"Menopausal blonde" hair - why do women do it?

[ISeriouslyDoubtIt]

Just been to lunch with a group of friends aged late fifties to early sixties whom I've known for decades. Of course we're all looking older, but none of us are the type of people who have Botox/fillers/tweakments, but we all wear some make up and at various times most have dyed their hair.
I'm a natural redhead but started to go grey in my thirties and then dyed my hair for 25 years till COVID when I grew it out and stayed white/grey, it looks fine and better than dyed red hair with an older face.
Several of the group have dark hair, brown eyes and olivey skin. All of them, as they got into their fifties, started dyeing their hair a yellowy blonde. Without fail it looks awful, it just doesn't suit their skin tones at all. They would look better if they just let the grey come through, or have it dyed a lighter brown.
I see so many women of a certain age with this generic blonde, on people that aren't naturally blonde it invariably looks wrong, why do they do it?

Your choice to go grey... maybe your friends don't like your hair colour? Either way, my advice is live & let live. Unless they ask you, it's not really any of your business.

I just pick up any one depending on which shop I'm in. B&M do a cheap one tha5s decent but they're all much the same tbh. It's a godsend to me, I really can eek out a few more weeks from dyeing my hair!

68 today! I have shoulder length blonde hair, coloured from its natural mouse brown, with not too much grey yet. I love my hair like this and I get lots of compliments, I have no intention of letting it go grey in the foreseeable future. You seem very judgemental of your friends, OP, are you sure your hair looks better than theirs? Fantastic grey hair looks striking in my opinion but few of us are blessed with that.

If it looks wrong, consider skin tone, make up and color of glasses. I changed my glasses color and had to adjust make up and clothes. If they haven't re-evaluated make up and clothes the hair will look off.
Plus, many of us get a dull yellow -grey color as we age, and going blonde is more flattering, lets the grey blend in, and thinner hair looks thicker if it has been dyed (effect of bleach/dye on the hair shaft, according to my hair stylist).
So going blonde, which is usually a softer look with Caucasian skin, is generally a win-win.

Hair colour does not bond as well to grey or white hair, making it difficult to achieve the nice cool brown that many of us suit. Also, it fades really quickly with grey. So women trying to get a nice light brown often find it fades to a brassy blond quickly, especially with the summer sun. It's just easier to go to a blond colour.

I don't think it suits everyone either, but I know that once you have a lot of grey most can't afford to go to a colourist once every three weeks, so at home dye is the answer. I know, because I was there! I went from my original dark brown to a lighter brown, but then it would fade to a dark blond, which I didn't really like.

Now I embrace the grey, but I didn't do it until I was late 50's.

And as for the term 'menopausal women', it might sound derogatory to some, but what would you call a woman past middle age but not elderly? Really, one can assume that most women past the age of 50 are menopausal, so it should be acceptable. Men are not defined by their ability to reproduce though! I guess Women of a Certain Age would fit the bill, but I think I prefer Mature.

Older women is fine - we don’t need to be defined by our reproductive systems.

100% this @5iveleafclover OP is not just expressing an opinion, she is being rude and derogatory. Not only about women in general who (GASP!) have the temerity to cover their greying hair with blonde, but also about her own friends!

With friends like that, who needs enemies eh?!

And as for the term 'menopausal women', it might sound derogatory to some, but what would you call a woman past middle age but not elderly? Really, one can assume that most women past the age of 50 are menopausal, so it should be acceptable.

50 plus , 60 plus ? Older / late middle age?

Agree with SirChenjins we don’t need to be defined by our reproductive systems.

I'm a natural "golden" blonde. I asked my hairdresser this and was told it's because it's the easiest way to cover grey and flatters older skin tones.

Meanwhile my hair is getting darker as I approach my fifties 😂🤦‍♀️

It’s about the intention behind the language. And – lol – also about the content itself (OP’s entire post is about disparaging older women who – woah – dye their hair blonde. The clue is there in the content ;) )

More generally: If you’re literally talking about menopause, then menopausal / menopausal woman are – obviously – totally fine and normal

Otherwise – not relevant.

