Anti-ageing efforts are wrecking my life.

[PhotophobicPhyllis]

I'm 47 and up until a few months ago always looked young for my age. This became part of my identity and since my late 20's I have taken looking after my skin very seriously. I use good skincare, in the mid to upper price range but nothing crazy, religiously and am fanatical about protecting my skin from UV. Factor 50 every day, even in winter and several times a day in summer, sun-hat including when driving and last week I bought a pair of UV blocking driving gloves on Amazon, and most of all a commitment to staying out of the sun where possible. In the last two years I've spent the price of a great holiday on injectables - Botox, fillers and recently Profhilo. Of course I am restricted anyway when it comes to going on holidays, because of the dreaded UV.
This is where the wrecking my life comes in. I have developed what I can only describe as "ageorexia". Having suffered from an eating disorder in my youth I do not use this term flippantly. In similar fashion to how food and avoiding it was once my priority in life, not it is skin ageing and how to prevent it. This stops me doing things I would probably enjoy - not just holidaying in sunnier climes but simple things like going for a walk. It's not working anyway. I have just entered the menopause and that and the delayed toll of early sun damage is leading to the inevitable skin sagging and general absence of a glow I used to take for granted.
These two costs - one lifestyle, the other financial - are irrational and futile but I can't seem to give them up. I did try earlier this summer and went outside a lot more (I've also stopped spending so much on skincare but that's because I can see it is useless compared with injectables), but have scurried back indoors once the damage is now obvious and I have also just booked my next round of needles.
I'M NOT LOOKING FOR ADVICE. I know myself I should just get over this, either through gradual exposure and acceptance or getting some professional help. Instead I am posting here to see if anyone else feels similarly: that we've been sold an anti-ageing pup, when ageing is really just a synonym for living, but that realising this on an objective, intellectual level doesn't help when looking in the mirror and wondering surgery mightn't be the bridge too far that it once seemed.

I agree with this. I'm genuinely very happy with my age, and appearance despite at 53, but if I used the opinions on here as a barometer, I'd no doubt conclude I was 'deluded' ( insult of choice to any older woman expressing anything positive about her appearance) to even consider for a moment that I might be attractive, visible or relevant.
There is a strong culture of youth worship that would have us believe every women in her 20s walks around emitting an irresistible 'glow' while any over 40 has lost her 'bloom' and is duty bound to step back into the shadows to make way for her daughters, because she's 'had her day'.
I've said this before, but I think this is a really damaging myth to perpetrate. Not only for older women, but for the young ones who are the older women of the future. The last thing I want for my DD, who, the way life expectancy is going, may live beyond her 90s, is to think she's past her best by 40.

Reading these posts with interest. I don't think I look as good as I did when I was 25. But most importantly , why should I? I have other qualities that have developed over the years. I wish women were prized for things other than their looks.

Catching up on this thread and surprised (not surprised?) to read many "I look younger than my age" comments.
Not sure if that's helpful to a) the OP who is struggling, and b) in general for all of us to get away from the cult of youth.

I agree thedevil but I think it shows how deep seated all this stuff is.

I agree with this. Happen to hate looking young most of my life. I quite like my crinkles around me eyes for some reason, we need to see ageing as a positive thing, cos if you don't age, you die.

Yes I agree with this. She has spent all this money trying to long young and instead just looks weird, like an aliens interpretation of what a human looks like.

Totally @Floisme and I was most definitely victim to it myself for long enough.

I think the most important aspects to 'anti ageing' are how you treat your body - so healthy diet, exercise , posture .

There is nothing wrong with your face looking your actual age - and as we grow older memories of a brilliant holiday are good to have (or indeed to look forward to the next one).

People who look considerably older than their years normally do so because of a particularly unhealthy lifestyle - sunbed, smoking etc

I don't know obviously if it is affecting your life negatively then thats not great. I really look after my skin high spf & tretinoin for the past 20 years as well as things like dermal needling, led, laser etc. I don't go in the sun but then I've never enjoyed that even when I was a kid, I don't like the feeling of the sun on my skin and hate the heat. So far things look ok for my face, I'm 45 now and no lines or sagging yet but of course I'm currently peri-menopausal so who knows for the future. I started HRT at 43 with peri symptoms and my skin improved quite a bit on that and became more responsive to treatments but obviously post menopause / 50+ its going to be harder and I don't really have the budget for surgery.

I'll admit I do make some decisions based on my skin and ageing like I gave up alcohol at 18 after a brief period of experimenting with drinking in my mid teens largely because I read drinking was bad for your skin. That affecting my social life, career and friendship as well as who I dated, ditto with smoking or going to clubs and pubs because I couldn't bare being in smoke filled rooms. I don't really regret any of that but I'll admit there is an effect. I'll also admit that I get a bit down if my skin looks bad but I've always felt that way since my teens as I had teenage acne well into my 20s! I was feeling down about my skin before I started hrt but its really perked up since I started that.

