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Style & Beauty

Losing weight is the ONLY way to look good :(

192 replies

Mrcpy · 18/03/2023 17:01

I’d describe myself as fairly style-conscious, I’m into skincare and beauty, health and well-being, and I know how to put together a polished outfit.

Sadly I’m coming to the realisation that I never feel as good - no matter how much effort I’ve put into the above - I NEVER feel as good as I feel when I’ve lost weight.

When I’ve lost weight, it doesn’t matter what I wear. I could be completely casual but still feel like I look amazing. When I’ve gained weight, it doesn’t matter what I wear. I could be in the best clothes / designer bag / jewellery but still feel scruffy.

I had a severe eating disorder in my teens and twenties, and I feel sad that it’s still with me in some way. For context, I’m late 30’s, and BMI fluctuates between 23-26 so nothing dramatic. Have a good job, family etc so I know there’s more to life.

Just feel sad really.

OP posts:
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GingerAle1 · 18/03/2023 20:46

HiddenGiraffes · 18/03/2023 20:37

I think it's a lot to do with clothes. I've recently lost a few pounds and am at 18.5 BMI, which is about as lean as I'd want to be I think, and I still struggle with clothes because I've got big boobs post-kids. I used to be the same weight and a 32D and I feel like that's the upper end of what works with 80% of high street clothes. Everything is designed for very slim teenagers with b cups.

Where do you shop? I don't find that. I would be really stuffed if that were the case.

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Lastnamedidntstick · 18/03/2023 20:49

i don’t even think it’s about looking thinner for me.

when I’ve lost weight clothes are more comfortable. They sit on my waist and hips better, and it’s not just sizing up or down, my proportions must change.

when my weight is up everything feels restrictive.

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LadyHenrique · 18/03/2023 20:54

I am average height and very slender.
I buy nice clothes and take care of my hair, eat and move well.
However, I always feel scruffy, as if my slenderness goes against me, and have often longed to be more, how can I put it....athletic, or well built.

I do yoga and some strength stuff, but I can't much change my basic shape, and if I do gain weight I just look the same but flabbier. I just don't know what to think.

I am confident enough and can absolutely count my blessings, but I do think we pin a LOT on weight loss as a fix in this life/society. And whilst being at a wight we are comfy with is a good thing, it really doesn't (to me) make much of a difference in how pulled together or good looking one is.

Perhaps a lifetime at the thin end has taught me this. You just store the blame and dissatisfaction elsewhere. I choose my wayward hair - if it was straighter and shiny and thick I would always look fantastic, my life would improve a fuck ton and everything would suit me.
I really believe this, so can similarly relate to you.

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Veryxonfused · 18/03/2023 20:56

I agree if you have a very high BMI but disagree if your BMI is 23-26

Personally I do feel I always look better whilst slimmer, but that’s because I get depressed and give up when I put on a few pounds. Realistically there are people heavier than me who look better than me because they make more of an effort (my BMI is on the high side of healthy)

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Oblomov23 · 18/03/2023 21:06

Unfortunately true. At my slimmest (I was never slim as such) I looked better than I do at my biggest.

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GingerAle1 · 18/03/2023 21:15

LadyHenrique · 18/03/2023 20:54

I am average height and very slender.
I buy nice clothes and take care of my hair, eat and move well.
However, I always feel scruffy, as if my slenderness goes against me, and have often longed to be more, how can I put it....athletic, or well built.

I do yoga and some strength stuff, but I can't much change my basic shape, and if I do gain weight I just look the same but flabbier. I just don't know what to think.

I am confident enough and can absolutely count my blessings, but I do think we pin a LOT on weight loss as a fix in this life/society. And whilst being at a wight we are comfy with is a good thing, it really doesn't (to me) make much of a difference in how pulled together or good looking one is.

Perhaps a lifetime at the thin end has taught me this. You just store the blame and dissatisfaction elsewhere. I choose my wayward hair - if it was straighter and shiny and thick I would always look fantastic, my life would improve a fuck ton and everything would suit me.
I really believe this, so can similarly relate to you.

Interesting
when I was slim, I didn't find other things to find fault with, but I didn't grow up in the botox generation, things were a lot more relaxed.

I really enjoyed being slim and being able to wear anything.

