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Original poster

Help Please: White dress for a funeral

134 replies

Eastie77Returns · 09/09/2023 17:30

I'm losing my mind. I need to find a white dress for a funeral (late relative's request, all immediate family must wear this colour) and I've been looking for days.

Most of what I've found so far is too short, partywear or out of budget. As this is something I'm unlikely to wear again - white dresses do not really suit me - I do not want to pay more than £100. The only appropriate stuff I've found so far has been the likes of All Saints or Karen Millen which are far above the budget.

At this point the only dress I've found that I like is this. Be honest, does this look appropriate as I sent it to a relative and she bluntly said I look like I'm going to get married:-
https://www.debenhams.com/product/coast-rose-stretch-lace-v-neck-midi-dress_bcc05561

Alternatively, really like this but worried what 'Pearl' looks like in real life. Is that an off white?
https://www.johnlewis.com/jolie-moi-rashelle-jersey-maxi-dress/pearl/p110318308?deepLink=false

OP posts:
Thread gallery
18
Flyinggeesei234 · 11/09/2023 17:04

MsRosley · 11/09/2023 15:23

Imagine dictating what people can wear to your funeral!

Show quote history

It’s not unheard of. Why are people being rude about OP’s deceased relative?!

This is S&B not AIBU.

mumwon · 11/09/2023 19:50

We use to wear mantillas to church when i was very young could you wear a straw hat with a wide ribbon?

Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 11/09/2023 23:00

AlvaLane · 11/09/2023 09:12

I wish PP’s would read the OP’s updates before posting….🤷‍♀️

As you've purchased your dress from Vinted ( hooray for a bargain) - what about shoes from there too. Again, they don't have to be second hand.

I bought a pair of white Ballerinas for DD on Vinted but no luck finding anything for me so far.

Got these for DS. He was happy with them until DD teased him and said they look like grandad slippers. He burst into tears and is now refusing to wear them🙄

https://www.mandmdirect.com/01/details/OL30403?istCompanyId=9f9ff470-bcac-401b-814f-8f12edbd3b8b&istFeedId=d66f05e8-0145-4833-93eb-995bd3c15e0b&istItemId=rmrwrxamp&istBid=t&&&gclid=Cj0KCQjw9fqnBhDSARIsAHlcQYTVgjnEWhCV1Y67M6ULzYANhAim29ltDWkF5N9UKqe_e21mT2u-T6IaAutcEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

OP posts:
ghislaine · 11/09/2023 23:11

Would these work with your dress or do you need something more formal?
white ballerina flats

MamasnotPapas · 12/09/2023 10:08

I think the white one will be fine , it’s smart and respectful and white . Job done .Just my opinion .

MamasnotPapas · 12/09/2023 10:12

Good to see that you are sorted .

bridgetreilly · 12/09/2023 13:17

OP has mentioned a Church, mentioned needing a hat, mentioned not being allowed to wear trousers.
Are you in the UK, OP ?

There are plenty of churches in the Highlands and Islands where that would be normal.

Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 13/09/2023 15:15

Unfortunately the Pretty Little Things dress did not work out for me. The zip only goes halfway up my back and then it seems I’m too broad up top. Bugger. I also looked someone from the Victorian age in it but that is by the by, I would have worn it if it fit as I’m going to look ridiculous anyway dressed head to toe in white.

Im waiting for the Vinted dress but the seller still hasn’t sent it:(

I’m going to work my way through some of the other suggestions on the thread.

To top it off I found out yesterday that the deceased has made me executor of their will which is completely unexpected. I have to sign a letter before the will can be released but can only do it in person at a solicitor’s office which is an hour away. I’m so fed up. I did not get on with this person when they were alive and it feels as if they are annoying me from the grave!! (well mortuary, not buried yet!)

OP posts:
whatwasIgoingtosay · 13/09/2023 15:24

Sorry about the dresses, OLP and good luck with finding another. You can just refuse to be an executor if you wish. There's no compulsion and it's a lot of work for no reward whatever. But you need to do it BEFORE you make any kind of start on getting probate. https://www.iwcprobateservices.co.uk/blog/can-you-refuse-to-be-an-executor/

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 13/09/2023 16:38

How annoying on all fronts, Eastie. I agree with the advice about refusing the executor role. Is there another obvious candidate who could take over?

As for dresses, I am not a S&B regular, but there are a lot of white dresses on Shein at incredibly cheap prices. Might they be any good?

Galatine · 13/09/2023 18:43

I think you can refuse to act as an executor if you wish. The solicitor could advise you.

MsRosley · 14/09/2023 08:41

Having had some recent bad experiences, I wouldn't agree to be an executor ever again. It's a lot of work, unpaid, and if you do something wrong you can be taken to court and be held personally liable for any financial impact on a beneficiary.

Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 14/09/2023 17:39

DD’s white dress arrived from Vinted and thankfully it is perfect. Lovely fit and she is very happy with it as she can twirl in the lace and thinks she’s a ballerina. Very fortunate to get new with tags for just £5!

Still waiting for my Vinted dress, apparently arriving tomorrow…

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g I’ve been trying to avoid Shein as it has such a dodgy reputation for it’s awful treatment of workers in China. Although I don’t think many of the high street stores cover themselves in glory in that respect as they all seem to directly or indirectly make use of sweatshop labour.

@AliasGrape really liked the M&S Broderie dress but it’s now sold out:(

@MsRosley no-one else in the family wants to be executor so seems I’m stuck with it. I will ask the solicitor what the options are. Everyone seems anxious about what’s in the will, the deceased was a very tricky character. No idea why they chose me as we did not get on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 14/09/2023 17:54

I’m going for this one. I’m worried the Vinted dress isn’t going to work out so I’m ordering this as a second attempt at a back up.

I don’t love it but only have to wear it for a few hours so I can always return

https://www.next.co.uk/style/LS356513/K41751?dp=a&dndl=1&gbraid=0AAAAADm_5UVGyxtd-dbRfGy6L1-BNs8it&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI75OCkceqgQMVBoBQBh3bYgkhEAQYASABEgIIlPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#K41751

Buy Friends Like These Broderie Sweetheart Ruched Neck 3D Puff Sleeve Midi Dress from the Next UK online shop

Shop for Friends Like These Broderie Sweetheart Ruched Neck 3D Puff Sleeve Midi Dress at Next.co.uk. Next day delivery and free returns to store. 1000s of products online. Buy Friends Like These Broderie Sweetheart Ruched Neck 3D Puff Sleeve Midi Dress...

https://www.next.co.uk/style/LS356513/K41751?dp=a&dndl=1&gbraid=0AAAAADm_5UVGyxtd-dbRfGy6L1-BNs8it&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI75OCkceqgQMVBoBQBh3bYgkhEAQYASABEgIIlPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#K41751

OP posts:
ghislaine · 14/09/2023 18:09

Given that you didn’t get on, perhaps you’ve been chosen as executor because you’re not a beneficiary? The deceased might have thought you were a neutral option.

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 14/09/2023 18:47

Don’t be an executor because no-one else wants to. It is a lot of work and stress with no thanks.

whatwasIgoingtosay · 14/09/2023 19:25

It doesn't matter if no one else in the family wants to be executor, you're still not obliged to do it. You/the family can appoint a probate solicitor to do the job professionally. Their fees will come out of the estate, of course, but that's not your problem. Being an executor is a great deal of work - sometimes months and months of work - for no reward. I would certainly never do it for anyone.

NatashaDancing · 14/09/2023 21:13

Eastie77Returns · 14/09/2023 17:39

DD’s white dress arrived from Vinted and thankfully it is perfect. Lovely fit and she is very happy with it as she can twirl in the lace and thinks she’s a ballerina. Very fortunate to get new with tags for just £5!

Still waiting for my Vinted dress, apparently arriving tomorrow…

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g I’ve been trying to avoid Shein as it has such a dodgy reputation for it’s awful treatment of workers in China. Although I don’t think many of the high street stores cover themselves in glory in that respect as they all seem to directly or indirectly make use of sweatshop labour.

@AliasGrape really liked the M&S Broderie dress but it’s now sold out:(

@MsRosley no-one else in the family wants to be executor so seems I’m stuck with it. I will ask the solicitor what the options are. Everyone seems anxious about what’s in the will, the deceased was a very tricky character. No idea why they chose me as we did not get on.

You are not stuck with it. No one can be forced to be an Executor. Plenty of executors refuse.

I'm a private client solicitor. I personally wouldn't accept appointment as an Executor for anyone other than my husband or brother unless it was in my professional capacity as a solicitor with the protection of my professional indemnity insurance. I wouldn't ever accept an appointment as the sole executor.

NatashaDancing · 14/09/2023 21:14

whatwasIgoingtosay · 14/09/2023 19:25

It doesn't matter if no one else in the family wants to be executor, you're still not obliged to do it. You/the family can appoint a probate solicitor to do the job professionally. Their fees will come out of the estate, of course, but that's not your problem. Being an executor is a great deal of work - sometimes months and months of work - for no reward. I would certainly never do it for anyone.

If there is anything of value in the estate you'll need a solicitor anyway.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 14/09/2023 21:47

If there is anything of value in the estate you'll need a solicitor anyway.

Genuine question - why is that? I can see the need for a solicitor if the executor has to sell a house or plot of land, but why else would they be needed for a non-contentious estate?