Nobody likes my greying hair!

[Sidebeforeself]

Decided to embrace my natural grey ( for many reasons!) Im entering that really tricky stage where I have a big stripe so feeling self conscious but know I have to grin and bear it. But what’s not helping is how many negative comments Im getting from friends and family. Things like Im too young to do it (54) , it’s not professional for work etc. I know DH not keen .

I realise other opinions don’t matter but when I m feeling self conscious it would be nice to get a bit of support. Did anyone else experience this?

I'm not sure many uni-age boys think so, though. It would have been quite a weird look for me to be going to all-night raves in tiny t-shirts, with salt-and-pepper hair.

Fear of looking witchy? Just leave the pointy hat at home and you will be fine.

I wonder if men who go grey are told they look wizardy?

I think the "fear of looking witchy" is actually a fear of looking what you are-an ageing woman.

Maybe it was less noticeable than you thought, a couple of my uni friends also started going grey in their 20s and it wasn't that big a deal - in fact, it looked cool and unusual with their young faces. In the past couple of years, plenty of 20 somethings where I live have deliberately dyed their hair grey, or got grey streaks. It's probably not that great chemical-wise as it means bleaching it first, but as I said I think a young face with (well cut!) greying hair makes someone look interesting rather than old
https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/natural-grey-hair
https://www.byrdie.com/gray-hairstyles-4784078

Uncoloured it is in fabulous condition.

Using temporary toners (or true semi glazes or glosses) for fun does actually add a bit of volume I think. Someone asked about glazes; think my hairdresser uses a Wella or Redken product that has been around for years. He uses it with heat to increase longevity. They don't lift or stain and have a transclucent effect.

One of the bonuses of grey is that you can really play with temporary colour if you like that sort of fun. For DIY, Shrine colour drops are easy to use and can be mixed for custom effects. And their white blonde turns white hair chilly bright white, which amps up the contrast and dimension with remaining natural dark colour, which gives me dramatic streaks.

Beautiful and young are not actually synonyms. Hitching one's self-esteem to avoiding looking 'aged', or fearing being perceived as such, says such a lot about what women get approval for in our culture.

Grey hair can look great. White hair can look fabulous (when I grow up I want to be Christine Lagarde). Dyed hair can look great.

But there's no getting round it, two inches of grey at the roots of dyed hair is always going to look shit and indeed unprofessional whether on men or women. You've had some useful tips in this thread OP. Good luck with getting through the nightmare stage.

With such an array of fabulous hair colours and styles visible on people of all ages on every high street, why would grey hair in particular look 'interesting'?

PS. Isn't witchy a compliment?

Useful tips on this thread!

Because it is particularly subversive on the young, as it plays with powerful conventions (as this thread demonstrates).

I'm 41 and have been thinking of embracing my grey as I currently get only two weeks from hair dye before I have all grey roots showing. My husband is in complete support and says it will suit me but everyone else has responded in horror. Even my normally lovely mother in law who would never say anything has told me to wait another 20 years !

I will admit that any "younger" woman that looks really good with grey hair usually has it cut very well, is groomed and dresses well too. I think that if you were just firing it back in a bun with a tracksuit and no make up then I say it might age the best of us.

Doesn't seem to be holding Christine Lagarde back, does it?!

I've always thought she's terribly stylish.

Haven't RTWT, but I can identify strongly with your post. There is a stage in growing out your greys when you have to grit your teeth and bare it. Growing a thick skin helps too! I found FB groups helpful, I'm on "Curly Silvers", but if your hair isn't curly, I'm sure you'll find your tribe of women who are supportive of your decision & whose positive comments will help you through this stage. Good luck sticking to your guns!

Responding to
Putting it in a bun and not wearing make up would age the best of us

And heaven help that we might look our age ! We surely have a duty to avoid that ?

Good luck - other people's opinions are tough to deal with but I hope you'll be pleased in the end. If you want the stripe do be a bit less abrupt with your dyed hair, you could get some lowlights so it blends a bit better, and just get more frequent haircuts. It isn't really defeating the purpose as if your hairdresser is good enough you shouldn't need to do it after all your natural colour comes through

She meant to make us look older than we are. Not our age

Rather than going what I guess is a painful year or more of growing out why not have the dyed hair dyed grey? I’m assuming that the plan is to eventually gave the old colour cut out anyway.
When I see people of any ages with three or four inches of regrowth it never looks good.

Maybe because in general it is associated with ageing, and maybe people's faces looking older as well? When it's just a colour choice, it sort of resets expectations.

Yes this. All the comments of "oh my colleagues think I'm 10 years younger than I am" - HA! No they fucking don't. They are just playing the game and saying they guess younger to be safe.

You only have to go on Instagram to see some before and after pics of going grey and most of the women look absolutely amazing.

as long as it’s accompanied by a great cut then age is irrelevant, but all hair looks great when it’s well cut.

In my view, it's always polite to take at least 10 years off the age you estimate the person to be. I see it as a fairly harmless lie but it's probably why so many people claim they look 10 years younger than their actual age!

I agree, and who goes round asking all their colleagues how old they fhink they are. And if it does come up, of course you’re going to aim way younger and be complimentary. Stunned folks think it means they must actually look a decade younger. It’s very unlikely to be true.

generally people can very look good for their age, but still their age.

I think some women can carry off grey but it can be very ageing in most.

Andi macdowell has fabulous hair, and is generally expertly made up when photgrophed. But the fact she’s fab hair to start, styled very well by a hairdresser for any public events, it will also have had the colour tweaked, so lighter round the face etc, to ensure it’s as flattering as possible, doesn’t really mean everyone else looks like that.

I think with men because their hair is usually pretty short the greys look less jarring and in better condition.

I think highlights and cuting it shorter is the best way because it blends the old hair with the new so.

Grey hair is very aging by 20 years easily on most people but specially women because most women dye their hair in their 50s.

I used to fool for the fake shock when I told people my age, I actually believed it for years. I thought maybe I am a phenomenon who does actually look a good ten years younger!

It was only on a mumsnet thread that I read so many people were getting the same reaction that I thought hmmmm this could be baloney.

Now when I see a photo of myself and my friends who are a similar age I see myself as a mid 50’s woman.

I have only ever actually met one person in my life that did actually look considerably younger than she was. It was a friend of a friend, an American lady who had a very young slightly plump face and seemed very open minded and up for new experiences and loved to travel. I genuinely didn’t expect her to be 57.

What does 'ageing' mean though? Andie McDowell is 65, which is retirement age (rightly or wrongly), and has a beautiful face. She looks like she is - a gorgeous woman in her 60s

Do you mean people with grey hair look 20 years older than their biological age? Or that women who dye their hair look 20 years younger than their biological age? If you think that's a bad thing, then did you mean to be so insulting?