Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife

[stilllostinthecity]

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

Oh dear OP.

Hopefully you will get some good style advice, but the best revenge is a happy life. Just be yourself and put your ds first on this day.

You are going to get a load of shit for this, but I totally get it. My only advice is not to go too try hard

You need effortless sophistication

Go over to the personal stylist thread, the lady who so kindly gives her time is great. Might be of some help.

On the flip side, you're both now in happy relationships and so does it matter what he thinks? What matters is how you feel with your partner. Happiness/contentment looks so much better than an outfit.

And this is why I eloped.

I knew my DM would be fixated and consumed by What To Wear To See The New (not new) Wife.

Sorry OP, I know it's hard, and you find something you feel good in. But, really try to put this toxic thinking away.

Could you book yourself a John Lewis personal styling slot? Worth it for having someone pull all the right sizes etc and also give independent advice on what suits.

I understand you and the need to look fantastic. I recently attended a wedding where I was seeing a similar person for the first time in a decade.

I put alot of thought and prep into what I wore so I felt good. I ended up in a lovely Hobbs dress and jacket. I also had my nails done and had a blow dry, not things I normally do.

Good luck in finding an outfit that makes you look and feel fantastic x

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a fk up he made!!!

Men don't think like this, they really don't. Especially after 15 years. Wear what you like.

Do you have a John Lewis near you? If you do you could book to see a personal stylist which could be a good way to get some ideas as to what works for you.

A v-neck will give you a much sexier and more flattering décolletage than a round neck.

Honestly? Your dh will not think he's made a mistake. He will most likely not notice your looks at all. What they MAY notice is how happy and relaxed you are.

I mean, make an effort to look good just because it's your ds wedding. But leave it there.

I like the green dress. Have a look at phase eight. You could also look on vinted as loads of suitable dresses and jackets often worn once for weddings.

That Reiss dress is lovely. Check out Wyse London. They have lovely dresses. Good luck OP, know exactly where you are coming from. Get something you feel great in and the advice about a manicure etc is spot on. Get a massage and facial too in the run up!

Oh fgs!!!

There’s a lot of humour in OP’s post which does a good job, I think, of showing how she’s planning to approach a day that’s unfortunately, thanks to her ex’s actions, going to be a difficult day as well as one of celebration. Of course she’s bloody bothered about what she wears, as is anyone when you know it’s not just going to be your outfit but also partly your armour. Have some bloody emotional intelligence people.

OP that’s unfortunately the sum total of my chipping in as I have about as much ability to style someone as I do to do brain surgery on them or cast their horoscope, ie nil. Good luck finding a fantastic dress which hopefully has some little cyanide jets disguised in the waistband which you just might be able to deploy during the reception.

Glad to hear you’re already getting your ‘living well’ revenge, @stilllostinthecity.

You’ve given a decent amount of detail but I feel your clothing preferences are just a tiny bit outdated - and that rather than concentrating so much on your own body you should be looking for something highly fashionable that demonstrates to you your vitality and connection to the present.

Conservative choice - something from

Me and Em

Bold choice: hire something fabulous from

https://www.hurrcollective.com

Your exH is unlikely to notice. That said, will extended family be there ? I can get you’d rather have his family think “oh doesn’t Bobs Exwife look happy with her new man? So glad it all worked out for her.” Than “oh lord Bobs ex-wife has let herself go.”

id book a session with a personal stylist at John Lewis. Be super super nice and make sure your ds and his bride don’t have a moments worry about how you are feeling.

Make an effort to look good for your husband, not your ex-husband.
Those priorities are totally screwed up.

This, does your current dp know how you'll be planning what to wear because of what the ex will think?
And your poor son, please don't make his wedding the place to try and score points over his dad and step mother.
Dress well for you!

Bitterness isn't a good look, no matter how you dress it up.

I would resist the urge to try too hard, and instead wear something you feel very comfortable in ; something where no constraints tugging is required, something that is not too tight or too short and needs pulling or hoisting 😁

You've already won so do not spend so much time thinking about her, instead focus on wearing something you can dance in and just get ready to party

I think women our age can look a bit too "done" sometimes eg we need a more relaxed look can look cooler (imo! This is only my own (random!) opinion)

Go and have fun 🥂

Hmm yeah. What they said.

You sound a bit horrid mocking the other woman's weight and ageing. Maybe she's got more going for her than her looks

Does it have to be a dress? What about a trouser suit? There's some really lovely ones about but you'll probably have to up your budget a bit unless you rent something - which might be worth looking into for a one off occasion.

You don't have to wear heels either.

There’s a brand called The Fold which does very tailored smart dresses - some are a bit officey but they have some colours that are very wedding suitable. They’re a bit over budget unless you get sale but rent one! Unless it’s something you’ll wear many times again, rent and spend the rest on the personal grooming that will make you feel fantastic

Yes exactly, I want to feel confident not awkward, I def don't have a signature wedding look despite my age! My usual look is smart casual (work) and jeans and a shirt for home, and I feel I need to be smarter than that.