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Style and beauty

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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Why did mumsnet zap my S&B thread while I was on the school run?

158 replies

TheFaceProject · 13/05/2021 12:59

I posted yesterday for advice on which outfit to wear on a lunch date
next week, and along with some useful feedback on the actual exam
question, the thread took an interesting turn into a debate about
whether I was actually a man! In all honesty, DH and I were slightly
disappointed it wasn’t Friday night so we could watch it unfold with
wine and popcorn. I was slightly baffled this morning when I saw that
it has been zapped while I was on the school run!

It’s a little bit ironic, to say the least, that while I was juggling
the two children who I gave birth to, my thread was zapped because I
must be a man pretending. I am the first to admit that I have broad
shoulders and can look a bit boxy in some clothes. It was kind of why
I posted for advice! Due to lockdown and buying online, I probably
haven’t got the sizing correct and haven’t had the benefit of trying
clothes on before buying. There was some useful feedback which I
appreciated and thanks to all of you who complimented my (manly and
muscular!) legs. I am happy with how I look and more importantly my
daughter thinks her mummy is super strong and good at sports. That’s
important to us, and I hope she aspires to look more like me than be
warped by some online influencer who injects stuff into their rear
end.

In regards to the debate about whether I am a man or not… I truly
think the sleuths, who are so confident that I must be a man because
no woman could possibly have such veiny arms or be built like that,
should get out more! Maybe spend more time in places where women care more about strength and endurance than how delicate they can get
themselves looking with a coat of paint and a filter or two.

MNHQ – shame on you for silencing a mother of 2 who came on S&B
seeking advice because she was just a bit excited about having a
proper date for the first time in about 6 months after being locked
down with two young children.

And shame on you more so, because women come in all shapes and sizes, and this one is proud to look like I do, and shouldn’t be the one
being deleted.

OP posts:
Peanutbutterandbananatoastie · 13/05/2021 13:02

Oooh missed this thread and I’m intrigued. Threads about threads get deleted pretty quickly though, so not holding out much hope for youfella op Grin

Surroundedbytime · 13/05/2021 13:05

I did see your thread but didn’t see the deletion message. Have they emailed you?

Original poster
TheFaceProject · 13/05/2021 13:05

I wanted to reply in my thread but it has been zapped and I feel it is important that I get a right of reply.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheFaceProject · 13/05/2021 13:06

No email. Just deletion. Silenced!

OP posts:
ShrikeAttack · 13/05/2021 13:08

I didn't think you were a man @TheFaceProject, I thought people on your thread were behaving absolutely appallingly, like a bunch of bloody witchfinders.

They were embarrassing themselves with their eagerness to 'call you out'.

Anyway, hope you have a lovely swanky lunch.

ShrikeAttack · 13/05/2021 13:09

And whilst you took it all with good humour, another less robust woman could have been absolutely destroyed by those comments.

theotherfossilsister · 13/05/2021 13:10

How horrible for you. Can you post your original question here? I hope people will be nicer.

I didn't see your original thread either.

Original poster
TheFaceProject · 13/05/2021 13:10

@ShrikeAttack thanks. It doesn’t bother me, but I would like to at least be able to respond for myself. That bothers me a whole heap more than the “you must be a man” comments!

OP posts:
Serpenta · 13/05/2021 13:11

Didn't see the thread in question but sounds a pretty shitty state of affairs. Too many Clouseau and Marple wannabees on Mumsnet.

I hope you find something to wear that you feel amazing in.

CarlottaValdez · 13/05/2021 13:12

I didn’t see your thread but I’ve seen this before on mumsnet. I’ve also been told it’s impossible to get someone’s sex wrong though I have personal experience of being thought to be a teenage boy. That went on until I was about 30.

I sympathise there are some real arseholes on here.

Original poster
TheFaceProject · 13/05/2021 13:29

Maybe the time of day has something to do with it, as they all seemed to come out late at night.

Zapping my thread is not the right response though. It’s like telling a kid who is being bullied at school that they should just stay home and keep out of the bully’s way.