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OliverBabish · 18/03/2023 21:23

Ugh, I agree. My 5 ft 4 inch self looks better slimmer.

I go through the motions with my weight. I don’t actively hate my body when I’m bigger but I recognise I look better slimmer. I’m in a place right now where I’ve been enjoying food more than enjoying looking slim. It’ll probably change at some point and I’ll make healthier choices, lose some weight and look slimmer and invariably the cycle will start again!

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Sweetapplestrudel · 18/03/2023 22:08

HeavyHeidi · 18/03/2023 17:57

I agree (of course talking about healthy weight, not being dangerously underweight). I look amazing when I'm slim - everything looks great, could wear just a random potato sack and still look good. And my face is pretty. Put on just a few kg and whatever I wear is not a style statement but damage limitation, as everything clings to various rolls. I also have one of those faces that gets round loses any definition, not like some lucky people who still have slim faces even when they are larger.

Literally this.

If my face stayed slim and defined...I wouldn't mind the weight gain half as much.

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IndianSummer78 · 19/03/2023 01:49

journeyofsanity · 18/03/2023 20:42

But how would clothes be designed to look good on a pot belly and lardy arse. I don't think it's the designers fault. Fact is, chunky bodies don't look elegant or graceful. Throughout modern times, nothing has ever looked good on chunky bodies. Everyone goes on about the 50s with the wide skirts and sweetheart necklines etc but they relied on minuscule waists.
I just find I look matronly now. I can look 'nice'. But I don't look elegant and casual clothes no longer make me look cool. Just a bit bla. Dammit.

I agree with you. Apart from perhaps wearing a voluminous skirt (I've yet to try mine on, I'm still in winter gear) I can't imagine any bit of clothing looking great. I don't look awful and I've got clothes in the correct size for this bigger body, so it's not that I'm bursting out of them. Maybe that's me lacking in imagination regards clothing design, but in eg high waisted trousers I don't look like the trousers are supposed to look on the (slim, flat- bellied) model, because of the pot belly. I'm not even overweight, but putting on 7 lbs I have the beginnings of a spare tyre that I never used to have, and a small pot belly. Luckily I don't have a lardy arse too! I'm going to diet. Well, cut out the junk food over the summer, thats all it'll take to get my body back to where it looks and feels it's best and the point where clothes hang off it properly, as they were designed to. I'll still be in the healthy weight range.

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Bagsundermyeyestoday · 19/03/2023 01:59

I agree with this, getting dressed is just so much easier. Although as you get older the Face vs. Body comes into play

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MsDastardley · 19/03/2023 07:07

For me, it’s not particularly weight, but not having any rolls and overhang, that makes me look better in my clothes

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Escapetofrance · 19/03/2023 07:49

I see some larger ladies looking beautiful in great clothes. It’s about the fit, style and how you carry yourself.

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HeavyHeidi · 19/03/2023 08:44

It's not just the clothes for all of us. As I said earlier, in my case it's also definitely the face. Never been properly overweight, but even when I'm a large size 12, I look like I've been partying hard - puffy face, jowls, disappearing lawline, cheecks that almost close my eyes when I smile. I could do the best makeup in the world and be as polished and confident as nothing, but it would be like planting flowers around a nuclear power plant. And none of this is an issue when I'm a small 10.
And yes the rolls and belly - so much easier to dress when you don't need to worry about them!

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Mrcpy · 19/03/2023 09:16

It’s so interesting reading your responses. Thanks for the honesty. My mind believes in body positivity but my heart wants to be thin. I’ve been kicking myself for not letting go of this stupid way of thinking despite being so much older (and wiser?) than when I had my ED, so it helps to know that many feel the same way.

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Fashiontatts · 19/03/2023 09:38

I believe in body positivity and dressing to your shape etc... however, for me personally, I struggle to dress when I'm carrying any extra weight. Even at the minute I'm in the "normal" bmi range but it's too heavy for my frame or where I'm comfortable.
I love to see other people out looking fabulous at any shape/size... but I'm my own world, that's not a possibility. Any extra lbs and I instantly look like a frump.

