Struggling with aging, I'm 46.

[something2say]

Hi. Can I vent please and ask for people's experiences.

I'm 46. 47 in September. I know it's not that old yet, but it's not 30 anymore, or even 40. I feel like I'm changing.

My lovely clothes are now too tight. I have lots of long sleeved cotton t shirts that cling, but I've developed a roll of fat on my tummy which never used to be there and I feel embarrassed. I've put on 2 stone. I expect I wont fit into my nice dresses very comfortably this summer and wonder if I should give them away. I have two Ghost dresses and dont think I wore them at all last year and may not again.

I exercise every day and have an active job, but I eat too much chocolate. Every day. It would help to stop that I know.

My periods are awry and have been for a few years now. Peri isn't too bad yet, Menopace helps. I dont like wearing g strings anymore as they're uncomfortable but I feel embarrassed if people can see my big knickers outline. My body is changing.

I sometimes think about being almost 47 and ask if I'm sexy anymore. At 50 am I middle aged? I dont know how to be middle aged. I think about diet changes I could make. I used to be hot but now I look a bit dumpy and partly I know I've done it to myself but part of it is aging. I know its shallow and that other things are more important.

In better news, I'm far more peaceful, relaxed and skilled at things with a greater knowledge of what matters. I enjoy my life and consider myself lucky. I've learned.

But can I ask how other people have navigated this stage? Did you make changes? What does it mean to be a woman in her late 40s? And should I give up chocolate?

Sorry for the self indulgence. I hope people understand.

So serums really work?

Just joining this thread a bit late to say thanks for starting it OP. I'm 41 but I had a baby 8 months ago and since then I feel I've gone from radiant to old in less than a year. Lockdown hasn't helped - I used to swim and that's all gone. I'm afraid I've been on the wine (not breast feeding) as the only thing to get me through after a tiring day at home looking after a crawling baby. No groups are open so it's quite lonely. My boobs are way lower than they were before pregnancy which instantly gives the look of 'older woman' / my mother! And I've put on two stone. My hips have never recovered from the pregnancy and I feel as if I'm really old - can't get up off the floor without struggling. My hair has thinned and started going grey and my crows feet deepened. The worst thing is my face has ballooned and now my eyes look small and my face looks fat.

I've started intermittent fasting which has helped me lose 10 lb so far. I'm trying to walk and walk every day as it's the only proper exercise I can do with baby in tow. I want to get back into yoga which I used to do as soon as I can take baby to a nursery a few times.

I look at photos from my 40th birthday only 18 months ago and see a lovely attractive woman. At the time I can remember thinking I felt uncomfortable in my skirt and wished I was slimmer. Now I look back longingly.

It's hard.

Following as I am very much in this club. 😆 I have 2 years before I reach 50 and I want to be in shape by then. So far, I have

• started a skin routine (no difference yet though!)
• started running
• cut down on alcohol and portion size
• had laser hair removal!

Thank you @HeraInTheHereAndNow

This thread is really inspiring. I’m 45 and seeing the first steps of everything going south ... I think my skin still looks ok in some lights, but at other times I catch myself in the mirror and I look about 100. The jowls are the worst. I’ve really upped my skincare routine. Just been googling collagen supplements and thinking of getting some of those. They’re expensive though!

[quote HeraInTheHereAndNow]@MacBookHo... I’ve lost and regain the same weight all my life 🙄 😂. It’s been infuriating to the point where I’ve no idea what my ideal weight is. Obviously, there are charts to look at but I find I go from 11st 2-4lbs then down to 9st 8lbs (roughly) then back to 11 stone then back to ...

My GP has recently taken me off HRT and within three weeks I’m waking up sweating and throwing the quilt over DH, then freezing cold..then boiling hot. That’s a royal pain in the ass, too! And the aches in my joints make me want to go back on HRT but GP says at nearly 59, I'm post menopausal and it’s time to stop. I think, all that’s happened is, I’ve “postponed” meno for a few years and without HRT I'm back to age 52 all over again.

@DarlingCoffee... maybe, try a serum? I’ve started using Avene PhysioLift range. Really nice. Plumping. I’ve been a Nivea girl for donkey’s years but it’s now time for something with Retinaldehydes. It’s really gentle and Boots and Feelunique always have good offers on 😉[/quote]
I read somewhere ages ago that this is a doctor's myth. That as long as you've no health problems from being on HRT, quality of life is important and you don't need to stop it.

My retirement age is currently set at 67. I don't know about you OP. GPs need to wake up to the fact that people are going to struggle to work with debilitating night symptoms affecting their sleep and day symptoms making them feel awful. Then there's the bone density situation and with people living longer it makes sense to protect against osteoporosis for longer. Living into your nineties isn't going to be much fun for anyone who's bones are crumbling.

It makes me really cross when men say women "need to get used to" hormonal disruption, whilst society expects those same women to behave exactly like men - who have stable hormones and aren't in pain and experiencing mental symptoms every month, or all the extra special hormonal upheaval that comes with menopause. These are the men who think they're dying, can't possibly go to work, do any childcare at all or even look after themselves, never mind do anything house chores related - all because they caught the common cold. So perhaps not exactly like men, because I don't know any woman who ceases all functioning in this way whenever she's ill.

