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Original poster

Why are so many men obsessed with getting abs?

296 replies

PGWo · 09/04/2022 10:43

I see it on the cover of any men's magazines when I go out. Why do men starve themselves and spend every waking hour working out just to get some bumps on their stomach?
Do they actually think it would impress women? Any woman who cares about abs probably isn't worth their time anyway.Grin

OP posts:
Suprima · 09/04/2022 12:36

@PGWo

I see it on the cover of any men's magazines when I go out. Why do men starve themselves and spend every waking hour working out just to get some bumps on their stomach? Do they actually think it would impress women? Any woman who cares about abs probably isn't worth their time anyway.Grin
I’d rather they did

You can shag the ones with dad bods if you don’t care- someone has to

My OH would hugely disagree with women who appreciate a good physique not being worth it- but whatever makes you feel better about yourself Wink

BattledoreAndShuttlecock · 09/04/2022 12:46

[quote PGWo]@allBattledoreAndShuttlecock

Why are you impressed by men with abs?[/quote]
I find them attractive: like I said it's a signifier of fitness. Clearly I'm a shallow individual who no right thinking man would ever bother with, but I've reproduced twice so my shallowness hasn't been too much of a handicap in the Darwinian arena.

Fairislefandango · 09/04/2022 12:55

Are you attracted to men who get into fights with other men, shout loudly in public, and disrespect women? That's what I think of as a masculine man.

That's quite an unusual definition of 'masculine'. I'd say that was at most an unpleasant subset of the much, much larger group of men who present in a masculine way.

5128gap · 09/04/2022 12:56

[quote PGWo]@5128gap
I am still wondering why you think abs are amazing and impressive. Also, what makes you worth it? I am sure you would agree any man impressed by shapely bottoms and toned stomachs is not worth impressing.
Again, I really think the solution to objectifying women should not be to objetify men.[/quote]
How does one make another understand an aesthetic preference who doesn't share it? All I can suggest is that you think of something you consider aesthetically pleasing and extrapolate my reasons from that?
What makes me worth it? Well, the things I bring to the table in a relationship (which given this isn't a dating site, I'm not going to list in detail here, suffice to say, i believe it sufficient for me to be able to be discerning. As should we all.)
And no, I wouldn't agree a man impressed by an attractive female body is not worth it based on that alone. Very few men are not. I would need to know a lot more about a man before deciding if he were worth my time, but being attracted to a shapely female body would by no means exclude him.

BattledoreAndShuttlecock · 09/04/2022 13:02

I think 5128gap has nailed something important about the OP's "all looks-based preferences are objectification and wrong regardless of gender" take.

If we judge that a male romantic prospect/model/rom com lead is physically attractive or not then all we're saying is "he's good looking" or "he's not good looking". That's just one of their many attributes. Some men are handsome, some aren't and if we're not planning to date them or gaze at them recreationally then it's neither here nor there.

But for women in our society their appearance is often seen as their primary and overriding characteristic. Many men genuinely secretly feel that a woman's predominant role is as their potential sexual partner because women are the sex class. So a flat chested female physicist/surgeon/historian/bus driver has accordingly failed in some important way, whereas their weak-chinned male equivalents haven't.

Original poster
PGWo · 09/04/2022 13:08

You would rather who did what?
What does OH stand for?
I'm sure you'd agree that men whi go after large breasts or a shapely bottom aren't worth impressing, so why should women be different?
We don't need to bodyshame men who don't fit beauty standards.

OP posts:
5128gap · 09/04/2022 13:19

OP, are you a man? Just as you struggle to understand why some women like abs, I'm struggling to understand why a woman is so invested in telling us we shouldn't, and is so very concerned about the impact on men of some women's preferences. If you are a woman, why is this so important to you?

ArabeI · 09/04/2022 13:34

I'm impressed by the work that will have gone into it, and the training and discipline involved; whether it's incidental (from other training) or body building in the gym.

PurpleDaisies · 09/04/2022 13:37

I'm sure you'd agree that men whi go after large breasts or a shapely bottom aren't worth impressing, so why should women be different?

While dh likes my large breasts and shapely bottom, I don’t think that’s the only reason he likes me! You seem to be saying nobody should be attracted to particular physical attributes. I like tall, fit looking men. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t date somebody short if there was something else about them that made me fancy them.

