Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife

[stilllostinthecity]

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

Oh they do... believe me!

House of CB do all sorts of dresses that are figure falttering and a lot in your price range. Not all of them are wedding appropriate but I got one and I feel like a lady and sleek

Whenever you get your outfit get fitted for a good bra, makes all the difference, bring the dress to try on with bras.
If you don't usually get your nails done start now so they are in great shape by Dec
If you aren't into skincare considering doing it between now and December, and drink lots of water each day.
It's not just the outfit, this little things combined are what create a knockout on the day

I haven't read all the comments but I liked your post and totally get how you want to feel and look good and how that doesn't impact your son's special day.
I think with your figure and style a tailored skirt suit, strong colour, something with some unusual angles and a feminine blouse. Closed toe shoes (can still be a low heel). Not that green dress. Department stores will help.

Why do you care about them after all this time? Wear what you feel good in. The day is about your son and his fiancé.

@WildFlowerBees please can you link to the personal stylist thread? Thank you

Don't dress for him to notice, dress for your current husband.
Your ex will notice how happy you are and how that's thanks to another man.
Your smile, married bliss and ignorance of his existence is all you need to make him realise what a mistake made.
Make him jealous of your husband and the relationship you two have, that will make him realise his mistake x

I love this, although I see a few think it’s horrible.

@Botanybaby

You quoted the entire OP.

You used a phrase referring to women as meat which I hope never to see on this board again.

The OP is hosting and paying for the wedding, so everyone present will have to care that she is there. Why insult her by saying she will ‘look a fool’? She can avoid that by not wearing a cheap and nasty dress - despite some terrible advice here.

About fifteen trillion posters before you have suggested a J Lewis consultation, and the OP has already noted that advice.

Forgive me if I’m struggling to see what your post has added to the conversation.

Your figure sounds like mine and I would love the green dress from next but with sleeves too if you haven’t found anything yet I highly recommend AX Paris dresses & silk Fred. I will try & link some here.

https://www.silkfred.com/womens/clothing/dresses/bodycon-dresses/jenerique/midi-wrap-style-long-sleeves-dress-in-fuchsia-colour?universal=true&utm_source=app&utm_campaign=product_details_share&utm_medium=share_link&utm_content=midi_wrap_style_long_sleeves_dress_in_fuchsia_colour

this comes in lots of lovely colours

www.axparis.com/products/teal-high-neck-long-sleeve-ruched-bodycon-mesh-midi-dress

Is "book a stylist at John Lewis" the new cancel the cheque?

Exactly. If you try too hard he and his DW are likely just to look and laugh at you.

I think the mother of the groom is expected to have made an effort for her son's wedding, I doubt anyone will assume it's aimed at the ex!

I think you’ve had a bit of a hard time on here. It would knock anyone’s confidence to be left by a philandering husband while also trying to parent young children. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look your best and feel confident while also living a happy life. It’s not about wanting your ex to want you back , it’s about showing the world that his utter arseholery didn’t destroy you.

The biggest thing to consider before even beginning to think about outfits is the wedding location. Is it all indoors within one venue, or will it be a church wedding with lots of waiting around outside and hours of sitting in a freezing church? If a significant part of the day involves being outside then coat and shoes would be a major consideration , and might affect what outfit you choose.

Also don’t get a jumpsuit- taking the whole lot down every time you go to the loo is an utter pain in the arse.

A trouser suit could be a great option if you are going to be out in the cold a lot- you could wear with smart boots and a beautiful coat, then change into some glamorous shoes indoors.

What @Inertia says in every way.

Ignore the people giving you grief on here. You want to feel a million dollars so you can stride out in confidence and not give your philandering ex a second thought - if you don't feel great then insecurities may creep in. I don't have any advice on clothes but I wish you the best of days at your sons wedding.

I really agree with this.

Better to aim safe, classic and classy than try to go OTT and have it backfire.

It’s very easy ( because that’s how marketing works) to see an image we like, ( because it suits the model perfectly and they threw away all the unflattering shots ) then when we try it on, we still have that image in our mind and link back to it via the bits that sort of look the same on us. What others actually see is just exactly how it looks on us, and not the ideal we are carrying mentally.

