Toasties hoping for a sale while sailing into Christmas

[Countmeout]

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What beauts!

It is, and she certainly looked lovely in it. She styled it very differently than I would but she did look great in it. But I am aware that my entire wardrobe is vulnerable to her ‘house sitting’ 😂

@PretLea I wore the green version of the tie neck cardigan over the weekend. I bought it in the summer and had put it away for autumn. I love this piece and plan to buy the blue striped version. I typically wear it tied but looks equally lovely untied too. It's not a piece I'd wear over a dress, so with skirts and trousers for me.

An archive sale might be coming as my wish list has gone crazy again, with some old seasons stock showing as available.

I'm wearing the teal lace yoke sweater today and blue seasalt asphodel cords.

@ilovecherries - 😂😂

@ilovecherries - I think you should do a full body search on your DD when she leaves 😁

Those socks are extremely tempting - still haven't got round to wearing my glittery ones yet as it's still warm enough (just) for no socks with trainers

It would be very nice if there were a mini sale coming up soon - especially if the drawstring dress pops up in it!

@Dee1224 - if you ever need a new piercing Astrid and Miyu are the best I've ever tried - way nicer and friendlier than much more expensive places. Also their jewellery is lovely

Lovely socks @Stoic123

It did look very nice in there @faustina !

That tank is calling me too @applecatchers36 . I think it would go with so much.

Very envious you’re still there @ilovecherries even it is only for a few more days. We seem to have been suddenly thrown into the depths of autumn here. All the summer stuff packed away.

Fabulous socks @Stoic123 .

@Stoic123 So hygge! Yes good point re: washing, I should do that. The thing is, I wfh 4 days a week and am a cold person so if they can help with that it’s a small price to pay. Also considering getting a heated throw this year.

Has anyone tried the Swedish stockings tights? I really like the look of them, just not sure on sizing because the reviews are a bit mixed.

Thanks @Noeggsontoast. I’m going to give the style a try, just hoping one from last season will pop up in the sale. Should there be one soon. That new blue stripe one is absolutely beautiful though.

@PretLea I can recommend the tie neck cardigan, mine is citrus green and quite thick. Really uplifting and unusual .
I’m also tempted by the cobalt striped version too.
@Stoic123 Those socks are the best , just a question of time …. Socks give so much pleasure why resist?

Sigh. I am struggling. I have been having a really tough time the last while, and while on a day to day basis life seems to be ticking along fine, there is a lot weighing on me. I have made the realisation that I have been using shopping as a distraction, or perhaps a numbing mechanism. In the last month or so, I have placed orders, and almost before receiving the order and trying the items on, I have already decided it will all be going back. Something about the excitement of placing and waiting for an order, but then the realisation that in reality a new shirt/sweater/dress is not really what I need to fix anything. I’m not sure why I am even blurting this all out here.
I just caught myself adding a bunch more things to my Toast basket, thinking that if I ordered them tonight, they would be here by the end of the week. Some of them are items I have previously tried (much earlier in the season), so obviously had a reason that they weren’t perfect enough to keep. Why am I trying them again? And why am I convinced that this next order will bring me joy?
Can anyone relate to any of this? Am I losing my mind?

@ScottishMouse I’ve been there - I had a full blown shopping addiction during a prolonged very stressful period in my life. Since I’ve been in a very different and much much better situation my obsessive shopping has pretty much stopped. I still love clothes but it’s a really different feeling now - I can apply some rationality to the shopping urges. There was a time, maybe 12-ish years ago when I would buy several pieces each week, it was a mania. I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. If it will be like this for a while, I wonder what some other mechanisms might help? I don’t want this to sound trite, but yoga has been (softly and steadily) life changing for me. Is a therapist an option? Looking back, I’m so sad for my former self and really wish I’d helped her more at the time. Sending you all the best.

@ScottishMouse I'm sorry things are tough.