Original poster
PGWo · 09/04/2022 13:39

@BattledoreAndShuttlecock

I agree, but @5128gap had said that since women are pressured to look a certain way, men should face the same pressure as well. I don't see how that would make anybody better off.

OP posts:
Perfectlystill · 09/04/2022 13:42

I wish my husband was!

elidelochanthefirst · 09/04/2022 13:55

My DH has amazing abs they look gorgeous... He likes to work out and I like to work out so I have good abs too 🤷‍♀️

Surely there's a physical trait you find appealing about men?

Many people find a fit muscular body attractive, male or female.

Suprima · 09/04/2022 13:58

@PGWo

You would rather who did what? What does OH stand for? I'm sure you'd agree that men whi go after large breasts or a shapely bottom aren't worth impressing, so why should women be different? We don't need to bodyshame men who don't fit beauty standards.
I’d rather men did look after themselves more. And no, I honestly don’t care about ‘body shaming’ men. It’s not my battle. Having physical standards isn’t body shaming.

I don’t care if men go for a partner they find attractive. Sexual attraction is important. I hope my fiancée likes my large breasts and shapely bottom as much as I like his good muscle tone.

Again, if you don’t care about physical appearances- that’s absolutely fine. The vast majority of blokes walk around with beer bellies, don’t moisturise and wash their hair with tea tree shower gel- you’re welcome to them!

Suprima · 09/04/2022 14:05

[quote PGWo]@BattledoreAndShuttlecock

I agree, but @5128gap had said that since women are pressured to look a certain way, men should face the same pressure as well. I don't see how that would make anybody better off.[/quote]
Why are you desperate to come across as some non-shallow pickme who isn’t like other nasty, abs-focused other girls?

The men who you care so much about will not respect you any for it. They aren’t fighting this fight on your right to not have a shapely bottom on AskMen.com

People are well entitled to have their own physical standards, men and women. It doesn’t make them nastier or lesser. Your posts reek of turning this into some strange ‘double standard’, mens rights issue.

The only inequality is this- men are allowed to be vocal about their sexual preferences, women have to be ‘kiiiind’ and accepting. Your OP demonstrates this. A woman liking a well muscled man is apparently shallow and ‘not worth’ bothering with. Confused

hamstersarse · 09/04/2022 14:06

As an aside to all of this, the research shows women are most attracted to a man’s status.

It’s not shallow either. Women need to know a man can support a family. Not pc and all that, but it’s obvious when you hear women talking about men they are attracted to

Vohgue · 09/04/2022 14:16

I'm also struggling to understand the point here. Both men and women find different things - physical and otherwise - appealing. If some men want to train to get good abs that's up to them, surely?

elidelochanthefirst · 09/04/2022 14:19

@elidelochanthefirst

My DH has amazing abs they look gorgeous... He likes to work out and I like to work out so I have good abs too 🤷‍♀️

Surely there's a physical trait you find appealing about men?

Many people find a fit muscular body attractive, male or female.

Also... I'm with a "masculine" man but I don't think your partner who likes ballet and opera is any less masculine. I still believe people are light and shade not black and white, there's no single definition of masculinity. But I do have to say, I find an Idris Elba or Henry Cavill type many much much sexier than someone like Benedict Cumberbatch - I wouldnt be sexually attracted to him. Though I'd love to go for a beer with him!
5128gap · 09/04/2022 14:20

[quote PGWo]@BattledoreAndShuttlecock

I agree, but @5128gap had said that since women are pressured to look a certain way, men should face the same pressure as well. I don't see how that would make anybody better off.[/quote]
The pressure is nothing like the same. The vast majority of men don't have visible abs. The vast majority of women wouldn't consider that reason to reject them. Its a nice to have, but I doubt many would consider it essential.
Compare this to the pressure on women to maintain a certain body size and shape, which the majority of men would consider an essential requirement in a partner.
Until men are prepared to consider women purely on the basis of their personalities, they should have no complaints if women have preferences in relation to their bodies in return.