The dress is nice but the model is both young and a smaller size. I think that ruched effect is very ( VERY) hit and miss. It does look nice in that photo. But in reality it can make people look like a bag of mince bulging at the seams, or as though you ran the outfit up from a pair of those ruched curtains in the 70’s, or got your stiletto heel or toenail caught when putting it on and it pulled a thread which gathered it all up. ( I’ve done it to the hem of a trouser leg trying to change - don’t ask- with a heel still on). It’s also not a classic look; it’s a look to really show off a figure when tight is not enough. You sound as though you have aged brilliantly but the truth is none of us are needing to be too ruthless about displaying past our 40’s or so; it’s more about judicious presentation- which in fairness your post talks through.

What I do like is the fall of the skirt. I think it’s elegant yet relaxed, shows a bit of leg and is youthful but still not “desperate to display” looking. It was exactly the sort of skirt I was going to suggest but had wondered if you wanted more leg on show. I think it’s perfect and will have movement .

However I’d go for a sleeker top half. The ruching is fashionable but in reality often profoundly unflattering and in years to come the photos will look awful. We took my dad to a garden centre a few months back and as we pulled into the carpark a lady was loading plants into the back of her car wearing those pants that are ruched up the butt crack. Suddenly my dad said in a voice of appalled incredulity: “ what in Pete’s name has happened to her trousers..?!” All five of us just collapsed in wheezing laughter until our sides were aching because we suddenly saw them stripped of fashionable gloss and they looked … foul.

Why is everyone ripping her! Hi babe ok so its hard to give advice when i cant see what you look like your hair etc but heres my little input.
Face- good cleanse and exfoliate in the week leading up. Hydrate the skin.

Lash extensions ask for natural "fluffy" not too curly(you do t want them thick and black)

Fake tan or spray tan if your not already a nice colour. Best natural fake tan id say is bondi sands, if your not used to it DONT go for the darkest choose light to medium. If you have a spray tan go for a natural one not too dark.if your applying yourself get a velvet mit and remove deodorant. Exfoliate beforehand.

Lips- 2 weeks before have 0.5ml lip filler subtle enhancement. Choose the provider carefully always go to a qualified medical practitioner not just a beautician. You want a natural look.

Make sure eyebrows are groomed.

Make-up id say go for glowy dewy. You could get your make up done by a make up artist but go for a trial first. I love the champagne colours, peach blush and highlighted cheekbones. Keep it light.

Clothes- good bra to hoist up. I wear victorias secret bras.but i like a padded booster Uplift you may not want this.

I would go for a mid length fitted dress and jacket combo. Elegant but also shows off figure. I like the satiny ones(not too shiny though) either a long tailored jacket or a short jacket.

Heels id say kitten heel or higher if you can. Not chucky block heels.

Hat- i wouldnt plonk a bit old fashioned one on i like the elegant ones or an elegant simple fascinator maybe a pill box shaped one if thats what you call it (not a fussy feathery one)

Nails- not sure what condition yours are in but classic french manicure in muted colours is nice. White tip not too thick.

Jewellery- depending if you wear a hat. If no hat id say wear some hoops not overly big but i always think hoops are flattering and youthful.

Hope this helps, !! Kill them with kindness and put your focus into your Son and his new wifes day. (Although i totally get where your coming from) make wonderful memories with those ypu love not in the present including your handsome silver fox (matching with him is a nice touch too e.g his tie matches your outfit)

Ive posted some examples of outfits i personally think you cant go wrong with champagne or muted pink dusky pink.

Go to John Lewis / Debenhams ask for a personal shopper. Alternatively a Wedding shop. But I wouldn't be caring what I did or didn't look like it's your Son"s day as long as he is happy means the most. Would defo not be obsessing about my ex seeing me. By now you should have got past that.

Don't do any of this.

I’m not sure op is wanting that look.

The dress she posted is a little less structured; I don’t think she is wanting traditional mother of the groom, but something a bit more idiosyncratic.

OP asked for dress suggestions, not bloody lip filler.

Its something which would enhance her overall look and possibly make her feel good :)

Ah right i didnt see her post the style she was after. Yes my suggestions are more traditional.

Why ever not 😆 thats made me laugh.

No, she would end up looking like a sad Love Island wannabe or like that poor woman who died.