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Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife

451 replies

stilllostinthecity · 23/09/2024 12:30

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

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OP posts:
Thread gallery
43
Back21970 · 26/09/2024 10:00

I love the original Reiss green dress, very classy, is it too late to do some arm toning?

A light fake tan would make them look better too.

I’m currently using Prai Arm Cream in preparation for a December holiday - contains caffeine and I think it is helping a bit.

Whatever you choose I hope you look fantastic and I totally get where your coming from.

Loubilou23 · 26/09/2024 13:11

WhenWillItAllGetBetter · 25/09/2024 18:17

I can’t believe how many people are saying that JJ house is the one.
It’s hideous. The diamanté thing is tacky as hell, the awful cover up lacy sleeves and the horrendous matching weird coat thing. Do not wear it op.

The OP is in her 50’s, not 85

Agree, it is absolutely hideous, shockingly bad in fact.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 26/09/2024 13:24

Loubilou23 · 26/09/2024 13:11

Agree, it is absolutely hideous, shockingly bad in fact.

It's even worse if you look at the photos on the website of people wearing it. It has a built in bra because of the sheer back.

The bra creates an obvious lumpy effect because presumably it's made of the same material as the built in bras on swimsuits. The back view on almost every wearer is too tight. I guess because the ratio of bust, waist and hips is wrong for most wearers.

I assume the intention is to "show off your figure" so it's designed to be tight at waist and hips. If it fits on the bust, which it has to because of the built in bra, it's going to be too tight or too big elsewhere if the wearer's waist and bum ratio isn't perfect. They don't show the back view on the model.

AngelicKaty · 26/09/2024 13:43

rockstarshoes · 26/09/2024 07:56

This is such a great brief, I don't understand why everyone takes things so seriously on here!

A December Wedding is a great opportunity to wear velvet, Boden did a fabulous velvet dress last year in jewel colours that would have been perfect, with a short fur jacket.

What about this as a starter for 10

www.johnlewis.com/adrianna-papell-velvet-bell-sleeve-dress-midnight/p110761261

LOVE your first two choices - I'd suggested a couple of velvet trouser suits as I think it's a great choice of fabric for a winter wedding. The third dress is nice, but I really don't think the MotG should wear black.
Now, can I justify buying that navy velvet one for no good reason whatsoever ..... 😉

AngelicKaty · 26/09/2024 13:47

Loubilou23 · 26/09/2024 09:37

Has anyone mentioned Jasper Conran? They do some stunningly elegant knee length shirt dresses in silk 😍

Yes, I did and posted the links a few days ago. I'd buy at least three (cobalt, purple and fuchsia) if I could justify it ..... and if I could afford them! 😂

Loubilou23 · 26/09/2024 14:31

AngelicKaty · 26/09/2024 13:47

Yes, I did and posted the links a few days ago. I'd buy at least three (cobalt, purple and fuchsia) if I could justify it ..... and if I could afford them! 😂

Solid choices, I approve 😂

I would go for the maxi red silk - stunning...

In fact I have a wedding to go to in October and have already got a dress but wondering if I should treat myself....😆

rockstarshoes · 26/09/2024 17:27

Omg Ihaveneverlivedinacastle I wish you hadn't posted that link!

There are some stunning things on there!

The hibiscus velvet is fabulous!

ColourByNumbers88 · 26/09/2024 18:32

@stilllostinthecity how about this bargain? Blue, above knee, v neck, sleeves. www.harveynichols.com/adrianna-papell/beaded-short-dress-951756-bl01-french-blue-185839/

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 26/09/2024 21:22

SirChenjins · 25/09/2024 16:19

The OP's posts suggest more than mixed feelings though - the sartorial choices appear to be based on showing him what a f**k up he made and upstaging his wife who had the temerity to put on weight and age badly - "that woman" who's the mother of her children's half brothers/sisters and who by now must have been married to her ex for around the same length of time.

I am not sure I would forgive someone that left me with 2 young kids actually… and created a new family while I struggled on. And then fast forward 15 years and I’m paying for most of the wedding and he is invited with the “other woman” having contributed Zero. Hell yeah, I’d want to look shit hot! 😂

Yea it’s a bit off to mention the woman’s weight but the ex and other woman’s obviously really hurt her at the time.

rockstarshoes · 26/09/2024 23:36

This is the Style & Beauty Board!