elidelochanthefirst · 09/04/2022 14:20

Ignore typos of many much much ha.
You get my point

EssexLioness · 09/04/2022 14:22

@LactoseTheIntolerant

Op it is possible for men (and women) to actually enjoy working out and the feeling of being fit, the same way it is possible for your partner to enjoy opera. One is not superior to the other. Your posts read as if you think that people who enjoy exercise are shallow and 2 dimensional. I enjoy both working out (because feeling fit and strong is amazing) and a wide variety of cultural interests. I don't care if a man has abs, but I would think less of someone that didn't take any care of their physical wellbeing.
This! I have started working out regularly in the past year. It is not for vanity’s sake or to attract a partner (I’m happily married, mid 40s). I have actually just started getting some abs and I am very proud of them. It’s not something specific that I look for in a partner. However my own muscle definition is due to hard work and has taken time and dedication. It is also motivated by my desire to be healthy and strong and to avoid many of the problems people experience as they age. I respect the same amount of work and dedication in other people. Getting a toned body is an achievement which many people are rightly proud of.
Echobelly · 09/04/2022 14:26

I remember once seeing a list of what men's body parts men thought women admired most and the top was:

  • Arms
  • Chest
  • Shoulders
  • Abs

But women's top two were:

  • Bum
  • Legs

With arms and abs way down the list. But I guess a lot of blokes are told women are after a 6 pack. I have literally known one guy ever with a six-pack. He was very vain, and totally admitted that he was!

LegMeChicken · 09/04/2022 14:52

@BattledoreAndShuttlecock

I think 5128gap has nailed something important about the OP's "all looks-based preferences are objectification and wrong regardless of gender" take.

If we judge that a male romantic prospect/model/rom com lead is physically attractive or not then all we're saying is "he's good looking" or "he's not good looking". That's just one of their many attributes. Some men are handsome, some aren't and if we're not planning to date them or gaze at them recreationally then it's neither here nor there.

But for women in our society their appearance is often seen as their primary and overriding characteristic. Many men genuinely secretly feel that a woman's predominant role is as their potential sexual partner because women are the sex class. So a flat chested female physicist/surgeon/historian/bus driver has accordingly failed in some important way, whereas their weak-chinned male equivalents haven't.

It's actually the opposite. People assume that beautiful women are thick. Which is why I take great pleasure in being a super-feminine software engineer. At my current workplace nobody cares, but people have often mistaken me for the secretary or project manager Hmm

The majority of my circle are intelligent, professional females (doctors, research scientists, mathematicians). Most are average looking, never had any issues. Contrary to media perception there's a large number of men who want a partner, not a blow-up doll.

Even looking around me... the majority of people are partnered, and v normal looking.

LegMeChicken · 09/04/2022 15:04

@5128gap
No human discounts physical appearance, for a physical relationship.
While the media etc goes on about being thin etc etc the majority of men IME do not care. How many women would date an obese man because of a 'great personality' anyway?

I'm not saying that there's zero pressure, e.,g. makeup as seen being professional for women, judging our competence based on our looks. But I also don't think that all of this looking like good comes from what men find attractive. it's silly to pretend that physical appearance doesn't influence desire at the beginning.

As you grow together, etc and after a long relationship it shouldn't matter so much but even then there are limits

choccohoopz · 09/04/2022 15:17

I kind of get the point but men have it easier and I wouldn't waste my energy on fighting this battle on behalf of men.

"Dad bod" is the ultimate example. Women bodies go through a massive ordeal and yet there's pressure to lose weight and get rid of the "mum tum" yet "Dad bods" are often promoted. Really pisses me off whenever I hear the term.

5128gap · 09/04/2022 15:21

[quote LegMeChicken]@5128gap
No human discounts physical appearance, for a physical relationship.
While the media etc goes on about being thin etc etc the majority of men IME do not care. How many women would date an obese man because of a 'great personality' anyway?

I'm not saying that there's zero pressure, e.,g. makeup as seen being professional for women, judging our competence based on our looks. But I also don't think that all of this looking like good comes from what men find attractive. it's silly to pretend that physical appearance doesn't influence desire at the beginning.

As you grow together, etc and after a long relationship it shouldn't matter so much but even then there are limits[/quote]
A woman who doesn't look society's idea of 'good' (which for many, not all, but many, includes being slim) will have a harder time attracting a man than a man without visible abs will in attracting a woman.