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Mumsanetta · 19/03/2023 09:48

It really is a horrible reality but it’s true and I struggle to accept it. I think it’s one of the major reasons most celebrities look effortlessly good - even with good clothes, skin, hair and make-up I don’t look chic because I’m overweight. Proper sucks.

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Pourmeanotherwine · 19/03/2023 09:55

I agree to an extent. I'm currently a 16, and have fluctuated over the years from 14 to 18. I don't like anything I try on at the moment because I just look big in my own eyes whetever I wear. I don't feel the need to push it lower than a size 14 though, as I have quite a big frame, broad hips and shoulders, and also i like wine.

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GonnaGetGoingReturns · 19/03/2023 10:28

I actually beg to differ. I’ve been 8 stone and under in terms and 20s and yes clothes did hang better. But at 10 stone I still looked fairly good (and was told so too). It’s all about confidence.

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mac1974 · 19/03/2023 10:37

I definitely feel better when I've lost a bit of weight. Im never very skinny though as I do enjoy wine
However, I think as you get older, being skinny doesn't make you look good. It makes the face look drawn so I think it's more difficult as you get older. I'm thinking of Harry Redknapps wife. Gorgeous clothes & style but I think she'd look better with a bit more weight on her.

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Bamboux · 19/03/2023 11:02

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 19/03/2023 10:28

I actually beg to differ. I’ve been 8 stone and under in terms and 20s and yes clothes did hang better. But at 10 stone I still looked fairly good (and was told so too). It’s all about confidence.

I can be as confident as I want and it's not going to change the fact that I've put on half a stone, I've got a spare tyre, my belly sticks out and my face looks 10 years older and uglier.

And this is just going from bmi 18/19 to bmi 20.

Lots of us don't have the face or frame to carry off any excess weight at all.

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ginghamstarfish · 19/03/2023 11:03

I agree OP, I'm feeling the same. While I appreciate that if you are overweight and happy with it, good for you, but honestly I don't think you can look 'good' when far heavier than you really should be (including myself here!). I see lots of ads, magazines now where they use 'plus size' models, and while it's great to get away from the stick thin unattainable model size, it seems to have gone to another extreme. And no, they don't look great. Why not use the more attainable 'normal' healthy weight sized models with some shape?

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Bamboux · 19/03/2023 11:08

Lastnamedidntstick · 18/03/2023 20:49

i don’t even think it’s about looking thinner for me.

when I’ve lost weight clothes are more comfortable. They sit on my waist and hips better, and it’s not just sizing up or down, my proportions must change.

when my weight is up everything feels restrictive.

So much agree with this. And it's why 'shapewear' isn't any help for me. I can't tolerate feeling like I'm being squeezed and can't breathe just to pretend I don't have any belly fat.

The liberation of actually not having any belly fat, of having jeans that hang loosely rather than constricting me, the freedom to wear a thin dress with simple underwear (no scaffolding or compression!) because your body is lithe and not wobbly.

That physical comfort and freedom is a great joy to me, and one which I don't have at the moment, mainly because I drink all the time.

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SallyWD · 19/03/2023 11:09

For me yes I look so much better when slim. If I put on weight I look like a sack of potatoes and I also get a really fat face (out of proportion to the rest of my body).
Yes, I do think most people look better slim. I suppose it makes sense as we're not supposed to carry a lot of extra weight.
I do know one or two people who carry weight well. I have a friend who's a few stone overweight but a real hour glass shape. Big boobs and hips and small waist. She looks fantastic!
Sadly it's pretty difficult to remain slim in the modern, western world. I manage it now but it took me 25 years of yoyo dieting to find something that works for me.

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Azandme · 19/03/2023 11:11

Looking and feeling are very different things - and both are incredibly subjective.

You may FEEL you don't look as good with some extra weight, but others may think you LOOK better that way.

Similarly you may feel you look better slimmer, but others may think you look too thin.

There is a link between disordered eating and disordered perception - how you feel about how you look is likely to be affected.

Always best to opt for healthy rather than thin, not least because being too thin also looks really unhealthy.

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Suzi888 · 19/03/2023 11:11

I think you’re right, to a degree. I think it can’t spend where you carry weight too. Apple shaped v hourglass for example.

Some people look amazing and carry it well, but when people are bordering on obese, I don’t think it looks healthy or flattering.

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