Losing weight is the ONLY way to look good :(

[Mrcpy]

I’d describe myself as fairly style-conscious, I’m into skincare and beauty, health and well-being, and I know how to put together a polished outfit.

Sadly I’m coming to the realisation that I never feel as good - no matter how much effort I’ve put into the above - I NEVER feel as good as I feel when I’ve lost weight.

When I’ve lost weight, it doesn’t matter what I wear. I could be completely casual but still feel like I look amazing. When I’ve gained weight, it doesn’t matter what I wear. I could be in the best clothes / designer bag / jewellery but still feel scruffy.

I had a severe eating disorder in my teens and twenties, and I feel sad that it’s still with me in some way. For context, I’m late 30’s, and BMI fluctuates between 23-26 so nothing dramatic. Have a good job, family etc so I know there’s more to life.

Just feel sad really.

[Sadik]

I'd really disagree. I'm skinny and always have been and I definitely don't look good in almost anything. I think I look good when I make an effort, helped now I'm older by being fortunate enough to have a bit more money to spend on clothes, particularly if I wear something structured.
Conversely, I know plenty of people who are heavier who look absolutely fantastic even when they're wearing casual clothes. I think a lot of it is about having a sense of style, posture, and confidence.
(Admittedly in some of the cases I'm thinking of helped by a large dose of natural beauty!)

[Schmutter]

You are right OP. No one looks better if overweight and that is a fact.

[OxanaVorontsova]

You’re absolutely right OP, I’ve told myself it doesn’t matter but when I lose weight I feel and look so much better.

[sixfoot]

I agree with you, but there’s a limit!

I’m fine boned and best at around 18.5 bmi, when I lose too much weight I look haggard SO quickly. Because I’m tall it’s even worse! I saw a photo of myself after a bout of food poisoning and was shocked.

[NeverDropYourMooncup]

Rather than validating the mindset that drives ED, could we not consider that what the OP might have needed from her post was reassurance that she's beautiful, not encouragement to feel bad about herself and potentially relapse?



I'm sure, OP, that whilst you may feel that you looked better whilst in the full grip of your ED, to impartial observers, friends, relatives and anybody who cares for your physical and mental wellbeing, that you actually look absolutely wonderful, healthy and beautiful at your current, normal, healthy weight.

[HeadsShouldersKneesAndMyGreatAuntsWalkingStick]

@NeverDropYourMooncup

Rather than validating the mindset that drives ED, could we not consider that what the OP might have needed from her post was reassurance that she's beautiful, not encouragement to feel bad about herself and potentially relapse?



I'm sure, OP, that whilst you may feel that you looked better whilst in the full grip of your ED, to impartial observers, friends, relatives and anybody who cares for your physical and mental wellbeing, that you actually look absolutely wonderful, healthy and beautiful at your current, normal, healthy weight.

This!!! ^

[Schmutter]

Rather than validating the mindset that drives ED, could we not consider that what the OP might have needed from her post was reassurance that she's beautiful, not encouragement to feel bad about herself and potentially relapse?

Save me from the disingenuous ‘you’re beautiful regardless’ trope. The OP made a measured post, stating a fact that is not extreme or indicative of a lingering ED.

The fact is, people look and feel better at a healthy weight.

[BreatheAndFocus]

I strongly disagree, OP. There are lots of ways to look good but losing weight isn’t one of them unless you’re obese and you’re clearly not. This is your ED talking. Ignore the sneaky little b***r!

If people are below their natural weight, they don’t look good. They look too skinny, no curves, more sunken cheeks and eyes, less shapely. Their skin often looks worse too, as does their hair and nails.

Your BMI sounds perfect in that range. I’m sure you look good. Enjoy being a normal weight and looking healthy 😊

[birdshavingabath]

I don't think the OP was referring to being underweight, more the change from overweight to healthy weight. That's not indicative of an eating disorder and I think people try to normalise obesity and minimise it in a dangerous way by "oh it's your eating disorder" = bollocks. No matter what people say, it is not healthy and most people who are overweight would look much better at a healthy weight (NB: I am not referring to underweight people!!).

totally agree OP! I've just lost over a stone and it is making a huge difference to how healthy and good looking I am. I look crap when overweight, I dont' carry it well and my skin and everything looks terrible on top.

There are some lucky people who carry weight well and look ok even if overweight. For the vast majority of us, losing weight (to a healthy level) makes us look 10 x better, healthier and happier.

[MuddyFeet01]

I definitely look and feel better slim, simple as that.

[Bamboux]

Yes i agree 100% op. I also have a history of anorexia and bulimia.

My bmi is currently 20.6 and while this is within healthy range, I am aware that both my face and body looked significantly better when it was around 18-19.

I feel uncomfortable in my body, embarrassed to see myself in photos, mirrors, etc. And none of my clothes fit properly ☹️

[Bamboux]

@sixfoot

I agree with you, but there’s a limit!

I’m fine boned and best at around 18.5 bmi, when I lose too much weight I look haggard SO quickly. Because I’m tall it’s even worse! I saw a photo of myself after a bout of food poisoning and was shocked.

I would agree with you that 18.5 bmi is a very attractive weight for many people, me included.

I have been down to a bmi of 15 and that was clearly not good. Looking back at pictures, I looked like I was about to die.

But 18-19 if you are tall and athletic build, with small wrists/ankles/calves, like I am, looks good.

At 20.6 (current bmi) I feel plump, clumsy and middle aged. I also NEVER get id'd at this weight, and I never get any positive compliments.

