Help a woman who feels like an ugly fat bloke find herself!

[blaisealex]

That woman is me. I make no effort with myself because I feel like an ugly fat bloke. I live in PJ'S or when I'm going out I wear baggy clothes covered in paint and holes. I have short hair that gets pushed out of my face with a headband and not even brushed.

I'm sick of it. It makes me feel worse about myself. But I don't know who I am anymore or what my style is. I need some help to find myself again.

I have a fresh start in October and want to go into it feeling my best. I have an appointment for a hair cut and colour and an eyebrow wax in September. But I'm not sure what cut or colour to get.

I'm 15st thereabouts, slightly more probably and 5ft 4. I'm bottom heavy with huge thighs. I do have a belly and big arms too but not in comparison to my thighs.

I just want to feel good about myself. Can anyone help me find my style and work out things that I would look good in? Save me, mn!

you certainly don't look like a bloke!
and there is style hope.
the grey color is inoffensive but not ideal. there is lots to work with but i won't lie, jeans will be more difficult to fit and find comfortable after wearing leisure leggings.
i agree the jeans and boots idea is wonderful but it might not be what looks best on you at this point.
i would suggest as mentioned above sticking to longer tunics and sweaters (with the bra situation sorted) and jeggings for starters.

Oh, I just looked back over the photos I posted, I didn't mean to post the photo of Jemma Redgrave! She's in my gallery just 'cos I fancy her

You'd look nice in her outfit, though, op.

I will reiterate the observations that your figure is fine, be way kinder to yourself and also that you are wearing the wrong bra, almost certainly too small a cup size and too big a band.

You mentioned jeans but have you thought about A-line skirts? I like them because I have huge boobs and a tum and a good skirt can hide the latter under a nice cloth triangle, balancing out my shape and drawing attention away from the stuff I don’t like a bit. If you’re not happy with your thighs, I suspect an A-line skirt would do similar work.

You’re very harsh on yourself! I’m heavier and shorter than you but also with short hair and not very girly. It tricky when you don’t feel you suit the standard ‘look’ but there’s some good advice on here 😊

Yeah, just to reiterate the bra thing. My cousin looked a bit like you 'up top'. I was shocked to find out she was slopping around in a 38 C. I got her into a 34 G and she never looked back!

I have a friend who is similar proportions to you and she always looks amazing. She has a very Boho vibe with her clothes... Flattering long floral skirts, embroidered long tunic tops with leggings. She always wears nice statement jewellery and does her hair nicely, grow into a bob so you can do more with it?

I agree with pps. You look nothing like you describe
I feel your enemy is low self esteem.
If possible, why not bring forward your hair and brow appointments?
That will make you feel loads more confident to start taking on board the great advice being given here

You have a great shape!

You look really good in skinny jeans / leggings and loose blouse, you look from your photos like your legs are a good feature, capitalise on that x

I thought I was a 34c til I got measured properly and I'm a 32e, and wearing the right bra size makes my silhouette so much better!

I actually think a blazer would be an instant and easy update - you like that look and there are heaps of cheap ones around to have a play with.

They instantly give you even more shape than you already have so get the norks under control, get some good quality basic tops that skim not cling but don't swamp, pop on blazer. Boom. It's something about creating a narrow vertical line to draw the eye.

I must say I am heavy of thigh and like a boyfriend shape jean rather than anything skinnier as I find it balances my thighs out better. I get mine from
Sainsbury's tbh.

@ladygindiva

I thought I was a 34c til I got measured properly and I'm a 32e, and wearing the right bra size makes my silhouette so much better!

Ah, wow! Maybe I've been wildly out this whole time. Where or how abouts do I go to be measured?

@grasstreeleaf

You'd look nice in her outfit, though, op.

Thank you, you've been so lovely on this thread. As has every one. Honestly though, I can't see what every one else is saying. All I see is a gigantic fat blob. I start getting enthusiastic and looking at clothes and then I look at my pictures again and I think what's the bloody point?

All I see is a gigantic fat blob. I start getting enthusiastic and looking at clothes and then I look at my pictures again and I think what's the bloody point?

The point is you will feel better about yourself than you do now. You already saw an improvement just changing out of your PJs. I've been there, coming out of cancer treatment I felt I looked pretty old and ropey. But I feel I look pretty good now. And I feel much better. If I can do it, I'm pretty sure you can!

And other people just don't see what you see now. You are being far too critical of yourself.

I am your height, almost your weight, but different shape, much older so feel I am entitled to comment!
The getting fitted for a bra is a great suggestion, but if you have been wearing just PJs forever , then underwired might feel quite uncomfortable. You can get reasonably supportive sports bras which are more comfy, but you need to try on a variety to see what works.

