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Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife

451 replies

stilllostinthecity · 23/09/2024 12:30

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

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OP posts:
Thread gallery
43
Ishoos · 23/09/2024 13:03

Agree with the personal stylist advice, I would add though that for me footwear is key. You need to be comfortable and stylish! Not sure if these are your cup of tea but as someone who doesn’t wear heels they worked for me in the lower height.

esskashoes.com/collections/mid-heel-sandals

have an amazing time

TheStroppyFeminist · 23/09/2024 13:04

I agree with the suggestions to go to a personal shopper at John Lewis or somewhere. And also to make sure you're absolutely comfortable in whatever you wear. I agree you should get your hair blow dried (if that's your thing) and nails done etc, whatever it takes to look and feel your best.

It's great that you're happy now and yet it's still completely understandable that you want to look great because it's your son's wedding but also understandable that you'd want your ex to think wow she looks great. Many of us would feel like that. Good luck!

Kiuyni · 23/09/2024 13:05

Ishoos · 23/09/2024 13:03

Agree with the personal stylist advice, I would add though that for me footwear is key. You need to be comfortable and stylish! Not sure if these are your cup of tea but as someone who doesn’t wear heels they worked for me in the lower height.

esskashoes.com/collections/mid-heel-sandals

have an amazing time

Edited

Surely every woman over 45 has a pair of these now! Certainly seems like it anyway!

JudgeJenny · 23/09/2024 13:09

Both my DCs got married quite recently and I bought both my dresses at Phase Eight.

Ourdearoldqueen · 23/09/2024 13:13

writingsonthewall · 23/09/2024 12:59

Hmm yeah. What they said.

You sound a bit horrid mocking the other woman's weight and ageing. Maybe she's got more going for her than her looks

Banging other people’s husbands. I hope she gets a pustular rash on her face.

MrRobinsonsQuango · 23/09/2024 13:19

Ourdearoldqueen · 23/09/2024 13:13

Banging other people’s husbands. I hope she gets a pustular rash on her face.

This! My husband ran off someone else and she is a right state these days. I freely admit l chuckle when pictures pop up on Facebook of them -we have mutual friends and lm still friendly with some of his family. Mind you he’s not on his a game either

With regards to the question l would vote for a personal shopper e.g. John Lewis. Try on lots of stuff, l know the last wedding outfit l got took ages to find but it was worth it in the end

Cantalever · 23/09/2024 13:21

Echoing RamonaRamirez about ease and confidence, and looking cool rather than done. As you are a jeans and T shirt woman, I would go for a smart "rock chick" vibe that you can pull off easily. Not trousers unless its a great all in one plus jacket, but something bold, unusual and colourful, with bold accessories or jewelry that still feels like you. Not the conventional mother of the bride/groom look. Short jackets play into the rc look. I would go for slightly dressy boots with a bit of a heel.

eldorado02 · 23/09/2024 13:23

You have my body/build - go for a raglan constructed (ie diagonal from armpits to collar) mini/short dress - it will narrow your top half and show off your bum and legs. Long sleeve or 3/4 sleeve. Wear with sheer tights and spend your money on comfy block heels that you can stand/walk in.

Strictlymad · 23/09/2024 13:25

I would deffo go for Hobbs or phase eight! Don’t go too out there, more ffortlessly understated sophistication! I would absolutely be doing the same as you! Take that ex! We recently went to a wedding where bride mum had left brides dad. Brides dad had remarried a deffo upgrade lol

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 23/09/2024 13:25

The best revenge is living well, and i truly believe that.

You'll look great, cos it's your son's wedding day.
You'll be glowing with pride.

And you can't buy that.

UnctuousUnicorns · 23/09/2024 13:27

CocoapuffPuff · 23/09/2024 12:52

Make an effort to look good for your husband, not your ex-husband.
Those priorities are totally screwed up.

And your son. Surely you should care about what both the men (or all, if your other DC is also a son) in your life think, and not the ex, who is old news. Let them be proud of you, and hang what your ex and his DP think. 🤷‍♀️

NoahsTortoise · 23/09/2024 13:29

Focus on looking good for your fit new man!

Not trying to be unkind but I don't think your ex from 15 years ago will even notice OP, it's a long time ago. Dress for yourself, and your new fella.

IOSTT · 23/09/2024 13:31

John Lewis also allow you to RENT outfits! So you’d be able to wear something you wouldn’t normally be able to afford

EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues · 23/09/2024 13:34

My god, some of you are cruel! All this 1950s cosplay, and 20th century legacy brands …

The OP wants to look good - and like a woman living in the 21st century.

Autumnweddingguest · 23/09/2024 13:36

Oh that is good!

EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues · 23/09/2024 13:37

Oh that is good!

It’s vile.

WhenWillItAllGetBetter · 23/09/2024 13:38

Autumnweddingguest · 23/09/2024 13:36

Oh that is good!

It’s hideous, please don’t wear this

MadKittenWoman · 23/09/2024 13:41

If you really don't like your arms (I recommend lifting weights) you can get sheer sleeves which you put on underneath the dress.