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Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife

451 replies

stilllostinthecity · 23/09/2024 12:30

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

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OP posts:
Thread gallery
43
Hoplolly · 27/09/2024 10:52

Peoplealwaysleavemespeechless · 27/09/2024 08:03

Don't dress for him to notice, dress for your current husband.
Your ex will notice how happy you are and how that's thanks to another man.
Your smile, married bliss and ignorance of his existence is all you need to make him realise what a mistake made.
Make him jealous of your husband and the relationship you two have, that will make him realise his mistake x

Ah this is lovely. But maybe he didn't make a mistake? Maybe he's very happy with his life choices. I find it really bizarre to have this train of thought.

Whenthechipshitthefan · 27/09/2024 11:02

Second (third?) John Lewis personal shopper. They were amazing for me

But I like this.
www.johnlewis.com/gina-bacconi-melissa-stretch-crepe-dress-jacket/p111848654?s_share=jlappdroid

AngelicKaty · 27/09/2024 11:12

SirChenjins · 26/09/2024 23:38

Who said anything about forgiveness?! But 15 years is a long time to hold onto that amount of bitterness - and wanting to dress for the man who did that to her in the off chance he’ll notice or care? Hell no.

Edited

AngelicKaty · Now
But why are you choosing to focus on this? She didn't ask you to - she asked for sartorial advice. This is the Style & Beauty board. Anyway, it's a moot point; OP told us four days ago that she's booked an appointment with a John Lewis Personal Stylist, which I'm sure will provide the help she needs - with the added benefit that the stylist won't indulge in amateur psychoanalysis.

dontworrybhappy · 27/09/2024 11:19

Lentilweaver · 27/09/2024 10:44

No, she would end up looking like a sad Love Island wannabe or like that poor woman who died.

Thats a little bit of a generalisation their or stereotype 😬 its like me saying ok what are you then a boden monsoon wearing school pta Mum clothes folding before adult bedtime fun type of person 🤷‍♀️ i may be wrong i may be right 🤣

MumApril1990 · 27/09/2024 11:30

Love the honesty of this post.

Get your makeup and hair done professionally if possible. Nice youthful hairstyle- don’t let them give to the older lady helmet! And no stripy highlights. Don’t wear a hat or fascinatior please it is 2024.

Also please don’t wear a skirt and jacket or dress and jacket combo, usually so ageing and unflattering. A smart coat you take off inside would be fine.

No florals! And no beige! Go for a dress in a flattering colour preferable one colour and no busy patterns.

Some shapewear could be useful to sinch the waist slightly and give a smoother silhouette.

MumApril1990 · 27/09/2024 11:33

I’m betting on the other woman turning up in florals or a frumpy jacket, thing on her head, whilst OP is in a flattering and youthful gown

Devonshirerexx · 27/09/2024 11:33

Have a look on Debenhams online , I just seen one. 👀

Wallis

Petite occasion Lace sleeve cowl pencil

dress 👗

It looks lovely , I couldn't find a link sorry. 😞

Gunnersforthecup · 27/09/2024 11:53

Jennyathemall · 27/09/2024 08:18

Exactly. If you try too hard he and his DW are likely just to look and laugh at you.

I think men may also be aware of having feelings when they encounter an ex.

Calliopespa · 27/09/2024 12:05

Yes I agree too. It’s normal at any important event to want to look your best, and having a cheating ex there only heightens that. Most people would feel that way. But dress in what makes you feel good and don’t go off piste to please others.

Sodonewithgrey · 27/09/2024 12:19

Without wanting to sound mean, you were obviously very let down by your ex, I think I'd be more concerned with what your 'new' man of the last 10 years thinks than what your ex of 15 years ago does.

Whether you mean to or not, it's sounds like you're turning your child's special day into your own drama and even if you think you won't let it show, by making your ex your priority you can bet that it will.

As others have said, get a stylist, take some tips from other forums, but enjoy the day for the special day that it is

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 27/09/2024 12:24

Lentilweaver · 27/09/2024 10:04

Don't do any of this.

The kitten heels can stay but everything else, including the outfits, no.

Remmy123 · 27/09/2024 12:42

How about the personal stylists John Lewis offer if you aren't sure?

you need something classy, reiss is lovely! Get your nails done, etc

good luck!!! We would all be the same as you!! Of course you want to look good!

SirChenjins · 27/09/2024 12:47

AngelicKaty · 27/09/2024 11:12

AngelicKaty · Now
But why are you choosing to focus on this? She didn't ask you to - she asked for sartorial advice. This is the Style & Beauty board. Anyway, it's a moot point; OP told us four days ago that she's booked an appointment with a John Lewis Personal Stylist, which I'm sure will provide the help she needs - with the added benefit that the stylist won't indulge in amateur psychoanalysis.