[NeverDropYourMooncup]

@Schmutter

Rather than validating the mindset that drives ED, could we not consider that what the OP might have needed from her post was reassurance that she's beautiful, not encouragement to feel bad about herself and potentially relapse?

Save me from the disingenuous ‘you’re beautiful regardless’ trope. The OP made a measured post, stating a fact that is not extreme or indicative of a lingering ED.

The fact is, people look and feel better at a healthy weight.

She is a healthy weight.

[Zuyi]

It's the fault of the clothes, not of our bodies!

But also, we advertise how beautiful we are when out in public. If every pudgy woman we pass is hunched over and apologetic, we learn oh this kind of body is shameful. If every skinny woman is strutting in a mini skirt we learn, oh this kind of body is okay. It's ridiculous. There's nothing inherently good or bad about any of it.

[Allschoolsareartschools]

Sadly yes, my slimmest friend looks the youngest (we're all 50s) & by far the best in whatever she wears.
I feel so much better in everything when I'm slimmer especially casual jeans & t shirts as a pp mentioned.
I'm all for body confidence & feeling great no matter what your size in theory but it just doesn't really work for me.

[LadyAstor]

I agree OP.

At a healthy BMI for me (22-24), I look lean and toned. My flesh is taut and I have a flat stomach and smooth long legs and arms and my face has a pleasing oval / heart shape and my neck is defined.

If i tip over into a BMI of 25 - 28, I suddenly look stout and broad, my neck gets thick and jowls appear. I have hams for arms and my thinghs are lumpy.

Sad but true.

Having said that though, Ive known some stunning overweight people. Generally well-proportioned and tall though, with an hourglass figure.

[CKL987]

Never had any kind of eating disorder but I agree. Am currently a 12-14 but find it so much easier to shop when I'm a 10 as so much more looks better to me.

[BeretRaspberry]

I agree to a certain extent but a lot of it is to do with what we’ve been conditioned to believe is better. There’s something called the Mere-Exposure effect which means we prefer things we’re used to seeing. So it’s no wonder we all feel better when we’re slimmer.

Society treats people who are slimmer more favourably. Not to mention the fact that it is so hard to get well made, well fitting clothes in ‘straight’ sizes, let alone at the larger end of the scale size.

I had bulimia and disordered eating so I’m stuck with being fat but I don’t deny the old thoughts sneak in at times and I wish I was smaller. But only because life is so much easier.

[HiddenGiraffes]

I think it's a lot to do with clothes. I've recently lost a few pounds and am at 18.5 BMI, which is about as lean as I'd want to be I think, and I still struggle with clothes because I've got big boobs post-kids. I used to be the same weight and a 32D and I feel like that's the upper end of what works with 80% of high street clothes. Everything is designed for very slim teenagers with b cups.

[mynameiscalypso]

@Schmutter

Rather than validating the mindset that drives ED, could we not consider that what the OP might have needed from her post was reassurance that she's beautiful, not encouragement to feel bad about herself and potentially relapse?

Save me from the disingenuous ‘you’re beautiful regardless’ trope. The OP made a measured post, stating a fact that is not extreme or indicative of a lingering ED.

The fact is, people look and feel better at a healthy weight.

I couldn't come up with a better response than this. I hate the 'but you're beautiful' trite nonsense that gets trotted out especially when you have zero idea what the other person looks like. It's just so hollow. It's okay not to be beautiful too. It's okay to not look amazing.

[journeyofsanity]

@IndianSummer78

I agree. Clothes are designed to look good on slim people. I've put on a few pounds and it's given me a small pot belly, nothing hangs 💯 right any more. Most clothes aren't designed for this shape and those that are aren't particularly fashionable.

But how would clothes be designed to look good on a pot belly and lardy arse. I don't think it's the designers fault. Fact is, chunky bodies don't look elegant or graceful. Throughout modern times, nothing has ever looked good on chunky bodies. Everyone goes on about the 50s with the wide skirts and sweetheart necklines etc but they relied on minuscule waists.
I just find I look matronly now. I can look 'nice'. But I don't look elegant and casual clothes no longer make me look cool. Just a bit bla. Dammit.

[GingerAle1]

Sorry to say, I agree

tbh I do have a couple pieces that I wear while feeling they do nothing for me. But if I only stuck with what suits my weight, I'd be wearing a very limited selection of things I don't like - and these two items, I just really like and I always get compliments.

I just find it so hard to be thin, and I find it miserable. We've just a lovely dinner with a lovely pudding and going low carb isn't going to make me a supermodel anyway.

maybe I'm just past caring.

[xJoy]

It's a sad fact for me too. Taller women can carry extra pounds (in my opinion) and still look good but for me at 5'1'' I need to have a bmi of around 23 before I pull on my clothes and think yeh, that WORKS

[GingerAle1]

@journeyofsanity

But how would clothes be designed to look good on a pot belly and lardy arse. I don't think it's the designers fault. Fact is, chunky bodies don't look elegant or graceful. Throughout modern times, nothing has ever looked good on chunky bodies. Everyone goes on about the 50s with the wide skirts and sweetheart necklines etc but they relied on minuscule waists.
I just find I look matronly now. I can look 'nice'. But I don't look elegant and casual clothes no longer make me look cool. Just a bit bla. Dammit.

Agree, not designers fault.

how could they make my large bum and stomach look better - they can't.

[ChocAuVin]

I agree. Sucks but true (personally speaking)