Relaxing massage disappointment, tell me your stories and make me feel better

[Stumpedasatree]

I booked a relaxing massage a couple of days ago at a salon I'd been to for other treatments. I was so looking forward to it with some back and neck tension that I anticipated being eased.

Cue 1 torturous hour of gentle feathery stroking with oil. Up and down up and down, across and round. I asked three times for more pressure and tried to give approval when it felt like she may actually be putting some welly in to actually give my poor body some benefit. By the time she got on to my arms, and spent 10 minutes tickling and stroking each arm, then onto each bloody finger my other hand was clenching into a fist and I was taking deep breaths to stop myself punching the poor girl away from me.

I think she thought I was breathing deeply because I was relaxing, but I was breathing to try and control my rage. Over £50 for one useless hour of stroking, ending up leaving far less relaxed than when I entered! I did complain and hated to but it came out all wrong when I said I could give myself a stroke .

This is really good thread idea - thanks OP for starting. It seems a lot of us are in the same boat.

I tried a couple of massages at one place - first one was brilliant, second one agree that it was "the little things" that made it weird. Massage wasn't 100% what I ordered (but was fine).

Then when I came out there was an older guy not in uniform or identifying himself or dressed in a professional way, just "loitering" who apparently worked there/took payment etc but was a bit "staring" and sort of "followed/watched me as I went out" which is not really relaxing?

Maybe it was that I was the only client, they had to lock up and see I left, but it felt very vulnerable - I'd just been lying with my eyes closed in my pants, I didn't want to have a chat with a random guy about "whether or not I was relaxed and how good it felt"?

I'm sure he was the owner or something but it felt very unprofessional (I wouldn't have a problem with a "male receptionist" full-stop but he wasn't acting that way).

So agree finding a good/ place is hard.

I looked for venues for my current location, but a lot of them say explicitly "please don't ask the therapists for sex" which makes me afraid to go in with the creeps!

Might try something labelled "sports massage" as I guess that makes it more professional? I don't have any sports injury (actually I do but I don't want the therapists working on it as I think I'm ok myself for now) but if I just say it's for stress relief?

So I can highly recommend Elizabeth Bandeen elizabethbandeen.co.uk

I'm a qualified therapist , worked in spas etc
If you want a deep pressure message you need to book a deep tissue massage , Swedish etc . You don't book a relaxing massage and then expect to be pummelled. If it was booked as a relaxing massage then the therapist assigned was probably better at the least pressure technique . I do agree stroking don't sound that great and she probably wasn't confident .

Masseuses in beauty salons tend to be trained in Beauty therapy and only trained with one or two massage techniques - Swedish mostly and aromatherapy. Deep tissue massage tends to have extra training .

Some clients were so bloody fussy , you couldn't win. One of the main reasons why I quit 😂

@ReturnOfTheBunk So if you booked with me for a sports massage for stress relief I would do deep tissue massage on your back, neck and shoulders, getting you to turn onto your back at the end so I could work on the upper pectoral muscles, the deltoids, and the neck. Most of my clients aren’t actually sports people - I have people who do desk jobs and have sore backs because of that and also people who do physically demanding jobs who get aches and pains. Think professional drivers, tradespeople, farmers etc! So you definitely don’t have to be sporty to benefit.

There are a few membership organisations that therapists can join - I’m an FHT member and they have a register of therapists that you can search. We have to be insured and complete CPD to stay registered, and provide proof of our qualifications - massage therapist is not a protected title so anyone can call themselves one, even if they’ve only done an online course. There’s also the Sports Therapy Association for sports massage therapists - I’ll probably join them once I have the next level of qualification, although I’m very happy with the more general nature of my work at the moment and am not that fussed about focussing more on the sports side to the detriment of the general clients - I like the variety of people that I see. 😊

I have 2 stories.

First - I was in the Maldives (many, many years ago pre DC will never afford to go again) and had a massage with a Thai lady who proceeded to massage my boobs. I jumped a mile! I had no idea the massage would include that area. I didn't like it.

Second - facial booked with local beauty salon. As I arrived, therapist was smoking. She did wash her hands but all I could smell for an hour was cigarettes. I should have complained.

Once a lady scratched the hell out of me. Maybe a rough nail or something. Stupid me didn't say anything and got home red all over.

CottonSock bless you that is exactly the kind of thing I would do...

@FennecShandDoesEverything

Yes *@whataboutbob*, it would have made me FURIOUS if I were you, but the image of her propping her diary on your bum is undeniably hilarious.

