Help a woman who feels like an ugly fat bloke find herself!

[blaisealex]

That woman is me. I make no effort with myself because I feel like an ugly fat bloke. I live in PJ'S or when I'm going out I wear baggy clothes covered in paint and holes. I have short hair that gets pushed out of my face with a headband and not even brushed.

I'm sick of it. It makes me feel worse about myself. But I don't know who I am anymore or what my style is. I need some help to find myself again.

I have a fresh start in October and want to go into it feeling my best. I have an appointment for a hair cut and colour and an eyebrow wax in September. But I'm not sure what cut or colour to get.

I'm 15st thereabouts, slightly more probably and 5ft 4. I'm bottom heavy with huge thighs. I do have a belly and big arms too but not in comparison to my thighs.

I just want to feel good about myself. Can anyone help me find my style and work out things that I would look good in? Save me, mn!

Something like this....

The tiered jersey maxi, the denim jacket and the long vest....

The leggings, the denim lyocell shirt and the cardigan....

If you find yourself shoving a headband on every day, maybe a really short haircut that can’t get in your eyes? I go to the (posh-ish) barbers to get my short hair done, they are great at making it look really sharp but also low maintenance - I can either just brush it and leave it floppy or slick it back. I think bold and deliberate (in hair or clothes) is good when you want to look good but don’t feel drawn to the super-feminine end of things.

I found this website super helpful when I lost my way with clothes. It basically tells.yiu what to wear. But you can chose your own things rather than what she suggests. She also encourages.you to use clothes you already have. There.is a freebie 10 outfit guide here which might be worth a shot.
httpss://nowthaticando.com/basics-freebie-1

nowthaticando.com/basics-freebie-1

So, I've measured my boobs on the site linked by a previous poster and it reckons a 36G!

I am not surprised! Honestly it will make a huge difference. I had been wearing a B cup and came out as a DD/E. It WILL feel tight to start with but it is honestly worth persevering.

I think you need to go shopping today OP!

New bra
Decent black leggings
Long black vest top
Some cool trainers / sandals
Temporary hair dye
Some hair accessories to experiment with funky hairstyles

And then think about what else to wear on top based on all the ideas above.

OP, I know you say you don’t like dresses but please have a look at the Scamp and Dude maxis and midis. I see a lot of women similar to your size and shape wearing them on the S&D Facebook group and they look amazing.

Or even something like this jumpsuit (there are a lot more different colour ways) and look super flattering on:
scampanddude.com/product/adults-wide-leg-strappy-jumpsuit-turquoise-with-black-palm-lightning-bolt
scampanddude.com/product/adults-wide-leg-strappy-jumpsuit-grey-with-black-leopard-lightning-bolt/

I like the style of that Scamp and Dude jumpsuit but think it would be better in plain colours, I love these for £22, virtually identical, same fabric, side pockets, wide straps to hid your bra, loose and floaty...

manamou.co.uk/collections/dungarees-jumpsuits/products/wide-leg-jersey-jumpsuit-black?variant=31709661364297

For jeans Levi Demi Curve are your friend. I buy mine second hand off eBay for about £20 rather than anywhere from £70-120 new. I'm a similar height and Go for a leg length of 29" or 30". Waist, depends on your size, have a look on the Levi's website for their sizing guide. Perfect fit for those of us with curvy hips and bum!

Good luck - this should be quite a fun time, re-discovering your style!

Agreeing what others said, you look nothing like the description you gave!

I think dark skinny jeans, a fairly basic longer t-shirt with a blazer would look great on you. I'm a big fan of jersey or ponte blazers as they are super comfortable to wear. My persinal favourite is a leopard print one but basic black, navy or dark grey are great options too.

As for hair, I would suggest getting a cut that is quite short at the back and sides with a longer front- easy to style but more feminine than something super short all over.

[quote Victoria1083]Or even something like this jumpsuit (there are a lot more different colour ways) and look super flattering on:
scampanddude.com/product/adults-wide-leg-strappy-jumpsuit-turquoise-with-black-palm-lightning-bolt
scampanddude.com/product/adults-wide-leg-strappy-jumpsuit-grey-with-black-leopard-lightning-bolt/[/quote]
That's very nice but completely out of budget My budget sadly only allows for supermarket and primark clothing.

Boot cut or flared jeans with a little heel are your friend.

V neck tops too. Wrap tops (and dresses if you can bear to try one on) would be great for you.

Go to see a good hairdresser to discuss style and colour. Your hair isn’t short either.