It sounds like what we often dismiss as escapism, but which is more like reaching for a way out of a difficult situation, for respite, for hope. Perhaps fantasy Toast purchases are the better dressed, more affluent version of buying a lottery ticket :) When things feel difficult, it allows a brief escape, to daydream, yes, but also to recharge, which might in turn allow a spark of something different, better. Maybe. 🤗

Thanks guys, really appreciate you responding.
@Saurus72 , yoga has recently been not quite life changing but definitely impactful for me too. As has therapy. I’m doing all the right things for myself, but it’s taking some considerable time. Unfortunately, it is likely that what I’m dealing with is going to be there, in the background at least, forever. That’s what happens when you ignore it for 40+ years and it suddenly all catches up on you.
I am learning to be much kinder to myself, I just need to learn that shopping in this way is not the kindness I need.

@ScottishMouse sorry that you are going through a tough time. I can use shopping to self-sooth and/or fill a void. Of course, it isn't the answer but it's very normal behaviour and you are probably sharing here because we are unlikely to judge compulsive Toast purchasing.

Expensive socks aside, I've been much better the last 6 months.

What helped me was to list (on iPad notes) every single item of clothing (inc accessories) I've bought since March 2020, which is when I got more compulsive. I include things I've returned and note the price, what has happened to it (returned, sold, wear often, never worn etc) and how I feel about the purchase now. Doing this has calmed my frentic shopping quite a bit. I also maintain a full list of everything in my wardrobe.

I think it's the act of doing something with clothes other than buying them (rather than reminding me of failed purchases) that helps. The 'distraction' you refer to.

I've sold much more than I've bought recently and, oddly, as my wardrobe gets less cluttered I feel increasingly less urge to buy.

Sorry for the long winded response. Hope things ease up soon.

PS- realise the lists are another form of compulsion (but much cheaper!)

@ScottishMouse, you have my sympathy too, sorry things are tough.

Several years back there was a great thread, one of the no-spend ones. People were really exploring why they shopped. I was on it to stop mindless shopping behaviour. For me the struggle to not just nip into a shop when i had some free time, and to stop scrolling shop's wares online just to be shopping felt like withdrawal. I was appalled at how hard it was for me to stop doing that. Years on it's still something i have to keep on top of, and i have slipped a bit this year. Mine doesn't sound as bad as whatever you're dealing with but I've had a lot thrown at me and I've taken to calling this my existential crisis year, and I've had more of a "f*ck it" approah, but generally I've found limiting my shopping to toast sales to be really helpful as I can have a lot of fun but then I also still have to take big breaks in between. Also, i would tend to forget that i already own "the perfect thing", and i know that the new perfect thing won't be any different or better. Again, toast is really great for this as it's the best quality I've ever owned, so I really do have a wardrobe full of perfect things, and the time between sales helps me see that.

Anyway, I'm sure there's also something like a seratonin hit from shopping, and something about chasing the elusive thing that will make me better somehow.

Sorry to hear you are struggling @ScottishMouse I can empathise with the shopping situation as I’ve also used this as a prop in stressful times.
The urge for me is still there as whenever I feel overwhelmed with life I immediately look to buy something for myself, I’ve just got better at controlling it.

It’s good to hear some of the replies on this thread, understanding how others have dealt with similar situations is interesting.

@Stoic123 I’m a list person too - each year I record (in my iPhone notes app) each item of clothing/bags:shoes I buy, when and how much it cost. Then at the end of each year I add a star to things that are in frequent rotation. Agree, this is compulsive behaviour…I’ve found it really useful though in helping me analyse my behaviour- for example a few years ago I realised that pretty much everything I buy January-March and August I rarely wear, clearly because the shops have crap stock but I still want to buy ‘something’.

@Saurus72 - a fellow lister! Interesting seasonal pattern.

My lists have helped me identify that the Toast purchases I most regret are bought in store (people pleasing the shop assistant and I'm just more discerning when leisurely trying on at home).

