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Original poster

Aibu upset sil wore at our wedding

433 replies

Monkeynuts57 · 18/05/2023 19:54

We recently got married and we have just got our photos back and I felt upset and annoyed at what sil wore to our wedding and I thought it was odd but prepared to be told if I Abu , even though personally it’s not what I would choose for a wedding. it was cream basically same colour as my dress I feel upset and all photos will remind me of this.
I have attached a link of similar but not exactly the same outfit

https://m-uk.cupshe.com/products/romance-bow-one-shoulder-jumpsuit?gbraid=0AAAAABWndwb4E-ZBgd2rr4zFLwKsJ97QT&gclid=Cj0KCQjwmZejBhC_ARIsAGhCqncAdTT5MhokrQRyxiDNKHE2JbioCsaJs0hz4MFqyO60mag9C0evdEQaAqUEEALw_wcB&utm_campaign=UK-PMAX-Jumpsuits-20220921&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_term=%7B17157404823%7D_%7B%7D&variant=42306334949567

X Madison Romance Bow One-Shoulder Jumpsuit

X Madison Romance Bow One-Shoulder Jumpsuit

https://m-uk.cupshe.com/products/romance-bow-one-shoulder-jumpsuit?gbraid=0AAAAABWndwb4E-ZBgd2rr4zFLwKsJ97QT&gclid=Cj0KCQjwmZejBhC_ARIsAGhCqncAdTT5MhokrQRyxiDNKHE2JbioCsaJs0hz4MFqyO60mag9C0evdEQaAqUEEALw_wcB&utm_campaign=UK-PMAX-Jumpsuits-20220921&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_term=%7B17157404823%7D_%7B%7D&variant=42306334949567

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
PearPartridge · 18/05/2023 23:42

trickybossmbe · 18/05/2023 23:32

Was she wearing this with a veil and carrying a bouquet? If not, you need to stop being so ridiculous.

Not wearing white or cream as a guest to a wedding is not an unwritten rule, neither is it a universal thing. It's only a thing on MN which in itself tells you everything you need to know.

Don't be silly. Of course it's not specific to mumsnet. It's been a thing far longer than mumsnet

saxendaqs · 18/05/2023 23:45

I do agree with you.

Just to offer another perspective though, I know a mother of the groom that wore white to her sons wedding. She's the most lovely lady, a little timid, anxious, a little isolated in life, not on any social media and not very internet savvy. She's the most loving, kind, generous person. Wouldn't hurt a fly. Was very excited for her son to get married. Essentially she didn't have any bad intentions and was unaware of the don't wear white to weddings rule.

Her daughter in law was furious, and I get it. But this caused a rift that years later still isn't fully healed. It caused so many problems and the poor woman was distraught when she realised her faux pas and that she had upset the bride.

So unless you think she genuinely had bad intentions, don't harbour bad feelings about it. It isn't worth it. I'm sure you had a beautiful day.

Zeonlywayisup · 18/05/2023 23:46

Get the pictures photoshopped? She could be a wearing beige very easily and it could just be how the camera caught the colour on the day.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/05/2023 23:47

Been thinking further.......

I remember a wedding a few years back where the MOB was FUMING when the MOG let her know that she was planning on wearing (say) blue. She was a fair bit older than the grooms mother and was very vocal on how MOB gets the first choice on colour for outfits, about how even the Queen waited until Carole Middleton had chosen her colour for the wedding before deciding herself.

I think these days, given that there are few fewer weddings than there used to be, and also there are so many weddings where guests are specifically asked to wear a certain colour, that so called "rules" like this have been forgotten. The only place I have come across them in recent years (50 this month) is on MN and wedding websites (DD is helping her best friend organise her wedding.....wow thats been a lesson in self obsession, some of those brides are INSANE!)

I think its important to remember that these days a lot of so called "rules" are ignored in favour of comfort. My own mother (in her 70's) wore jeans and a jumper to the funeral of one of our family friends last year. She would never have done that a few years ago. She said "Oh who cares? Jane wouldnt mind and anyone else who does can bugger off" and no, she doesnt have dementia before anyone asks she has just learned, as we all have in recent years, what matters and what doesnt.

trickybossmbe · 18/05/2023 23:53

JeanRondeausMadHair · 18/05/2023 23:40

It's really not just a Mumsnet thing. I knew about it decades ago, in a different country.

