Help me find my style

[justlass]

I've just seen a photo of myself today and I'm horrified! I know I'm overweight, I'm size 16, no waist, apple shaped, large tummy, legs ok ish, but big calves I guess, size 34/36ff or g bra size, dark below shoulders curly hair, brown eyes, 5 foot 7.

I tend to wear jeans with vest tops and cardigan in summer and jeans with quite long hoodies or jumpers in winter, with either Converse or ankle boots.

I thought I looked ok until I saw the photos. I'll try and attach one. My stomach looks huge, I look scruffy.

I tend to buy things off eBay or Vinted because I'm on a very low budget, the disadvantage is of course that sometimes clothes are too small or awful condition etc.

I don't have many stores nearby, so mainly shop online. I can't get to John Lewis or Debenhams for a consultation about what suits me and I can't afford to have my colours done.

I've tried looking at influencers, but can't find anyone who wears the sort of clothes I wear. I don't need going out clothes or work clothes, just casual wear. Plus they're all slimmer or larger.

Any ideas or advice? Just been feeling really down about myself recently and feel I need to change something but want to still feel comfortable.

I've got the same tendency to wear too many dark neutrals together, OP. I bought a few white things - linen shirt, cotton shirt, 2 T-shirts (H&M, Zara, Uniqlo) - and it makes everything look better. Agree also on your cross body bag as too heavy & dark for summer. There are quite a few Italian leather ones on Amazon in different colours - I bought an orangey-tan one which works for me.

OP if you don’t like ditsy prints/ruffles etc. definitely do the Kibbe quiz - it will guide you to more classic/structured shapes that will suit your body shape and how you want to feel in your clothes.

I did an online styling session with John Lewis and the stylist sent me the photos of al the outfits so I can recreate them and no pressure to buy anything.
I also watch Mellissa Murrel on you tube, she is a stylist and has great videos for all shapes and sizes. Some of the outfits I find a bit much for everyday just popping to the shops but gives ideas.

I second you have a great figure. You just need to try on a variety of different options and choose the ones u feel great in. Then keep those shapes in mind when buying new items.

Loving all the replies and suggestions, thanks so much.

I am definitely being pushed out of my comfort zone and feeling a bit overwhelmed, but will try to make some small changes bit by bit. So I'm thinking of I try turning up the jeans so they don't puddle, look for a structured jacket and a bigger necklace, that might be a good start? I tend to only wear delicate sterling silver jewellery, so struggle with bolder jewellery, any suggestions about styles?

Thank you also for the kind comments about my figure 🥰

No, you’re on the money about finer jewellery - that’s more current - chunkier statement necklaces can look dated.
Try layering fine necklaces - so 2 or 3 different lengths together with a v neck can look sexy. If silver suits you better you’re a Winter?

I don't know if it suits me better, it's just cheaper and I like the way it looks, mind, I like gold too 😂

I have a white linen shirt from M&S, I just don't know how to wear it! Buttoned up? It's 16, long and loose. Or open over a vest?

You're a good height and women I know who are tall with your shape always pull off a maxi dress well.

Dungarees are a good shout. I'm petite with a belly and I have a loose but fitted linen pair that are flattering. Give them a try. Ime drapy fabrics or linen work better than stiff denim which makes me look pregnant.

I've seen some bags I like on Vinted .. opinions? 😀

I prefer the blue one as more of a summer colour.
I wear my white linen shirt open, sleeves rolled up over a vest top or a jersey jumpsuit I have.
Can you replace the open shirt in the outfits when you would normally wear a cardigan?

Some nice ideas here. Where the models show flesh at their waist I'd go for a vest or half tuck & belt to show my waist instead.

I like the blue Vinted bag. Very summery!

@justlass - I'm a similar shape to you - identical bust and big shoulders and I have to say a lot of the advice here is dreadful. (And the misery of big calves from running - makes buying boots a nightmare)

I'd advise never wearing a crossbody bag between the boobs if you can help it as it just emphasizes how big they are - if I have a bag on a strap it goes over one shoulder the rest of the time I either carry a long handled tote over one shoulder or use a backpack.

