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Why are so many men obsessed with getting abs?

296 replies

PGWo · 09/04/2022 10:43

I see it on the cover of any men's magazines when I go out. Why do men starve themselves and spend every waking hour working out just to get some bumps on their stomach?
Do they actually think it would impress women? Any woman who cares about abs probably isn't worth their time anyway.Grin

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/04/2022 23:19

DP's been obese and bloated on medication, underweight and painfully thin and just average. But since he started going to the gym and exercising regularly with me, he has developed muscles and there's a slight hint of a six pack and V.

I always loved and fancied him, but this latest version is fantastic. He's stronger, fitter, happier, walks and holds himself more confidently and it just does things to see them or even just feel them under his shirt.

Chances are they won't be with him forever, but I'm bloody well enjoying the physical manifestation of his improved health right now.

FlowerArranger · 10/04/2022 23:36

@MoreHolidays

I agree that rugby is a very violent and toxic sport, but not everybody who has abs got it from there. In fact, I don't find many rugby men attractive because they are large and bulky. At university, I used to watch the swin competitions because I thought the men were good-looking; they were lean and athletic. My husband got his beautiful abs from none other than performing ballet in fact.
Oh yes, ballet dancers...Grin

images.app.goo.gl/USNUu8SuQGzbUb7Q8

PGWo · 11/04/2022 08:05

www.bbc.com/news/education-35696238
@Jonny1265
@PurpleDaisies

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 11/04/2022 09:03

@PGWo

www.bbc.com/news/education-35696238 *@Jonny1265* *@PurpleDaisies*
That article doesn’t say that most doctors think that rugby should be banned for under 16s.
ambereeree · 11/04/2022 10:52

@IBelieveInAThingCalledScience
Me too! Kettlebells are my go to.

PGWo · 11/04/2022 12:06

It's clear that many doctors think tackling at least should be removed, yet most rugby fans can't even grasp that.
If a game in which the purpose is to pummel people as much as one can isn't toxic, what is?

OP posts:
PGWo · 11/04/2022 12:06

@PurpleDaisies

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 11/04/2022 12:40

Have you now given up on answering anything to do with people finding each other physically attractive @PGWo? Is this now a rugby thread?

I was really hoping for some sort of response to what I posted earlier.

You’ve totally missed the point I was making. I was asking if you found your partner physically attractive, not whether or not he was muscular. That’s how relationships work. There’s a spark of physical attraction. It’s totally nuts to pretend otherwise. My husband is also this, not particularly muscular and has no visible abs. When I first saw him, the first thing I thought was that I found him good looking.
Do you find your partner attractive? Are there things about your body that he likes?

samsera · 11/04/2022 13:15

If a game in which the purpose is to pummel people as much as one can isn't toxic, what is?

I'm not very familiar with rules of Rugby but I suspect the purpose is something different, possibly involving balls and goals...

PGWo · 11/04/2022 13:26

@PurpleDaisies
You're right, I'm sorry.
I don't care about physical appearance. I think he dresses well and has nice hair, but I am more impressed with his personality and humanity. As I said, we met as undergraduates and were always more interested in studying and reading than sex or partying. Apparently that makes me a snob according to @elidelochanthefirst. 🤷‍♂️

OP posts:
worriedatthistime · 11/04/2022 13:52

@PGWo it just make you different to someone else , we all are different
I was attracted to my dh for looks initially i guess , but then personality and clicking with someone fits in
My dh does play rugby though ( he doesn't have the abs, more a dad bod) but we are both into sports so that also something we have in common
Everyone has different attractions, preferences etc and thats fine

worriedatthistime · 11/04/2022 13:56

@PGWo you are not allowed to pummel anyone in rugby
You really need to read up a lot more
Your allowed to tackle someone with a legal tackle only , no contact to the head is allowed
In fact its a lot about moving the ball around and creating space
There are injuries in many sports. I have seen many on the football pitch
Yes some drs have voiced maybe tackles for children being banned but not all , and the Tackling age and rules for children have changed
Schools around here don't make contact rugby compulsory anymore and allow the option of tag
My two ds play and they love the game , yes i worry at times of course but I do when they go karting etc as well

elidelochanthefirst · 11/04/2022 14:04

You are a snob because you look down on people who find attractiveness important in a relationship and you think you're superior because you prefer studying to sex. Not because you enjoy those things, it's your dismissive attitude to other people's opinions that is jarring.

And incidentally my entire point was people are allowed to enjoy both. They can love their partner's personality and love their abs. They aren't mutually exclusive.