It really is.

A good few decades ago, I loaned a friend some shoes to wear to a society wedding - she wore a white silk two piece. Given what a stickler her husband's family are, if white wasn't appropriate, she would have been told not to wear it. It was such a posh wedding, the Queen and various members of the Royal family were there, and photos appeared in Hello which was exciting given my friend (and my shoes) were in it! Quite a few of the female guests were also wearing white.

Have been to several weddings where guests have worn white, cream and other pale colours. No-one kicked up a fuss. Maybe I just mix with people who are secure in themselves and aren't being ridiculous about something that really isn't a thing.

Zone2NorthLondon · 18/05/2023 23:57

Papernotplastic · 18/05/2023 23:43

Vogue rules? Haha they probably still spout never brown in town as contemporary advice
Vogue is Glossy tat for equestrian horahs and aspirant social climbers
Do you honestly follow rules in a magazine regard your attire? Are you unable to understand the situation,the participants and adapt your response accordingly?

quite frankly, I’m not going to seek advice from vogue regard a social situation

SargentSagittarius · 19/05/2023 00:00

This sort of thing is what makes women seem like flighty, parochial, dimwits.

While men rule the world, we’re bickering over who wore what to our Special Day.

And we wonder why we’re not taken seriously.

I say the above to be provocative - but there is some truth in it.

No self-respecting male would be wasting brain space on something SO inconsequential.

Zone2NorthLondon · 19/05/2023 00:00

trickybossmbe · 18/05/2023 23:53

It really is.

A good few decades ago, I loaned a friend some shoes to wear to a society wedding - she wore a white silk two piece. Given what a stickler her husband's family are, if white wasn't appropriate, she would have been told not to wear it. It was such a posh wedding, the Queen and various members of the Royal family were there, and photos appeared in Hello which was exciting given my friend (and my shoes) were in it! Quite a few of the female guests were also wearing white.

Have been to several weddings where guests have worn white, cream and other pale colours. No-one kicked up a fuss. Maybe I just mix with people who are secure in themselves and aren't being ridiculous about something that really isn't a thing.

Show quote history

Great post! And very exciting too. Your shoes in a magazine, at a posh wedding

PearPartridge · 19/05/2023 00:07

SargentSagittarius · 19/05/2023 00:00

This sort of thing is what makes women seem like flighty, parochial, dimwits.

While men rule the world, we’re bickering over who wore what to our Special Day.

And we wonder why we’re not taken seriously.

I say the above to be provocative - but there is some truth in it.

No self-respecting male would be wasting brain space on something SO inconsequential.

You seem to see men as vastly superior to women. Have you never noticed how vile men can be on social media? Or how many violent crimes are committed by men? A post discussing a wedding tradition really doesn't make women inferior to men.

SargentSagittarius · 19/05/2023 00:08

PearPartridge · 19/05/2023 00:07

You seem to see men as vastly superior to women. Have you never noticed how vile men can be on social media? Or how many violent crimes are committed by men? A post discussing a wedding tradition really doesn't make women inferior to men.

Show quote history

Did you see my wording ‘makes women seem…’?

Dazedandbemused0 · 19/05/2023 00:11

YABU. It’s not even a dress!

MCOut · 19/05/2023 00:15

SargentSagittarius · 19/05/2023 00:00

This sort of thing is what makes women seem like flighty, parochial, dimwits.

While men rule the world, we’re bickering over who wore what to our Special Day.

And we wonder why we’re not taken seriously.

I say the above to be provocative - but there is some truth in it.

No self-respecting male would be wasting brain space on something SO inconsequential.

A good proportion of them feel the need to measure their dicks and claim a number 2 inches higher. The male capacity for inconsequential thinking is endless.

YANBU but don’t let it upset you OP, she might not have known or might have thought you wouldn’t mind.

SargentSagittarius · 19/05/2023 00:22

LOL, true @MCOut! Grin

I take your point.

I just feel embarrassed on behalf of my sex when I read shit like this. We’re better than this.

GarlicGrace · 19/05/2023 00:31

Mrs Inconsequential Factoid leaps into thread (wearing white) ...

