Losing weight is the ONLY way to look good :(

[Mrcpy]

I’d describe myself as fairly style-conscious, I’m into skincare and beauty, health and well-being, and I know how to put together a polished outfit.

Sadly I’m coming to the realisation that I never feel as good - no matter how much effort I’ve put into the above - I NEVER feel as good as I feel when I’ve lost weight.

When I’ve lost weight, it doesn’t matter what I wear. I could be completely casual but still feel like I look amazing. When I’ve gained weight, it doesn’t matter what I wear. I could be in the best clothes / designer bag / jewellery but still feel scruffy.

I had a severe eating disorder in my teens and twenties, and I feel sad that it’s still with me in some way. For context, I’m late 30’s, and BMI fluctuates between 23-26 so nothing dramatic. Have a good job, family etc so I know there’s more to life.

Just feel sad really.

[ponyinmud]

Some larger women look amazing, I follow a few on SM and am so envious of their healthy looking curves.
I look like shit with a couple of stone/a stone extra on me. The weight seems very even, but my face/neck and hands/feet etc remain very slim so I look very odd, my boobs are basically the same size as my head! I just have a tiny frame so look so swamped by the extra weight. Add clothes and I always look frumpy.

[giantwaterbottle]

You're clothes are meant to fit your body, not your body to fit into your clothes. But I do know what you mean, I've felt the same and try to remind musket of the above.

[JudyBlumesBlubber]

True if apple shaped for sure.

Those lucky women who put on weight on their bums and thighs but still have a good shape can look good at a bigger size.

[KatharinaRosalie]

whereas if you look at national dresses/ costume around the world they often are flattering for many different shapes.

national costumes from my original country are by today's standards, not flattering for any shapes. They make even the slimmest people look stocky and bulky. But being strong and well-fed was considered a good thing at times when many people often didn't have enough to eat. Scrawny and skinny was unlikely to be able to have a dozen children and still survive the next food shortage.
That's really not the case any more in western world, as the majority of population is overweight, so we see slim as attractive.

[CrispThief]

There's a world of difference between healthy/ slim and skinny though. I have so many female friends who never really recovered from their teenage eating disorders. They either maintain their skinnyness with rigidly controlled lives or don't and hate themselves for not being skinny. These women believe skinny is best. And they judge other women for it, I know because occasionally they let slip comments in front of me. I know not to take it too personally though and I'm grateful for never having had disordered eating myself (I'm not overweight but also not skinny).

Personally I think most women look amazing with muscle and some curves and a good waist to hip ratio. And I agree that everyone probably has a sweet spot for their body, but people with disordered eating may not see themselves the same as others do. I remember seeing a previously skinny friend after lockdown one and she was jaw droppingly beautiful. I had no idea her body could look like that (tall curvy size 12). She obviously couldn't stand it though and soon got back to her previous skinny shape.

[KatharinaRosalie]

I do agree that it took me forever to get over the beauty ideal of the 90s when teen and women's magazines told you that you should never tough any weights, as you will immediately bulk up, and this was of course very unattractive. And 'does my butt look big in this' was like the worst thing ever, so seeing all the butt lifts and teenagers showing up the 'gains' is still sometimes strange. Even though at the same time I love being muscular and showing up my own quads and biceps.

I'm a part time fitness instructor, just in a reasonable shape, honestly nothing resembling a bodybuilder or bikini fitness competitor. But even I have older millennials/gen X women coming to Bodypump class, asking what weights should they use so they don't end up too muscular like me. Sad, as having muscles in your middle age and later will make a massive difference to your quality of life.

[CrispThief]

That is sad, KatharinaRosalie. Fwiw, I love having muscled fitness instructors. I used to do an online subscription to a fitness brand and found I always chose more of the classes run by the women whose bodies looked strong. When a curvy muscled woman ran a ballet and pilates fitness class it was especially motivating because I think I'd subconsciously assumed that kind of exercise was only possible for really thin people so I never tried it. Turns out I loved it.

[THisbackwithavengeance]

"These women believe skinny is best. And they judge other women for it, I know because occasionally they let slip comments in front of me."

