Struggling with aging, I'm 46.

[something2say]

Hi. Can I vent please and ask for people's experiences.

I'm 46. 47 in September. I know it's not that old yet, but it's not 30 anymore, or even 40. I feel like I'm changing.

My lovely clothes are now too tight. I have lots of long sleeved cotton t shirts that cling, but I've developed a roll of fat on my tummy which never used to be there and I feel embarrassed. I've put on 2 stone. I expect I wont fit into my nice dresses very comfortably this summer and wonder if I should give them away. I have two Ghost dresses and dont think I wore them at all last year and may not again.

I exercise every day and have an active job, but I eat too much chocolate. Every day. It would help to stop that I know.

My periods are awry and have been for a few years now. Peri isn't too bad yet, Menopace helps. I dont like wearing g strings anymore as they're uncomfortable but I feel embarrassed if people can see my big knickers outline. My body is changing.

I sometimes think about being almost 47 and ask if I'm sexy anymore. At 50 am I middle aged? I dont know how to be middle aged. I think about diet changes I could make. I used to be hot but now I look a bit dumpy and partly I know I've done it to myself but part of it is aging. I know its shallow and that other things are more important.

In better news, I'm far more peaceful, relaxed and skilled at things with a greater knowledge of what matters. I enjoy my life and consider myself lucky. I've learned.

But can I ask how other people have navigated this stage? Did you make changes? What does it mean to be a woman in her late 40s? And should I give up chocolate?

Sorry for the self indulgence. I hope people understand.

Oh dear, this thread has made me feel very old! I am also 46 -going to be 47 later in the year- but I haven't noticed any change in my body yet, except for needing reading glasses. That was a news that was broke to me last week by the optician, but thankfully it's still a very mild problem.

I am a little heavier (3-4 pounds I reckon) but that is down to lockdown and the struggle to keep up exercising while the gym is close. I know I will go back into it soon.
Yes, I do notice the wrinkles and the tired face, but my general appearance is still ok, as are my energy levels, overall health and my period. Might it be because I am not menopausal yet?

I have a young toddler and that requires a lot of energy, on top of a very demanding full time job. I am considering another baby but not sure I will go for it (for many reasons, but none of them my age).

Great advice about reading spf as age spots now mean age spots and can really make my face look much more mature!

Can anyone recommend any styles/brands of flattering jeans.

I currently wear stretchy jegging type jeans, like leggings, with 3/4 boots or trainers. They’re quite comfy and practical but not as flattering as they used to be (if they ever were!), as I feel they accentuate my slightly expanding waist, and also my calves seem to have gone chunkier (think tree trunks but not quite that bad).

I can’t face thick stiff material or material flapping round my ankles, and can’t wear high heels as usually do a lot of walking!

Any recommendations? Tia

@BeforetheFlood I know what you mean but I actually think I look older without my glasses. I feel more conscious of wrinkles laughter lines and crepiness when I wear contact lenses.

Oh my goodness, I’m so glad to have found this thread. I feel like in the stresses and strains of the past year, I’ve absolutely lost myself.

I’ve had an entire lifetime feeling unhappy and stressed about my weight and I’ve put on more weight in lockdown and have found myself dreading the moment I have to rejoin the world. I see myself in the mirror and I don’t recognise myself. I used to be an hourglass and now it’s more pint glass. In fact, I look like a Weeble.

I’ve definitely aged over the past year. I’d trialled taking my usually light blonde hair darker and it now looks drab and miserable, plus grey hairs are rapidly appearing and my face looks like a potato because of the weight I’ve gained. I can’t bear looking in the mirror.

I know everything feels better when I put my own needs on the radar, instead of prioritising everyone else (children, parents, husband, friends, employees, clients, and so on), so I’m back on a strict diet which I know will get results and have started exercising for the first time in aeons (Peloton is awesome). I’m drinking water and cutting down on booze.