OP posts:
Everyoneknows · 13/05/2021 13:31

I commented on the thread to say which outfit looked best. Couldn’t care less if you’re a man or a women but yes the comments were unecessary and uncalled for and I would be upset if it had been about me. If there was nothing untoward behind the scenes then I’ve no idea why it was pulled. I had guessed it was because people were being nasty but I don’t know

TiltTopTable · 13/05/2021 13:32

I think a few posters' AGP senses were tingling for several reasons: you were asking for advice on multiple outfits to wear for lunch (grown women don't generally seek that kind of reassurance), the outfits were generally OTT frilly, lacy and poorly fitting (the kind of girly feminine AGPs like - like playing dress up) and to be honest you have broad shoulders, narrow hips and muscular arms and legs (which is great) that really don't suit the girly girl look, so it seemed odd a grown woman wouldn't have developed a style to suit her look and body shape over the years.

For what it's worth I quite liked the first dress with the bold pattern. I thought the others did you no favours, and I didn't get the pixie boot thing with every outfit at all.

I'm no model and my style stalled somewhere in about the year 2000, so what do I know? Pixie boots and frilly dresses may be 'in' for all I know! But you put yourself out there (which I would never do) and people responded.

Is there a celebrity/sports person etc, whose look you like? Who maybe has a similar physique? Perhaps take inspiration from them? I often think "would Courtney Cox wear that?" when I shop for clothes (rummage in charity shops!) as I like her style and tend to go for a similar look.

ShrikeAttack · 13/05/2021 13:32

Back to fashion advice though, I'm broad shouldered and an inverted triangle shape and I find that belts and dresses of shirts that flare out from the waist are much more flattering and give me a more feminine shape, anything that hangs down from the shoulders makes me look like a rectangle.

Also v-necks and shirts are better than a high neckline.

FourteenthDoctor · 13/05/2021 13:35

Oh no how awful sorry on behalf of the fuckwits. I voted for the first dress bye and was thinking I wish I had ankles as slim as yours!!

Fuck the haters you looked great in the first dress and hope you chose that one!

FourteenthDoctor · 13/05/2021 13:35

By the way not bye Hmm

Original poster
TheFaceProject · 13/05/2021 13:38

@TiltTopTable don’t you see the contradiction in that? I’m not feminine enough to like frilly stuff and that makes me a man?

OP posts:
Peanutbutterandbananatoastie · 13/05/2021 13:41

another less robust woman could have been absolutely destroyed by those comments. sorry but it’s pretty funny that you called the op a robust woman given the context.

Love51 · 13/05/2021 13:42

I didn't see your thread. But so what if you are a man? Men can also go out on lunch dates! Many people on here state their sex, gender, sexuality, age, parent status, marriage status, what country they are in. Some people change details to avoid being outed (some do it badly and their child changes sex or age in the middle of a thread!) Apart from the ones who are inconsistent, we don't know which ones are lying, and to give you an opinion on a dress, we don't need to.
I'm not great with clothes, here to learn not advise, so you haven't missed anything pearls of wisdom from me!

Love51 · 13/05/2021 13:44

So what as in that's no reason to zap your question!

TiltTopTable · 13/05/2021 13:48

I didn't say you were a man. I don't like frills full stop, even on children, so I never think they look good, but yes, an athletic and muscular physique and frilly dresses don't really go together IMO. I also hate dungarees on anyone over the age of 12 and logo t-shirts on anyone. It's just personal taste.

BeepBoopBop · 13/05/2021 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Giantrooster · 13/05/2021 13:54

Didn't see your thread and feel I've missed out now Wink.
Are you sure mnhq didn't take the thread down to protect you from nasty comments?

I see there is already name-calling on here, perhaps you are just unlucky with who you attract.

Tehmina23 · 13/05/2021 13:56

What is an AGP??

My mum has an extremely broad back & shoulders at 72 from years of swimming, and I see quite a few women at the gym with strong muscly physiques, it's actually more fashionable to be strong than ultra skinny.

I didn't see your thread OP but I think it sounds like some posters were cruel which is not good.

You can like whatever clothes you like including girly clothes, you don't have to be boring and dress to suit other people's idea of what is suitable necessarily.

Anyway I wear frills & logo T-shirt's (not together) & im 44... also my sister wears crop tops with dungarees and they really suit her.

I hope you enjoy your lunch date!

Peanutbutterandbananatoastie · 13/05/2021 13:56

What on earth? I know what robust means.