This made me smile as I have a friend who is like this. She's very slim, used to model and was anorexic in her youth. This was back in the day during the heroin chic years of the late 80s and 90s where being skinny was everything. Sometimes we would be out walking and she'd make a snide comment about another women's body. She stopped when I called her out on it but I know it's in her mind.

I'm a size 16, used to be an 18. I believe my friend would literally rather be dead than be my size.

[WorryMcGee]

I agree. Wish I didn’t but I do. I’m 10 months pp, had surgery for breast cancer and just lost all my fucking hair and I can’t help but think all this would be easier if I was a stone and a half lighter, as at least I’d look half decent in my clothes whilst looking this ugly.

[Mercurial123]

@WorryMcGee

I agree. Wish I didn’t but I do. I’m 10 months pp, had surgery for breast cancer and just lost all my fucking hair and I can’t help but think all this would be easier if I was a stone and a half lighter, as at least I’d look half decent in my clothes whilst looking this ugly.

I found losing my hair the most traumatic when going through chemo. It's a rubbish time for everyone. I lost so much weight and looking at photos during that time I looked sick and skeletal.

[WorryMcGee]

@Mercurial123 this is the worst bit of it. The two surgeries and the other chemo side effects were nothing compared to this, I’m absolutely devastated. To add insult to injury I cold capped and I had hair until last week, two weeks after my last chemo. For some reason it’s just all gone, and my eyelashes and most of my brows too. So I went through that cold cap for nothing. At least I’m so upset my appetite has completely gone so maybe I’ll lose that stone and a half anyway.

[Saltedxcaramel]

As someone who was anorexic on and off throughout my teens and 20's I disagree. I look awful if I'm very slim and have a weight that my body will always go back to anyway, I think everyone has a weight and size that suits them best. There are plenty of curvy women that are incredibly beautiful

[xogossipgirlxo]

Ugh, very much not body positive, but I'm with you 🤐I am currently pregnant and nausea kept me off healthy food, carbs were my only help, now I'm hungrier than usual and I can see my ass and thighs are bigger. I am trying to embrace it, because hello, I am growing my baby and I know I will lose the weight after birth, once my hormones stop being all over the place, but I just can't get used to what I see in the mirror. I love being slim. Not skinny, I never was it. But 20-20.5 BMI is perfect for me, enough to feel attractive, have slim arms, legs and visible collar bones. And cellulite free butt.

[Cottagecheeseisnotcheese]

there is no doubt that overweight doesn't look so good but here we have people complaining that they have excess weight with a BMI of 20, they definitely do not have any excess weight.
There is some evidence that for women over 70 being at the top end of BMI range or upto about BMI 28 have better long term health results and survive infections and surgery better than those under BMI 22 ( see late queen she was correct BMI until her 70-80's when she was a little bigger not obese just marginally overweight she only lost weight again when she was frail in her last year of life)

[liann34]

Depends on where and how you carry it. I only look good slim because I have very unlucky genetics for fat distribution. Almost everything goes to the middle and none to the limbs. A lot of women can carry more fat than me and still have slimmer waists (and much nicer boobs). It is what it is. Everyone can dress for their shape though.

[Secondhandhot]

Having lost a significant amount of weight quite recently I struggle with what my body shape is and how I am supposed to look like and what I can call myself in terms of thin or slim etc. although I do feel I look better in clothes and have a larger selection of clothes now that I am smaller. There is still the bigger me that looks back at me when I look in the mirror.

[blastedbuttons]

Same. I felt very low about my weight at Christmas and got myself an exercise bike and the Fitness Pal app. Working so far 💪

[Mercurial123]

@WorryMcGee

@Mercurial123 this is the worst bit of it. The two surgeries and the other chemo side effects were nothing compared to this, I’m absolutely devastated. To add insult to injury I cold capped and I had hair until last week, two weeks after my last chemo. For some reason it’s just all gone, and my eyelashes and most of my brows too. So I went through that cold cap for nothing. At least I’m so upset my appetite has completely gone so maybe I’ll lose that stone and a half anyway.

It does get better. But it's tough. I didn't do the cold cap but heard it's extremely uncomfortable. Hope you feel better soon.

