Nobody likes my greying hair!

[Sidebeforeself]

Decided to embrace my natural grey ( for many reasons!) Im entering that really tricky stage where I have a big stripe so feeling self conscious but know I have to grin and bear it. But what’s not helping is how many negative comments Im getting from friends and family. Things like Im too young to do it (54) , it’s not professional for work etc. I know DH not keen .

I realise other opinions don’t matter but when I m feeling self conscious it would be nice to get a bit of support. Did anyone else experience this?

Andi is thin and rich, with top stylists for her hair.. if you have grey hair but everything else looks young: skin, great hair qualituly, teeth, body..then fine you will look around your real age or cool with it. Most of us have average or below average appearance.

Andi's body gives 40s and her hair looks 70s but together she looks her age.

Do you remember that programme "How to look 10 years younger"? At the start they'd get the presenter to ask some random people, from a distance, "how old do you think that woman over there is?". Then at the end after a makeover they'd get the woman herself to ask some randoms face to face "how old do you think I am?"

Unsurprisingly the second answer was always at least ten years younger regardless of how good the makeover was.

What age are we meant to look? You could waste your entire adolescence worrying about not looking old enough then throughout adulthood spend vast amounts of money on products and trips to the salon trying to look younger again. What. Is. The. Point.

Insulting, plus blatantly untrue. Not dying my hair does not make me look 72 rather than 52 . Nor would dying it suddenly make me look 32. Through this thread I have learnt that I am witchy, haggard (because also slim) and considered past it at work.

Yes, she does, I’m not understanding your point, or maybe you’ve misunderstood mine, mine is andi macdowell is hardly representative of most women that age range. Or even most women.

she’s both slim and fit, expertly done up make up wise, her hair is fantasic naturally , and clearly managed by an expert hairdresser , the colour is very unlikely to be completely natural, but more likely to have dark and light grey hi/lowlights applied throughout.

most women don’t have all these things going for them at once. So I can’t understand the logic of using andi macdowell like she’s representative of all grey haired women, she is not. No more than Charlize Theron is representative of all blondes. Or Angelina jolie for brunettes.

picking a beautiful woman, who has her fabulous thick hair expertly managed and shouting.. see, she looks great, doesn’t make any point, as very few of us are running round looking like andi macdowell.

I think trying to look years younger than you actually are to "conform" with the societal view that women can't age is actually way more aging than embracing the changes that happen to us all and adapting accordingly. Badger stripe phase is the worst, if you can tie it back it might look less harsh than a solid center stripe. I bet you'll rock it when you are where you want it to be

@frostyfeet A good haircut and the right dye can definitely make a woman look younger by 5 or 10 years tops IMO but every woman I have seen with grey hair looks 20 years older and I don't think it's insulting to say so.
i'm 35 and letting my greys grow in and loving it. They are so far blending in nicely so I haven't got that shocking line between grey and coloured hair. The only thibg I hate is that some are growing in wirey. I know it will age me and I welcome it as I'm so over men and don't 'need' to look young or fashionable for work.

The point I was responding to was your statement that grey hair can be very 'ageing', and I asked what you meant by that. Not sure how asking a question is missing a point as it was a question not a statement.

Just as AMcD both looks her age and isn't representative of a lot of 65 year olds, gorgeous 25 year olds aren't representative of most 25 year olds either. 'Age' doesn't have to carry a negative value.

Well I'm 48, my hair is salt and pepper with a nice white swoosh in the front, and I definitely don't look 68! Even my (hypercritical, still dyeing her hair at 80) mum likes it. Twenty years seems a wild exaggeration.

@frostyfeet it could well be that you are one of those lucky ones that have very youthful other features and naturally a nice pattern of greying.
Do you not think it's ageing at all or do you think it can be aging just not by 20 years?

Grey hair is very aging by 20 years easily on most people

That would mean I look 82. I don't. I really don't. I look my age. Maybe even a little younger as I am lucky to have good skin.

I find this really odd. I let my dye grow out and am totally grey , I’m nearly 52. I work in a senior professional role. No one has said a word to me about it negatively nor would I expect them to. A few people who I’d not seen for ages did a double take but definitely no comments. Had a few positive ones. Who comments on peoples appearance? Have you sought out these opinions?

althiugh saying that no one has ever commented or offered an opinion on child rearing or breast feeding so perhaps it’s just my circle of friends and colleagues and I have no siblings or siblings in law.