Skincare is sort of a hobby for me and I wouldn't rule anything out provided I have the budget for it but yeah I wonder how I'll feel when everything finally starts to collapse, I don't think I'll like it too much. I like looking good for my age, having no pigmentation, visible lines or sagging. I have an Aunt who looks 50 and she is 70 and my Dad looks much younger than his age so I hope I take after them so far so good but I know that could all change in the next 10 years. I know its something we are sold and I'm quite good at weeding out gimmiky skincare but I love a device so I've blown a bit of cash on those things. I guess I don't feel bad as its all still working for me ok.

"We could do with more emphasis on strength and fitness and less emphasis on appearance."

That's just another tyranny.

"I honestly think a lot of how 'well' you age and how your skin looks later in life is down to genes anyway!"

Definitely.

Actually, not as much as people think. Given that it has been shown that only around 30% of longevity is down to genes, and the rest is down to lifestyle, and exposure to toxic chemicals, etc, then I would expect how well you age facially etc is also mostly down to lifestyle, and exposure to toxic chemicals, at worst, but mostly what comes under the umbrella of lifestyle, and hence changeable risk factors for poor ageing and enhancement of disease - poor composition of diet, alcohol use or abuse, smoking, sunbaking, stress, poverty, lack of exercise, etc, all contribute to ageing of body and hence of face.

Maybe. But how much is known and how much avoidable? Why are women taking so much responsibility for ageing which is largely a natural process?

Definitely sounds like ocd/psychiatric issues

Maybe. But how much is known and how much avoidable?

There is good quality research and long studies into all of this with regard to preventing dementia, cardiovascular disease, and extending health span.

These show that a large percentage of what are termed diseases of old age can be if not outright completely prevented then delayed in onset or mitigated against with changes to lifestyle.

But this is the S & B thread where people are not interested in lifestyle changes and put their faith and money into immobilising their faces instead.

Well, yes, healthy lifestyle is what I personally concentrate on in terms in anti ageing. However, I think we need to be careful not to take the rhetoric too far. Otherwise people end up being judged and blamed when they have health issues instead of being helped and supported.

This is an unnecessarily unpleasant post.
Whatever you think of Madonna, she does not 'stuff her middle aged midriff into corsets'. The woman is toned with an athletic build and no signs of 'inevitable' middle aged spread that i can see.
Goodness knows what lies you've been sold about what women's bodies should look like if you think her body looks bad at 60. Or indeed, if she were 30.
On a thread where a woman is making herself unwell worrying about aging, posts gleefully picking over and exaggerating the percieved faults in the body of another older woman are not helpful
There are many postive ways to feel better about one's own aging, and support other women to do the same. Being spiteful about older women, however they choose to navigate the aging process, isn't really one of them. In fact it's part of the problem.

Was that to remove hoods? How much was it and are you happy with the result?

However, I think we need to be careful not to take the rhetoric too far.

It's not rhetoric. It's new understanding of how we age, and how we can mitigate against common disease and the effects of disuse. People who take up exercise and strength training in their 90s can regain muscle mass, etc. What was considered inevitable bodily decline can be halted to a large degree. Of course there are some illnesses and diseases that are impossible to stave off, but people have a lot more control over the quality of their later years than many in middle age onwards are aware; but most people do know it's not good for their health to sit on the couch 24/7, smoke, drink heavily, abuse drugs, eat loads of processed meat, fast foods, and highly processed foods and snacks, and no vegetables, or sunbake or use sunbeds, but they still want to.

Follow the money. It's all about money. You've been sold an impossible dream that will keep you enslaved to buying and consuming 'stuff' till you die and impoverish your life — as you're starting to notice. If we only value anyone, male or female, for the way they look, we're all in trouble because no one can look young forever. And those who try end up looking like Madonna.

I'm probably one of those women whom you dread turning into. 60-something, a bit wrinkly, a couple of age/ sun spots starting to show. My turkey neck is doing its best to develop, my jawline has gone soft. You know what? It doesn't matter.

Hi, can I ask where you get your tret, if you’re in the uk? I’m looking for some!

Hi @KalaniM I am afraid I get it from family overseas but I believe you can get it from Dermatica in the UK.

Oh Thankyou.I don’t really want a monthly fee, I’d rather just buy a tube.. hey ho!

It's not rhetoric. It's new understanding of how we age, and how we can mitigate against common disease and the effects of disuse. People who take up exercise and strength training in their 90s can regain muscle mass, etc. What was considered inevitable bodily decline can be halted to a large degree. Of course there are some illnesses and diseases that are impossible to stave off, but people have a lot more control over the quality of their later years than many in middle age onwards are aware; but most people do know it's not good for their health to sit on the couch 24/7, smoke, drink heavily, abuse drugs, eat loads of processed meat, fast foods, and highly processed foods and snacks, and no vegetables, or sunbake or use sunbeds, but they still want to.

Of course the individual does have power over their health. However, I think it's important to remember how many mixed messages society gives out along with the knock on effects of health decline on people's mental health. It can be too shorter step from acknowledging an individual control over choices which affect health to blaming and shaming individuals for a decline in their health instead of supporting them.

Plus remember a lot of people are seeing the effects of choices made decades ago when not much was known about the damage to health from these choices.

You can buy it here. I've used this site and they're legit.

tretinoinworld.com/