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Original poster

Too old to be goth or emo?

64 replies

MouldyMare · 26/09/2021 13:27

Hi all, at what age should someone stop dressing gothic or emo?

I say both because I go between the styles. I’ve dressed alternative since about 12 years old and my partner says it’s time I started dressing more normal so I fit in with the other parents and stop listening to “awful music”. He’s also put a ban on me having any more tattoos (I don’t have many just half a sleeve and a chest tattoo) I’m 27 but look quite young (constantly get asked for ID etc) the place we live currently has a lot of alternative dressing people but soon be moving back to our home town where my partner refuses to go out of the house with me unless I’m dressed “normal” because it embarrasses him (my look isn’t over the top goth or emo, black skinny jeans or 50s style dresses in the summer). Is it finally time to hang up my Hell Bunny clothes and dreads?

OP posts:
FluffyWhiteBird · 26/09/2021 22:47

@MouldyMare

Hi all, at what age should someone stop dressing gothic or emo?

I say both because I go between the styles. I’ve dressed alternative since about 12 years old and my partner says it’s time I started dressing more normal so I fit in with the other parents and stop listening to “awful music”. He’s also put a ban on me having any more tattoos (I don’t have many just half a sleeve and a chest tattoo) I’m 27 but look quite young (constantly get asked for ID etc) the place we live currently has a lot of alternative dressing people but soon be moving back to our home town where my partner refuses to go out of the house with me unless I’m dressed “normal” because it embarrasses him (my look isn’t over the top goth or emo, black skinny jeans or 50s style dresses in the summer). Is it finally time to hang up my Hell Bunny clothes and dreads?

Um...WTF Confused

It seems your DP has outgrown you and no longer likes who you are, so he's trying to change you. That's not really on. You're not a bad person for dressing how you do.

I guess whether you're willing to compromise on how you present yourself might depend on how you feel about it, also on whether this is his only fault as a DP or if it's one of many.

I have to say I don't like the language he's using, "banning" you from having a tattoo, really? Calling you embarrassing is an insult. I mean, it's your body he can't ban you from doing anything.

I'm thinking it's either a bit of a joke or is his way of saying he's changed and your, well to be honest it sounds like your personality, is a deal-breaker for him so he's saying he can't stay with you unless you change. But you don't need to change because you're not doing anything wrong Confused, so it's really upto you.

I say it's your "personality" because you mentioned music too, so this isn't just about how you look and I know for a lot of alternative fashion people it's more of a lifestyle choice than just a fashion.

FWIW I started getting into alternative fashion in middle age, having finally gained the confidence to do so. My DP couldn't give a damn what I wear. He loves me for me.

DoofusRick · 27/09/2021 00:50

OP, please leave him. You deserve better. I agree you should start a thread in the relationships section for advice for leaving an abusive relationship.

knackeredcat · 27/09/2021 10:17

I've been wearing black for 30 years now and have no desire to stop doing so. Your black clothes will still be there and a part of you long after this controlling idiot isn't! Lose him and gain some more clothing and accessories of your choice!

Freeloadingtosser · 27/09/2021 10:27

OP why are you with someone who doesn't find you attractive as you are, has this behaviour crept up? Alone is better than being with someone who tries to control you. You're definitely not too old to dress as you like. I love the sound of the 70 something goth luxe woman!

QueenoftheKarens · 27/09/2021 10:28

Why are you with someone who clearly doesn't like you? Dump him. Find a nice alternative partner like yourself.

TwirlyWitch · 27/09/2021 10:32

Ive been a Goth for 30 years, keep being you and dump the DP!

RestingPandaFace · 27/09/2021 10:33

I was going to post something flippant until I saw your update. He’s controlling and abusive and part of that is breaking down who you are.

Don’t let him, use the move as your chance to escape.

spiderlight · 27/09/2021 11:01

Please get rid. He sounds absolutely awful. Never let a man diminish you.

CovidPassQuestion · 27/09/2021 11:45

27? Sweetheart please start a thread on 'relationships' and get help. Life is short, and you deserve to enjoy it. Please get free Thanks

Lovemusic33 · 27/09/2021 12:15

No one should be telling you what to wear, wear what you like, you don’t need to dress to fit in. I’m 39 and often dress alternative or hippy 😊, I don’t care what other people think though I often get complements.

Danikm151 · 27/09/2021 12:53

From the post title I was expecting a 60 year old not a 27 year old.
Kick him to the curb

lazylinguist · 27/09/2021 17:20

It is clear from the OP's previous thread(s) that her partner is abusive and violent to her. This is not about your dress sense OP, is it? This man beats you and subjects you to vile emotional abuse. You need to get help to end this relationship.

Lovemusic33 · 27/09/2021 21:19

I hope OP manages to get help to leave this piece of shit.

OP, as someone who’s a bit older and has been in abusive relationships…please..do not allow anyone to change who you are, don’t let anyone tell you what you should and shouldn’t wear, be proud of who you are, stand tall in what you wear and leave this man, he doesn’t appreciate you for who you are and he doesn’t deserve to be with you.

BarryTheKestrel · 27/09/2021 21:22

It's not a phase...it's a lifestyle.

Honestly, do not change for him. Wear what you want, listen to what you want, get as many tattoos as you want. Be unashamedly you. Get rid of him.

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