Woman posts light heartedly about wanting to look knock-out at her son's wedding & sock it to the Ex husband!

Who wouldn't feel like that? She has her own silver fox, she's happy now, he's having a new suit, she wants a new frock!

Can we not just sometimes take things at face value?

SirChenjins · 26/09/2024 23:38

Who said anything about forgiveness?! But 15 years is a long time to hold onto that amount of bitterness - and wanting to dress for the man who did that to her in the off chance he’ll notice or care? Hell no.

TheFormidableMrsC · 27/09/2024 00:01

rockstarshoes · 26/09/2024 23:36

This is the Style & Beauty Board!

Woman posts light heartedly about wanting to look knock-out at her son's wedding & sock it to the Ex husband!

Who wouldn't feel like that? She has her own silver fox, she's happy now, he's having a new suit, she wants a new frock!

Can we not just sometimes take things at face value?

Honestly the mind boggles. Such shitty comments on this thread. I know exactly why OP feels like she does and it's absolutely fine for her to do so. All those defending the "poor woman" who saw fit to
shag OP's husband. It doesn't matter how long ago it was, the pain of it is always lurking somewhere in the background, however happy you are. OP, I hope you find the perfect outfit and look absolutely knockout Flowers

Voneska · 27/09/2024 00:29

Designer dress , jacket. Large stunning Hat. Get Merry and dance all night. I did this in the same scenario you're headed for. My Ex. Kept sending someone over to tell me to stop chatting to everyone. He must have been eaten up with jealousy. I had the most amazing night Dancing to everything.

Dunnoburt · 27/09/2024 03:56

Life's too short for grudges......just enjoy the day with your man.......

Pinkcountrybumpkin · 27/09/2024 04:18

My Mum got hers from Hobbs, really lovely dress and jacket

JacquelineD · 27/09/2024 06:40

Try to get a session with a stylist. If you can afford it, don't look at the price tags. Go feeling like a million dollars, then you will enjoy the day and so will your son 😊

TENSsion · 27/09/2024 06:44

CocoapuffPuff · 23/09/2024 12:52

Make an effort to look good for your husband, not your ex-husband.
Those priorities are totally screwed up.

This.

Use the money on therapy.

ittakes2 · 27/09/2024 06:48

Still - after 15 years!!
My long-term boyfriend married the woman he had an affair with. It made me feel better that it was something serious rather than a fling.
If you are bitter you will look bittter whatever lovely dress you wear.

Silviasilvertoes · 27/09/2024 07:10

OP, you’re getting some stick but I totally get it.

Miltonfluid · 27/09/2024 07:17

I back the advice to go to J Lewis and see a stylist and wear what suits you.
My thinking is to just leave the past behind and celebrate the special day with DS and his wife to be; be welcoming to all the guests, relax and enjoy the wonderful occasion. Let everyone really enjoy the day for what it is, including ex DH and his current wife.

Jack80 · 27/09/2024 07:18

Enjoy the day whatever you choose and just be you. Like you said you are both in happy relationships you won't notice each other as you will be looking at the bride and groom. The best revenge it to be happy.

Lusciously · 27/09/2024 07:22

I think something like this fits your description. Shows off your legs and cleavage your best assets (as you said). Ruched to help hide your little mummy belly. Has sleeves. Lovely Olive colour to bring out your eyes

https://www.fashionnova.com/products/eyes-on-me-ruched-midi-dress-olive

A couple of more elegant dresses but maybe not as comfortable for a whole wedding day that you might like

https://www.fashionnova.com/products/phiona-velvet-maxi-dress-hunter

https://www.fashionnova.com/products/denise-off-shoulder-maxi-dress-hunter

Whichever dress you buy I would go with nude, silver or gold shoes and stick to a little heel or wedge as you don't wear them often and for comfort. Something like this

https://www.fashionnova.com/products/tatianna-slingback-pumps-gold

Then would go for a little fake fur jacket to keep you warm
https://www.fashionnova.com/products/fernanda-fur-coat-natural

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Botanybaby · 27/09/2024 07:25

stilllostinthecity · 23/09/2024 12:30

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

It's been 15 years his head has not turned
Maybe just maybe even in your eyes if she grew old badly... Maybe he loves her and he wouldn't give a fig if you were there or not and you'll rock up looking like mutton dressed as lamb and look a fool

Stop making this about you

However as for what to wear Roman do some lovely mum of the groom. Style dresses or book a John Lewis style consultation