As per our previous conversation and as many other posters have said, her sartorial choices are specifically built around this. They shouldn’t be.

TENSsion · 27/09/2024 12:50

No outfit it going to fix the real issue. You need to address the feelings of rejection and abandonment that you still carry.
The only real “revenge” is to have happily moved on and not give him any further thought or concern.
Go to therapy. Then you can attend the wedding with nothing but your son and his wife as the focus.

AngelicKaty · 27/09/2024 13:01

SirChenjins · 27/09/2024 12:47

As per our previous conversation and as many other posters have said, her sartorial choices are specifically built around this. They shouldn’t be.

That's an unsolicited opinion and NOT what she was asking for. I would have liked to see her final choice of outfit on a STYLE & BEAUTY board, but your comments and those of your ilk will likely mean the OP doesn't return to this thread to share it with us. She needed clothing advice to boost her confidence, not nastiness to drag her down.

AngelicKaty · 27/09/2024 13:11

Remmy123 · 27/09/2024 12:42

How about the personal stylists John Lewis offer if you aren't sure?

you need something classy, reiss is lovely! Get your nails done, etc

good luck!!! We would all be the same as you!! Of course you want to look good!

OP posted four days ago that she's booked an appt with the JL personal stylist service. 😊

ArrowOfAthena · 27/09/2024 13:18

Kiuyni · 23/09/2024 12:32

Oh dear OP.

Hopefully you will get some good style advice, but the best revenge is a happy life. Just be yourself and put your ds first on this day.

Thats what she is aiming for

Disenchantedone · 27/09/2024 13:20

Find out where mother of the bride is getting her outfit, sometimes it is nice to get outfits that compliment each other and the bride. Forget hatchet face. Coast do lovely dresses as do John Lewis.

SirChenjins · 27/09/2024 13:21

@AngelicKaty There is nothing nasty about saying that the OP shouldn’t be basing her choice of dress on a man who left her. I hope the JL consultation comes up with something lovely that the OP feels wonderful in and I hope she has a lovely time at her son’s wedding - but given the ex has seen her since they divorced and he’s still with the woman he left for I really doubt he’ll pitch up to the wedding, see the OP in a lovely outfit and suddenly have some kind of epiphany.

Viviennemary · 27/09/2024 13:23

sarahsarahsarahsar · 23/09/2024 12:43

Could you book yourself a John Lewis personal styling slot? Worth it for having someone pull all the right sizes etc and also give independent advice on what suits.

This is a good idea. I don't blame you for wanting to look your best. It isn't toxic.

JollyZebra · 27/09/2024 13:26

Forget getting one up on your ex's partner and if you are truly happy in your new relationship you'd not give a stuff about showing your ex what he's lost. This is not a time for making them feel uncomfortable - it's a happy family time for you all. Weddings are stressful enough anyway.

As for the clothes - I can't advise you there - I don't do posh or special occasion stuff. I just wear what I am happy in.

EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues · 27/09/2024 13:50

Jeez …

Why the hell do people land on a five day old thread with approx 400 replies, thinking that Go to J Lewis is an original and in any way helpful post?

There ought to be some sort of test before people are allowed to post here …

Summerlovin24 · 27/09/2024 14:03

Get a personal shopper. I Did it once. Made me look and feel fabulous. Will dress you for your shape. I didn't pay for the service and no obligation to buy but if they find you something awesome you will buy it

AngelicKaty · 27/09/2024 16:58

EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues · 27/09/2024 13:50

Jeez …

Why the hell do people land on a five day old thread with approx 400 replies, thinking that Go to J Lewis is an original and in any way helpful post?

There ought to be some sort of test before people are allowed to post here …

Indeed, which is why I posted almost five hours ago today that OP posted FOUR DAYS AGO that she'd booked an appt with JL's personal stylist service - and yet there have been more of the JL and/or PS appt suggestions since. I guess that some users don't realise that if you click on "See all" from the OP, you can see all of their subsequent updates. Sigh. 🙄

Calliopespa · 27/09/2024 17:03

AngelicKaty · 27/09/2024 16:58

Indeed, which is why I posted almost five hours ago today that OP posted FOUR DAYS AGO that she'd booked an appt with JL's personal stylist service - and yet there have been more of the JL and/or PS appt suggestions since. I guess that some users don't realise that if you click on "See all" from the OP, you can see all of their subsequent updates. Sigh. 🙄

Oh dear!