How to not look middle aged

[Justtakeatowel]

I've seen a few pictures of my recently and I look frumpy. I don't mind looking my age (mid 40s) but I just look uurgh.

I've started curly girl and I think curly hair ages me loads! Where do I need to buy from to make myself a bit more with it? I've a tendency to buy cheap supermarket stuff which I think isn't always cut the best and I'm willing to spend a bit more.

I'm 5 ft 7 and 9 stone 9 if that makes a difference but a definite apple and have a bit of a belly which I think adds to the frumpiness

Thanks!

I am 47 and felt like you. These are the things I did:

Cut my longer hair into a shorter bob. Kept up my blonde hair appointments regularly and went to a really good salon.
Stuck to a colour pallet of white, navy, grey, leopard with the odd splash of colour eg pinky,red stripes instead ,of navy / white.
T-shirts - size up. Clingy is not a good look. Stick to plain pallet unless a good quality logo one. I’ve just bought a really nice Isabel Marant.
My legs look good, so tend to wear tighter jeans there and cropped where possible, weather permitting.
Trainers - White Leather Veja, white canvas Superga, sometimes a splash of colour (usually Nike)
Handbags - buy one good quality bag a year. This will smarten the casuales Tod outfits (last year Gucci Disco, this year Stella McCartney raffia bag). I wear them constantly.
Clothes - only buy good quality. I buy a lot from EBay.
Botox - not too much. I found my eyelids were making me look tired, so I have it to lift my eyebrows a bit, as well as crows feet.
Retinol at night.
Good skincare regime.

Finally...if you’re not on Instagram, get on and follow people whose style you like. For casual, Wyse London is a good way to start.

Also...sounds obvious...no alcohol and lots of water.

palette

As I’m thinking about it more OP I have probably re invented my style quite a bit recently without realising it.

In my 20s I often dressed very ‘smart’ to try to look older and maybe be taken more seriously.

In my 30s I got very locked into a ‘uniform’ of jeans, knee boots (it was the early noughties!!), pretty top for going out, Breton for staying home, preppy styles in the summer with chinos and linen shirts etc... grey, navy and black EVERYTHING. A lot of high heels, especially high heeled boots. Never ever trainers. Scarves (not dreadful silky ones but gorgeous cashmere or wool) always.

Lost my way after having DD late 30s.

Lost some weight too and am now roughly a size smaller than I was in my 30s. Hate to say it but it’s made a massive difference.

Now at 43 I have changed so many of my old fall-back styles. I rarely wear jeans. Never ever wear Bretons. Never wear heels, sometimes not even for going out. Lots of trainers. Dresses in summer instead of chinos (laser hair removal a game changer). Looser styles (perhaps because I’m slimmer these work now). More colour, especially brights (which work way better than the occasional pop of pastel colour that I used to wear). I’m more confident with shape and structure so I often wear loose on the top with tighter on the bottom (I have decent legs and bum but not a great chest). I take a few more clothing ‘risks’ that (I hope!) pay off rather than staying safe eg I bought a bright red summer dress recently that I would NEVER have worn 5-10 years ago and I feel great in it)

I don’t think of myself as having changed this much but if I analyse it a bit, I really have.

I think that’s good. I think it can be ageing to get stuck in a rut.

@YoureBreakingMyHeartCecilia

As I’m thinking about it more OP I have probably re invented my style quite a bit recently without realising it.

In my 20s I often dressed very ‘smart’ to try to look older and maybe be taken more seriously.

In my 30s I got very locked into a ‘uniform’ of jeans, knee boots (it was the early noughties!!), pretty top for going out, Breton for staying home, preppy styles in the summer with chinos and linen shirts etc... grey, navy and black EVERYTHING. A lot of high heels, especially high heeled boots. Never ever trainers. Scarves (not dreadful silky ones but gorgeous cashmere or wool) always.

Lost my way after having DD late 30s.

