Page 17 | Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife

MixedFeelingsNoFeelings · 27/09/2024 17:29

Lentilweaver · 27/09/2024 10:04

Don't do any of this.

Show quote history

😂sorry, but... .yeh.

OhYeahOhYeah · 27/09/2024 18:35

stilllostinthecity · 23/09/2024 12:30

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

Phase Eight is probably a decent place to look. Lots of wedding guest/bridal party suitable wear. Reasonable prices too, and tend to offer a full set outfit, such as dress/jacket/shoes etc

PennyApril54 · 27/09/2024 20:00

I honestly think the best thing you can do is be relaxed, feel genuinely good about yourself and your situation and apart from pleasant exchanges as expected pay him absolutely no attention at all, or as little as possible. Make it that each time he looks over you're not looking to see if he's looking. Be at peace. I hope you have a fabulous time I am sure you will look beautiful.

Marriedandkidsx · 27/09/2024 22:00

stilllostinthecity · 23/09/2024 12:30

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

Go to ASOS, click on dresses, click on filter, change the dress type to occasion dresses and the length to midi. They have loads of beautiful dresses on there and if you can't pick shoes etc when you're on the dress, if you scroll down you can "buy the look" including bag and shoes or whatever you wanted with it. I had a quick look and theres one similar to the next one you posted but with sleeves. Hope all goes well good luck!!

FarmGirl78 · 28/09/2024 07:53

Ex husband's "new" wife?
Your 4 best supporters?
Talk of your upset while breastfeeding your babies?

It's been FIFTEEN YEARS!! Your bitterness will end up being prevalent over whatever you wear. Whatever your budget for clothes, halve it and spend the other chunk on counselling.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 28/09/2024 11:13

stilllostinthecity · 23/09/2024 12:30

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

Mate, you need to let go of your issues with your husband leaving you or you’re going to end up more bitter and potentially nasty to how you are now. You are not going to give yourself any peace in your mind if you carry on like this.

As difficult as it may be, you need to forgive him. Acknowledge that he hurt you massively and that you’ll never best friends with the pair of them but you can forgive and free yourself because thinking and acting on ‘revenge’ doesn’t end well.

He and the woman are still together with a family so for them, it was clearly right and meant to be.
I’m sorry that he couldn’t fulfill that with you.

Do the children in both families have anything to do with their siblings?

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 28/09/2024 11:15

PennyApril54 · 27/09/2024 20:00

I honestly think the best thing you can do is be relaxed, feel genuinely good about yourself and your situation and apart from pleasant exchanges as expected pay him absolutely no attention at all, or as little as possible. Make it that each time he looks over you're not looking to see if he's looking. Be at peace. I hope you have a fabulous time I am sure you will look beautiful.

But he’s happily married to someone else?
Why is he going to be looking over at his ex wife??

Faldodiddledee · 28/09/2024 11:41

Everyone has events they want to look good for and possibly want to outdo others- school reunions, weddings where the ex is there (who wants to look worse than the person he left you for, even if it's all ok now), parties when you haven't been out for a while.

I think this is a human desire, and the OP told it like a funny story rather than anything deep-rooted.

If my husband ran off with someone else and left me as a single parent with an OW, I surely would be hoping I aged better than the OW!

You are only human, OP, unlike most people on here who would just love and embrace the OW and not feel competitive with them down the line at all.

PennyApril54 · 28/09/2024 12:51

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 28/09/2024 11:15

But he’s happily married to someone else?
Why is he going to be looking over at his ex wife??

Show quote history

He might and he might not. If he does it is best she isn't looking like she isn't watching to see if he's looking.

Rain11 · 28/09/2024 13:18

It doesn't matter what you do. Bitterness is never a good look. Your ex had a lucky escape.

soupfiend · 28/09/2024 16:15

Faldodiddledee · 28/09/2024 11:41

Everyone has events they want to look good for and possibly want to outdo others- school reunions, weddings where the ex is there (who wants to look worse than the person he left you for, even if it's all ok now), parties when you haven't been out for a while.

I think this is a human desire, and the OP told it like a funny story rather than anything deep-rooted.

If my husband ran off with someone else and left me as a single parent with an OW, I surely would be hoping I aged better than the OW!

You are only human, OP, unlike most people on here who would just love and embrace the OW and not feel competitive with them down the line at all.

It would be a funny story if it happened int he last 6 months

This is 15 years, 2 marriages (if OP is married) and more kids later

At what point does it stop becoming tongue in cheek and become desparation and bitterness?

The person she should want to look her best for, is herself, the men she should be thinking about is her partner and son.

I dont want to 'outdo' others, in what way anyway? What are you even talking about?

There is a reason women are viewed as spiteful, bitter and deranged at times, this thread is a good example of it

Tomorrowisyesterday · 28/09/2024 16:44

soupfiend · 28/09/2024 16:15

It would be a funny story if it happened int he last 6 months

This is 15 years, 2 marriages (if OP is married) and more kids later

At what point does it stop becoming tongue in cheek and become desparation and bitterness?

The person she should want to look her best for, is herself, the men she should be thinking about is her partner and son.

I dont want to 'outdo' others, in what way anyway? What are you even talking about?

There is a reason women are viewed as spiteful, bitter and deranged at times, this thread is a good example of it

Show quote history

Who the fuck views women as "spiteful bitter and deranged"?

Ourdearoldqueen · 28/09/2024 17:00

soupfiend · 28/09/2024 16:15

It would be a funny story if it happened int he last 6 months

This is 15 years, 2 marriages (if OP is married) and more kids later

At what point does it stop becoming tongue in cheek and become desparation and bitterness?

