Help me find my style

[justlass]

I've just seen a photo of myself today and I'm horrified! I know I'm overweight, I'm size 16, no waist, apple shaped, large tummy, legs ok ish, but big calves I guess, size 34/36ff or g bra size, dark below shoulders curly hair, brown eyes, 5 foot 7.

I tend to wear jeans with vest tops and cardigan in summer and jeans with quite long hoodies or jumpers in winter, with either Converse or ankle boots.

I thought I looked ok until I saw the photos. I'll try and attach one. My stomach looks huge, I look scruffy.

I tend to buy things off eBay or Vinted because I'm on a very low budget, the disadvantage is of course that sometimes clothes are too small or awful condition etc.

I don't have many stores nearby, so mainly shop online. I can't get to John Lewis or Debenhams for a consultation about what suits me and I can't afford to have my colours done.

I've tried looking at influencers, but can't find anyone who wears the sort of clothes I wear. I don't need going out clothes or work clothes, just casual wear. Plus they're all slimmer or larger.

Any ideas or advice? Just been feeling really down about myself recently and feel I need to change something but want to still feel comfortable.

I like the shape and colour of the teal one and it will look much neater than the black one
Snap it up quickly!
I buy all my tops/ t shirts on Vinted I've had such good bargains

Perhaps a more drapy top would look nice
There's another post with recommendations for these

Ah ok, I've been trying to stay away from drapey because I thought it would make me look bigger because of my bra size!

What sort of drapey do you mean?

I’m also this shape. Definitely do turn ups on those jeans. With apple shapes, if jeans are to fit at the waist, they will be too big in the hip and leg and just look baggy and grim. I would try the Lilly slim jeans as on you they may be just the right amount of loose. Buy wide leg trousers with an elasticated waist in a 14, or they will be comedy wide on the thighs. Never wear something loose on top and bottom. I understand that you love it , but that cardi is a bit sad. Maybe if you reshaped it when wet, and wore it with a tighter top and better fitting jeans? The bag looks like armour, bags are practical but they can also be fun. I’m mainly using a bright pink cotton tote with elephants for summer. The arm holes are big and the straps are wide, it doesn’t slip off my shoulder at all., and sits below my hip.I got it in a charity shop for £2.00.
M&S do a good minimiser in their Rosie range. I also think you should wear more colour. You are actually gorgeous.

Drapy which is flowy but not shapeless
Your vest top looks a little clingy and doesn't do you justice
You could wear the vest or a camisole type top underneath your linen shirt with slim fit Jeans
I think a recommendation for a drapy top was Uniqlo

I wouldn't wear a crew neck on its own - just as an underlayer and I usually shop around to make sure the neck isn't too high (uniqlo are good for this - I usually wear a small or a children's 13+ in order to get the right level of skininess so that is doesn't bump up under my jumper. I wear a bit like this but I usually wear a v neck jumper rather than a cardigan
https://www.woolovers.com/womens/cardigan/womens-cashmere-merino-classic-v-neck-cardigan-willow-15706?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIz6rshc7DgAMVD4RoCR2edg_DEAkYBiABEgL8hfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

In the summer I'll wear a t shirt or a vest under a top like this one which works like a light weight jumper https://www.crewclothing.co.uk/womens/clothing-and-accessories/womens-tops-and-tshirts/perfect-v-neck-slub-tshirt-blue-wre031/?glCountry=GB&glCurrency=GBP&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIo_f8kMzDgAMVTodQBh3PuwMSEAQYBCABEgL10PD_BwE#fo_c=2679&fo_k=a67cb0156313074466d9392db74b765d&fo_s=gplauk

In winter I do wear shorter skirts/dresses with long boots - I usually buy wide fit from M&S and Evans do some too. Also a cropped trouser looks smart with a pair of long stretchy sock boots underneath. This sort of look - as the boots are elastic/soft fabric the width is less of an issue and the wide leg makes my calves look slimmer. https://www.bayareafashionista.com/2016/01/20/culottes-for-winter/culottes-and-boots-for-winter/

I'm touched by the lovely comments. I was having such a bad day yesterday, disliking myself so much, and you've all made me feel so much better 🥰

I thought a tight fitting vest top would make me look slimmer 😂 I've obviously not got a clue 😣

If I wear it under my linen shirt do I leave the shirt undone?

Would it be possible to post a photo of an example of the sort of drapey fitted top?

I actually went for the raspberry pink leather bag, but will now look for a tote bag.

Wear the dress unbuttoned over a round necked vest to avoid the "gape". I tend to go for zips rather than buttons though to avoid the issue. Like this - can open it as far as is seemly....

https://www.jigsaw-online.com/products/linen-zip-front-dress-taupe

Love your nail varnish OP😊

I think the vest top looks fine - possibly could be a little longer .

I would say fitted/ slim jeans (a bit shorter) with an open shirt or blazer

Wide legged trousers with a shorter jacket eg denim/biker

So you have a balanced silhouette.

Thanks. I'm bidding on some slim M&S Lily jeans on Ebay. I'm still looking at blazers and struggling to find something suitable, something fitted but casual.

Thanks, turquoise/teal is my favourite colour. I treated myself to gel nails for the first time 😀

You say you have a lovely shirt dress, but it gapes? Have you tried it in with a fitted vest top underneath, and wear it with a few buttons open so it doesn’t gape? Alternatively is the bigger size too big everywhere else or would it look nice just baggier? I wear my shirt dresses with chunky pumps/converse in summer and opaque tights and ankle boots in winter. Good luck and hope you find your style soon xx

It's from a charity shop so not available in another size. I'm not sure if it'll work with buttons open but I'm definitely going to try it!

