What to wear to an event with family drama likely?

[KatPurrson]

So this is a bit of an odd one. I have to go to a family will reading. I have no idea what to wear as I’ve never had to do this kind of thing before. It’s a solicitors office and it’s followed by a tea (as there wasn’t a funeral for various reasons).

I suppose the thing is partly the occasion and partly about who else will be there.

There are some older fairly judgemental family going to be there, who disapprove of my life choices. I think my main thing really is being able to feel confident whilst also feeling like myself. Wouldn’t rule out the possibility of high drama given some of the personalities involved. So I am looking for something between armpit and a safety blanket.

I am late forties, size 16 bust, size 14 hips. Long dark hair and suit warm, bright colours or black and white at a push. Knee length or long skirts/dresses, midi looks awful on me and not a big fan of trousers.

My best thought so far is something like a bias cut dress with a nice cropped cardigan but I have no idea really.

I mean you can't be talking about THAT much drama if a cropped cardi and dress can help deflect it

Dress as if you're going for afternoon tea as that'll be the nicest part, will reading sounds dull. Although there's never enough savoury items on an afternoon tea.

This might be the weirdest thread in s &b I’ve read over 21 years on mumsnet.

Oh, that’s a good shout. Like Debbie Jelkinsky in Addams Family Values. Which will wrong foot and confound them as usually I am a bit of a Wednesday. With a dash of Emily the Strange and a leaning to Jessica Day.

You know I really think you have hit on something here. I was already thinking that I should wear a cherry blossom scent as the room will otherwise be populated with heavy florientals.

I no longer work, but when I did it was usually a shift dress and a cashmere cardigan. That kind of shows how long it has been since I worked!

That kind of silhouette is possibility although navy makes me look like death.

I spotted this earlier which is kinda similar in shape/style.
https://www.ghost.co.uk/mia-green-crepe-knee-length-dress-d06g060-j10

That’s more the direction I’m headed.

With bonus points if they can’t put their finger on quite why they are huffy about it and they therefore can’t find the vocabulary to articulate why it is absolutely outrageous without sounding like an utterly unreasonable old buffer.

But we do like the silliness.

What would you wear if someone invited you to Traviata at Covent Garden? Wear an ever so slightly toned down version of that.

Thank you. Good point, grooming is key. Never be scared to draft in the professionals in times like these.

Damson Madder, Patagonia, Nudie, Ninety Percent, Balkan, Birkenstock and and a dash of the Putney for things like Isabel Marant.

I veer very casual these days since I moved to the country (Scottish Highlands in fact).

When I was working I did a lot of Paddy Campbell and Brora from eBay plus whatever I could rustle up from the charity shops in Belsize Park and surrounds.

I got a Burberry Prorsum tweed overcoat for £25
there once. Brand new, unworn, current season. There were actually two but it didn’t occur to me to get the navy one as well because navy makes me look like death. But I digress.

A lot of brands hire outfits now so you can wear something more expensive than usual.

How we dress does affect how others treat us.

Oh it’s definitely handbags at dawn. With a side order of emotional high dudgeon.

To be fair, it’s usually the shoes that do the heavy lifting of the deflecting with my family.

My mum successfully deflected drama at my auntie’s wedding with a pair of almond toed shoes she bought in Paris. She stopped off en route from Kenya to the wedding in Scotland.

I myself once partially stymied a potentially huge blow out with my mum over being unforgivably tardy for a coffee appointment through the fortunate accident of having worn a pair of Lulu Guinness point toes, kitten heeled slingbacks. They weren’t a practical choice for walking through the snow but I somehow knew I’d worn them for a reason. However I do concede they may have contributed to my tardiness.

I got those shoes on sale from Fenwicks in Newcastle, because I was working in Durham at the time. I was quite a snappy dresser then, so your user name has snapped me back into the right mindset.

I did once throw an afternoon tea at the library on Palace Green and now I’m worried it was too cake heavy. Oh dear.

Always found that a well chosen handbag was the best tack with some of the older college ladies now I come to think of it. I had a Paul Smith signature swirl cross body bag that caused quite an admiring stir with the alumnae of St Mary’s.

I’ll take that as a compliment.

The more I read this thread, the more I think you must wear an extremely large hat. With a veil ideally.

Fushia pink silk opera coat and something purple sprang to mind. I used to have a lovely coat like that.