I have a nail appointment booked and will bite the hand off my hairdresser when she contacts me to offer an appointment. This is likely to be mid-May and I’m already planning to go back to being lighter and brighter, plus a dramatic chop and restyle – I feel like I’ve embraced drab and I’m desperate to get back to glam! It’s also an incentive to have shifted some weight so it doesn’t just feel like I’m trying to polish a turd.

It’s only recently that the penny’s dropped that I need to be own friend, rather than my worst enemy… This thread is also really helping so thank you all!

I really wish there were more women on tv who was showing natural signs of ageing. I watched sky news the other day and the female newsreader had wrinkles and jowls. I nearly fell off my chair. She was probably around 50. It’s so unusual but so nice to see!!

@PandoraP

I really wish there were more women on tv who was showing natural signs of ageing. I watched sky news the other day and the female newsreader had wrinkles and jowls. I nearly fell off my chair. She was probably around 50. It’s so unusual but so nice to see!!

I follow Paulina Porizkov on Instagram. She inspires me. Also Caroline de Maigret.

I’m so glad I read this thread . Some of the descriptions are really making me laugh .( I say that as a middle aged mess that doesn’t recognise myself in the mirror lately either)

Most women on TV wear false eyelashes. That's why they have bambi eyes.

I generally use them for events too - or used to in the era of events! I have quite small crap eyes and so they need all the opening up I can give them.

I also chopped the shit out of my hair last year and it looked quite cool for a bit. Now that it's grown out and has to be put up, I feel quite blah and matronly again. Dying to go back to the hairdresser and asking her to absolutely go mad with the scissors.

I'm doing intermittent fasting and it has absolutely wrecked my appetite. Just a complete nosedive. Most of the time I only want to eat once a day now. I am still not losing in a spectacular fashion but that's because I still have one or two wine 'n crisp nights. But between the IF and a lot of walking (I have a 6km circle I do most days), I definitely don't feel bloated in any way anymore. So thats helped a lot with the blaaaaahhhhness.

I still feel exhausted a lot of the time. No word on my bloodwork yet. If they come back all fine, I'll probably have to look into hormonal causes. Am almost hoping it's just a Vit D deficiency!

WhereAreWeNow you make a very good point! I've just taken a selfie (😱) with glasses on and glasses off, and I have to say that there is much to recommend a bit of face furniture to hide behind. I've got an optician's appointment coming up (for YET ANOTHER more powerful prescription) so I'll maybe think about getting a couple of buy one get one free new pairs to at least have some variety.

Elspeth I had wondered about false eyelashes. I tried them once when I was much younger, but had pretty luscious lashes back then and they weren't worth the hassle. Do you use the stick-on ones? I've also thought about getting some of that lash serum that's supposed to make your lashes grow like crazy - does anyone know if that works?

Lollipop I think with jeans it really is a question of finding what suits you personally, and works with what shoes you wear and what you put on your top half. I wear jeans so much that i have lots of different styles, but my favourites at the moment are wider in the leg and hips and slightly tapering at the ankle (girlfriend/boyfriend style) You can turn them up and wear with trainers when it's warm enough for your ankles not to turn blue!

@BeforetheFlood me too. I think my eyesight has got worse and I've got an optician appointment next week.

I tend to go for the same style but there's something to be said for trying cooler, funkier frames. I think some funky glasses can make you look younger.

Exercise is helping me to feel younger and better mentally...you tube videos.

I agree trendy glasses that suit you can make such a difference ..add lip colour and your good to go!

Cut down on alcohol, sugar, dairy and try and eat healthily.

Also moisturise, not too much sun and use SPF!

@DailyCandy I'm booked in for a Morpheus8 combined with facetite for my neck. I lost a lot of weight and I've got a really saggy neck so I too am hoping for a minor miracle.

How did you find recovery time afterwards?

This is a nice thread to read, I hate feeling invisible (49) and I do try to keep up with my skincare. I'm still 2.5 stone overweight and it's all around my middle so I am choosy as to what I wear. Some of you ladies have some really nice ideas on self care and keeping yourselves feeling positive.