Lost some weight too and am now roughly a size smaller than I was in my 30s. Hate to say it but it’s made a massive difference.

Now at 43 I have changed so many of my old fall-back styles. I rarely wear jeans. Never ever wear Bretons. Never wear heels, sometimes not even for going out. Lots of trainers. Dresses in summer instead of chinos (laser hair removal a game changer). Looser styles (perhaps because I’m slimmer these work now). More colour, especially brights (which work way better than the occasional pop of pastel colour that I used to wear). I’m more confident with shape and structure so I often wear loose on the top with tighter on the bottom (I have decent legs and bum but not a great chest). I take a few more clothing ‘risks’ that (I hope!) pay off rather than staying safe eg I bought a bright red summer dress recently that I would NEVER have worn 5-10 years ago and I feel great in it)

I don’t think of myself as having changed this much but if I analyse it a bit, I really have.

I think that’s good. I think it can be ageing to get stuck in a rut.

It’s really interesting to think how our style changes over time. I enjoyed reading that, thank you!

Once I got past 45, I found that woven rather than knit tops look crisper, and definitely keep their shape for longer. You are a really good shape so should work well.

Otherwise, I spend money on a good quality hair cut & colour, bras that fit perfectly, and skincare. I exercise more because it makes my skin glow, (and stops me putting on weight).

The main thing is bugger anyone else thinks is frumpy. I shall be wearing stripes for a long time yet as that's my style and I like it.

Longer hair is more youthful generally as long as it's in good condition. Bangs or a fringe help too. Botox is great if you can afford it. Fill only if you've got sagging going on. If it's not sagging yet don't touch it. Clothes and shoes are a major thing too. Flats and kitten heels often look a bit frumpy. Necklines that are too conservative can be ageing. Same with hem lines. Long skirts unless a really modern print or a sexy split can look old fashioned. I find a dangly or hoop earring really lifts a look too and makes it more fun.

I'm going to be aiming for the mad art teacher look I think. It's a kind of homecoming for me as I spent my 20's and 30's trying to be more conventional. I was a single mum with a child with SEN and I felt judged. I felt like people would listen to me more if I had a nice brown bob and sensible clothes. Back when I was 18 I did not own an item of clothing that I didn't love and it would be great to be like that again. Now I look at my bland middle age mum wardrobe and think meh. So tie dye and friendship bracelets and red hair it is.

Also avoid any clothes that give you that 'bow fronted' appearance once you are post menopause.

Just seen pics. You're nice and slim with good legs. You need to wear a good bra. Drooping busts are always ageing. Your hair is a bit thin ( so is mine naturally). I'd get some individual extensions for thickness and a bit more length. Some highlights around the front and bangs would also give you a lift.

In the nicest possible yet truthful way...your hair is currently too short and dull a colour for the wavy look. You need way more tones through it to add dimension and the illusion of fullness. Also be wary of the curly girl method on fine hair as it can very quickly end up dull and lank due to it only needing a tiny build up of oil to weigh it down. I’m a hairstylist and whilst I do like your hair wavy I’d suggest more traditional management methods to wearing it wavy such as shampooing regularity with good quality professional shampoo and conditioner as tailored to your hair by a stylist you trust.

Another in their early 40s saying yep - you can look 'old' or you can make effort. And making effort doesn't need to be botox and fillers, but does mean you can't just wear what you've always worn and expect it to look fresh.

Quality clothes are importantly, I'm just getting used to the idea I can't wear a t-shirt that cost £3.99 and expect it to look as nice as one that cost £30 for more than 1-2 washes.

I'm another with natural curls who experiemented with going back to curls in lockdown (otherwise known as not bothering to blow dry). And it does look aging on me, I look better with wavy but not super curly hair.

Light coverage foundation looks better than heavy coverage now.

Supermarket clothing purchases for adult woman should be limited to socks, tights and multipacks of cotton knickers. Don't even bother with their bras. Whatever it is, it always looks cheap after the 2nd wash.

