Anti-ageing efforts are wrecking my life.

[PhotophobicPhyllis]

I'm 47 and up until a few months ago always looked young for my age. This became part of my identity and since my late 20's I have taken looking after my skin very seriously. I use good skincare, in the mid to upper price range but nothing crazy, religiously and am fanatical about protecting my skin from UV. Factor 50 every day, even in winter and several times a day in summer, sun-hat including when driving and last week I bought a pair of UV blocking driving gloves on Amazon, and most of all a commitment to staying out of the sun where possible. In the last two years I've spent the price of a great holiday on injectables - Botox, fillers and recently Profhilo. Of course I am restricted anyway when it comes to going on holidays, because of the dreaded UV.
This is where the wrecking my life comes in. I have developed what I can only describe as "ageorexia". Having suffered from an eating disorder in my youth I do not use this term flippantly. In similar fashion to how food and avoiding it was once my priority in life, not it is skin ageing and how to prevent it. This stops me doing things I would probably enjoy - not just holidaying in sunnier climes but simple things like going for a walk. It's not working anyway. I have just entered the menopause and that and the delayed toll of early sun damage is leading to the inevitable skin sagging and general absence of a glow I used to take for granted.
These two costs - one lifestyle, the other financial - are irrational and futile but I can't seem to give them up. I did try earlier this summer and went outside a lot more (I've also stopped spending so much on skincare but that's because I can see it is useless compared with injectables), but have scurried back indoors once the damage is now obvious and I have also just booked my next round of needles.
I'M NOT LOOKING FOR ADVICE. I know myself I should just get over this, either through gradual exposure and acceptance or getting some professional help. Instead I am posting here to see if anyone else feels similarly: that we've been sold an anti-ageing pup, when ageing is really just a synonym for living, but that realising this on an objective, intellectual level doesn't help when looking in the mirror and wondering surgery mightn't be the bridge too far that it once seemed.

My mum was always obsessed about aging, I remember as a child & young teen how much it bothered her. It actually made me determined not to be like that, as it is such a colossal waste of time. My mum is now 80. Of course she looks old - she is old! Many of her friends and family have died, so it is wonderful she is still around and in good health. It is great she always looked after herself but nothing really prevents aging - if you are lucky, it is life.

Yes I feel the same way but I haven't bothered with all the stuff you have done. I am 51, use tretinoin, am in menopause and will never, ever use Botox fillers or anything invasive. I think I look fine and I go out in the sun daily.

that we've been sold an anti-ageing pup, when ageing is really just a synonym for living, but that realising this on an objective, intellectual level doesn't help when looking in the mirror and wondering surgery mightn't be the bridge too far that it once seemed.

I agree but have rebelled against a lot of it.
Since having cancer treatment and subsequent menopause I have noticed my skin being sensitive and can react with redness and dryness easily. This means a lot of the 'anti ageing' treatments are far too harsh. Even Bakuchiol caused redness and swelling. I got hives when I took a collagen supplement. I daren't try anything like Tret or injectables. I focus my skincare on calming and moisturising, so hemp, peptides and zinc based creams with the occasional bit of hyaluronic acid are the order of the day.
My anti ageing solution is...being as fit and healthy as possible. So I took up running and weights and watch what I eat more. Now this has really worked. Yes, I have wrinkles but I look and feel a lot younger than I did 5 or even 10 years ago! And people comment on it - they are very complimentary. I've even been stopped in the street when running by people asking me if I am the same runner they saw just starting out.🙂 So I don't mind the wrinkles too much now. They are not what makes a person seem 'old'.
I do use sunscreen because I don't want to burn and I do cover up plus wear a hat and shades. I resent the sunscreen a bit sometimes because the ordinary ones don't last very long and the rhetoric that you need to wear it even in an uk winter, even inside seems an excessive marketing ploy which is pretty cruel. Also when some of the chemical filters break down they actually can increase skin damage which is particularly galling. I do wear it, though, because I can burn easily / get heat rash. So I slap on the Ultrasun (most robust protection I have found) then try to forget about it.

Honestly all this anti-aging paranoia is one of the worst things about Western civilisation. It helps that I am from another culture where injectables are frowned upon for all except those from the glamour industry. My mom is 77 and looks great on Nivea and nothing else. I plan to emulate her. She has plenty of time to enjoy her life.

I feel like what you're describing here is an OCD symptom, and it will benefit from seeing a specialist about it.

I'd also like to say that I've gone through similar things but not to the same extent - using massively expensive skincare looking for a miracle. But then I realise:

1. Expensive skincare is a lie. The only ingredients that make a difference are retinol/Tretinoin, various acids and sun protection, neither of which should cost a lot.


2. I'm projecting a lot of my insecurities onto the skincare addiction. So once I get over that, I feel a lot better.


3. It's OK to want to make yourself more attractive, by looking after your skin, but it shouldn't at the expense of your life.


4. Regardless of what you do, your skin will age whether you like it or not. Suncare might make things slower but it won't stop it completely. You need to embrace ageing as part of growing up.


5. It's up to you if you want to consider botox etc. but if your other issues are not resolved they won't help.

Expensive skincare is an absolute lie.

I do like to take care of myself but I’m not that obsessive - I’m on Reddit a lot though and do see a lot of people (on skincare subreddits) who seem to suffer similarly with regards to sun avoidance, obsessively applying sunscreen etc. it’s like everyone thinks that taking these steps will ensure you look like you’re in your 20s forever! Whilst I have nice skin and am fairly unlined so far you can tell just through slight sagging and loss of collagen/fat that I’m older. It can’t be avoided!