For your top half I'd recommend wearing a v neck as it elongates the neck, slims the bust and looks less "wenchy". I wear mine over a tight fitting crew neck vest or t shirt (Tu or F&F are fine for these but you may well need to drop down a couple of sizes to get a tight fit). In winter I wear a deep coloured v neck jumper that isn't too baggy (anything baggy will hang off your boobs like a sack). Mine are black and navy but I expect emerald green or crimson would work well for you. I tend to stick with white t shirts but it would be eas to use to add a splash of colour underneath - but keep them in a lighter or brighter colour than the jumper over the top. In summer I usually wear a short sleeve linen knit v neck jumper/knitted t shirt with a vest underneath or a spaghetti strap dress with a cropped cardigan tied at the waist to pull me in under the bust. In winter I would choose a dress with a button front but wear it with quite a few buttons undone over a vest or t shirt. The newsreader Sophie Rayworth does this with the Wyse London Aimee dress (which is ££££) but you can find dresses with similar necklines at lower price points.

I think that you should try out some different trouser styles - so wide legs perhaps in a slightly cropped style, to reveal your ankles which are the slim part of the leg and hide the calves. These are sold out but an example of what I mean https://www.oasisfashion.com/product/oasis-wide-leg-cropped-trouser_aaa05466?colour=blackAgain if you wear a v neck top that isn't too baggy and emphasizes that you have a figure below the bust, this will balance out the wide legs. If you have a large supermarket with a clothes section near you I recommend going in leggings and trying a range of trouser styles out over the leggings to see what works. M&S and Tu both have a good range of wide legs.

FInally I'd recommend that you have a look at this guide to choosing the right type of bra for your shape https://www.fantasie.com/uk/en/advice/bra-styles-for-your-shape/ Fantasie and its sister brand Elomi offer virtual bra fitting (no idea what its like) which might be worth investigating if you can't make it to a shop that easily.

I'd avoid cross body bags with a larger chest, they really don't do any favours. Try a backpack instead - canvas or try to get a nice leather one from vinted or ebay. Tan goes with anything for summer.

I understand the advice about cross body bags, but if I wear a back pack I'll have to take it off every time I want to grab something out of it. Not very practical. And likewise carrying a handbag by short handles means one hand is always taken up with handles. But I'll look into it. I just find shoulder bags constantly slip off my shoulder, hence going for cross body.

Some ideas from here. The silver necklace she uses throughout is amazing:-

I do also think you could do silver stacking bangles on bare arms (my boyfriend does this with some of his short sleeved shirts).

I love those
https://www.wearethought.com/products/bamboo-wide-leg-culottes-black?variant=41843629392055&gclid=CjwKCAjww7KmBhAyEiwA5-PUSvCUNGNr5FlVzrjBh1B-dj1VnYzznKNSezI0PygI3S-oR--OxPjwWRoCDwYQAvD_BwE

https://www.wearethought.com/products/colonel-bamboo-v-neck-dashka-jumpsuit?variant=41130668261559&gclid=CjwKCAjww7KmBhAyEiwA5-PUShKXoXdPoB7ojYfqGxQQmxlBqydspFDm-viXkAKkGwHo2BjpAZw2GBoCpawQAvD_BwE

Thank you for your advice 😊 Yes to the big calves and boots! Hence why I stick to ankle boots these days.

I'll reread your post because I didn't quite understand what you meant about tshirt with top over. I NEVER wear crew neck tshirts because I look massive in them 🫣

If you read the advice about shoulder and tote bags you can do straps just a certain length. In the video I’ve linked to (and I usually hate stylists!) she’s great and has good bag options and explains why they work.

My friend who’s a larger apple than you carries a Ted Baker floral light pink tote bag we got for her (her colour, goes with her very pale pink Hobbs trench).

Try biker jackets. I’ve seen a larger woman local to me (apple shape?) who looks great in a black leather biker jacket, rough guess 16-18, but she really suits it.

I don't think anyone can go wrong in a dress, and you can keep it as casual or dressy as you like. You could get shirt / t-shirt ones and wear as they are or pair with a belt to bring in your waist. I'm not where I want to be weight wise at the minute, and I feel my best in a dress that comes in at the waist but floats down after that. I too buy a lot of my stuff on vinted - if I remember right I think there's an option to filter the results so you only see brand new or like new so you see the better quality stuff!

I understand about the length of shoulder straps, but they still slip off my shoulders, so not very practical for me. I know I'm trying to look more stylish, but it still needs to be practical for me. However, maybe it's something I can bear in mind for special occasions when I'm not in and out of my bag for my purse etc all the time.

I have a lovely shirt dress from M&S, but the problem is in a size 16 the buttons gape at the chest. Minimiser bras don't seem to be a thing anymore either.