Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Style and beauty

Looking for style advice? Chat all about it here. For the latest discounts on fashion and beauty, sign up for Mumsnet Moneysaver emails.

Original poster

Why are so many men obsessed with getting abs?

296 replies

PGWo · 09/04/2022 10:43

I see it on the cover of any men's magazines when I go out. Why do men starve themselves and spend every waking hour working out just to get some bumps on their stomach?
Do they actually think it would impress women? Any woman who cares about abs probably isn't worth their time anyway.Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
PGWo · 09/04/2022 16:38

@5128gap

I'm not denying that women have it worse. What I'm saying is that nobody should be made to feel inadequate for not looking a certain way. The fact that women are made to feel this way is a bad thing in itself, not because men don't go through it as much. Making men feel inadequate for nit having abs, as you propose, does not help anybody. It just makes men worse off and leaves women in the same position.

OP posts:
LegMeChicken · 09/04/2022 16:41

[quote PGWo]@5128gap

I'm not denying that women have it worse. What I'm saying is that nobody should be made to feel inadequate for not looking a certain way. The fact that women are made to feel this way is a bad thing in itself, not because men don't go through it as much. Making men feel inadequate for nit having abs, as you propose, does not help anybody. It just makes men worse off and leaves women in the same position.[/quote]
Nobody really cares. Are you really so gullible as to go around formulating opinions based on trash magazines?

Original poster
PGWo · 09/04/2022 16:41

@HeyBlaby

No need to insult my husband, and he isn't fat at all. Not all men are shredded on steroids or fat like Homer Simpson. My husband is very thin, not much fat or muscle tone.

OP posts:
Original poster
PGWo · 09/04/2022 16:43

Well I care about men feeling inadequate. I don't think anybody should feel bad because they don't look a certain way.
If you don't care about other people dealing with insecurities and mental health issues, I don't know what to say.
@LegMeChicken

OP posts:
Original poster
PGWo · 09/04/2022 16:46

@Ifailed

Yes, and that's part of the irony. The women who are attracted to abs like them because they indicate brute masculinity (i.e. aggression, volatility, violence, etc). So that's why they'd be attracted to rugby players but probably wouldn't care about ballerinos. The fact that he does ballet would turn them off.

OP posts:
worriedatthistime · 09/04/2022 16:47

You know some women do the same don't you

Patchbatch · 09/04/2022 16:49

I don't think that many men are obsessed with getting abs really, but of course, just like women's magazines invariably you see more in shallow magazines. I personally think abs look good, but don't think they give any more value to a man. Some people do genuinely enjoy working out and looking after their bodies though, I have abs- not overly defined but I like to eat a balanced diet because it makes me feel good, and I exercise because it does wonders for my mental health- I'm sure some men are the same. Dh has abs but more because he plays sport to a high level and so does a tonne of training to be in good shape for that; the abs themselves are a by product of being in good physical shape for a purpose.

StopFeckingFaffing · 09/04/2022 16:50

What a strange thread

Some men like to take care of their health and fitness and enjoy the feeling of being toned and solid. Some men dont care about their health or appearance. Ditto for women.

If some men feel insecure about their bodies I don't think it is fair to blame men with toned abs or women who find men with toned abs attractive for their insecurities. We all like different things and you can't dictate what physical attributes people are attracted to in a partner!

Original poster
PGWo · 09/04/2022 16:52

@Perfectlystill
I'm sure you'd be upset if your husband said something like this about you, so why are you bad-mouthing like him this way?

@PurpleDaisies

Wouldn't you rather not care how your breasts and arse look and just appreciate you for your personality and insights?
You won't have your breasts and bottom forever. Will he get bored then?
And also be careful, as your husband is unlikely to be the only man noting you. It's very possible then when you go out to the supermarket or at the gym, that other men are 'appreciating' your features.

OP posts:
worriedatthistime · 09/04/2022 16:52

So your Partner likes opera and ballet which is fine but I loathe both as a woman but love football etc so thats something me and dh have in common, thats helps
If men want abs so what , and plenty of young women do like abs on their men
We all like different things

ArabeI · 09/04/2022 16:57

Interesting that you think the ballet abs would be a turn off, OP. I'm not sure, though I'm thinking of examples like, the much admired, Roberto Bolle, and similar.

5128gap · 09/04/2022 16:58

[quote PGWo]@5128gap

I'm not denying that women have it worse. What I'm saying is that nobody should be made to feel inadequate for not looking a certain way. The fact that women are made to feel this way is a bad thing in itself, not because men don't go through it as much. Making men feel inadequate for nit having abs, as you propose, does not help anybody. It just makes men worse off and leaves women in the same position.[/quote]
You're not reading what I'm saying. I'm saying that there is no reason why men should feel inadequate for not having abs. Few do, and even fewer would find the lack of them a deal breaker in a relationship. Just because a few women on MN have stated a preference for them, hardly equates to huge disadvantage for men without them. Unless you're a gym dodging man OP, with skin in the game, I can't see why you're conflating what is really a non issue.

PurpleDaisies · 09/04/2022 16:59

Wouldn't you rather not care how your breasts and arse look and just appreciate you for your personality and insights?

