"Menopausal blonde" hair - why do women do it?

[ISeriouslyDoubtIt]

Just been to lunch with a group of friends aged late fifties to early sixties whom I've known for decades. Of course we're all looking older, but none of us are the type of people who have Botox/fillers/tweakments, but we all wear some make up and at various times most have dyed their hair.
I'm a natural redhead but started to go grey in my thirties and then dyed my hair for 25 years till COVID when I grew it out and stayed white/grey, it looks fine and better than dyed red hair with an older face.
Several of the group have dark hair, brown eyes and olivey skin. All of them, as they got into their fifties, started dyeing their hair a yellowy blonde. Without fail it looks awful, it just doesn't suit their skin tones at all. They would look better if they just let the grey come through, or have it dyed a lighter brown.
I see so many women of a certain age with this generic blonde, on people that aren't naturally blonde it invariably looks wrong, why do they do it?

Don’t let it put you off. I’ve worn my grey hair natural for years. Before that I used to have blonde highlights. I’ve decided I’m going back to the blonde highlights because the grey is getting too white and I look washed out and tired. And I really liked my ‘blonde phase’ so I’m going to revisit it. :)

Good to know I had a blonde phase in my twenties but it was a lot of time and £££. Hopefully when I’m grey the dc will be independent and my disposable income will be mines again! Have you tried dying the hair that is white yet? I’ve heard it can be tricky to get the colour to take, my hair is very dark and I’ve skipped straight to some pure white hairs so they look obvious and out of place.

@Lovelysummerdays good question: I haven’t tried dyeing the white as yet but one of my sisters (who has as much white hair as me) has her hair dyed successfully - so fingers crossed. She has about 3 colours put through her hair - lowlights and highlights. It looks fabulous but it does cost a lot.

You're right it looks weird.

Just because she expressed an opinion/preference? That's a bit harsh. I actually agree with OP. I'm 50s, dark hair, dark eyes - there's no way on earth I'd pull off blonde hair to blend my greys. I'd look ridiculous. I'm a very nice person thank you very much.

I'm a natural blonde but have worn my hair dark since my late teens. Now in my 40s it still looks good but in my 50s I will let the blonde grow back and then go pinks and purples.
I will miss the dark as it's "me" but it does end up looking too harsh somehow

You could apply that to any thread on Mumsnet. "None of your business". OP has opened up a discussion that lots of people are happy to join in. What is it you want to happen here? For everyone to stop posting?

Only if that thread was about denigrating your friends' appearances and specifically linking that to the end of their reproductive years at around a certain age.

Surely the OP can't have reached the age she has without being able to work out that blonde hair is closer in colour to grey hair and therefore more likely to blend in with it. It's hardly rocket science.

I don't agree with a word you say but I'm not going to start berating you like other posters have to the OP. It's a discussion board. If people can't cope with other peoples opinions perhaps they should rethink being on this thread. No-one knows who the OPs friends are, they are unaware of this discussion, their feelings are not hurt. I don't take any offence about the posters saying dark hair looks ridiculous on women of a certain age. I'll just keep dying my hair...without having a tantrum.

Your berating would have very little impact. I will always challenge is casual ageism about women's appearances - and the fact that so many other posters also do the same is what makes MN a great place to be.

Oh - and absolutely keep dyeing your hair the colour you want and to hell with judgements from others. The OP's friends obviously feel the same.

She wasn't just expressing an opinion. She was making snarky remarks about her friends behind their backs and bigging herself up.

Goodness the op has really hit a nerve for some people.

I see the twat-mobile has been pinging to call like-minded to arms. Pathetic.

Yes, some people are fed up with casual ageism and criticism of women’s appearances (by other women sadly).

I'm olive skin and there's no way I'd go light brown or blonde. I dye my hair the same colour it naturally is.

People always without a doubt look a lot older with grey hair, they probably wonder why you don't dye yours at all, even if not red. One of my MIL's friends stopped dyeing her hair in her 60s recently, I was shocked when I saw her because she looked about 45-50 before, now she looks 75.

Op if your friends did originally have dark hair, have you considered that it's really hard to get dark hair blonde? Without using literally a bucket loads of bleach and toners it does go a yellow toned blonde. Which can't really be avoided. So assuming that half of their hairs are grey and half would be natural dark brown they almost don't have much choice to lighten the dark strands to a yellowy colour and then go lighter as more white hair comes in. Not everyone wants to bleach and tone their hair every 4 weeks so a box dye to lighten the dark hair to yellow blonde and blend in the greys is the easiest solution for most brunettes..
I've very dark almost black hair and am currently trying to go lighter and lighter to make the regrowth of grey less noticeable but it's really hard to get it right!

If you’re a redhead it will go white, and not grey. I stopped having mine coloured (typically blonde ish!) at 60. I love the natural colour and feel of it now, I’m 69, very salt and paprika. I do wash with a lightening shampoo, just to give highlights. I much prefer this natural look on anyone, compared to the dry brassy look of my contemporaries.

I'm a menopausal blonde and love it !!

Yep – I'm late 30s (so hardly ‘old’), and the few grey hairs I’ve had since late 20s have joined forces towards my temples to form light streaks either side of my face. I had blonde babylights recently for a while (not to do with greys, just fancied it), and now it’s grown out I notice how much older I look with the grey clusters (face the same!).

As many others have said, blonde blends better with grey at the roots too. Lighter tones are also less harsh against your skin as you gain years. Also – maybe they just like it?

Anyway OP, I think your attitude is really shitty and you sound derisory and dripping with internalised misogyny. (“menopausal blonde”)

Menopausal blonde- the misogyny!

Yep, it takes a lot of upkeep to tone lightened blonde hair and keep it away from brassy, yellowy shades! Whatever your age.

In case it’s helpful for anyone reading, if you have red tones in your natural hair colour (including shades of brown), a blue toner shampoo works better than a purple.

Shrine drops are also a really good home toner – great if you’re looking for a cooler blonde, toned grey, or other colours (and recommended by Sali Hughes).

I really don't know why women are so scared of going grey. Internalised misogyny I guess.

Yep, menopausal here is used in that very derisory tone familiar to anyone who has been using British English for longer than 5 mins.

If you hadn’t noticed that until very, very recently menopausal woman was used almost exclusively to disparage (unless the context was medical, possibly even still then according to some reports), then frankly you probably wouldn’t notice if Jim Davidson started squatting in your hallway.

Yup, this is me. I have blonde highlights rather than block colour as this softens the root regrowth when it comes through.
At the moment my roots are a combo of light brown, grey, silver and white, so the blonde highlights blend in with that lot.
I ain't ready to go grey yet, and it is very ageing, and I'm not ageing before I have to.😎

My thinning hair is only grey around my face, the back half of my head of hair has gone darker. It looks ridiculous so I have my hair streaked blonde to mix in the grey and to hide the fact my hair is so thin.