I'm similar proportions to you, OP. I find a looser t-shirt strategically tucked ( e.g. French tucked) is the most forgiving to my waist. Esprit are good for t-shirts, I find their fabric good quality/weight. I've ordered this in the sale.
https://www.esprit.co.uk/p/viscose-t-shirt-with-a-wide-round-neckline-033EE1K338_560.html#cgid=sale_1115

I have a slim-ankle-shapely-calf combo and find the midaxi length works really well in dresses. If you’re tempted to go the dress route a V neckline would look lovely on you. This came to mind (just a suggestion for style)

https://liveunlimitedlondon.com/products/green-linen-knot-midi-dress?_pos=3&_sid=608f85b1c&_ss=r

As others have suggested, the jeans in the pic would look heaps better cuffed and showing a little ankle!

It will take a while to build up a new wardrobe. As a quick fix, maybe play around with clothes you already have (different ways of tucking, e.g. your jeans!) and accessorising - elevate what you already have.
As a starting point, find a necklace, or something else, in a colour you really love. Asda are good for inexpensive bits and pieces.

Enjoy the process OP and don't be hard on yourself!

Oh I actually love the green dress and that's the first time I've seen something I really like today. I mean, it's way out of my price bracket, but it's great 😂

I kind of know what colours I like, mainly jewel colours like bright pink, turquoise, purple, red. I have a pretty necklace I'll start to wear more, I've attached a photo but you can't see much I know, anyway it's sort of red, pink and lilac beads. I've ordered a pink bag on Vinted too. I'm bidding on some slim jeans on eBay too.

I quite like this blazer, although it's more than I'd want to spend on ebay.

Thoughts?

Also this one - although it reminds me of a jacket I wore when I was 16!

Do not buy that jacket @justlass!

Step away from ebay and Vinted until you've got a good idea about where you're going. You have said your budget is limited. Don't waste it on punts!

Right, I'm not going to tell you what to buy or wear. That's not going to help you. I really think the first and most important step when trying to dress oneself is to ask why?

Why do you want to look 'good'? What does 'good' even mean to you? Why are you doing this?

So much 'style advice' on the interwebs is about 'dressing for your shape' and 'flattering', and if you just want to look OK and fine and generally better, brilliant. Fill your boots.

However, if you want to have a conversation with yourself about who you want to be and really express yourself and feel brilliant about who you actually are, that is a great thing and to truly tap into that, it's very freeing, very empowering, it's a very good thing.

I just feel and see that much styling advice is very apologetic, I don't want women to apologise for their bodies, I don't want you to feel ok. I want you to feel amazing.

That bloody video linked felt like Joan and Jerrica styling.

I often think clothes is not about what you wear, but how you wear it.

So, I often say, don't spend money on clothes, spend money on therapy, like yourself first.

Everything else is just window dressing.

Your shirt buttons are gaping in all likelihood because the manufacturers placed the buttons in the wrong place - they will be above and below the bust rather than in the middle. You may be able to attach a small press stud on the placket to solve it. If you find a good seamstress they will resolve a lot of fit problems and can re-work items. I think it’s a mistake to buy items without working out a plan first but at least check the measurements with the vendors on Vinted / eBay because half the items will not fit otherwise.

That first jacket is very like your cardigan, only worse, as it will not drape. It has no shape at all and will make you look square. The second one is slightly better in shape, but will be too big and has weird lapels. Please don’t . I wore a lot of baggy clothes when I was younger, in order to deflect attention. I wonder if you do too?
All bodies are beautiful, but yours is particularly so. I’m not suggesting that you get your tits out, but that you buy clothes that follow the shape of you.
Your vest top fits you well, but could be a bit longer. Your cardigan and jeans don’t. Wear clothes that are comfortable, and fit. Your belly isn’t huge, it’s a pleasant little curve. T shirt dresses will look great on you, wear your linen shirt over them. I think you can learn to enjoy your clothes. And your body.

I think another poster commented that jeans can be difficult if you are comparatively wide round your middle, as you may size up for comfort but then they bag round the legs . My body has changed shape through the menopause and the jeans that looked good when I was younger, don't so much now .

As well as the wide legs discussed, when looking for a slimmer silhouette on your bottom half you could look at slim leg joggers, or a straight fitting midi length skirt as an alternative to jeans.

I think you may need to do a bit of trying on rather than ordering via eBay/vinted and hoping for the best, definitely in terms of things like trousers and jackets .

Thank you 😊 You're probably right, I've had years of therapy and it hasn't helped 😂 I still need to wear clothes though, just trying to get a bit better about myself. A lot of conflicting advice though.

Right, I've stepped away from the jackets! I can see that they still weren't fitted.

I have however bought a pair of M&S Lily slim jeans on Vinted, if they don't fit I know they'll sell again.

Most of the vest tops I have are quite long, so I'm surprised some of you are saying they're too short, maybe it had just ridden up or maybe that was one of the shorter ones.

I do have a couple of straight ish denim and jersey skirts that I like to wear, from Weird Fish (Vinted).

I sometimes wear Tshirt dresses in winter with thick tights, I just struggle to find them with the right neckline.

I often try on blazers in charity shops - men's and women's. It's really helpful for seeing what works. I agree you really need to see them on before you buy. I saw a woman out last night who made me think of this post - she had just your shape, OP, and looked great. She was wearing wide-leg black trousers slightly cropped with trainers, a long v-neck cream top and a long olive-coloured jacket that had a strong, unusual parka style.

It's very difficult for me to try things on unless I order them online and even then I don't have a full length mirror 😳 There are no good shops nearby and I don't go to the nearest city, just too far away.

Apart from knowing that the clothes in the photo aren't doing me any favours and that I need wide legged or slim jeans, I'm confused really. I'll have a look on the Next and M&S websites.