I really don't know, I think since so many people have stopped dyeing their hair since COVID I'm almost adjusting my eyes and getting used to women just looking different - not better or worse, or older or younger. I genuinely don't really think of people looking older or younger, I'd be more likely to think of them looking tired or happy or relaxed or stylish. Maybe it's weird, but I think it's sort of sweet to see women not dye their hair and just go with it - often sort of shy but happy with themselves.

I make more of an effort with make up and clothes than I used to, not sure if that's connected with my hair or not, and I've been pleasantly surprised that people tell me I look really well - or even 'never seen you looking so well', I choose to presume they're not fibbing (!)

I think women my age and above (40s/50s/60s) have so much experience that I really value, and that has usually come with being alive longer/ageing.

I absolutely don't think of anyone who dyes their hair in a negative way, but I also don't think it's the key to youthfulness - or even appearing younger. I've had a few friends say 'oh I'm not brave enough to go grey' and yet they look their age, so I'm not sure where the fear is.

It is really odd that some women on here are so desperate to denigrate those of us who have chosen to ditch the dye.

I stopped dying my hair about ten years ago, I'm 36 now. To be fair I didn't have many grey hairs when I stopped dying my hair (maybe 5% grey), but I would say I'm about 30% grey now, mostly around my temples.

I actually get a lot of compliments, particularly from women my own age or younger, and over the last while some of my friends have also stopped dying their hair and said they got to confidence to do it cause they saw me not caring and also still looking nice.

I see comments from people saying that having grey hair ages people by 20 years, which I don't feel is accurate 😂 I think if you take care of your skin and dress your age in your own style, you're far less likely to get taken for someone much older.

This hadn't happened for a couple of years, but before Christmas I actually got ID'd buying a bottle of wine, and my grey hair was visible. Both myself and the cashier had a good laugh when I showed her my driving licence!

I think having grey hair is about having confidence in yourself and the ageing process.

Seconding the recommendation to read the book "Hags" by Victoria Smith.

I didn't know Andie Macdowell had gone grey and just googled her - she looks fucking amazing!!!

Never hear this about men do you? It's all silver fox....

Blimey, EVERY woman @HorseRaddisha has met with grey hair looks 20 years older? Because she asks every woman she meets their age, so knows this to be true obviously. Not weird at all.

Yes. Why be so bitchy about people who choose not to pour a load of toxic chemicals on their head at regular intervals in the usually mistaken belief it will make them look a different age? I feel sorry for those posters' delusion and ignorance in being so rude.

I don't think I've said "every" and the way I know they are much older is.because I knew their actual age.

We probably all smell of wee too, according to some posters.

Mumsnet is so lovely about older people.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/4995557-its-official-older-people-smell-different-from-age-40-upwards?reply=132602094&utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share&utm_source=copylink

To be fair, you actually said:

every woman I have seen with grey hair looks 20 years older and I don't think it's insulting to say so.

So not just every woman you’ve met, but every woman you’ve seen.

People should do what they want with their hair

what I find or is that so many on hair saying grey hair is best and dyed hair looks “awful” and “horrendous” especially against “ageing skin”…. So we must embrace the grey hair, yet fear tge horror of ageing skin? Bit of cognitive dissonance there?!

I am 50s and allergic to hair dye , currently about 5% grey and use a bit of brown henna so it blends in with the rest of my hair. Cheap, simple, no drama

it doesn’t have to be expensive (pack of £11 lasts me 2-3 months) nor very toxic/chemicals

it anyway, just do what you like

I have done the same as you, after years of 'do I, don't I' and the hair dyes no longer working as before. Very long story short, the only thing that worked in the end was having 3 sessions of monthly tiny bleach stripes put in, so that the rest of my hair (mid/dark brown) went closer to the emerging white/grey. I don't suit the bleach blonde, but it's definitely easier to grow out, is FAR less obvious and it's now starting to look bearable (about 3 inches of regrowth now)

@PuppyMonkey oops I have! Sorry.
Do you not think it's aging ?