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Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife

451 replies

stilllostinthecity · 23/09/2024 12:30

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

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OP posts:
Thread gallery
43
eggandonion · 23/09/2024 19:56

Try on hats...because it is fun.Get your make up done.
Look at phase eight and hobbs for ideas. You don't have to buy one.
The ex might not notice but the current Mrs Ex will. Be polite. Whilst inwardly smug.

llamali · 23/09/2024 19:58

I think you risk playing it too try hard tbh

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 23/09/2024 19:58

Do not wear that. The green Reiss is dreary to the point of you might as well be part of the furniture but this is awful.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 23/09/2024 20:00

WickedStepmotherWasJustMisunderstood · 23/09/2024 13:59

I thought this. Maybe her and your ex are just meant to be together. You can't outdo that kind of connection. Feel quite bad for your man tbh...

However, given your style notes - have you considered a jumpsuit? This is out off stock in your size, but something along these lines is just so chic.

https://www.johnlewis.com/raishma-blake-wrap-jumpsuit-green/p112124969?size=10&s_ppc=2dx_mixed_fashion_BAU&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD2el1xdiBXkf0E6DU8bH0xtsU6bW&gclid=Cj0KCQjwo8S3BhDeARIsAFRmkOPaTxGRbTSlwpwZboHEt9cfXEKnD--5iK5HDtpa2Yd7Jc08HDqz0wkaApDlEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

That's awful too.

RhubarbieRhubarbie · 23/09/2024 20:02

Worst case scenario, go to John Lewis and try on a million things if need be until something just feels amazing! If you have to think 'is this nice?' then it likely isn't what youre aiming for.
Also, play to your colouring - you can google stuff on that, and again, wait til something shines!

Above all, enjoy the day with your loved ones, which I'm sure you will.

Some people won't get it... I wonder if they also think the made over Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman should have kept walking past the snobby shop who turned her away without her "Big Mistake!" moment! Geez, sometimes it's OK to have a moment of symbolic vindication!

MrsKeats · 23/09/2024 20:04

I can see why he left.
Horrible post.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 23/09/2024 20:10

keiratwiceknightly · 23/09/2024 18:43

If you are a jeans person normally, why not get a really well fitting trouser suit in an interesting colour? Heels and you're good to go (trainers later on too). Will possibly be more 'you' and will make you look funky and modern, not so much mother of the groom.

That's a much better suggestion than any of the dresses suggested. There are some horrors and that includes the dipped hem green one the OP liked

ScruffGin · 23/09/2024 20:14

John Lewis or Selfridges personal shopper, definitely the best bet!

MissSkegness1951 · 23/09/2024 20:18

All the nice clothes and accessories will count for nothing if you're trying to 'outdo' someone and are carrying a little weight.

My advice would be to drop a stone before the wedding and buy a dress that flatters a slimmer figure.

Pinkissmart · 23/09/2024 20:28

Kiuyni · 23/09/2024 12:32

Oh dear OP.

Hopefully you will get some good style advice, but the best revenge is a happy life. Just be yourself and put your ds first on this day.

Exactly. Stop looking backwards and just enjoy the happy day.
The best ‘look’ would be to say hello to her, call her by her name, and don’t let the past get in the way of your child’s day

Coconutter24 · 23/09/2024 20:43

“However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a fk up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)”

Maybe you should concentrate on your on life.

“That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).”

Her body gave him a couple of children so maybe he loves every part of her for that? I know it’s hard to be left for someone else but is it really worth being this bitter? Your going to end up ruining your own relationship

TiramisuThief · 23/09/2024 20:51

There's some absolute shockers been suggested on this thread among the gems.

It's a one-off occasion so it's worth putting a bit of time in to find the right outfit and get it tailored so it fits absolutely perfectly.

And for the love of God please stay away from chiffon 😂

olympicsrock · 23/09/2024 20:51

Autumnweddingguest · 23/09/2024 13:36

Oh that is good!

I think it’s lovely

Doubledded123 · 23/09/2024 20:54

Blow-dry
Manicure
Teeth whitening
Stylist appointment

Do some meditation and yoga and deploy gratitude with everyone

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 23/09/2024 20:54

TiramisuThief · 23/09/2024 20:51

There's some absolute shockers been suggested on this thread among the gems.

It's a one-off occasion so it's worth putting a bit of time in to find the right outfit and get it tailored so it fits absolutely perfectly.

And for the love of God please stay away from chiffon 😂

There are some shockers. The Self Portrait chiffon is ok. It wouldn't be my first choice but from what's here I'd go for one of the Self Portait ones.

Ozanj · 23/09/2024 20:55

If you’re slimmer and better groomed you’ll look good no matter what you (or she) wears. I’d pick something that shows off your figure (and that you could rewear) and focus on on hair and makeup. Good luck x

RVEllacott · 23/09/2024 21:05

I'm really surprised at the number of people on here telling the OP to let it go. She tells her story with good humour and has clearly moved on and has a lovely new husband.

It doesn't alter the fact that her ex and the OW were responsible for inexcusable and shite behaviour and it's absolutely human nature to want to feel confident and look good when she has to spend an important day in close proximity to them (regardless of whether ex takes any notice or not).

I have no styling advice to offer OP but I hope you find an outfit you love and that the wedding is a joyful day for all involved.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 23/09/2024 21:08

Butterflycream · 23/09/2024 21:00

Those are absolutely awful 🤢

Different tastes. Self Portrait wouldn't be my choice but if that's the vibe being looked for the Self Portrait dresses are the only ones which wouldn't make me cry if I had to wear them. There are other suggestions I'd refuse to go at all if I had to wear them.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 23/09/2024 21:09

She tells her story with good humour

I didn't see any humour.