Help a woman who feels like an ugly fat bloke find herself!

[blaisealex]

That woman is me. I make no effort with myself because I feel like an ugly fat bloke. I live in PJ'S or when I'm going out I wear baggy clothes covered in paint and holes. I have short hair that gets pushed out of my face with a headband and not even brushed.

I'm sick of it. It makes me feel worse about myself. But I don't know who I am anymore or what my style is. I need some help to find myself again.

I have a fresh start in October and want to go into it feeling my best. I have an appointment for a hair cut and colour and an eyebrow wax in September. But I'm not sure what cut or colour to get.

I'm 15st thereabouts, slightly more probably and 5ft 4. I'm bottom heavy with huge thighs. I do have a belly and big arms too but not in comparison to my thighs.

I just want to feel good about myself. Can anyone help me find my style and work out things that I would look good in? Save me, mn!

Sorry and meant to say they are very good for buttressing all the bits that need firming and shaping and hauling and hoiking in. And you don't get left with that mysterious bit of surplus flesh under the armpit that otherwise has nowhere to go . Somehow it is also accommodated.

@ShadowInVain

Please don’t buy anything from Laganlook, I’ve just looked it up and it’s all just unflattering and shapeless.

It really isn't, if chosen properly. The idea is that the different layers drape in a flattering way, and it can be very individual because you choose the pieces to create the look you want.

Something like this will skim nicely over problem areas without being baggy and shapeless:

That's an OK outfit for a quite posh 60 year old. I'm not sure the layers do what people think they do.

What about bold hair like this?

Op I've heard good things about m and s jeans, a good pair of jeans is a fantastic base for so many outfits. And I love the hair pp has just posted.

First, definitely start some form of exercise because that is the quickest way to feel better about yourself. Within a few sessions your muscles seem to wake up and you feel like you inhabit your body properly rather than hiding under its lumps and folds.

Try She is an inspiration for bigger women getting fit.

Then buy a capsule wardrobe of clothes that are good quality and suit your personality. At my fattest I got some smart trousers with elasticated waist at the back so they felt comfortable but looked fitted. I also bought some soft wide legged black linen palazzo pants and some very dark indigo straight legged stretch jeans - all from M&S.

On top some linen mix shirts in strong block colours can look good. Black works with your Goth taste, white looks cool and crisp and a couple of colours that really chime with your skin tone will work.
With palazzo or wide legged trousers, go for a fabric that can't be confused with PJs - so avoid cotton jersey.

So can loose silk shirts over a close fitting stretch-cotton tee. I saw a women the other day on a fruit picking farm, who was about your height and weight, in a billowy patterned translucent silk shirt with 3/4 length puffed sleeves. She looked modern and stylish and it really suited her. The draping silk moved so well. If you go for drapey clothes, fine fabrics work better than Cos-style stiff as a board ones which can make you feel like a fabric wardrobe.

I also think layering works well for big bodies. A cropped denim jacket or biker style jacket over a long linen or silk shirt dress or tunic over straightlegged jeans or chinos looks intentional not like you just stuck on a baggy tee shirt.

If you have fairly neutral block colour tunics, your nails, toenails and accessories can give them a bit of attitude. Goth jewellery and dark nail polish will create one look with a dark linen tunic but swap those for pastel nails and a silk scarf and you look more Italian chic. You can make the basics work in different ways to suit your mood.

Be nice to your face too - a bit of tinted moisturiser, lip gloss or lipstick and eye makeup gives the impression you care about yourself.

This is the sort of layering look that I think works for bigger women too as it looks intentional rather than apologetic about size. Dark jeans (but straight not skinnies) a long neutral shirt or tunic and then a strong block colour that suits you.

@friskybivalves

Try M&S Wild Blooms bras - the underwired ones that are £16 and come in six colours. They go up to your size and I have loads of them They are ace and really comfy.

They sound good. I want to look at those now.

Have booked an app on Thursday for a bra fitting with M and S. It's the only place local that does fittings. I've also just got home with my M and S jeans and honestly, I'm in love! They look and feel great.

