perspective.
I haven’t worked in that role, nor would I be a good fit for it. However that doesn’t mean anyone doing so should compromise themselves. They should be setting an example, providing inspiration and aspiration not treating these vulnerable people as “the lowest common denominator “.
They, on the most part, need support and motivation not indulgence.

Its because it happens. Thankfully not often but when it does happen its life changing for both the victim and the aggressors and not in a good way. I worked in the NHS in the community in a comparatively safe area. I was in potentially dangerous situations around 3 times which, thankfully I was able to talk my way out of, and one of my colleagues was actually attacked on a separate occasion. Additionally some of the places I visited were filthy, flea ridden, covered in human or animal faeces of varying ages and so on. I don't think its oppressive to wear clothes that mean that you can sit down when invited to because your clothes are washable, need not be constantly careful where you step because you have got suitable footwear, not trigger behaviours that the client may be struggling with and not emphasise the the economic and lifestyle gap between the client and the professional. Its also my experience that once you have the personal safety and functionality basics in place then its easier to focus on the client and their needs.

wearing diamond jewellery in a job like that is "inspirational and aspirational"? On what planet?

@TMMC1 How does a lady dressed in cashmere diamonds and toting a lovely old leather satchel "provide inspiration" to a chap who has a spice and alcohol addiction, sleeps wherever he collapses, washes only if he gets arrested for something and is ordered into the showers, gets clean clothes only if someone hands them to him, gets a haircut only if there's a homeless event on with a hairdresser and he's fit to attend it that day, and who has lost his zeal for anything except basic survival in addiction?

The “diamonds and cashmere” have been blown out of context. First, neither need be expensive. Second, anyone “who has lost their zeal for anything other than survival” won’t notice or be interested as they will be focused on themselves not others.

There are other jobs that have a similar split need for a smart look and a practical look too. An architect might want to look office professional when meeting new clients in the office but also need to be able to quickly swap to building site appropriate clothes later in the day to visit an ongoing project. So a skirt suit, heels and delicate updo is not necessarily going to work when you need to pull out the waterproof high vis vest and the safety boots and helmet. The hazards in OPs job are different and might not be explicitly outlined in the same way building site hazards are, but they still exist.

Half the issue is not the clients reactions to OP’s outfit but OP’s own reaction to combining the outfit and the situation. No one wants an outreach worker worrying about their shoes getting ruined or whether their cashmere cardigan might get wet in the rain or where they can put their bag down while they speak to homeless clients on the street or in less than ideal sanitary conditions. She needs a practical ´uniform’ of work clothes she can put on and forget about until she’s back in the office or back home again.

@TMMC1 its very very clear you've never worked with vulnerable people. I have, as a police officer in uniform and plain clothes. I've come home covered in vomit, blood - sometimes my own but usually someone else's, urine, shit, fleas, ticks, mud and all sorts of dirt and dust.

The worst day like that was after working with a body which hadn't been found for a very long time. I walked into the shower still in my body armour and uniform that day then everything I wore bar the body armour and my boots had to be thrown in the bin. The armour cover took five boil washes with every chemical I could find to take the smell out. The armour itself was wiped down with alcohol wipes for about an hour.

In outreach type roles (whether police, social work, probation, housing, charity etc) you need clothes to be washable. Highly washable at boil wash temperatures, repeatedly.

You need shoes to be sturdy enough to avoid needle stick injuries from hidden needles. That doesn't help you when they are in the sofa you just sat on, or in the kids bed you just checked, but you can't avoid everything....

You need to be able to leg it if things don't go as planned due to a client's mental health, drug and alcohol addictions, or just plain anger because you aren't giving them what they want.

Clothes tell a story. To someone on the bones of their arse, a nice lady in fancy expensive clothes and jewellery will be a subject of derision not inspiration. If the same nice lady rocks up in jeans, trainers and a hoodie or removes a huge and immediate barrier.

I completely agree it isn’t the job for her. I disagree she is ‘good at what she does’ since she doesn’t seem to have the slightest understanding of appropriate clothing for dealing with marginalised members of society. I have to wonder what other parts of the job she’s getting wrong.

The person providing feedback has tried to do her a favour. Describing this person as ‘insecure, over promoted and overpaid’ when multiple people on this thread with similar roles have tried to explain this person is completely right is bizarre. They may be all those things - I don’t know them - but having to speak to a tone deaf member of staff about her completely inappropriate clothing really isn’t the supportive evidence you seem to think it is.

this absolutely

Can you keep trainers and a hoody in the office for the street based work? If you're walking about in all weathers you can't be expected to wear smart shoes and formal clothes. I wouldn't wear diamonds and cashmere for that type of work though.

"This old thing? I got it on Vinted" nah, not going to cut it.

I am wondering how many people defending the "diamonds and cashmere" have ever done a similar job and what they wore?

Agree. I worked in construction H&S for a few years on leaving the police. Had to be able to talk to the super senior, suited and booted types in the site offices as well as the lads on the tools.

I usually wore my safety boots, black combat trousers, a smart shirt, walking type jacket, high vis and hard hat. It could be reasonably dressy in an office without all the PPE, but was just pretty normal when out on site. I kept spare stuff in the car in case I got muddy or soaked and changed shoes for driving between sites.

I'd be fully dressed up with suit and heels for court appearances though.

Even on Major Crime I kept a pair of wellies under my desk and a dry change of clothes in my locker 😂 It's just what you do when you work in a job where things change rapidly!

I wouldn’t wear cashmere anyway due to the difficulties washing it but if I did, a dark navy or black cashmere jumper would be far more appropriate than a cream cardigan.

I think it’s the combination - cream cashmere cardigan, baby blue leather satchel, shoes ‘with a strap’ (where apparently ‘no open toe’ is an issue), simple’ diamond jewellery.

She might be able to get away with one of those things (maybe not the bag) but not all of them.

Also, the shoes are mad. Closed toe covering the entire foot all the way - if you step in something unpleasant, you want it to stay outside the shoe.

"Also, the shoes are mad. Closed toe covering the entire foot all the way - if you step in something unpleasant, you want it to stay outside the shoe."

This most definitely

Wearing appropriate work attire is compromising themselves?

So you’re suggesting that we as a society just get rid of professional dress/uniforms and be able to express ourselves through our clothes from now on? Radical notion. Would quite like to start going in to the office in pyjamas and slippers tbh, as my true self is most comfortable that way… maybe you’re on to something

Nobody should compromise themselves to do their job.

Meanwhile, here on Planet Earth people compromise things every single day to do their jobs and adapting their clothing is part of it. Can you imagine a surgeon refusing to wear scrubs or a paramedic deciding their greens look better with a nice pair of Jimmy Choos? There are similarly sensible reasons why the OP needs to review their workwear. If she can't manage this, it is not the right job for her, you're correct in that.

This. Most jobs have a dress code. Even WFH jobs that can be done in your pyjamas generally require actual clothes for external Teams meetings.

The dress code may be ‘suits only’ (e.g. some lawyers), it may be ‘no suits ever’ (warehouse worker) but the chances are it exists.

It’s not ‘compromising yourself’ dressing for the job - it’s being an adult in society.

The points about boobs & cleavage for a job are weird because there are very jobs where a man could get away with wearing a vest/anything showing his chest. Most are restricted to short sleeve shirts which cover a lot.