Also, that, despite being drawn to them, I always seem to regret buying boxy jackets, skirts and jumpsuits.

Thankfully the pricing at Toast isn't particularly over the top, say in comparison to many other establishments. Not so much an 'affluent' version of a lottery ticket, as a comforting, ready packaged aesthetic to crawl into...and yet far less rewarding than a hefty euro-millions jackpot!

I believe a great deal of profit accrued from women's clothing/beauty sales simply thrives on escapism, it can be a harsh world out there, and there's nothing quite like the allure of lovely textiles to soothe during troubled times.

That said, whenever I have the audacity to compile a list of any sort, it will guarantee most of those items will sell out within 48 hours!

You are such a lovely supportive lot! I’m feeling a lot of love reading these responses to my post this morning.
@Stoic123 and @Saurus72 I am also a list maker. Lists of all sorts, but I have never done this with clothes. That alone might make me stop this behaviour as it would be pretty time consuming!
very interesting point about the regrets being what you bought in store @Stoic123. I definitely also have that people pleasing tendency going on when in a shop as opposed to online. I live so close to the Toast shop here that I can easily just pop in on my way to or from work/supermarket/wherever else. I am going to try to stop doing that, it definitely doesn’t help.
This morning I am still looking longingly at my basket. There are some things I have tried before in it, though I think I didn’t buy/keep them at the time as I wanted something else more. One or two would fill wardrobe holes, so probably are worth trying again at some point. And a couple I have never tried.
I have sold quite a bit recently, and generally keep a very small wardrobe, so I don’t feel there is an issue of excess at all, it’s just the compulsion that bothers me. Maybe I will try to make a list (!) of wardrobe holes and only shop to fill those.
This is long-winded, sorry. But thank you all, this is such a great wee corner of the internet.

@ScottishMouse so sorry to hear you are having a difficult time.

@ScottishMouse I have no wisdom to add but much empathy and 'definitely me too'ness especially at the moment. It feels especially tricky to tackle because like you I don't have the biggest wardrobe and return/sell things readily so the excess is less physically obvious but the dopamine-chasing is starting to feel like a trap or slippery slope or possibly a slope leading to a trapdoor to who knows where.... 🎃
example: I am preoccupied with thoughts of the SM-price velvet pinafore @Dee1224 kindly mentioned. Even though a dryclean-only day dress makes exactly 0 sense in my life. It would fill no wardrobe gaps and the idea of not being able to slap on a label and send it back in case of QC issues is appalling. And yet.

Ahem, trying to channel more time/energy into other hobbies at the moment (though sobering to note how much 'shopping' seems to be involved in my approach to those too) but part of me also thinks as @dudsville or @Tsukiko write that it's a dark world and a bit of frivolous escapism is actually quite essential.
I too am going to start making lists though (with my neglected fountain pens and many inks). Thank you for starting the discussion and everyone for sharing ❤

Joining the discussion started by @ScottishMouse , I’m so sorry that you’re going through a horrible time , online shopping is so pleasurable but as you say , a slippery slope. It could be a much worse addiction though , and having interest and pride in how we present to the world is a positive sign .
I often shop online but don’t go through checkout, because I need a week or two to brew. During that time I often go off things .
I’ve had a lifelong interest in and love of clothes, and as a student accrued a massive overdraft which took years to clear. I wasn’t a ditherer then , nor ever returned things ,I got huge joy from them all.
The years have sapped that immediate joy , I often have second thoughts and the perfect item is always round the corner needing to be searched for.
I still love the search, and I do like the fact that now the resale market is so easy for rectifying mistakes and acquiring ‘bargains’

Sorry things are difficult @ScottishMouse .

I think many of us can be emotional shoppers. It’s difficult to get on top of.
like @OftenOrange I have started to leave things in my basket and then see how I feel about them in a few days/weeks. Quite often I am then able to focus more clearly on what I actually want/ need.