What to wear to an event with family drama likely?

[KatPurrson]

So this is a bit of an odd one. I have to go to a family will reading. I have no idea what to wear as I’ve never had to do this kind of thing before. It’s a solicitors office and it’s followed by a tea (as there wasn’t a funeral for various reasons).

I suppose the thing is partly the occasion and partly about who else will be there.

There are some older fairly judgemental family going to be there, who disapprove of my life choices. I think my main thing really is being able to feel confident whilst also feeling like myself. Wouldn’t rule out the possibility of high drama given some of the personalities involved. So I am looking for something between armpit and a safety blanket.

I am late forties, size 16 bust, size 14 hips. Long dark hair and suit warm, bright colours or black and white at a push. Knee length or long skirts/dresses, midi looks awful on me and not a big fan of trousers.

My best thought so far is something like a bias cut dress with a nice cropped cardigan but I have no idea really.

Brilliant idea.

But I am more of a KatPurrson and I don’t think my tuxie would consent to being dyed pink.

He has said he will let me pop his bow tie on though.

What a silly response.

Will readings are a plot device.

They are doing it for drama. It’s absolutely in character.

i don’t want to go but I also do.

Just don't go. Look after your own mental well-being. A will reading likely won't result in mended relationships. If you want a new outfit, just go and buy one and go for lunch with a lovely friend.

Bloody good for you. I know exactly how you feel and I hope you find something that makes you feel fabulous.

Have you seen The Gentlemen and Fool me Once on Netflix? Both had will readings. Might give you some sartorial inspo.

As I have said upthread, we do like the silliness. I was I think (misquoting) Chandler Bing. I think the original quote is possibly “well we are fond of the silliness”.

Anyway, people can use plot devices to create drama in their own lives. It’s very standard practice in my family- plot device, not a will reading.

You’d have to go a couple of generations back for a contentious will and a reading but they are there.

A dramatic wedding you would also have to go back two generations. At my great-uncle’s second wedding, his first wife turned up at the reception and told the new wife “he may have married you but he still loves me”. She had divorced him for his cheating.

She and the second wife sparred verbally first but then decided they had more in common than not. They retired to the bridal suite together, locking him out to the morning.

To be fair, his first wife was proven right when he died only seven days after she did, of a broken heart by his own admission. I have never seen anyone so overcome with emotion as my uncle (their son) at the second funeral. Especially as his second wife had left him (taking the kids) in the interim between the two funerals.

This kind of thing is why I’m not really that involved anymore. I married an accountant and my family disapproved because he is too boring for their liking. Well that and most of them being dead.

I know this all sounds very dramatic, but so far I’ve only mentioned what goes on on my mother’s side so far and haven’t even begun to go into the happenings with my father’s lot. And also it’s not that dramatic really for Scotland. Well, maybe a bit, but usually the law doesn’t get broken. Except for the illicit gambling.

@KatPurrson I can’t help on what to wear, but have you considered that the will may contain something nasty aimed at you? I don’t know if you are expecting a bequest (doesn’t sound likely from what you say?) so are you prepared for there to be some nasty dig like leaving you a risibly tiny amount of money or a piece of furniture they know you hate, or putting a condition on something, or just a statement as to why you didn’t get anything?

Is anyone going with you, if not to the reading then to the tea? You may find you put a lot of effort into this and even the best shoes won’t save you from additional intent to wound your feelings.

Oh god, it will not result in mended relationships. I do just want to see them again once and also have an element of feeling “Thank god I’m well out of this”.

OP, I started to suspect on page 1 but you’re really over-embellishing now. Current problems stemming from disagreements over the Spanish Civil War??

I’m sorry if you’ve experienced a family loss and there have been difficulties in your family relationships. Although you say somewhere that you’re a niece by marriage.

Totally get dressing as armour, but sounds like you’re more than capable of choosing something that will work.

Good luck with whatever this thread is really about.

No I haven’t but thank you I will give them a look.

I am very aware that is likely to at will happen. I’m kind of past that. But thank you so much for saying, it is very kind of you to warn me.

Well, personally I would go for structured, expensive clothes and shoes and very good grooming. Bulletproof. But that may not fit with your style and what would annoy them. Possibly structured and flamboyant clothes, e.g. a frock coat?

In terms of armour, I would go for long sleeves, and closed-toe shoes. I think exposed arms and toes can subliminally signal vulnerability. It's a power thing.

And also it’s not that dramatic really for Scotland.

Love this.

Tones of Mary Wesley !

my suggestion would be expensive, matching and colourful shoes and handbag. Furla maybe. With a more sombre dress.

Unfortunately if anything I am underplaying things rather than over embellishing.

I mean that basically the left wing side of the family and the right wing side of the family started really falling out in the 1920s and 1930s and the cracks have never really healed from then. People came to blows. Someone got married to sometime they met whilst in involved in the International Brigades (Republicans) and so that branch is very distinct from another.

Although to be honest I suspect it’s more about some of them having an authoritarian cast of mind and others not, which reflects in their political allegiances and then of course political tribalism kicks in too.

Politics is always a source of contention.

I can’t imagine that current political events (Trump, Putin, Israel/Gaza, Ukraine on the geopolitical stage and also culture war type stuff like LGBTQIA+) has already come up I. The brief telephone conversations I have had recently. As a way of sounding g out where I stand I suspect, or possibly just to get a rise out of me as my views have shifted any from when I was younger and I suspect they know that.

Power is major part of the thinking behind dressing in my family.

I’m almost thinking of heading int he opposite direction- as in being open and comfortable with my vulnerability shows more strength than trying to hide it?

But it’s true that this may be a misstep with my lot who may just see it as n invitation to attack.

And also it may be cold.

Oh, the last thing you want is to be cold. That would be really miserable and mess with your head even more.

Are you getting any money to offset this bullshit ?

Matching shoes and handbag does signal having it together. The only matching things I have at the moment are leopard print though, which would definitely ruffle some feathers.

I do like Furla. I had an orange, cream and gold baguette style bag but bowling ball style stitching in the 90s that I wish I still had.

And in terms of showing you're comfortable with yoir vulnerability... I think you would be speaking a (sartorial) language they don't understand.

It truly would.

i think I need to get a dress that could style with boots/coat if cold and cardigan/shoes if warmer.

Oh I very much doubt it. If I’m really lucky I might get a picture or something.

Fortunately I don’t need their money. It would be utter folly to go if I did.

Thank you. That is very wise and apt advice. I’ll have to try and get something that is at least bilingual (trilingual 💥).

Harriet Vane, you say?

That gives you a choice of
Decently subfusc georgette
Cloth of gold
Wine-coloured frock
Umm, white linen and pipeclay
Or
Prison overalls?