When I got married, my wedding was about my parents too. They made me, birthed me, loved me, raised me. They'd supported my relationship and were joining me in the official extending of our family. I wanted them to dress up and feel good. I wanted them to laugh and dance and celebrate their role in the day. Hence the "wear what the fuck you want" in the invitation. It was a day for those people too. I was inviting the people we love to come and enjoy themselves.
I've been to many weddings and seen the uniforms, heard people regret sore feet or witnessed their angst about matching the bridal party, not standing out, worrying that they as the mother of the bride, they don't match the mother of the groom's style, their spanx are too tight, they don't really like hats and on and on. Oh I say people. It's women isn't it? Women who worry about being judged for what they're wearing. And conversely, the ones who judge. Because we're socialised to do so. That's what's happening here. Don't draw attention, don't express yourself, make sure you see yourself through the lens of other people, blend in, hide, do as you are told. Do we think the men in that room will be eye rolling and whispering about what other people are wearing? Or stealing focus? My dh is a bit of a fop with his velvet, tweed, braces, boutonnieres and pocket squares. Is he me me me, trying to be the groom, projecting his feelings about the gay wedding of his dsis by playing the absent groom? Nah. Same as the op will know most people there, be loved by them and they will know exactly who are the grooms and why the op is celebrating the sheer joy of raising that young man through a time when he wouldn't even have been able to get legally married and into adulthood where he is free to live and love with impunity. Too right wear the frock. Too right dance and laugh and celebrate.
And let's be clear. It's not about not giving a shit about how you're perceived or wanting attention. I have purple hair and a nose ring and wear silly dungarees and hats. It might look attention seeking to you or that I don't know how to fit in. I'm an introvert actually. Pretty uselessly educated with armfuls of letters behind me and a serious job. I wear what I wear because it fits who I am. It makes me happy. I'd prefer you didn't look at me tbh but that's your behaviour, not mine. I may as well feel happy in my attire as I move through this world.
Two young people are getting married. The guests love them. Everybody there knows why they're there, knows where the groom literally came from and if they like him, will be bloody thrilled his family are as joyful and happy and he is.
OP, does your fab DS have his dad in his life? Has he posted on Dadsnet to check his outfit isn't incestuous/attention seeking/nasty/inappropriate yet? Please make sure he does. I worry about Aunt Doris missing the main event because she can't take her eyes off his brogues and is paralysed in a rictus of judgment.