The person she should want to look her best for, is herself, the men she should be thinking about is her partner and son.

I dont want to 'outdo' others, in what way anyway? What are you even talking about?

There is a reason women are viewed as spiteful, bitter and deranged at times, this thread is a good example of it

Show quote history

It’s actually ok to shut up and sit down.

SirChenjins · 28/09/2024 17:29

Faldodiddledee · 28/09/2024 11:41

Everyone has events they want to look good for and possibly want to outdo others- school reunions, weddings where the ex is there (who wants to look worse than the person he left you for, even if it's all ok now), parties when you haven't been out for a while.

I think this is a human desire, and the OP told it like a funny story rather than anything deep-rooted.

If my husband ran off with someone else and left me as a single parent with an OW, I surely would be hoping I aged better than the OW!

You are only human, OP, unlike most people on here who would just love and embrace the OW and not feel competitive with them down the line at all.

Literally no-one has said they would embrace the OW who had the temerity to put on weight and age badly according to the OP - she can rest easy, she’s already the ‘winner’ on that score.

Of course, it could just be that her ex loves his wife of 15-odd years, warts and all, and neither of them will notice and/or care what the OP wears. The OP should focus on buying something that she feels wonderful in and that she thinks her partner and son will also love.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 28/09/2024 19:11

PennyApril54 · 28/09/2024 12:51

He might and he might not. If he does it is best she isn't looking like she isn't watching to see if he's looking.

Show quote history

I see what you mean

charlieinthehaystack · 29/09/2024 09:38

I would go to a dept store ask a personal shopper for suggestions what suits you; though it may be expensive you dont have to buy and will have ideas what suits. I did this for my daughters wedding and thanks to their suggestions I bought a lovely Jacques Vert suit with matching bag shoes and jewellery but I bought it on Vinted at a third of the price! thanks to the advice I had lots of compliments but it was something I would not have bought normally.
go to a salon get them to do a make up nails etc try a trial run first then copy or treat yourself on day if time allows

EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues · 29/09/2024 09:54

@charlieinthehaystack …

I’m not sure you’ve read the 414 posts preceding yours. Or even the tiny number of posts from the OP.

Calliopespa · 29/09/2024 10:04

EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues · 29/09/2024 09:54

@charlieinthehaystack …

I’m not sure you’ve read the 414 posts preceding yours. Or even the tiny number of posts from the OP.

Well everyone is allowed their input, and she’s being pleasant. Does it really matter if people reinforce earlier suggestions?

Katej82 · 01/10/2024 19:45

stilllostinthecity · 23/09/2024 12:30

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

His loss your gain by the sound of it. Try club l London I got this it's gorgeous on various colours
https://clubllondon.com/products/lifetime-olive-satin-cowl-neck-maxi-dress-with-cross-back-detail-cl127192113
Mine was a gorgeous burnt orange / peach colour they do loads of occasion wear too quality and perfect fit to size sure you'll look amazing and I personally wouldn't give a toss that will be worth more x

Lifetime | Olive Satin Cowl Neck Maxi Dress With Cross Back Detail

Whether you're a guest at a wedding or black tie event, you'll exude elegance in this olive satin showstopper. Cascading effortlessly over your curves, our Lifetime maxi dress features a draped cowl neckline and slim shoulder straps that cross over an...

https://clubllondon.com/products/lifetime-olive-satin-cowl-neck-maxi-dress-with-cross-back-detail-cl127192113

FairFuming · 01/10/2024 20:50

I love this one. It's fabric is so pretty
joanieclothing.com/victoria-floral-damask-balloon-sleeve-midaxi-dress-green.html

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 01/10/2024 22:29

FairFuming · 01/10/2024 20:50

I love this one. It's fabric is so pretty
joanieclothing.com/victoria-floral-damask-balloon-sleeve-midaxi-dress-green.html

It is pretty. Probably not what the OP was after, but nicer than many of the suggestions.

Ukrainebaby23 · 02/10/2024 08:37

Kiuyni · 23/09/2024 12:32

Oh dear OP.

Hopefully you will get some good style advice, but the best revenge is a happy life. Just be yourself and put your ds first on this day.

This, really this

Beenthroughit · 02/10/2024 15:54

Well I really do believe that wanting to look her best for her sons special.day is the overriding aim, the photos will be around for a long time. And the ex and ow won't be able to get off on bitching about how OP looked afterwards, she looked like a sack of potatoes/ mutton dressed as lamb/ your favourite put down about another woman's looks.
I had a close family members wedding recently and just tried to look the best I could. OW went out of his way to avoid me, after all those years she still cannot look at me or be near me. As it wasn't her relative she didn't make that much of an effort to dress nicely, ex wore his tatty old suit, that seemingly hasn't been cleaned since he went off with her. Their choice. Sometimes you don't have to make much of an effort to look better. Dress to feel happy and confident, love your look and the happy couple will appreciate the effort you have gone to, as will your silver fix

SirChenjins · 02/10/2024 21:19

And the ex and ow won't be able to get off on bitching about how OP looked afterwards, she looked like a sack of potatoes/ mutton dressed as lamb/ your favourite put down about another woman's looks

Do those put downs include comments about a woman’s weight and how badly she’s aging?

CreateUserNames · 02/10/2024 21:29

stilllostinthecity · 23/09/2024 12:30

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

Maybe not invite that person? Be dazzling anyway!