At least you’ve recognised you have a problem, and I do hope you take steps to see someone professionally to overcome it.

This is interesting- I've been berating myself for not starting earlier, and trying harder, and caring more.

I was about to abandon it all in favour of my original relaxed attitude, but you're all commenting on 'just using retinol and the acids'- which is all I've started!

Now I don't know whether to keep it up or stop!

What is the obsession with looking younger actually about? What happens if you look like your actual age? Do you have less value to the people around you? Genuinely interested in the answer because I was talking to a 35 year old flapping about her non existent wrinkles and discussing getting wrinkles. I thought it was exceptionally sad in the traditional sense of the world. We could do with more emphasis on strength and fitness and less emphasis on appearance.

Discussing getting Botox sorry 🙄

I honestly think a lot of how 'well' you age and how your skin looks later in life is down to genes anyway! I absolutely look my age (I think) but there's no denying my skin is damn good for my age (my DM was the same so thanks be to mum).

However, i do not dress my age, keep active, keep pretty slim and fit, keep up with current affairs and continue to ride my horse. Do I care that I'm getting, and looking, older? I gave up that nonsense a while ago and feel a lot better for it.

What you’re describing is an anxiety disorder that you happen to have attached to ageing. People look their age in my opinion. - all the fillers in the world won’t disguise that. I would look to speak to somebody about your anxiety.
on your deathbed you will wish you’d taken that great holiday

Could you take the money you spend on this and go for some counseling?
'Just getting over it' by yourself is easier said than done

I agree with the poster who points out that even following the strictest measures, ageing will still occur.

I think whst helped me in my 40s was to think about what i wanted to spend time doing, and which things id still be able to do after looks went.
Its a longist, same as the list of things you can do when you're ýoung looking.

Literally unless your hobby is having men stare at you, you will have just as many things you can still do when you look old as you can do when you look younger.

A long list i mean. Not a longist 😲

Totally agree with this
I'm from the UK but all my nan ever used was Nivea too.
I truly could not be arsed to spend my life worrying about this shit.
Most men don't, why should women?

We are sold a pup

there is no such thing as anti- ageing

ageinv is a relentless unstoppable process, time marches on

yes we can do skin care and injectables and surgery, but we still age.

it is extraordinary how many people believe they can somehow stop or slow the ageing process

But yes, we can try to age well. To stay fit and look after our health, exercise, use spf, get some time to relax in.

bit the main idea that we can stop ageing by tweaking is an illusion

Some women don’t realise that until menopause. Some men and women never realise it .

for me it was kind of liberating to have this realisation, I spend hardly any time/money on skincare now ;apart from spf and vitamin c cream) and instead focus on diet and exercise. I want to stay fit as long as possible.

I am exactly the same I am 49 and been told look 10 years younger by a lot of people I did anyway but I have had fillers /Botox /and upper eye lid surgery I am prettified if getting older which is a shame because I am not scared of dying or illness !!! It is not nice to feel like this but it is quite common

There are many things to be anti in this world but aging isn't one of them, it's a privilege in fact.

Oh OP, I totally get it, trust me. People often tell me I look younger than 38, but I know they're being complimentary.

I've often obsessed about getting a little filler in my forehead - I have a single deep line in my 11 area, and a lot of very noticeable wrinkles on my forehead. Not the end of the world, and I didn't really used to care, but this is the most embarrassing bit: I was married to a man 7 years older than me, so ageing together was natural and I looked considerably younger than him.

Now, I have a DP who's 15 years younger than me, and I'm so conscious of my looks it's bordering on unhealthy. He absolutely adores me exactly as I am, and is horrified at the thought of me getting any work done, but I still obsess over how much older than him I'll look in a few short years. We're so conditioned as women to look good for our partners, and I'm deeply ashamed that I've ended up with this constantly gnawing at me.

I honestly wish I could be one of those fab women who age happily and defiantly, because this all feels so shallow. As PPs have rightly pointed out, ageing is inevitable, and we should just be glad to be alive.

I hear you, as I feel some of the things you describe. I would second thinking about getting some counselling to reassess how you feel about it. What occurred to me was that it sounds like a variation of body dysmorphia (sp) syndrome.

Get professional help.

I know you didn't ask for advice but I know you know you need it. Yet you're spending your time philosophising here about a message you personally have absorbed from the culture swirling around you.

It's not unhealthy to try to prevent skin cancer. It is unhealthy to do what will prevent skin cancer with the aim of maintaining a certain appearance. It is unhealthy to focus so much on outward appearance that you might haven't yourself short of vitamin D.

Put the money you would have spent t on botox and other jabs into a visits with a good therapist.

It really sounds like what you actually need is therapy, OP, have you looked into that?

There are studies that show it's experiences that truly enhance life, rather than material things. We get a short-term thrill from buying a new jacket or phone (or injectable), but it doesn't last the way a good memory does. You're denying yourself the pleasures in life that really matter and endure, in pursuit of a literally impossible goal.

I always looked 10 years younger (no treatments) til I hit my mid fifties. Time has a way of catching up with all of us. I still have good skin but biology and gravity will always out in the end. I love skincare and I love looking after myself but I'm not chasing an impossible dream. In the end you just have to make the best of what you've got...and be grateful you're still here to wrinkle. 😉

Agree 100% with DSGR

You've just shifted your anxiety from post to pillar.