Anti-ageing efforts are wrecking my life.

[PhotophobicPhyllis]

I'm 47 and up until a few months ago always looked young for my age. This became part of my identity and since my late 20's I have taken looking after my skin very seriously. I use good skincare, in the mid to upper price range but nothing crazy, religiously and am fanatical about protecting my skin from UV. Factor 50 every day, even in winter and several times a day in summer, sun-hat including when driving and last week I bought a pair of UV blocking driving gloves on Amazon, and most of all a commitment to staying out of the sun where possible. In the last two years I've spent the price of a great holiday on injectables - Botox, fillers and recently Profhilo. Of course I am restricted anyway when it comes to going on holidays, because of the dreaded UV.
This is where the wrecking my life comes in. I have developed what I can only describe as "ageorexia". Having suffered from an eating disorder in my youth I do not use this term flippantly. In similar fashion to how food and avoiding it was once my priority in life, not it is skin ageing and how to prevent it. This stops me doing things I would probably enjoy - not just holidaying in sunnier climes but simple things like going for a walk. It's not working anyway. I have just entered the menopause and that and the delayed toll of early sun damage is leading to the inevitable skin sagging and general absence of a glow I used to take for granted.
These two costs - one lifestyle, the other financial - are irrational and futile but I can't seem to give them up. I did try earlier this summer and went outside a lot more (I've also stopped spending so much on skincare but that's because I can see it is useless compared with injectables), but have scurried back indoors once the damage is now obvious and I have also just booked my next round of needles.
I'M NOT LOOKING FOR ADVICE. I know myself I should just get over this, either through gradual exposure and acceptance or getting some professional help. Instead I am posting here to see if anyone else feels similarly: that we've been sold an anti-ageing pup, when ageing is really just a synonym for living, but that realising this on an objective, intellectual level doesn't help when looking in the mirror and wondering surgery mightn't be the bridge too far that it once seemed.

OP How old were you when you started using sunscreen daily?? If it’s a long time I’m sure you look great for your age

In my early - mid 30’s I got a bit obsessed with looking in the mirror and just focussing on my new wrinkles every time. It’s all I could see for a long while. I spent a lot of time researching anti-aging and obsessing. One day I realised that when I looked in the mirror I just focused on my flaws. So I stopped.

Over 10 years on and I think I am more attractive now. Older looking for sure, but better looking. Maybe it’s my hair, maybe it’s the way I dress, or that my makeup is better but I suspect it’s more to do with not spending time focusing on my flaws.

I think that anything that comes in the way of living your life and being happy. I like your term ‘ageorexia’ maybe as a society we will address this at some point, but I also think a lot of people are making a lot of money off peoples insecurities, so you kind of just need to see if you can put your focus elsewhere.

I look after myself, I do strength training, bouldering, eat well, vit c, retinol, SPF (only once a day on my face). But I don’t let the worry of ageing stop me doing anything. I spent the last two days at the beach (with SPF) and had so much fun. I didn’t burn, did stand up paddle boarding, swam with my kids, napped, chatted with friends etc I’m sure the day didn’t age me.

We all grow old.

I'm the same OP. I always looked so young for my age then at about 28 (which coincided with me having a baby) It feels like I aged a decade overnight. I'm 31 now and it's making me miserable. I've spent a small fortune on skincare and treatments (not botox or fillers though) and even given up alcohol but I still look awful. I wear SPF 50 all the time but I still hate going out in the sun (never liked it much anyway tbf). I wish i could stop focusing on my new wrinkles but I feel like I've lost part of my identity. And I know it's only going to get worse, especially after menopause. It's really sad that we feel this way but I don't know how to stop it.

A trip to the doctor is probably a good idea, you sound like you’re suffering while trying to talk yourself out of it as if you can somehow “pull yourself together “.

I’m 47 too and blimey have things gone suddenly downhill this year!!

How I approached this was by questioning what would be achieved by looking younger? Really thinking about what difference it truly makes?
I know people who look young for their age and people who look their age and people who look older it actually makes literally no difference to their life.
You get the odd compliment so what? If you allow compliments to affect how you feel about yourself then equally the opposite will affect you, slippery slope.
Looking young (unless your job depends on it) brings no benefits none whatsoever, its a fantasy that anything is different.

OP, I’m not suggesting you need to nor should have to but do you ever wear makeup? I look grim without my face on, seriously grim. I wear it for me, not to impress anyone. I like wearing it.

you don’t need a mask; something brightening. Mascara? Bit of lipstick? Again, I’m not saying that you should!

I think a great deal depends on your lifestyle and circumstances. For some women looking youthful makes a tremendous difference. Not only for those employed in professions where appearance matters, but also if they are single and want to attract a partner. Unfair as it is, the more attractive a woman is, the wider her pool of potential partners, and attractiveness is almost always linked to youthful characteristics, if not chronological age. Similarly women who don't welcome invisibility fare better if they present as youthful.
While we live in a society that despises and fears age and fetishises youth, not caring if we look old is a privilege for some women in some circumstances. To many others it really does matter and really does impact quality of life.

Im a beauty therapist it should matter in my line of work 😂 i have chosen to not care. As to gaining a partner I would hate to get a man who cared about and wanted me to look younger than I am. Invisibility, I am 55 I look my age and I am not invisible at all.
If the only way I can capture someones interest is by looking young I would rather not be seen by them.
I talk to people I engage with them how can they not see me?
Honestly people dont engage with others because they look 5 years younger than their chronological age, they engage because they are outward looking abd interesting.

Oh and I forgot to mention that I too have suffered an ED for most of my life. Its mostly under control now because this obsession with my face has replaced it.

Totally agree, it's a MH problem you've fixed to ageing. If it wasn't ageing it would be something else. You need to see your GP.

I’m 42 and while I know my laughter lines are crows feet I always come back to, the people who age best have hydrated, looked after NATURAL skin. I think in trying to shape and flatten skin, you’re moulding it to places it can’t mould. Look at the difference between most celebrities who have had a lot done. As for the skincare you’re using, I follow a lady called Laura Kennedy who writes here in Ireland for the Irish Times. She has always insisted that you go over the 150 euro mark and it’s snake oil-it will not do more than a mid range product, spf and good nutrition. And I know you’re not looking for advice, but do you look after yourself in terms of stimulation? Is this all you do or do you read, go for walks, have hobbies? Best of luck op

Looking in my make up drawer or medicine cabinet I can see various things I've bought when desperate for a solution to something , yet in the end used for a short while then forgot about it.
Probably you will be the same OP so try not to do anything too extreme until something else takes your attention.
I have packs of every type of vitamin (in an attempt to fix my memory), battery hair remover for my moustache (which I ignore now apart from the odd longer hair), grey roots disguiser, hard heel skin remover (used now and again), vit A face cream etc etc etc

I don't know how people find so much time to look in the mirror.

@lljkk

The OP clearly has a quite debilitating obsession which is not about vanity and gazing in the mirror. Your post does not help.