If it was men who had to have periods, be pregnant, give birth, do the majority of childcare and go through menopause, I'll bet there'd be laws like periods being a legitimate reason for taking sick leave, no man ever having to work through pregnancy or the first 5yrs of their child's life, every man over the age of 45 being closely monitored for signs of menopause then assessed and put on appropriate HRT by a specialist, and there being no mention of coming off it until well into retirement age. But as it's not men it happens to, only women, we just "need to get used to it". Grrrrrr 😡

@MrsJowly

So serums really work?

I use moisturising ones and yes they do. Vichy Mineral 89 in the morning and Estée Lauder Night Recovery Complex in the evening.

@Sssloou facial oils are good for dry skin. I use the Votary one but the Garden Of Wisdom rosehip is also good and cheaper. And they do an oily vitamin C serum which is great. I'm amazed how much oil my skin can take these days after being really greasy when I was younger.

Another vote for facial oil.

I used to have oily skin on my face and never thought I would put oil on it. Well, older skin drinks oil and it really helps. It is the one things that stops wrinkles for me and very noticeable if I don't apply it every morning and night. I put it under make up as well. When I am unable to put facial oils, my skin cracks up big time.

I love the smell and luxurious feel of Caudalie Divine oil. It is a dry oil so leaves little residue on the skin.

But on a day-to-day lockdown basis, I slather on super cheap Almond Oil instead. Does the trick.

Joining in, I’m 46 and haven’t had a period for a yr, just a couple of days of really light discharge. I had put on half a stone but Mfp has helped me got that off. My body is fine (just a bit squishier) but my hair and my face is awful. I have long wavy dark blonde (now dyed) hair in a shapeless cut, and my skin looks dull, I have dark circles and spots on my chin. I think I need to change my facial routine, I have really sensitive skin and only use Clinique atm. Clothes are also annoying me... I am tall and stuck to what I can find what fits rather than what I like.
Oh and I have awful varicose veins developing

I like facial oils too. I use the Clarins one for oily skin.

I am 51 and am very comfortable with my age. I was 2 stone overweight, but have got this down to 1 stone and I am working on that. Losing weight has made me feel and look loads better. I have accepted ageing and that I am going to get older. I don't mean that in a defeatist way at all. I am OK with it. I am 51 and if lucky, am going to be a long time old, maybe 40+ years. What I need to do now is grow old gracefully and look after myself well. I work out nearly every day and am now lifting weights the same as when I was at my fitness peak age 30. I am not going to get any cosmetic surgery or anything like that but I do look after myself and my skin. I buy myself nice things.

There are some things I need to cut down on. For example, wine now keeps me awake at night, so I need to cut down on that. I was overweight due to a chocolate obsession. Now I get a really decent bar of dark chocolate, e.g. Lindt 73%, melt a square in a small cup, and then dip 3 or 4 gorgeous strawberries in it. Last night we had some Cadburys, and we felt ill afterwards as we have been treating ourselves to lovely dark chocolate.

I used to be hot but now I look a bit dumpy

I get that, I felt the same way. After I lost a stone I saw the old me again. I don't want to be hot at 50 though. I don't ever want blokes leering at me again. I'd rather be a "very attractive woman who looks great for her age". My DH says I am like a fine wine.

You should look at women online who you think look good in their late 40's and 50's and get an idea about why they look good. For me, I looked at Audrey Hepburn and Monica Belucci and thought that they were OK with their age and looked lovely.

Im single so ive nobody to tell me im a fine wine! But i also want to live 40+? years and be and feel healthy, strong, stylish and attractive. Luckily im ok with not being hot anymore but ill admit to feeling a bit sad and lost about that (on and off) between the ages of 44&48. I think it's an adjustment. Ive processed it. Bring on the easier years now. I dont mind being 50 actually but my youngest child is still only 14. I wish he was 18 😥😵

I have multifocal contact lenses so have the best of both worlds. I can read and I can also see long distance.

They are daily disposable and a bit expensive at around £40 a month but a real game changer for me.

@superstar63

I have multifocal contact lenses so have the best of both worlds. I can read and I can also see long distance.

They are daily disposable and a bit expensive at around £40 a month but a real game changer for me.

I'm scared they would be a game changer for me too, as with my aged vision I think I still do look hot!😆

I'm 47 and so much of this rings a bell. I've worn glasses all my life so the varifocals don't bother me (except for the price) but I have a good 4 stone to lose and struggling to find the motivation to do something about it. On the plus side, after starting with peri symptoms at 36, with a 4 year old and an 11 month old, I now seem to be coming out the other side. Still having periods but the rest of the symptoms are going. I do worry about osteoporosis though. Finally talked my GP into HRT at 45 only to have to stop it abruptly in the first lockdown due to dizziness. Since then I just haven't been bad enough to want to go back and forth with trying yet more varieties of HRT only for the one that works to be stuck out of stock again.

