Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife

[stilllostinthecity]

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

Quite and what does HE get for this perfidy? Such stupid responses on here.

==
OP... I echo the posters who've made suggestions for you to see a personal stylist. It's a good idea even without the baggage as it's easy to get stuck in a style rut and stick with what you know.

Hope you find just the thing and have a really lovely day as Mother of the Groom.

"

SHE DESERVES TO BE MADE TO ATTEND STRAPPED TO A BUCKET OF POO. "

She will be - the ex 😂😂😂

Personal stylist is a good idea.

People here who don't want to stick it to the ex and OW are more noble than me lol. It's a coping mechanism for a difficult situation really, plus she has to look good anyways for her son's wedding, it would be different if it was just a normal day and she was all dolled up.

You misread, I was talking about your current DP. I would hate to be with someone who still wants their ex to want them, especially given the fact your ex sounds like he's not worth the energy.

I take it you also hate the jumpsuit idea. 😂

OP - be happy, that's the best revenge.

You absolutely need to feel amazing on the day, for you.

As PPs have said the best thing you can do is show off your happiness!

We had a family wedding last year that involved seeing 'ex family'. We were all super aware of not causing any problems for the bride and had the most fantastic day. The ex in question gravitated towards our family all day. I think our closeness and general happy situation made him wish he was still part of it all 😂...that's what it seemed like anyway.

Ah right, yes I think you are right! My current bloke is lovely and laid back and hugely supportive. He knows that hosting a party that of course includes my ex and that woman is going to be really hard. He and I met while they were still behaving horribly. They aren't "living in my head", it's been 15 years, but on a day to day basis you don't have to invite your ex plus one to your party!

😂😂😂

Ah right. I misunderstood. I certainly don't want my ex to want me. I think others have hit the nail on the head - I liked the "Bob's ex wife is looking well" as yes, we are also hosting his siblings and families. It was a hugely distressing time for both of our families when it was all going on. I want to look happy and confident. I never feel tall enough for jumpsuits, when I was a size 8 I loved them. Thanks though :)

maybe not but their OW wives often do! This is a chance for OP to shine, let's let her do that.

OP I don't have any fashion advice, I'm a blob wearing a burlap sack most of the time but I sincerely hope you look fucking smashing and have a wonderful time.

Okay, I get what you mean, that makes total sense.

FWIW I suggested a jumpsuit because we have almost the same measurements - with the right shoes/cut I think they can be very 'yeah I'm cool, but I'm not trying' vibe which I think might work for this situation.

How about a midpoint of matching separates that give a jumpsuit feel but with more alteration flexibility. For example these (black base but hopefully enough florals to make it fit your style) and lots of different pieces to choose from to mix and match: https://www.karenmillen.com/floral-satin-woven-trouser/BKK20827-191-16.html?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAACo7BY-Db9HPHSwkTZd28w4ikIJL-&gclid=Cj0KCQjwo8S3BhDeARIsAFRmkOPdtGPib50dchFV8VTuTfti0S0hjfh-hirKiUy1qBTW38tlZ5peFCwaAkzpEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

Why would you not want to look fabulous for yourself?

I want to look really good to sort of show him what a fk up he made!!!

Oh dear OP - Can tell you are still really bitter and I sympathise that you had to go through this. But honestly - it probably won't even register with him. He isn't going to think 'Oh I fucked up because @stilllostinthecity looks great' he really isn't. Looks aren't everything when it comes to relationships and he and OW are still together after 15 years, so he is happy and presumably you are too?

So if I were you, yes, absolutely I would dress up and look your best - but for yourself, your own confidence and so that you feel really good about yourself, on what may be a difficult day. Do it for you and not for him! Hope it all goes well

What’s your point?

I don't think OP wants her ex to think she's pining for him at all, rather she wants to look her absolute best (w/o overshadowing the bride of course).

It will make a nice contrast to the current woman the ex left her for, fat and frumpy and ex also not looking great while OP looks and feels fantastic.

These events are rare and there can be a lot of intense feelings even decades later that may have OP feeling unsure of herself. I'm in favor of her making an effort to outshine them both.

I also would hazard a guess that OP wouldn't touch her ex with a ten foot barge pole today, OP's H doesn't need to worry or feel inferior LOL

Nope not me! I wouldn’t be seen dead in a pair of those shoes.

@stilllostinthecity OP, forget what everyone is saying and do what will make you happy. Yes deep down a part of you wants to make the ex think wow but remember you are the Mother of the Groom. You need to look fabulous so dress the part & make sure you and your silver fox are co-ordinated. As all eyes will be on you and the happy couple. Your son will just want to see you happy on his big day as even he will be slightly worried about you all being in the same place together. So put his fears to rest & go get your killer outfit. If you aren’t a fan of heels go for a mid heel.

I suffer from ill health and have put weight on having been a 10-12 before I got ill & now whenever we have to go somewhere my husband will make me buy a new outfit, jewellery, shoes, handbag etc because for him he wants me to look good for me and to enjoy all the doing my hair for the event etc.

I absolutely get what you mean OP. I'd be doing my best to look sensational too if I were you. Somebody put this on further down. I think it's ideal, it'll show your legs off, cover your arms and it's your colour.

www.debenhams.com/product/ever-pretty-elegant-long-sleeve-v-neck-high-low-chiffon-wedding-guest-dress_p-b1d5cc73-138c-4784-b753-4e354a388daa

If it were me I would go get my hair done , absolutely get my teeth whitened makes such a difference zoom whitening is great in dentist office . I would also wear the shoes I pick around the house first a week or two to try break them in.

Get a proper bra fitting and a new bra . A size 14 will be smaller than a 38 band .

That will make a difference to how your bust looks and both him and her will notice.

OP, I've been in a similar situation. I had to face an ex of 10 years and his new squeeze a couple of years after splitting. It doesn't matter how long it's been, of course you want to look wonderful and I'm sure you will, as others have pointed out, you'll be beaming with pride.
There's some great suggestions for frocks but I wanted to recommend Pixi's Flawless Beauty primer which I felt gave my face a proper glow from within. It's amazing stuff, knocked years off me. I hope you find a gorgeous dress and have a fantastic time!

I agree with the suggestions of a personal shopping appointment at JL. But even before that I would go to somewhere you can try on a lot of different styles so you can see what works. If you get something in a fabric with a bit of stretch you might feel more like your normal sports wear self. Stick with the colours you know work, maybe a cool blue and silver palette.
There are lots of short jackets this winter, a smart tweed in cream might work.
Practice with your shoes beforehand!

It’s not about the dh, not at all. It’s about wanting to look your absolute best on a special day

It's been 15 years OP - let it go. Go and see a personal stylist if you want, but do it for you , not to try and get one over on your ex who really won't notice what you're wearing. I hope you have a lovely time celebrating your son's wedding.

Don't buy a Phase 8 dress, 3 other people will turn up in it.

Have a look at Reiss dresses, they are beautiful.

Get a good colour and cut. Have your hair blow dried on the day.

Get a well fitting bra, and some shape-wear (speak to lingerie dept. in John Lewis or M&S for advice) to suck it all in, and take off 10 pounds

Go to the makeup counters in John L or Boots and get them to try a few things on you. I love Dior or Charlotte Tilbury.

Get a mani pedi a few days before.

You should absolutely look FAB, but for you and your son, not the home-wreckers.