My self worth isn’t defined by my breasts or my arse and I have zero concerns about my husband leaving me when my looks fade. He loves my personality too.

I like looking good though. Who doesn’t? I also think some of my friends with small boobs and flat bums are beautiful. I’m absolutely certain they attract male attention too because I’ve seen them be offered drinks when we’re out together. There’s not one way to be pretty or handsome.

FrangipaniBlue · 09/04/2022 17:07

OP you keep asking "but why do you like them/why are they masculine" over and over.....

Are you deliberately ignoring the many posters who have said "they're a sign a man is fit and healthy" ????

Most of the men in my circle of friends have visible abs, but not one of them got them through the vanity of hours in the gym. They got them by virtue of the sport we all partake in.

So for me it absolutely is a sign that a man is fit and healthy.

lunar1 · 09/04/2022 17:09

My sons both have defined abs, they weren't a goal, they are a byproduct of swimming/dancing a few times a week.

They certainly aren't there to impress anyone, they definitely aren't starved-I can't fill them up fast enough. No steroids involved either!

pictish · 09/04/2022 17:10

BECAUSE WE ARE ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE WHO ARE FIT, ACTIVE AND HEALTHY. IT WORKS BOTH WAYS.

Sorry to shout but jeez OP you are being deliberately obtuse.

Original poster
PGWo · 09/04/2022 17:10

@Suprima

I'm not trying to gain the respect of men at all and have never even heard of AskMen.
I don't think "can be vocal" about their desires either. I've been very clear that I think men who objectify women are disgusting pigs.

You really shouldn't insult people for being fat. You don't know what happened in their life that made them like that. They could have a bad metabolism or maybe grew up in food deserts. Companies internally make junk food addictive, and a lot of people succumb to it.

Wouldn't you rather your husband appreciate your personality and integrity? You may have a nice bum and bosom now, but it won't last forever.

@BattledoreAndShuttlecock
It's not a fitness signifier. Being shredded with below 10% body fat isn't sustainable. Having abs is almost undeniably the result of steroids.

Again, I'm sure you'd agree a man who likes large breasts or shapely bottoms is shallow, so why is obsession with abs any less shallow? Would you date a man who looked at women's bodies like that?

@elidelochanthefirst

I'm not as concerned with looks as I am with personality, intelligence, and being well-read. When my husband and I were at university we didn't really care about partying and sex. We preferred reading and we're very studious.
I can gurantee you Henry Cavill and Idris Elba are full of steroids.

@Fairislefandango

The type of masculinity that these people are talking about is one of brute strength and violence. That's why muscles are considered mainstream 'masculine' feature; they signify a volatile and aggressive personality. Think about it: why are muscles considered attractive on men but not on women?

OP posts:
Original poster
PGWo · 09/04/2022 17:14

@FrangipaniBlue
@pictish
Women with abs aren't considered attractive the way men with abs supposedly are. If it's just about fitness, why is that?

Also, having abs isn't always a fitness indicator. Having visible abs is unsustainable; nobody can healthily maintain sub 10% body fat year-round.

OP posts:
Original poster
PGWo · 09/04/2022 17:16

In your very first comment, you said "Tbh though, given the amount of stuff the average woman feels obliged to do, it's the very least we could expect from them."

So yes, you were saying men should be made to feel uncomfortable for not having a six pack.

OP posts:
Original poster
PGWo · 09/04/2022 17:17

@PurpleDaisies
I haven't heard about videos like that at all. I'm surprised they're saying men would like big bums. I thought those sorts of men preferred toned bottoms.

OP posts:
Original poster
PGWo · 09/04/2022 17:25

In your very first comment, you said "Tbh though, given the amount of stuff the average woman feels obliged to do, it's the very least we could expect from them."

So yes, you were saying men should be made to feel uncomfortable for not having a six pack.

@5128gap

OP posts:
ineedsun · 09/04/2022 17:39

I’m not sure of the point that you’re trying to make to be honest. Some people like abs, some don’t.

Some people like big breasts, other people don’t.

Some people find fatter people attractive, some people find skinnier people attractive. Why do you need to understand?

PurpleDaisies · 09/04/2022 17:41

Again, I'm sure you'd agree a man who likes large breasts or shapely bottoms is shallow, so why is obsession with abs any less shallow?

Are you being deliberately obtuse? There’s nothing wrong with finding certain body shapes more attractive than others. I think it’s shallow (and unrealistic) to only date people who perfectly match your ideal list. My husband doesn’t look like a male model but I wouldn’t swap him for one. Attraction is more complex than you seem to think.

PurpleDaisies · 09/04/2022 17:42

[quote PGWo]@PurpleDaisies
I haven't heard about videos like that at all. I'm surprised they're saying men would like big bums. I thought those sorts of men preferred toned bottoms.[/quote]
Some men like big bottoms. Is this seriously news to you? There was a whole rap song about it.

Simonjt · 09/04/2022 17:43

Virtually every man at my rugby club has abs year round, are you genuinely trying to stay sports people are unhealthy and on steroids? I’ve had visible abs for all of my rugby career (15 years), do you think I’ve somehow managed to avoid steroid use being detected during drugs tests?