EssexLioness · 11/04/2022 14:13

I agree with @elidelochanthefirst. Both my DH and I have postgrads and were attracted to each other’s intellect and personality. However there is no dispute that there has to be a degree of sexual attraction in a healthy relationship. My husband is average looking but there are things about his physical appearance that I find attractive, even though this isn’t my top priority. And it is perfectly normal to see an attractive person and notice them. To argue that this makes us all perverts makes you sound rather repressed and ridiculous because by that definition practically everyone in the world are perverted. Sexual attraction is a normal and healthy part of life

ToiletPoster2 · 11/04/2022 14:45

I've always thought that muscles and abs are much more about being respected by other men than about women finding them attractive.
It is sort of analogous to makeup designer clothing with women.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 11/04/2022 19:28

This isn't really about Rugby or men who exercise, is it, OP?

No actually, I was consistently sexually harassed throughout secondary school and university by rugby players

Any woman who cares about abs probably isn't worth their time anyway

men who get into fights with other men, shout loudly in public, and disrespect women? That's what I think of as a masculine man

any man impressed by shapely bottoms and toned stomachs is not worth impressing

The women who are attracted to abs like them because they indicate brute masculinity (i.e. aggression, volatility, violence, etc)

You won't have your breasts and bottom forever. Will he get bored then? And also be careful, as your husband is unlikely to be the only man noting you. It's very possible then when you go out to the supermarket or at the gym, that other men are 'appreciating' your features

I'm saying just as she wouldn't want men at the supermarket noticing her body

How do you know your husband isn't noticing other women when he goes out? If he likes your bum and breasts, maybe he notices other attractive women.

They're usually either rugby players (very violent) or actors known for playing violent, aggressive characters. Nothing like the middle-classic people you met at university.

What I should have said is that you wouldn't want men to notice your body when you're out in the supermarket. You know it'd be wrong of them to do that, that only a sex pervert looks at women like that

It's that you were traumatised by men with a particular bodyshape and lifestyle. And fortunately, you found a safe male, a man you desceibe as 'not muscular. In fact he's quite thin' and who was 'more interested in studying and reading than sex'.

As an aside (and I'm not asking you to confirm it, just think about why I might ask it) are you quite large? Making a subconscious decision to put on weight to reduce any perceived attractiveness to predatory males is a known response to trauma.

You really shouldn't insult people for being fat. You don't know what happened in their life that made them like that

Wouldn't you rather your husband appreciate your personality and integrity?

I think you might benefit from therapy for your trauma. Not to make you suddenly love muscular men, but because your comments suggest that sexual arousal is something to be feared and despised.

It doesn't matter if a man notices I've got an arse and boobs in the supermarket, of course I have; bar needing a bilateral mastectomy and being unsuitable for reconstruction, I'm always going to have both, whether they are the same size or further South than they are already, I'm still going to have them.

It's perfectly fine for a man to find his wife and partner sexually attractive as well as loving their personality. It's fine for them to notice another woman's secondary sexual characteristics, just as it is fine for women to notice men's; there's a mile of difference between seeing something and those who cross the line into inappropriate comments or contact.

I can have conversations with DP about the industry in Papal Indulgences in the 14th Century (he has a Medieval Studies Degree) and we can also have a healthy sexual attraction for one another, as is our right. And we can also see if another person, whether in person or on the TV is/was physically attractive, even when there's no way either of us would want to shag a cybernetic organism tasked with killing either the Mother of the future leader of the human resistance following the Rise of the Machines and Judgement Day or John Connor himself. If they were real. Which they aren't.

If this thread stems from you feeling threatened because your DH has started going to the gym or is in some way wanting to be stronger/fitter and you're angry because you're scared he's going to turn into an abuser or leave you for somebody else, it's even more important for you to access therapy sooner rather than later.

But if it isn't, it's still clearly very much something you need to do for yourself, as being triggered to the point of anger/terror at the thought of a muscular/physically active/sexually confident not abusive or predatory man existing is a hugely stressful and unhappy life for you and could be having just as negative an effect upon your DS as bullying.

PGWo · 11/04/2022 20:59

@NeverDropYourMooncup
Actually I'm very thin. I've always had a quick metabolism so I've never put on much weight. I also have a small appetite.

OP posts:
Jonny1265 · 12/04/2022 17:00

@NeverDropYourMooncup

This isn't really about Rugby or men who exercise, is it, OP?

No actually, I was consistently sexually harassed throughout secondary school and university by rugby players

Any woman who cares about abs probably isn't worth their time anyway

men who get into fights with other men, shout loudly in public, and disrespect women? That's what I think of as a masculine man

any man impressed by shapely bottoms and toned stomachs is not worth impressing

The women who are attracted to abs like them because they indicate brute masculinity (i.e. aggression, volatility, violence, etc)

You won't have your breasts and bottom forever. Will he get bored then? And also be careful, as your husband is unlikely to be the only man noting you. It's very possible then when you go out to the supermarket or at the gym, that other men are 'appreciating' your features

I'm saying just as she wouldn't want men at the supermarket noticing her body

How do you know your husband isn't noticing other women when he goes out? If he likes your bum and breasts, maybe he notices other attractive women.

They're usually either rugby players (very violent) or actors known for playing violent, aggressive characters. Nothing like the middle-classic people you met at university.