If you’re struggling to find the right collective term to describe a group of women who you think look shit and are too old and menopausal to dye their hair – just stop. Stop trying to find the word.

Hint: Whatever words you choose will be ugly and disparaging and laced with misogyny because your attitude is ugly and disparaging and laced with misogyny. Reaching for old faithfuls like ‘menopausal’ outside of any relevant context just underscores this.

Side point: there is no age between middle age and old age is there? Not middle aged, not old aged, but a secret third thing? 50, the age you mention, is certainly middle aged. And I think elderly is considered pejorative for anyone under what? 90? If age really is relevant to a convo I suppose you could literally just say the age – 50s, 60s, etc? Or if you’re looking for grey hair tips you could just ask ‘other people with grey hair’ (who could be anywhere from 20 to 100).

Edit for typo!

Yup, this is me! Always wanted to be blonde, like in my childhood days, and have been for past 10 years since the greys. I think having my dark brown hair would make me looked washed out and older. Xx

Side point: there is no age between middle age and old age is there? Not middle aged, not old aged, but a secret third thing?

There is the widely accepted term "women of a certain age", which is basically a woman past middle-age but not old.

But as OP describes their age range in her first sentence (Just been to lunch with a group of friends aged late fifties to early sixties whom I've known for decades.) there is really no need to use any term particulalry one re reproductive status; and in any case "menopausal" is not particularly apt, as most women are post-menopausal by late fifties/early sixties.

"Menopausal" used in such instances is usually derogatory, somehow.

I think ‘woman of a certain age’ is considered outdated and a bit weird and sexist now isn’t it?! It certainly has negative connotations (it’s usually used in the context of discussing what an older woman does with her appearance, isn’t it? With exaggerated delicacy about not mentioning that she’s not young anymore?)

Agree with the rest!

They need to get good professional help re choosing a warm or cool blonde to blend grey, depending upon their natural hair and skin tones. Home dyes are awful on most and people are just not selective enough about their hairdresser. A good one is worth their weight in gold!

I've noticed the opposite and people who had lightish brown hair suddenly dye it really dark.

Agree! Although even with a good hairdresser it can be really difficult getting to a cool-toned blonde. Then requires a lot of careful upkeep (pigmented shampoos, toners, etc.). In my experience anyway!

Why on earth would anyone be 'scared' of grey hair? What a bizarre post.

Because OP, I don’t want to go grey. I no longer know what my real hair colour is, the darker colours I used to choose no longer suit me so I’ve gradually gone blonder.

I aim for a colour that suits me but can’t always be sure how my hair will react to a dye. Some brands work better than others but then manufacturers change their range and you have to start afresh.

Happy for you to think I’m mutton dressed as lamb but mostly I feel better not being grey. I’m not doing it because I’m menopausal. I don’t do Botox or fillers etc. I’ve some lines on my face, I don’t wear much makeup, but I dye it for me. One day I’ll have to stop but until then…

I think grey hair looks awful so I'm sure you're not all that, OP.

I only know a small number of 50+ women who look great with grey hair. Perhaps you’re one of them. Lucky you. For many of us grey hair is ageing and uncomfortable as it makes us feel we look old even if we’re not kidding anyone by dying our hair. But then kidding yourself can be important for improving one’s self-image. A 50 or 60 something can look great with dyed blonde hair (or pink hair for that matter). I have to say you come across as judgemental about other women’s choices. You seem confident about your choices. Good for you. But how about you stop criticising other women who are making different choices?

What’s it got to do with you if other women want to do that? Just because you want to have grey hair, don’t be judgey of those who don’t.

Well, you may or may not be aware that with menopause often comes the onset of female pattern baldness. I had no idea. I guess because it’s only in recent years women have felt confident enough to discuss the menopause in broad daylight.

anyway, speaking from someone who’s a natural brunette: I can see the top of my scalp so clearly in certain lights. I often wonder if dying it blonde might help with that.

again, only speaking for myself but perhaps some post menopausal women feel the same.

Maybe they think your gray hair looks awful

I guess OP thinks men can have whatever hair they want it’s only menopausal women who look hideous.

It wouldn't surprise me if the OP is a man tbh