PP who think massages are "pervy" - they're a legitimate therapeutic intervention that can be very effective. There's a reason that every professional sports team has a full time massage therapist on staff. The massage I mentioned having previously from a football team's therapist was amazingly professional, even though he was getting right in there on my bum. There was nothing sexual about it - he was keeping a major muscle group in top condition.

I’m a fan of physios, osteopaths etc, massage for medical issues I’m completely on board with. It’s the idea that it can be relaxing or pleasurable is an alien concept to me.

I have an amazing massage therapist, we were discussing Groupon one day, I was asking her advice about a treatment she didn't carry out. She said you have to wonder why people run Groupon offers, either because they struggle for business, have new staff/staff to train or need to get rid of old product, rarely a good idea unless you can find out why.

I always find massages at spas awful, the pressure is always poor because they don't rely on repeat custom.

I’ve been advised not to do Groupon as it rarely delivers regular clients - people will come for the offer, you lose money on the treatment, and then you never see them again. Just not worth the hassle, imo, even though I’m trying to drum up business at the moment (just starting out).

I don't think it's 'pervy' but I really don't find it relaxing. As a treatment - amazing.

I had terrible tension headaches for a few years. Tried two different massage places. I told each of the women I had terrible tension in my neck, and headaches. Both of them proceeded to pay passing attention to my neck and shoulders and both of them massaged my buttocks extensively! I was so stunned. I have only been for one massage since, many years later during another tense time, where I had to fill out a lengthy invasive form on my health problems first, and where I obviously said Don't massage my bum!, and I got some ex-spa woman who did the light and pointless stuff you mentioned and again spent scant time on the tense areas and then finished off with this bullshit move of gently trailing the edge of a fine scarf over my back

I went for one at a local salon last year, lovely young woman doing the massage but she was tiny and had really dry hands so all I could feel was her fingers rasping over my skin. I went to a spa just before the first lockdown and booked a massage as part of the day. I requested firm pressure and the masseuse said they didn't really offer that there, but then proceeded to give me a brilliant massage, using elbows and all.

I used to go monthly to a Chinese medicine practitioner in Guildford, who also did massages. I could only ever manage half an hour with him, it was a right pummelling. I think he was called Tim, he was great!

The girl I go to is amazing though, she gets her firearms and elbows involved.

Christ, that IS hardcore! Does she work on your guns too? 😂

I'm enjoying this thread. I've only ever had one massage, a feathery one like the OP and some others have mentioned. I'm a bit funny about strangers touching me anyway, plus I'm incredibly tickly, so by the time I came out my shoulders were up level with my ears, I was so tense!

@CarrieMoonbeams 😂

I’ve had a good massage twice in my life, enough to know it exists and fall for it every now and then

But mostly it is young girls with long nails, trying to massage me without their nails digging in, which means they just softly rap/rub with their fingertips tilted upwards

Most beauticians are into beauty and nails, but the nails make the massage crap

I have given up now on all beauty treatments and massage , rather spend my money on sports coaching

@milkyaqua I think I'd punch anyone who tried to run a silky scarf down my back. Reminds me of the hot stone massage I had in Lanzarote which involved placing lukewarm pebbles on me and then twiddling them around, had to ask her to stop using them as it was too tickly.

@Timeandtune

I have found a great “proper “ massage therapist. Really deep and can be borderline uncomfortable but feel inches taller afterwards. If anyone wants a recommendation for the Glasgow area just let me know.

Oh me please!! Love a good form massage!

Hello Mrs Tea- Elizabeth Bandeen. You can find her online and on Twitter. She is in the town centre near Queen St .

Thanks @Timeandtune - will have a look for her just now!!

Another option for firm massage would be hot stones or bamboo massage, they're both really good.

Best massage I ever had was in turkey. At one point I could see her flip flops on the floor but no feet and realised she was actually on my back. She was petite but had very strong hands

@annonymousse my best massage was in Turkey too! It was a man and by God could he feel where all the problematic areas where in an instant. He was utterly amazing!

I got given a Spa Day as a post pregnancy gift. Came with a massage.

I can’t even have my hair washed or dried by strangers as it makes my spine tickle unbearably. No idea why I though a massage would work. I had rock hard breasts from breast feeding and I’m a back sleeper anyway.
So uncomfortable on my front. And then a young girl messed about with the music fir 5 minutes before doing the horrible stroking thing.
When she asked if it was nice and was I relaxed I just blurted “no, I’m hating it” because I was too embarrassed by the whole thing to be less blunt.
This is a high end health spa but clearly the whole thing us just a bit conveyor belt rather than any interest in the clients needs,

'No, I'm hating it!' That's made me actual lol. 😂