tell me my obsession is healthy!

[babymooner]

Apologies if this is a bit rambling. Long time lurker and reader of all posts style and beauty. The essence of my question is how okay is it to care deeply about clothes and general appearance?
Let me explain. I am a fifty year old woman. Three children (in or approaching teenage years), a very happy marriage and a very fulfilling career. i am also border line obsessed with clothes and my appearance. I've kibbed myself, done my colours, created style boards, cleared out and replenished my wardrobe, photographed good outfits, and spent a small fortune on clothes (new, ebay, charity shops, the whole works). All (most) of which I love, and I earn good money so it's okay. But is it okay? Every so often I do wonder... to whatend? Who is this for? i don't have a sparkling social life (see: three children and full time big job). I don't have anyone I'm trying to 'keep up with'. It's all just me and my head. It's not a confidence thing either - I'm very comfortable in my skin, etc etc. And yet the time and effortI put into buyingclothes, organising clothes(because I have so many), planning outfits etc you'd think I was in the public eye or running a fashion business.
Is this normal? is this okay? More to the point, does anyone else do this? To be clear, I get joy from it. I have always loved fashion and clothes and I'm a creative, so use clothes to express myself. But sometimes I am literally expressing myself to the dog, and I do worry that I should get over myself. Then again, when I see someone in the street who looks fantastic, it makes me smile and I always compliment them. My worry is that sometimes I'll accept an invitation and the main thing I'm thinking about is that it gives me an opportunity to wear a particular dress/item of clothing that I've bought and which has been sitting in my wardrobe waiting for an opportunity. Am I dressing for my life, or living for my clothes? Does it matter either way? Sometimes I think I should live in Rome where dressing up is a thing in itself:) But I don't... I live in suburban, leafy London. So... thoughts? Please don't be too mean...

This is all really moving. Clothes are such a big part of who we are and how we convey who we are to the rest of the world… @popularinthe80s I was totally lost back then - clothes were my way of trying to fit in and I failed miserably. Then started wearing clothes that didn’t fit in at all, which felt better but still not right. Took me a while to stop using clothes as armour and just enjoy them.

Thank you, both. I posted and my fitbit warned me that my heart rate had shot up - genuinely expected an unkind school days reply.
This thread is actually very healing. Please let's keep it going.
I'm not on any social media but I might sign up to follow you, @babymooner, and anyone else here.

I've found my people. Clothes and styling outfits are my hobby and I spend a good deal of each day thinking about them.

Absolutely nothing wrong with it, it's a form of creativity.

I genuinely think that you can look good and stylish at any age, shape and circumstance, @popularinthe80s. When you consider styling and how you present yourself, you'll look good and feel great. Who knows what those girls look like now?

@popularinthe80s

You sound a lot like me.( That struggle to find my own style.) I own quite a few books on the matter and pin a lot of pictures on Pinterest. Recently I was considering a workshop on slow fashion and you were asked to submit a photo of an outfit that you liked and I struggled with that. I don’t want a uniform. I’m wearing wide leg navy trousers today, a very oversized blue & white striped shirt half tucked in and Comme de garçon / converse high-tops. ( my friend asked if I painted the little face on myself ). Tomorrow I might want to be pencil skirt and silk shirt and pretend to be Gillian Anderson in the Fall ( probably not on a Sunday but you get my point). I don’t want to buy one £800 coat and wear it to death…. I want four £800 coats to stave off the boredom. I currently don’t have any £800 coats but I’m lusting after one from Raey and wondering if I can stop the other spending to justify buying it. Yesterday I didn’t buy a bottle green Nicole Farhi sweater in a charity shop and I’m torn between congratulating myself and rushing back to buy it now.

Ruining all the loveliness … I’m a bit sad at the name you’ve chose for your Instagram account, OP. That still does imply that caring about clothes is unusual from the age of 50. Surely that’s the opposite of the opinion of the 50 + year olds on this thread? I would be mortified if anyone were to suggest I shouldn’t bother wearing lovely clothes now I’m well beyond that age.

But I may have misunderstood. And it’s not my business anyway!

I've found my people too! I spend many happy hours looking on eBay at stuff I couldn't normally afford new, I've picked up some great bargains.
I also think about what I'm going to wear the next day every night. I also wrap out of season clothes in tissue paper ready for the next season and put them together differently.

I would say it's a hobby too!

Love this thread! I’ve followed you on Instagram. Could talk about clothes all day and can spend hours searching for that perfect item. I’m really trying to not save things ‘for best’ - wear them and be happy!

@Edmontine really good point - I guess I wanted to let people know who and what I am, but it was supposed to be a loud and proud 'I'm fifty and i love dressing up''... any other ideas welcome!!

@popularinthe80s what you says about fitting in as a teen really resonates with me. I was the VERY poor church mouse at a smartish all girls boarding school in the 80’s and I always felt one step behind style wise- lusted after their Benetton jumpers and Bertie ballet flats that I couldn’t possibly emulate. I felt more comfortable in my corporate 90’s - a uniform of suit and heels, then felt out of depth again in the early mum years, kind of forgot how to dress casually. It’s really only in the past decade or so I’ve settled on what makes me look and feel good, and that’s a work in progress. Now to tackle handling a changing menopausal body……

There are some really good closed Facebook groups for various seasons and clothing personalities (linked to House of Colour), plus the Kettlewell Colour Club Facebook group. Lots of people post photos of their Outfit of the Day.