Like a PP, I took a selfie to send to my best friend at her request as we haven’t seen each other for 18 months. I was horrified. I kept deleting pics but frankly couldn’t get a single one I was happy with. But then I remember I hated pictures of myself, and my looks, when I was 15, 20, 35 etc. I’m 54 now. I’m not going down without a fight,! I aim to do 10000 steps at least 3x a week. I’ll go swimming when pools re open etc. I am not accepting middle age spread. For my skin, it’s SF 30-50 every day. I’m currently on a course of vitamin C serum and it’s really making my skin look better.

I'm 44 & I think lockdown has aged me in that I'm now 3 stone overweight...
So I have achy knees & back as a result, feel breathless on any exertion, and all my nice fashionable clothes are too tight.
I'm living in my work uniform or leggings & jumpers.

Plus I usually get my hair highlighted regularly... I'm crap at home colour.. I've never seen so much white/grey hairs in my hair especially round my hairline & i don't wish to go grey gracefully!
I've emailed my salon so hopefully they'll fit me in as soon as they open...

Despite not bothering with taking my makeup off at night, cleansing my face or wearing night cream for actual months; my skin is quite oily & therefore has hardly any lines.
But I want it to stay that way so I need to get a good night time regime going. I do wear spf day cream.

I don't think I'm peri menopausal yet; I'm on the mini pill Cerazette & I only have to forget it once & I get a period.

My main issue is the weight really.
I've started calorie counting- allowing 1500 a day on my 4 days off, & on the 3 days I work I'm allowing up to 1900 calories on my late shift & up to 2000 calories on my early shifts (although I'd like to try to reduce that).
I'm exercising once a day, nothing major, just a short walk or doing some home weights which is an improvement on nothing.

I'm currently single so I really would like to look attractive again, and I'm very aware that there's a lot of 'competition' for decent men in the 35-50 age group!

Although I'm not sure about online dating, it would be easier to meet a man in a real life situation...

@ThatOtherPoster

Has anyone here on HRT found their brain fog and memory improved? I’ve been on 2 pumps of oestrogel and a Mirena for a year and don’t get both sweats, hot flushes or anything like that, but my memory has just GONE. I’d love to get it back.

It might be that you need a touch of testosterone as that really helps with brain fog. However, relatively few GPs will prescribe it, so you might need to try a menopause clinic/specialist.

How's everyone getting on since this thread started? Any changes being made?

I'm still eating MUCH less and also got hold of some Q10 serum, which seems really good. I do feel like having some crap food fairly regularly, but I just keep thinking 'everything has changed now, and that's just the way it is.' With this is mind, I feel much better already. I feel like the door has been shut on my old way of life and a new way is unfolding. I feel proud of the woman I've decided to be. I've always taken hard knocks on the chin and made the best of life anyway and have been able to hold on to my values and modes of behaviour, so the idea now that I'll eat clean and rest enough, carry on with the limit I put on screen time which was replaced with reading books, and various other changes I'd already made, is pleasing and heartening.

Thank you to everyone who posted and gave their experiences. It was good to hear from women in their 50s and 60s who can show the way a bit and see it in context. I don't want health problems in the future and the clock won't be going backwards so I'd better get on with it and make the best of it and I thank people for being so inspiring. I value this board very much.

@sansucre - thank you! That might help my libido too, which has left the building. I’ll try my gp as he’s lovely. Thanks!

@Tehmina23

I'm 44 & I think lockdown has aged me in that I'm now 3 stone overweight... So I have achy knees & back as a result, feel breathless on any exertion, and all my nice fashionable clothes are too tight. I'm living in my work uniform or leggings & jumpers.

Plus I usually get my hair highlighted regularly... I'm crap at home colour.. I've never seen so much white/grey hairs in my hair especially round my hairline & i don't wish to go grey gracefully!
I've emailed my salon so hopefully they'll fit me in as soon as they open...

Despite not bothering with taking my makeup off at night, cleansing my face or wearing night cream for actual months; my skin is quite oily & therefore has hardly any lines.
But I want it to stay that way so I need to get a good night time regime going. I do wear spf day cream.

I don't think I'm peri menopausal yet; I'm on the mini pill Cerazette & I only have to forget it once & I get a period.

My main issue is the weight really.
I've started calorie counting- allowing 1500 a day on my 4 days off, & on the 3 days I work I'm allowing up to 1900 calories on my late shift & up to 2000 calories on my early shifts (although I'd like to try to reduce that).
I'm exercising once a day, nothing major, just a short walk or doing some home weights which is an improvement on nothing.

I'm currently single so I really would like to look attractive again, and I'm very aware that there's a lot of 'competition' for decent men in the 35-50 age group!

Although I'm not sure about online dating, it would be easier to meet a man in a real life situation...

To be blunt, you're not going to lose weight on 2000 or even 1900 calories a day. Metabolism slows with age, and you will need to eat at least a quarter few calories than you did in your 30s. Aiming for 1200 would be better than 1500 too.

When it comes to losing weight, what you eat counts far more than any exercise.

Got my blood tests results back today which confirmed that I am going through the change. Not sure whether to go on HRT or not. Might just try some herbal supplements first.

Funny because I’ve lost a stone and a half on 1800cals a day.