[thelinkisdead]

I honestly see women of all sides who I think are beautiful. It’s mostly due to style and confidence rather than size I think. I’m very slim but I have absolutely not shape whatsoever so whilst I do look good in what I choose to wear, put me in a 50s style tea dress or a midi dress with a nipped in waist and I look utterly awful! So it definitely isn’t true that skinny people make everything look good; I certainly don’t!

[Justforlaffs]

I agree and it’s sad really but honestly (and I know how awful this sounds): I never look at a “bigger” woman and think they look stylish, even if they’re wearing nice clothes.
For me, being slim/skinny and looking stylish go hand in hand and that is the look I’m constantly trying to emulate. Unfortunately as I get older being thin equates to not being able to eat very much or drink alcohol etc - so it’s a constant battle, but I really don’t feel good being anything above a size 10-12.

[CouldIHaveThatInEnglishPlease]

I sometimes wonder if every woman born in the 80s has some form of eating disorder. Not the extremes such as anorexia or bulimia, but we were definitely raised to have such an unhealthy relationship with food. In one sense being told a ham sandwich, bag of crisps and a penguin bar is a healthy lunch (80s child) followed by our teenage years (90/00s) being told nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels and all believing a size 0 is the definition of beauty.
it’s no wonder we are all so fucked up when it comes to how we view our bodies and our health.

I’m so pleased that gen z, or whatever it is, are far more focused on being healthy and strong

[KatharinaRosalie]

I sometimes wonder if every woman born in the 80s has some form of eating disorder

Pretty sure I've fucked up my metabolism with stupid diets when I was a teenager and not fat the slightest.

[Bamboux]

@Cottagecheeseisnotcheese

there is no doubt that overweight doesn't look so good but here we have people complaining that they have excess weight with a BMI of 20, they definitely do not have any excess weight.
There is some evidence that for women over 70 being at the top end of BMI range or upto about BMI 28 have better long term health results and survive infections and surgery better than those under BMI 22 ( see late queen she was correct BMI until her 70-80's when she was a little bigger not obese just marginally overweight she only lost weight again when she was frail in her last year of life)

I don't know why you think you know better than strangers you've never seen about our own bodies.

My bmi is 20. Yes, I am carrying excess weight. Yes, I did look and feel better 2 years ago when my bmi was 18.5.

[Mistymoonsinastarrysky]

@WorryMcGee

I agree. Wish I didn’t but I do. I’m 10 months pp, had surgery for breast cancer and just lost all my fucking hair and I can’t help but think all this would be easier if I was a stone and a half lighter, as at least I’d look half decent in my clothes whilst looking this ugly.

Sending you unMNsy hugs, it’s sh1t isn’t it?
I have a serious life-limiting condition, lots of medications and have gained 2st Nothing fits, I look old, fat and avoid looking in mirrors or my reflection anywhere.
Having big boobs doesn’t help, despite decent bras nothing fits properly.
I’m giving up because at nearly 70 it’s too late to do much 🤷🏼‍♀️

[FlosCampi]

When I am bigger (size 18 hourglass with a decent face) I feel i have to have good hair, make up, accessories in order to appear well-dressed. When I'm a 12 I can dress more casually and look atrractive. I think what I'm trying to say is, when overweight I substitute smartness for attractiveness, it's harder to dress casually at a size 18 and look attractive.

When I lose weight but wear my larger, and now baggy and shapeless clothes, I look worse than when I fill them up! Clothes that fit well matter at every size.

Weight in proportion to height signifies youth and health, of course those things are attractive, but they don't guarantee attractiveness. There's a thing online ( insta I think) ' is it fashion, or are they just skinny?" - or something along those lines. Slim women wearing hideous outfits that look good on them, but like hideous potato sacks on larger people.

But it's demoralising, in terms of motivation to lose weight, that we are tuned to " read" fatter people as unattractive: disgust and self-hatred and low self-esteem are not motivating. I need to feel that I look passable at an 18 and therefore how much better I would look at a 12! That's why slimming success photos are so motivating. The plus size models on Pinterest were a revelation to me: it's v motivating to get down to a healthy weight because I start from a place of acceptance and self esteem.

I realise my post is contradictory, just thinking aloud really.