I'll check out your Insta OP!
A couple of other accounts I like are:
@needsnothingnew
@irishgirlinglasgow

@Divebar2021 I love your style:) my mum was always ‘you need one good coat’ - I want ALL the coats. One day I am MaxMara elegance, the next I’m broody Parisienne and the next I’m jumblesale chic:) (jumper sounds nice!)

And thanks @thedevilinablackdress will check them out:)

I felt like you a little while ago, questioned my motives and then realised that clothes and fashion were my passion, so why deny yourself your passion? I’m trying to buy and mindfully now, not picking up things just because they are cheap or in the sale. If you can afford it and it makes you feel good, why wouldn’t you continue?

@Maireas I agree - age, size, circumstance are irrelevant. I just hugely struggle with the idea that I could be beautiful (on my own terms).
But we all can.
There's a lady in my local supermarket, maybe 15 years older than me, looks absolutely knock-out. She is 'utterly herself'. I want to tell her, but worry I will come across as slightly demented.
@Divebar2021 yes, yes, yes - it's all about trying out different lives, different personalities. Your outfit yesterday sounded wonderful.
@VanCleefArpels, I have still not come to terms with my own body - I mean, made peace with it. I'm still trying to keep it a lot smaller than it wants to be, so the posh girls won't make fun of me. It's shit.

The posh girls are no more, @popularinthe80s.
I'm sure that the years/events/pregnancies/ will have put paid to that. Maybe they've stayed sylph like and gorgeous? Maybe. Maybe not.
You just need to find your clothes mojo and live a stylish life!

You're so right, @maireas.
I'm just wondering - I am loving this mutual support - I wonder if there's a way of continuing it? We're all busy and may not have the time. And I don't want to compete with the brilliant 'What are you wearing today?' thread. (I've just been too shy to post on that, for the reasons above). And I started a petite thread a while ago, but it seems to have faded, because everyone is busy and distracted by life, me included.
So there are lots of reasons not to continue this. Just wondering:-) Maybe very low key - weekly photos? Or links to 'I would love to wear this but I don't have the nerve?'
Some bank holiday wine has potentially over-lubricated me...

To be clear, I get joy from it. I have always loved fashion and clothes and I'm a creative, so use clothes to express myself.

This.

I get the feeling you feel slightly guilty because you care about fashion and beauty. Why?

(Asking because I’ve been the same since I was about 3 years old, and only recently accepted that part of myself)

It's your special interest! It brings you joy and you've found it, that's a great thing.

I really don't think there should be any trepidation about loving and thinking about clothes and fashion @popularinthe80s. I love the way you talked in your earlier post regarding finding your identity and confidence.

I'd be really interested in starting a photo thread, I occasionally pop into the 'what are you wearing today' thread, and they're great, but I don't really think it's for me because I'm more 'look' driven. They've got a great community going, but I'd possibly like one that's fashion and image centered. I really love putting together a look which I think maybe people on this thread do.

I've just read through this thread and absolutely loved it! You are my tribe 😁.

My mother worked in the fashion industry which was a nightmare as a kid because she was always working in what trend was 'next' so in the early 70s my friends were still in Twiggy type minis and I was wearing maxi because my mother insisted that would be coming in. Of course she was right but no 12 year old wants to wear something different to her friends (well I didn't then!). But this all resulted in me really loving clothes and putting an outfit together and hopefully with a reasonable eye to do it. I wfh and rarely go out but I have lots of clothes for when I do go out and I spend ages planning an outfit, listing what I think would be suitable, what will go with what, shoes, handbags etc. I'm now 60 but I have no intention of stopping this hobby!

I'm nearly 50 @LouisaMayAlcott, why should any of us stop?

It irks me terribly when I see thread titles in S&B that start 'Am I too old...'. I've never chosen or been drawn to clothes based on my age, it's always, 'Do I like that?', if yes, wear it. If no, don't.

It saddens me that even in the 2020s women chose clothes based on age-appropriateness.

In the sprit of all the above, here was my look today, sweater and skirt are from Joseph, bag and clogs are Russell and Bromley.

Minimalist knit and neutrals was my desired look!

I have posted pictures on a plus size thread I was on last year - although I normally hate taking photos I weirdly felt ok. Probably because it was a fairly select group of people I got to know. I also kicked off the “ style 3 way “ challenge which we did on Saturdays. Style one item in 3 new ways - it was a great exercise in exploring your wardrobe but I found it pretty time consuming. Probably a great thing to think about on wet / cold winter days rather than spring / summer.

@ShrikeAttack - the ageism on here is terrible, I agree. Am I too old/is this mumsy/do I look like a pensioner/is this old lady etc etc. Irritating nonsense.
I like your skirt and top - good to mix with tan accessories.