I actually think you have a poor self-image and this is your real issue. You look absolutely fine to me and other PP so trust us when we say you have a good figure.

Oh and definitely invest in some good bras. They make you feel great!

With regard to bras, it can take a bit of work to find a style that works for you - not all 36Gs will fit you comfortably, which is why it's worth going for a fitting in Bravisimo if you can - the staff will help you try loads on. For example, I'm more or less the same bra size as you, and I can only wear bras with shallow, wide wires, and a plunge front. Any wires that sit too high in the centre just dig in, and if the curve of the wire is too narrow, it digs in under my arms

@Foofbrush

With regard to bras, it can take a bit of work to find a style that works for you - not all 36Gs will fit you comfortably, which is why it's worth going for a fitting in Bravisimo if you can - the staff will help you try loads on. For example, I'm more or less the same bra size as you, and I can only wear bras with shallow, wide wires, and a plunge front. Any wires that sit too high in the centre just dig in, and if the curve of the wire is too narrow, it digs in under my arms

Just had a quick Google and my nearest is 85 miles away! That's annoying.

You could also try buying a load from Brastop, who are much cheaper as they do end of lines.
And doing another MN post asking for bra help, and the bra gurus can advise on fit and bras that might suit you, based on your feedback.

Thanks for starting this thread OP and to everyone posting such helpful information. As an overweight short pear myself I'm finding it really inspiring.

I agree your figure is much better than you described and you really need a better bra. I can't stand uncomfortable clothes in general but I make an exception for the underwired bra as it makes such a difference to how I look and therefore to how I feel about myself. I often take it off in the evening.

The flowery top in your photo makes your stomach look bigger than it is in your pyjamas. Honestly in the right clothes you could look amazing.

As a similar shape my best looks are:
Fit and flare mini dresses with leggings/jeggings
Body skimming thigh length tunics with leggings/jeggings
Fitted top with bootcut smart trousers
A line skirts
Long dresses in hot weather
Chunkier footwear and accessories since Ive gained a few stone
Choppy pixie haircut with a spiky fringe

I avoid :
Tops that finish at the widest point of my hips
With leggings, tops that don't cover my bottom
Loose baggy tops and bottoms worn together
Dainty footwear and accessories

About a decade ago I reached rock bottom clotheswise and Im really enjoying improving my style. I've gone up a size yet still look better than I did. Matalan and Primark have some good stuff, you just need to be selective.
Good luck xx

So, I've just been shopping! I didn't have much to play with, only sixty quid, give or take. I went looking for jeans. I looked in New Look, Primark, and places like that but couldn't find any that worked. Ended up in M & S and managed to find two pairs that fit my style, shape and size! Spent all my money though, so shirts, blazers, etc. will have to wait for now. But I'm excited to get my jeans home!

Yay! And it's amazing how you often find one new piece freshens up your whole wardrobe. I've started wearing long lost tops before that I haven't worn for ages once I have the right jeans or trousers.

Just found this thread and good to see things are already looking up for you

I look similar to you and I wear slim fitting crop or ankle grazer trousers with tunic tops or soft drapey shirts and a soft blazer if it's cooler.

Unlike you though I love dresses and have a few of the Weird Fish Tallahassee dresses which are very forgiving on pear shapes and come in several different colours/patterns.

I would have your hair cut into a sharper bob. Still short, you can still wear hairbands and a blunter cut will make it look thicker.

I don't know how you feel about make up but at 25 you probably won't need any foundation day to day. I would just go with mascara, eyeliner maybe and an inkstain type lipstick so you can forget about it for the day although the goths I know are usually experts at make up.

I can't comment on jeans as they are my nemesis. I genuinely don't think there's a pair out there that suits me!

blaisealex

Exciting isn't it? At least you have an idea now for when you next go shopping. I am sort of the opposite of you, I did have short hair that I know suited me and possibly brought out my eyes/bone structure more but being overweight did not want to look 'butch' (no offense!). So I have now grown my hair a bit and love it as it is wavy/curly just like it was on my 21st. I am buying better quality clothing and more aware of my shape. In fact I was quite shocked the other day when I wore a white vest and white leggings that I looked no more overweight than when wearing black!!! The vest top was well cut and I did not look as 'lumpy' as I thought I would. Apart from the worry of being a dirt magnet that made me so happy and being 61 there is less chance of 'period leak' when wearing white!

Try M&S Wild Blooms bras - the underwired ones that are £16 and come in six colours. They go up to your size and I have loads of them
They are ace and really comfy.