Help a woman who feels like an ugly fat bloke find herself!

[blaisealex]

That woman is me. I make no effort with myself because I feel like an ugly fat bloke. I live in PJ'S or when I'm going out I wear baggy clothes covered in paint and holes. I have short hair that gets pushed out of my face with a headband and not even brushed.

I'm sick of it. It makes me feel worse about myself. But I don't know who I am anymore or what my style is. I need some help to find myself again.

I have a fresh start in October and want to go into it feeling my best. I have an appointment for a hair cut and colour and an eyebrow wax in September. But I'm not sure what cut or colour to get.

I'm 15st thereabouts, slightly more probably and 5ft 4. I'm bottom heavy with huge thighs. I do have a belly and big arms too but not in comparison to my thighs.

I just want to feel good about myself. Can anyone help me find my style and work out things that I would look good in? Save me, mn!

Ah, mate, it sounds like you're being pretty hard on yourself.

Let's start with what you like.

Dresses? Jeans? Footwear?

It's no good going out and buying a load of clothes you won't wear.

Have you got a natural style that you gravitate towards? Hippy? Goth?

Just going to throw out the idea of Lagan look. Layers, natural fabrics, netural palette.

Yoga! Honestly. It's transformative. I like the free yoga with Adrienne videos on YouTube. It's good for your body and your mind, and I find myself walking a little taller and with more ease and confidence since I've been doing it. I'm not good with the clothes hair advice so I'll illeave that to someone else but I'm going with a definite 'DO THIS' on the yoga!

maybe allow your hair to go a bit longer, this might help with the feminine aspect. do you have pierced ears, maybe simple nice small stud earrings.
clothing get rid of misshaped stained stuff and switch over to similar comfy leisurewear. the idea is stay similar initially just with cleaner stuff that hasn't bagged out.
then start a simple exercise program, and clean eating program.

once your feeling more fit and in a better place add or change a little bit of the wardrobe at a time, ie add in one nice dine out outfit/dress/shoes and bag then add in a meet with the girls nice outfit/pants/shoes and bag etc.

@DonLewis

Ah, mate, it sounds like you're being pretty hard on yourself.

Let's start with what you like.

Dresses? Jeans? Footwear?

It's no good going out and buying a load of clothes you won't wear.

Have you got a natural style that you gravitate towards? Hippy? Goth?

Just going to throw out the idea of Lagan look. Layers, natural fabrics, netural palette.

I really want to wear jeans but I don't even own a pair. I struggle to find any that are the right fit because of my thighs and in the past I've found them uncomfortable. I used to be very goth but I find myself gravitating towards lots of different styles so I feel quite conflicted. I still look at goth stuff, lots of black. But I love navy too and bright colours. I like the goth look, the hippy look, the smart look like shirts etc.

I find it helpful to find women of a similar age/shape and see how they manage to look good and put together.
Are you on Instagram? hayleyhall_uk always looks suitably dressed for day to day without being over the top, and there are loads of others.

I'm not very feminine (in looks and behaviour) and I like having short hair. I want to find a style that reflects me and who I am that is also comfortable. I don't want to feel sexualised or dolled up or even glamorous. I just want to not feel ashamed of the state I'm in!

Also, I don't like dresses and I'm 25.

Have you thought about lagenlook? It has an affinity with hippy/goth/boho but is a bit more put-together and elegant. It's good for disguising lumps and bumps. Have a Google and see if it's a style you could see yourself in.

If you like goth, navy and hippy aesthetic then go for it! Plenty of different shape clothes in those categories, so can find stuff that you find comfortable and confident in. I went through this after having DS, I didn't feel nyself at all and made no effort which zapped my confidence. I started wearing plain tees and then adding a necklace to make it a bit more interesting, it made me feel good and like I'd made a lot of effort! I would pair it with some comfy trousers, some tapered ones look a bit more dressed up whilst super comfy and versatile. After a while my confidence came back and I'd start to wear clothes I loved again, I also found having my hair cut helped a lot too.

What clothes / looks do you like on other people?

Is there anyone famous whose style appeals?

Along the lines of 'not typically feminine', I can think of:

• Pink - sort of athletic/ rock combo
• Claire Balding - probably not that into clothes but scrubs up well
• Your classic Drag King persona - 90s k.d. lang 8n beautiful suits and a short quiff
• all the young ones wearing 90s clothes. Flat shoes, cropped trousers, tops that aren't figure hugging or tucked in...

That’s better info.
I’d then suggest a couple midi/maxi summer dresses. Chunky sandals and new undies.
Great time to find these in the sales rack.
Be it hippy or goth inspired or classic something easy to throw on.
It just needs to hang well on you.
Will cover the thighs at this point.

Sorry missed the no dress post.
Sandals are still a safe bet starting point

Please don’t buy anything from Laganlook, I’ve just looked it up and it’s all just unflattering and shapeless. I’d look at some flattering midi dresses that come in at the waist to highlight it. Something like this will skim over the features you aren’t so comfortable with whilst. I really like a flutter sleeve too to not highlight my upper arms.

It sounds like you are open to trying different styles as long as they're not overly feminine.

Do you like any of these styles? or would you prefer more black/goth?

Please don’t buy anything from Laganlook, I’ve just looked it up and it’s all just unflattering and shapeless.

It really isn't, if chosen properly. The idea is that the different layers drape in a flattering way, and it can be very individual because you choose the pieces to create the look you want.

Something like this will skim nicely over problem areas without being baggy and shapeless:

Following with interest. Am overweight, big tummy, short dyed hair. Just dont look or feel feminine at all. It depresses me.

I think that for now you need to find your style but not spend lots of money on clothes that might be wrong for you. Find some accounts to follow on Instagram for inspiration, and shops like All Saints might have the sort of style that you like and give you some ideas. Then buy a few cheaper pieces in shops like Primark, Asos, to start experimenting with what you feel happy or comfortable wearing.

And Marks and Spencer’s are good for all sizes of jeans. Maybe get some black or grey jeans to start, which you can then layer tops over.

You could try something like lookiero or stitchfix to get different kinds of clothes to try?
Maybe also see if you can identify your body shape and do some reading about what styles suit it
www.trunkclub.com/womens-style/female-body-shapes

@ShadowInVain I’ve no idea how you can say that isn’t shapeless! I’ve no idea what shape that lady is.

Personally, I love a good corset top when a lady has something with which to fill it. Maybe Killstar, Nomads, Hell Bunny? All make gothy clothing. Finding decent jeans is the holy grail and I tend to find you need to pay a bit more for a great fit. Barrel leg or mom style are a bit more comfortable for the curvier.

Okay, photo dump coming of outfits and styles I like! Will probably be three posts.

Another!

And final one.

So I like shirts and blazers, denim jackets, leather jackets, big sweaters. Also, love the style of clothes from Joe Brown's.

(I think I'm to short to rock the sweater, jeans and knee high boots!)

@Craftycorvid

Personally, I love a good corset top when a lady has something with which to fill it. Maybe Killstar, Nomads, Hell Bunny? All make gothy clothing. Finding decent jeans is the holy grail and I tend to find you need to pay a bit more for a great fit. Barrel leg or mom style are a bit more comfortable for the curvier.

Funnily enough, I'm fat all over but have tiny boobs! So, nothing to fill a corset with!

Jeans wise, I like boot cut and mom jeans. Also like leggings...