Too old to be goth or emo?

[MouldyMare]

Hi all, at what age should someone stop dressing gothic or emo?

I say both because I go between the styles. I’ve dressed alternative since about 12 years old and my partner says it’s time I started dressing more normal so I fit in with the other parents and stop listening to “awful music”. He’s also put a ban on me having any more tattoos (I don’t have many just half a sleeve and a chest tattoo) I’m 27 but look quite young (constantly get asked for ID etc) the place we live currently has a lot of alternative dressing people but soon be moving back to our home town where my partner refuses to go out of the house with me unless I’m dressed “normal” because it embarrasses him (my look isn’t over the top goth or emo, black skinny jeans or 50s style dresses in the summer). Is it finally time to hang up my Hell Bunny clothes and dreads?

Run as fast as you can. No one can tell you what to wear unless it's a uniform.

I'm in my 50s and still wearing black, have dyed undercut hair, DMs, etc. I lost my way in my 30s and started wearing other colours, toning it all down but I was never really happy with it. Early 40s, back in black and I felt such relief at being me again. I don't go to the effort I did as a teenager, so don't wear makeup, but all the rest stays.

Your partner is a horrible, horrible, controlling person and doesn't deserve you. Please don't move to his town and please dump him.

Let him move alone, you won't have to embarrass him then and you could indulge in as much Mumsnet and alternative music as you like!

God OP, your partner sounds absolutely horrible, and extremely controlling. Leave him! Leave him now!

... and in answer to your question, you're never too old for the styles that you love. All that should matter is how you feel about what you wear.

@joolsin are you me? 🤣

Thanks @LaBellina! :)

Oh, @MouldyMare - this goes way, way beyond clothing doesn't it!?
You've been this way since you were 12, so presumably this is not new to him... You mention "other" parents - do you have kids? I would think long and hard about the relationship as a whole - the ban on tattoos, the limits to your SM, the choice of your music etc and consider whether this is really what you want at 27 (and what it shows your kids about self-expression).

Not all relationships are like this, and you don't have to choose it.

Why are you letting him tell you what to wear and how to behave? No 27 year-old woman should be being told what they are and aren't allowed to do! You must know this is not a normal relationship. Your partner is abusive.

You are never to old. I'm not a goth but I do like to dress alterntively and I don't see that changing anytime soon because that's my style and it's what I like. I'm 33

Please, please, please don’t change your style for anyone.

No you are not too old. Look up older goth women like Rosie Garland. You can wear what ever you want when ever you want at what ever age you are. Ditch the partner not your look.

Why are you with someone who is embarrassed to be seen with you like this? You need to be you and be with someone who loves you for who you are.

Never waste your time with somebody who doesn’t accept you for who you are
And in answer to your question, you are never too old
This is Debbie Harry at the met gala
In her 70s

Never. If that's who you are, remain who you are to the day you die! I have a particular passion for a certain vintage item of clothing and I will wear these items wherever I damn well want. Someone once scathingly told me that I looked like I'd stepped off the front of a Victorian Christmas card. I was delighted. It's exactly what I was going for. Is it mainstream? No. Is it me? Yes!

Basically, if someone doesn't want you to be who you are, you shouldn't want that person in your life anymore.

He is going to refuse to go out of the house with you!
Come on! You know this isn't right.
Telling you what music to listen to? Who does that ( Controlling arses that's who)
I'm 56. My family including my son's roll their eyes at my metal taste but it was ingrained when I was a teenager so it is part of me. The most I get is 'mum, this ( what ever song) is a bit weird now!
Not one person has tried to change me.

Don't let someone else change you. After all, you won't be you anymore, you will be someone else's idea of a person.
Believe in yourself and carry on being the person you are!
( and sling the controlling freak to the curb!)

I second the PP who advised to get a thread in relationships, your partner sounds awful, my partner would never tell me what to wear and certainly not what to listen to :O

To answer the style question, obviously you shouldn't change a thing but I've found as I get older I can shop anywhere and get an 'alternative' style because I know what colours, shapes and details make an outfit for me. There was a great blog years ago called sophistique noir which was this fab American lady who was in her 40s and had quote a corporate job. Her outfits were amazing and I really miss it now its offline even though she hadn't posted for years.

A friend of mine was told to tone down her goth style by her husband.

Turned out he was also a controlling abuser and now she's free of him she's gone back to being herself.

27! That's young! I thought you were going to say 60-- and even then the answer would be 'no age is too old'.

I have goth and metaller friends in their 70s. There is no age limit.

I think you know that your post isnt really about goth and age. It is about your controlling partner. Please get support to leave him.

He's abusive and controlling. Can you start planning your exit? What help do you need?

You should be able dress and listen to what you like. Id be telling him to take his normal clothes and shove them where the sun don't shine!

Life's too short to spend it with someone who treats you like crap. Instead of moving house with him how about you find your own place to live? Do you want go back to your old town or is that his idea?

I've just seen your thread from last December

Please find a way to get this hideous person out of your life. You're worth so much more than this.

Im in my 40s and a full on goth and have been all my adult life. If your partner doesn't like it stuff him. You dress for yourself not for him.

[quote DrEllie]@joolsin are you me? 🤣[/quote]
@DrEllie could be!!

Get that whole man in the bin.
And book yourself in for another tattoo while you’re at it

Oh gosh - if you report your own post, Mumsnet will move it to relationships for you, or you could start a new thread there.

You mentioned moving to his home town with him. Don’t go. Don’t move with him, whatever you do. Use the move - his solo move - as your clean chance to separate yourself completely from him & his abuse and control of you. You don’t even have to tell him if you’re scared.

How long have you been together and do you live with him?

Do you need to line up someone go? You don’t have to tell him, just quietly make your plans.