Okay. I can genuinely say my microcurrent device is making a difference. I try and use it every day. I have a stock of moisturising sheet masks that I keep in the fridge. My go to routine is a hyaluronic serum on clean skin, let it sink in and then a mask over the top. Then I put a light layer of conductive gel over the mask and use my microcurrent device for about 10 mins. Sometimes longer if I’m feeling like it.

My skim just looks so much better and my eyebrows are set higher now. There’s more of an arch and I have more eyelid on show. I’m not sure I can say my jowls have improved but I’ve only had it a few weeks so there’s time.

The next thing I’m getting is an led device. I am so drawn to splurging on a Dermalux Flex but I’m trying to REALLY research to make sure I’m not being dragged into the advertising whereas I could spend a lot less to get something similar. One of the videos that’s making me think ‘go for it’ had her skin professionally analysed before and after using this device for a certain amount of time and it had taken 9 years off her face. It sounds unlikely but I’ve been reading medical papers about the technology and it is shown to increase collagen during medical trials. So I’m definitely going to get something led based, I’m just not sure which one.

Ladies, can I just say, invisibility is not an age thing imo, it's about presentation and demeanour.
As a young woman i could pass unnoticed (despite being pretty) as i mooched along, head down, shapeless clothes, hair tied back.
Now, in clothes that make me look good, with my swishy hair (extensions) and my (faux) confident walk, Ta Da! I've reappeared.
It's not a magical youth thing really, its all smoke and mirrors.

Wagsandclaws it only took about 3 days for my skin to get back to normal. I think it depends partly on how deep they go (the micro needling is adjustable). It was unpleasant enough that I would hope I earned some uplift! I read about Facetite - fingers crossed the combined treatment works even more.

5128gap, yes it's about posture and attitude imo

I am almost 49 and don’t get the ageing angst, I have more angst about not ageing It’s probably due to having seen too many of my peers get sick and die (or almost die) and life’s to short to be navel gazing

I get energy from doing fun things and making new friends, seeing old friends, doing sport, going for long walks in the country side, my work, my family. With so much going on, eating chocolate is not important. I may have some, or maybe not

Outside COVID times you can fill your life with stuff that makes you happy that’s not about eating (or dieting), being busy means I eat for fuel, and that’s better for me

But yes it’s been a shocking year, and this year may be more of the same. The last 3 months were shit. No friends, no sport... yes I def ate more snacks and put on weight

So don’t beat yourself up, it’s such weird times. Be kind to yourself

I completely agree @PrintempsAhoy

@thedevilinablackdress most definitely, we are similar ages with similar issues it would appear. I've known her well for 20 years.

@LadyPeppermint said "The only thing you need to decide is whether you accept the way things are, enjoy your chocolate and come to terms with a slow, but graceful descent into middle age, or whether you want to fight back. You're still relatively young, so there's still time to look as good as ever."

I'm 47 too, and facing this issue, BUT I have cancer and I have finished active treatment as it's no longer working. This may sound dark, but the way I've been eating and drinking since I found out is kind of an experiment in whether a life without carbs is worth living .

I'm sorry @BitOfFun. That puts things into perspective.

I am very sorry that some of you are facing health issues, or have lost people.
It does underline how grateful we should be for what are bodies are still capable of, rather than focusing too much on what we have lost, or perceive we have lost, due to our age.
We are still here ladies, having seen, experienced and given so much already.
I hope everyone is able to find their own way to move forward to the next stage, as the beautiful wise, vintage goddesses we all are.

Hey @BitOfFun I remember you from when I was here a lot years ago as Blinder (I lost my log in). We were often on the same threads. Maybe we were both pregnant at the same time-ish or something. I’m very sorry to hear that your treatment has stopped working. I only came back to Mumsnet a week or so ago after ten years away and I remember you for being extremely kind and supportive. I just wanted to say hi. X

@justanotherneighinparadise - please PLEASE add a link to your micro current device! I’m totally buying one for my imminent 50th birthday!!

@BitOfFun - I’m really sorry to hear your news. I remember you from years ago on here - that beautiful portrait your DP painted of you was unforgettable! Sending a huge hug your way.