Stealing your wind comes from sailing. In a yacht race, and in maritime battles when all ships were sailing ships, it's the unsporting manoeuvre of cutting between your opponent and the wind. Your sails get filled, they get becalmed.

So, yeah, appropriate in some cases of white-bedecked wedding guests.

Marchintospring · 19/05/2023 00:34

It’s definitely a thing. I’m sure the odd guest makes no difference but like all etiquette it’s got it’s reasons. If there was no “ rule” then lots more women would wear it and photos would look like this…
Of course you can spot the bride but the impact of her outfit is less than normal. Which is apparently why she wanted everyone in white.

Aibu upset sil wore at our wedding
Dedodee · 19/05/2023 04:57

Tbh in 2 years time your wedding album will be a rarely looked at memory on your device or in a book filed away somewhere.

Fiftyisthenewsixty · 19/05/2023 06:34

One female guest wore a long, white dress to my wedding! (She also posed for photos with her boyfriend as if she was just coming out of the church so something going on there!) Don't let it spoil your memories.

DisplayOrcha · 19/05/2023 12:18

SargentSagittarius · 19/05/2023 00:08

Did you see my wording ‘makes women seem…’?

Show quote history

Maybe it “makes women seem like dimwits” because you’re viewing everything through a masculine lens. A mans world shouldn’t be the default to aspire too. Maybe if men cared more about other people’s feelings (which is essentially what this issue boils down to) then we would need to be calling other women names on the internet to make a point?

SilentParrot · 19/05/2023 12:27

No self-respecting male would be wasting brain space on something SO inconsequential

Spot the pick-me girl.

Original poster
Monkeynuts57 · 19/05/2023 12:34

notteallyme · 18/05/2023 21:34

It was rude and attention seeking. It also looks like an alternative to a wedding dress. Was she upset at not being a bridesmaid or something?

@Monkeynuts57 there is a very good chance this will be picked up by tabloids and put on social media so your sil might find out.

No I hardly see or know her tbh so can’t think she was expecting to be a bridesmaid and I wasn’t the her wedding before ours!

oh No really! I hope not. I seriously wasn’t expecting so many responses and I haven’t even had time to read them all yet!!

I knew that it was always said never to wear this colour to a wedding! And the style wasn’t so far out from my own fairly plain no lace or frills dress!! So in the pictures they do look similar! I think this is what’s upset me the most! Probably my own fault for not choosing something more extravagant and full flowing skirt than a plain type of dress!

I have slept on it and it’s done now! I feel less upset today and I would probably have not been as bothered in the first place,had not everyone in my family and friends all talked about her and couldn’t believe that she had chosen that outfit! Even a different colour etc! I have no idea if it was done on purpose or not and I don’t really care about knowing anymore because it’s already passed!

OP posts:
VWHoliday · 19/05/2023 14:02

I've seen quite a lot of hen parties where the bride to be is dressed in white and the hen party are all dressed in black. These are young brides to be. So it definitely is a thing still that white is saved for the bride.

notteallyme · 19/05/2023 14:57

@Monkeynuts57 that jumpsuit in any other colour not cream or white would have been a lovely and appropriate outfit. The only weddings I've been to where guests have worn cream or white have been ones where the bride is expected to wear very bright colours and lots of bling/ embroidery with it.

tigger1001 · 19/05/2023 15:48

WestwardHo1 · 18/05/2023 20:35

Looks like a lovely outfit.

Can I just ask - would you know to be upset about this if you hadn't read it was a thing to get upset about on MN?

I'm not trying to be rude - I had no idea all this wedding outfit etiquette was a thing before joining MN. My ex MIL wore a white dress to SIL's wedding and a lilac trouser suit to mine (lilac was the same colour as the bridesmaid). She hadn't checked what the colours were of the wedding. Seems as though these were both massive faux pas. Thankfully I didn't realise at the time.

Why do you assume the op learned, a very long standing rule about what not to wear to a wedding from here??

I think most people know not to wear white/cream to a wedding if you are not the bride.

youbeatmetoit · 19/05/2023 17:46

What's wrong with wearing white to someone else's wedding? Everyone knows who the bride is. I never knew this was a thing.