I did consider a fushia pink bias cut maxi slip dress and orange crochet cardigan initially as a Voyage throwback as I think the fashion cycle has turned back to that. Although I fear it may be a touch unstructured.

After all, pink is the navy blue of India.

This dress is technically midi but I suspect will be maxi on me.
https://www.ghost.co.uk/isabella-pink-crepe-midi-dress-d06g061-h44#mz-expanded-view-1259717803210

https://www.anthropologie.com/en-gb/shop/by-anthropologie-open-stitch-floral-cardigan?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=080&searchparams=q%3Dorange%2520cardigan&type=REGULAR&quantity=1

Thank you.

That’s the spirit. Although I am too short to pull off a very wide brim.

Perhaps a jewel toned floral headband could create the same effect?

Now that I think about it, one with orchids would set the cat amongst the pigeons. My paternal great grandfather did breed rare orchids so it would be nailing my colours to the mast re allegiance to the other side of the family metaphorically speaking.

So orchids may have to feature somewhere. Roses could perform similar work, with a slightly different branch of the family though.

These people are getting on, this could be my last chance to experience the full drama in all its glory.

What an unpleasant thread.

Someone has died and you're preening yourself up to delight in a drama.

Felt kind of sorry for you with all your judgemental relatives until you made this comment - you sound no different to them.

I’m thinking that you should have great presence in the room - arrive like a boss rather than Debbie. I like the flamboyant/ formal suggestion from a pp.

this sort of thing perhaps

https://www.wolfandbadger.com/uk/fuchsia-coat-dress/?utm_source=google%2Cgoogle&utm_medium=cpc%2Ccpc&adgroupid=&utm_term=&utm_campaign=18057196750&utm_content=&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw3NyxBhBmEiwAyofDYamlwd3m_raSGeE_GI0FVr3FUSfrYz-MXypotQ0yY1lvMK9ttXraThoCXFQQAvD_BwE

Roman.co.uk have some pretty floral orchid print dresses.
Headband with veil and Birkenstock shoes with big, Queen Elizabeth style handbag.
My suggestions

You sound fabulous, can I be your friend?
Can you let us know how it played out, so intrigued now
😀

I am totally invested in this, regardless of what you wear!

Cream silk blouse
well cut trousers
tasteful earrings
good make up

will make you look put together and in control.

I’m sorry.

If it helps he was pretty nasty to me and absolutely awful to my mother, even on her deathbed. Literally.

And to be honest, getting caught up in this kind of thing will help me get through it. I can’t change any of it, god knows I tried, and I think I’d be as well go along with and enjoy it.

I haven’t seen any of them in over a decade, they refused to come to my wedding because they disapproved of my husband. They didn't tell me about my grandmother’s funeral when she died. I contacted them during the early days of the pandemic to see if they were ok and they never contacted me back. The executor had to contact me via my spouse’s workplace as they had thrown away my phone number and address.

And whilst a big part of me thinks I shouldn’t go, realistically this is the likely the last chance I will ever get to be in a room with any of my blood relations again.

And despite all the years of therapy and low or no contact and grey rocking, on a simple level I do really miss them and I would like to see them again out of some nostalgia and fondness from childhood.

They are the only family I’ve ever had. I desperately wish it wasn’t like this, but I cannot turn round the dynamics of a whole family on my own. I wish I didn’t care and that didn’t miss them. But I do. I wish I could go and be vulnerable and real and connect with them. But if I do it will be passive aggression and openly aggressive digs at my mother and at me and at my husband.

All this is a distraction from the real dynamics, which were pretty shocking and which my side of the family definitely bore the brunt of, being the poor church mice.

The person who died is also the person who arranged for this as he is the one who wrote his wishes for this reading and event after into the will. He knew exactly what he was doing.

So, yes, I do wish it was very, very different. But that isn’t my choice. I could choose not to go it is true. But I do want to see them again and I cannot help that. I have spent a lot of time and money and tears trying to change that.

If they had told me he was ill, I would have gone to see him. He was ill and blind and unable to walk for the last two years of his life. I also offered to go and see his wife immediately I heard but she refused.

For once, with my family, I’d rather be a pink orchid than a grey rock if that makes sense. They may hate me, and they may hate who I am. But I do want to see them one last time, and on my own terms as best as I can manage in the situation. And in a tale as old as time, that likely boils down to turning up well dressed.

When I read the title I thought cape for effective entrance and exit drama. Long. Maybe a bit Scottish Widows or Meleficent ISH.