Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife

[stilllostinthecity]

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

Lovely and very me. Personal stylist booked at JL as well so than k you everyone

I guarantee this attitude will come across.

Do all the usual things you'd do to "dress up". Go and be happy and enjoy the day. Smiling and being nice to the new wife and using her name will be much more attractive than all this bitterness.

I agree- a v-neck is perfect for a larger bust, much more flattering than any other neckline

Can I suggest you also get your eyebrows done a week before a good local beautician. It’s one area that I think do many women who aren’t into grooming overlook. The lift a fractionally darkened (natural looking I’m not talking the big dark laminated brows of younger women) well kempt brow can give us in our 50s is underestimated imo. As you were if you do this anyway 😂

@stilllostinthecity
https://tiffanyfashion.co.uk/occasionwear-brands/

local shop to me but I am sure there will be some boutiques that do these brands near you I have had some lovely wedding and racing outfits from her

Cripes. It's been 15 years let it go. I can pretty much guarantee your ex will not look at you kicking himself for what he's missed

I'd make a point of telling her how wonderful she looks. People's impression of you (if that's what matters to you) is only a tiny bit about how you look.

Think of your son and DP, focus on them and on enjoying yourself with them. Being happy will make you look far more attractive than any makeover.

I like this one.
I know you said no black, but this is rather colourful, just black in the background https://www.monsoon.co.uk/sale/womens-sale/occasionwear-sale/?start=120

I suggest therapy as your attitude towards his new wife isn't very healthy

Well done for booking at JL! The truth is that you will get something from them, as they are really good.
Shoes, Next is very comfy if you have any issues with JL.

You will look great for yourself, your partner and your son. Rest can get lost! I do get how much it hurts to be left holding the baby OP, no judgement, but advice, just enjoy it for yourself. Congratulations!

Another one with no suggestions, but I totally get wanting to look fantastic on the day. I would too in the OP's shoes.

This one is from Jigsaw but is still like the Reiss
Alternative
I'd be heading to The White Company for a chic wool coat to wear alongside...
I would also start a mini fitness campaign and join a Mumsnet thread so that you are in the the best shape to look svelte and confident.
I would also do the ironing in my wedding shoes and practice wearing them in the house for a month.
Good luck, OP

https://www.theoutnet.com/en-gb/shop/product/self-portrait/dresses/midi-dress/gathered-crepe-midi-dress/1647597348042727

Have a look a Maje, pricey but some nice dresses on sale. They are also in Selfridge's if you're in London. The only problem is they may be too long (or short), not much midi. I wore a mint green one similar to this style neck and sleeves to a wedding last month with a matching fascinator. I loved it!
https://uk.maje.com/en/ready-to-wear/collection/dresses/maxi-dresses/ruffled-maxi-dress/MFPRO03618_5410.html

I saw someone in these shoes and chased her down to find out where they were from, I love them. Could be nice for a wedding! https://www.hobbs.com/product/kali-sandal/0124-MA65-034H060-SILVER-38.html?utm_source=bybuybye&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=Incubeta%20-%20Comparison%20Shopping%20Service%20%28NMPi%29&utm_content=10&utm_term=UKNetwork&ranMID=38595&ranSiteID=BezHM9PFMlA-i67MZHik_KU4cqprBCdNsQ&siteID=BezHM9PFMlA-i67MZHik_KU4cqprBCdNsQ&PubName=Incubeta%20-%20Comparison%20Shopping%20Service%20%28NMPi%29&SID=3539667

I was wondering about a trouser suit as well. I had a lovely dark green silk one from Jaeger. Sounds as if you perhaps prefer trousers?

I would recommend getting an assessment to see what colours really suit you. There’s no point wearing a stunning outfit if the shade drains you. Google Francesca Cairns - she offers all her services online.

ETA she does a ‘transformation’ package which fits your post title rather nicely!

It's not just the clothes though, it's the way you carry yourself. If you're happy in your own skin, if you feel confident it'll show. You could wear a tracksuit and you'd still have an air about you. Giving no fucks about either of them will have people saying oh look at Barbara doesn't she look great!

If you are a jeans person normally, why not get a really well fitting trouser suit in an interesting colour? Heels and you're good to go (trainers later on too). Will possibly be more 'you' and will make you look funky and modern, not so much mother of the groom.

You're mother of the Groom - of course you can get dressed up to the nines - outdoing the ex's partner doesn't have to be your primary motivation (it could just be a happy bonus! 😉)
This is gorgeous, but would blow your budget (and you'd need to keep the matching jacket on because of the cap sleeves): https://www.hobbs.com/product/katherine-wool-silk-dress/0224-5564-3093L00-OYSTER.html
Alternatively: https://ginabacconi.com/gbp/cassandra-sequin-lace-dress-sbd3114-na.html?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwo8S3BhDeARIsAFRmkOOCcbQ5TKEJD3dGY_0Vbs5vsO4jv6WHjg2cXHu5B6DH3YIRFcWfbJ0aAlJKEALw_wcB
Or this: https://www.whistles.com/product/molly-satin-ruched-dress-39130.html#cgid=NewIn_Dresses_WW&is=false&sz=60&start=0&isSecondPage=false&pid=molly-satin-ruched-dress-39130&pos=11
Or this: https://www.whistles.com/product/velvet-pleated-sleeve-dress-39232.html#cgid=NewIn_Dresses_WW&is=false&sz=60&start=0&isSecondPage=false&pid=velvet-pleated-sleeve-dress-39232&pos=8

I think you are brilliant @stilllostinthecity Ignore the hater comments, it’s clear from your posts that they are very tongue in cheek and that you aren’t jealous/obsessed/hating on your ex. I absolutely would do the same and walk in there looking bloody fabulous with a big smile on my face all day.

My greatest advice would be to spend money on professional make-up. I feel a million dollars with a great face of make-up. 100 times better than I can do myself! And a blow dry or hair up on the day. Often makes more impact than the outfit. Obviously if budget will allow - outfit, hair and make-up 😉

Same happened to me OP so I totally understand why you want to look knockout. I would make an appointment with a John Lewis personal stylist. They are amazing in my experience and no pressure to buy. I hope you look beautiful and have the best day and fuck him too!

This. Also if he loves his wife he won’t care that she’s put on weight.

There is a very good facebook group called Pre loved wedding and occasion outfits UK which has a huge variety of things on. Some really lovely things

Oh wow, this is adorable and the frills make it less of a formal feel. https://uk.maje.com/en/ready-to-wear/collection/dresses/maxi-dresses/ruffled-maxi-dress/MFPRO03144_0103.html Interesting what someone else said about wearing more of a high street dress and someone else turning up with the same!
Good advice re hair and make up, I hadn't really thought about that but DIL to be is using my hairdresser and dressing at our hotel so yes that has got me thinking. And a good bra, yes, good idea.

What a great resource you are - thank you. I feel readier to face this.