That leggings and top outfit are too old for you if you are only 25. Lagenlook is also aimed at older people, and I think you would have to be very selective to find something which did not make you look frumpy.
If you must wear leggings ( and tbh I do) wear them with a much longer shirt or dress, that barely covering bum & tum length doesn't do you any favours. I don't think anyone looks nice in pale grey leggings, go for black, maybe in a sporty styling with a long length hoody type top for when it's cooler, or a long vest and maybe open oversized shirt over the top.
You have nice arms and shoulders, and lovely skin, so sleeveless would work, you could try a non-clingy vest style maxi/midi dress, maybe racerback style. I saw someone the other day wearing that with a sleeveless denim jacket over the top, it looked great.
Loose, Katherine Hepburn style trousers are on trend now, I think that might work if you have a waist and can wear tucked in tops. I can't these days, but used to , and it was quite comfortable to wear. You could try with a tucked in/knotted vest and an open white or chambray shirt over the top.
Think about colour - I can't tell much from your photos, is that your natural hair colour? Does that cobalt blue colour ( of that shirt/jeans combo)look nice on you? Or maybe a strong teal? I think definite, strong colours have a more intended look about them, and if you can wear them, it might help upgrade your look a little. I suspect part of the issue is that the colours you have been showing yourself wearing are a bit wishy-washy which can look too mumsy for someone as young as you.
If you used to be a Goth, I wonder if you naturally tend towards slightly edgier looks than you currently sport. Look for sharper lines, unfussy cuts, no frills or puffs, and decide what to do about your hair. You've said you like it short, but it isn't short. Maybe a pixie type crop would work and would draw attention to your very nice top half.

www.booborbust.com/

Try this.

Although I just did measure across chest.

Measure underneath chest (this is your band size).

For every inch difference between the two, that is your cup size. So 1 inch = A. 5 inch = DD

You definitely have a decent set of norks, OP, and a well proportioned figure. I’d definitely go for tops that define your waist and show off your shoulders and arms. You have good ankles, too (jealous ).

If you’re near a bravissimo, they fit you in bras which are a revelation. It honestly has a huge impact on your shape - I can’t recommend it enough!

Learn to apply make up well. Watch YouTube and practise. I was queuing behind a very large woman yesterday and she looked incredibly glamorous. She was dressed in a below the knee dress that skimmed her curves, her hair was long and glossy and her make up was quite 50s starlet. Initially, I didn’t notice her size at all, just how gorgeous she looked. I don’t know if department stores are doing personal shopping and beauty consultations now - actually, I believe some of them are doing online ones. Book a couple and get some pro advice.

You are silly OP! You look perfectly fine and could wear any of the clothes you've posted!

OP, your biggest issue is your self esteem.
You look nothing like your description of yourself.

I agree that a proper fitting bra, I rate bravissimo, needs to be the start.
Although when you first start wearing properly fitted bras they can be a bit uncomfortable.

Skinny jeans are pretty much only for oldies like me at this point I think so I would look for some more modern fits.

I agree with a pp a bit more shaping would help, so blazers rather than polyester baggy tops.

Try lots of stuff on, spend enough on it that it is made of decent fabric and if you don't feel good in it don't buy it.

Please don't be so harsh on yourself, you are not a fat blob! Style wise I agree with other posters, a well fitted blazer or leather/denim jacket can give you a more feminine shape without being girly, I also think a slightly more fitted top or blouse will be much more flattering as looser styles tend to project out over your boobs and give you the tent look, making you look bigger than you are. Boyfriend or mum style jeans are a must if you are worried about your thighs as they balance your silhouette or perhaps some looser linen style pants, cropped at the ankle to give the illusion of height and show off your ankles. Chunky boots and sandals will also look great on you! Also styling your hair either straight or waved with some light natural makeup can do wonders for your self confidence. Remember weight and shape do NOT dictate whether you look stylish or put together. I have friends who are a very similar shape to you who always look amazing as they have found a style they feel confident and look great in. Listen to what other posters have said you are not unattractive nor do you look like a bloke, you just need to get your mojo back girl! X

I love the pictures you posted, why don't you start there with recreating some of those outfits? You are definitely not as you describe yourself, you look great and I think if you dress up you'll start to see that more.

So the jeans you posted are black skinnies but I think stretch straightish are more flattering, try the Lily from M & S - I've got the blue and black ones and they're £19!

The jackets are black biker and a denim - look on simply be or ASOS or New Look - buy a size that fits your shoulders but it doesn't have to do up, you won't wear it that way, so size down. Definitely go for stretch denim and a biker with stretch sleeves - they'll both act like sucky in knickers but on your upper body.

A jersey maxi dress - ASOS

Shirts - I'd go for Lyocell as it drapes, cotton can be a bit stiff and make you look boxy. A white one, a denim one and a black one for now - but you say you like colour so once you find a style you like then add in the coloured ones.

Camisoles- buy longer length swing or double layer ones.

Jumpers - I wouldn't worry about for now, but I would buy a long edge to edge cardigan

If you like black leggings I'd get the Sainsburys ones, a long black stretch vest to come below your hips, then you can wear your shirts and long cardigan over this as well as with your jeans.