What I should have said is that you wouldn't want men to notice your body when you're out in the supermarket. You know it'd be wrong of them to do that, that only a sex pervert looks at women like that

It's that you were traumatised by men with a particular bodyshape and lifestyle. And fortunately, you found a safe male, a man you desceibe as 'not muscular. In fact he's quite thin' and who was 'more interested in studying and reading than sex'.

As an aside (and I'm not asking you to confirm it, just think about why I might ask it) are you quite large? Making a subconscious decision to put on weight to reduce any perceived attractiveness to predatory males is a known response to trauma.

You really shouldn't insult people for being fat. You don't know what happened in their life that made them like that

Wouldn't you rather your husband appreciate your personality and integrity?

I think you might benefit from therapy for your trauma. Not to make you suddenly love muscular men, but because your comments suggest that sexual arousal is something to be feared and despised.

It doesn't matter if a man notices I've got an arse and boobs in the supermarket, of course I have; bar needing a bilateral mastectomy and being unsuitable for reconstruction, I'm always going to have both, whether they are the same size or further South than they are already, I'm still going to have them.

It's perfectly fine for a man to find his wife and partner sexually attractive as well as loving their personality. It's fine for them to notice another woman's secondary sexual characteristics, just as it is fine for women to notice men's; there's a mile of difference between seeing something and those who cross the line into inappropriate comments or contact.

I can have conversations with DP about the industry in Papal Indulgences in the 14th Century (he has a Medieval Studies Degree) and we can also have a healthy sexual attraction for one another, as is our right. And we can also see if another person, whether in person or on the TV is/was physically attractive, even when there's no way either of us would want to shag a cybernetic organism tasked with killing either the Mother of the future leader of the human resistance following the Rise of the Machines and Judgement Day or John Connor himself. If they were real. Which they aren't.

If this thread stems from you feeling threatened because your DH has started going to the gym or is in some way wanting to be stronger/fitter and you're angry because you're scared he's going to turn into an abuser or leave you for somebody else, it's even more important for you to access therapy sooner rather than later.

But if it isn't, it's still clearly very much something you need to do for yourself, as being triggered to the point of anger/terror at the thought of a muscular/physically active/sexually confident not abusive or predatory man existing is a hugely stressful and unhappy life for you and could be having just as negative an effect upon your DS as bullying.

Well put. OP would benefit hugely from therapy.
PGWo · 12/04/2022 17:12

@EssexLioness
You are absolutely correct that masculinity and femininity are outdated social constructs. Many people on this thread including @elidelochanthefirst, @Branleuse, @Suprima, @5128gap, and @BattledoreAndShuttlecock have said they find abs attractive because they convey masculinity.
What sort of personality traits would we associate with traditional masculinity? I would associate fighting and aggression. So women who are into muscular men are probably interested in aggressive men as well.
Answer me: Why is it that the examples of muscular sex symbols are almost always men with aggressive personalities? Jason Momoa, rugby players, Fifty Shades of Grey, etc.

@AmericanStickInsect
Attraction is never a choice, but it can be reflective of political circumstances. For instance, people may be conditioned to believe that POC are ugly. I think women who are attracted to muscular men have been conditioned to buy into traditional gender norms.
As for rugby players, I again ask if a sport in which the potential of massive injury is part of the point is not toxic, then what on Earth is? That is precisely toxic masculinity: pressuring boys into doing incredibly dangerous activities, insisting that reluctance to do so means they aren't "real men", and that attempts to make the sport safer will soften our generation. It's the same rhetoric used against political correctness or in favour of hazing in American universities.

OP posts:
PGWo · 12/04/2022 17:16

@worriedatthistime

Schools and rugby fans have resisted getting rid of tackling not in spite of its danger, but because of it.
"It’s surprising how often adult rugby players also mention the importance of pain and injury, the very things that ring alarm bells for doctors (and mothers). The knowledge that you’ll probably get hurt a bit – cut, scratched, bruised if not actually stretchered off – seems part of the point."

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/mar/04/rugby-dangerous-children-risks-schools-sport-available-all?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

If this isn't toxic, what is?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 12/04/2022 17:21

Why is it that the examples of muscular sex symbols are almost always men with aggressive personalities? Jason Momoa, rugby players, Fifty Shades of Grey, etc.

Have you met any rugby players in real life? I know a lot and they’re not “aggressive personalities”.

PurpleDaisies · 12/04/2022 17:22

Pressed post too soon. Some rugby players be aggressive arseholes. Plenty of men with beer bellies are aggressive arseholes.

You’re just making stereotypical judgements.

elidelochanthefirst · 12/04/2022 17:22

Where do you fit homosexual muscley men of which there are plenty!

PurpleDaisies · 12/04/2022 17:27

You know that 6 Shades of Grey is fiction?

PurpleDaisies · 12/04/2022 17:27

6? My phone went a bit crazy there on autocorrect. Fifty Shades of Grey.

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