@robotcollision

This is the sort of layering look that I think works for bigger women too as it looks intentional rather than apologetic about size. Dark jeans (but straight not skinnies) a long neutral shirt or tunic and then a strong block colour that suits you.

Yes, I love that look! Thanks.

''Also, I don't like dresses and I'm 25.''

''My teenage DSD has bigger boobs than me!''

Am I the only one to notice that the OP said on page 1 of this thread that they're 25 and on page 2, that they have a teenage daughter. So a daughter by 12 presuming the daughter is currently 13.

Somehow I smell shite...

Her step daughter is a teenager.

So hair wise, I've attached some pictures. The dark hair is the kind of cut I'm thinking of going for. And the light hair is my current colour. Dyed it myself. I'm naturally very dark brown, dark brows, etc. So not sure what kind of colour to go for. I don't think I want an unnatural colour though? Open to pics and suggestions for cuts and colours though! I do have a fringe currently though.

Oh yeah, sorry, it's those stupid acronyms.

@MushroomFangs

''Also, I don't like dresses and I'm 25.''

''My teenage DSD has bigger boobs than me!''

Am I the only one to notice that the OP said on page 1 of this thread that they're 25 and on page 2, that they have a teenage daughter. So a daughter by 12 presuming the daughter is currently 13.

Somehow I smell shite...

A stepdaughter! Not my actual daughter. 🤣

Don't go to m&s for a bra fitting! They'll tell you you're a 34dd when you're actually a 30ff.

If I weren't so grey, I'd totally go dark. Do it while you can. You'll be middle aged beige hair before you know it.

@TheMoth

Don't go to m&s for a bra fitting! They'll tell you you're a 34dd when you're actually a 30ff.

^^this.

By all means, go to a big M&S and try on a hundred styles and sizes, but DO NOT LET THEM FIT YOU

They still operate the 'add 5 inches' nonsense and you will end up with far too big a band and too small a cup.

The best way to find if the band is the right size is put it on backwards, so the cups are behind you. In a new bra, it should feel pretty snug, perhaps get a couple of fingers underneath. It's going to ease off a bit with wear/ washing anyway.

Once you've got the band size right, all that breast tissue that was lost in too big a band needs to go in the cups, and you need to scoop it in. Reach each hand into the opposite cup, grab everything and hoick it in, then hold the band and jiggle into place

Yes, backwards. Spin it round. Lean over. Pour boobs in; get all the fat in. Pull straps over shoulders. It should feel a bit tight in the band, as that's where the support is. There should be no cutting into the boobs or slack areas.

And it should be on the loosest setting, so that you can tighten up later.

Just to echo the "don't get fitted at M&S" advice. Get an online fitting instead somewhere that actually knows their stuff if there isn't anywhere local to you. This place is the best, both in person and online: thepantryunderwear.com/

Brilliant service and bras and they really know what they're talking about.

Also, when I saw your photos I actually laughed as I cannot believe how inaccurate your description of yourself is!

@TheMoth

Don't go to m&s for a bra fitting! They'll tell you you're a 34dd when you're actually a 30ff.

Or they'll tell you you're a 34dd when you're actually a 34dd. I always end up coming back to M&S bras. I figure after the best part of a century they know what they're doing.

By the way I totally agree about staying dark for as long as you can. I went grey in my 30s and then had to stop dyeing when I started developing a reaction to the dye. I miss my darker hair.

You’re not that big OP.

I find jeans uncomfortable and over-rated. I think you’d look very nice in dresses and tunics layers over leggings or skirts. And those are the most comfortable things to wear.

Also - really worth getting some nice necklaces as they can really make outfits rock.

Is this too girly?

It would look nice with a leather jacket and trainers or funky sandals.

@TatianaBis

Is this too girly?

It would look nice with a leather jacket and trainers or funky sandals.

That just linked me to freemans and not an actual item of clothing?

Oh weird, when I click on it it goes to the dress. Try this