Buy less clothing, but better quality. I'm still struggling with this.

@Graciebobcat

What I would say though on the appearance front, but it's much more of a health issue as well, is having a strong body and good muscle tone really helps in all sorts of ways. I'd really recommend anyone to do exercise where you lift weights or better still, use your own body weight such as with yoga. It will avoid the look some skinny older people have that look as if someone let the air out of them.

I agree. I'm late 50s and practice yoga every day, concentrating on strength and core.

The yoga lifestyle of little alcohol and lots of fresh fruit and veg, beans and lentils etc makes a difference too.

When I see someone frumpy, posture and lack of muscle tone is a giveaway, as well as not being at ease with themselves. Yoga helps with all of that.

Weight is a double edged sword as you age, as too skinny can make the face look haggard and Botox/fillers are easy to overdo.

(I do need to smarten myself up though, lockdown means I live in yoga or gardening clothes!)

I'm troubled by how many people have said to avoid Hobbs like the plague! I love their trousers for work and have a few nice plain t shirts and bits of knitwear from there because it all fits me well. And an olive Saskia trench that I wear a lot. Also avoiding supermarket clothes - I have a few pairs of jeans from Asda, again because they fit very well. I honestly think (hope) I don't look too middle aged - I'm about to turn 40 - but I think it's far more in how well something fits you, how it's cut and how you style it than where you buy it. There are nice pieces in most shops

Some things are just instantly ageing. Those capri length slightly baggy casual trouser things, sometimes with drawstrings and toggles round the leg holes. I have no idea what they'd be called. 99% of all things that could be described as a tunic. Most of White Stuff and Fat Face. Ditsy prints (I tend to avoid prints in general and stick to block colours). Ineffective bras so your norks are heading towards your knees. Baggy clothes in general - oversized where it's obvious that it's meant to be oversized is very different to something that's just two sizes too big for you and hangs off your frame.

Also think a terrible coat is one of the quickest ways to look middle aged and frumpy.

Stalk instagram for people whose looks you like to get ideas. Follow them and you'll get suggestions for more, similar accounts. Also Pinterest.

@SeenYourArse agree it's a dull colour. Honey tones would look nice I think

My other top tip OP: NEVER wear knee-length shorts.

I’m lucky enough to have decent legs (I feel I can proudly say this as it’s off set by being green with envy about other women’s curves and fabulous boobs which I don’t have at ALL) and I’ve discovered in my 40s that shorter shorts are approx 3 million times more flattering. Knee length give saggy droopy bum-look and though I hate the word there’s something in my view truly frumpy about them. Knee- length skirts are fab but with shorts the shorter the better (within reason; visible bum cheek is a look that few of us can pull off at any age)

I’m going to go against quite a lot of the advice here to say you don’t need to spend a lot of money on your clothes. Supermarket clothes are fine if they are in colours that suit your hair, skin tone and body shape.

I disagree that 5 ft 7 is tall. Above average, maybe, but not tall.

I think you look fab in your pictures. I think playing around with different waist heights on jeans and trousers might help with feeling 'frumpy'. Maybe try tucking looser tops - I personally think nothing looks frumpier than tops which look like they are supposed to be tucked in but aren't - or tight tops pulled down over belts or jeans so you can see all the outlines through the top.

Also - exposing a little bit of ankle (at the risk of sounding like I'm from the 1800s ) I think looks quite sharp. Especially with a smart, well-cut trouser and a nice loafer or heel.

I don’t agree that wanting to look better is conforming and sad. I didn’t really take care of how I looked well until my late 30s/40s and I realized I had been neglecting myself for years emotionally. It has raised my self esteem and self worth no end.

Although I did end up following people on instagram and it can get a bit ‘style boxed’ as in: there seems to be the camel coat/jacket, posh bag, big sunglasses brigade, or the ‘rock chic’ leather leggings brigade, or the ‘fashion’ bright colours silver trainers...

Nothing wrong with these looks, but don’t just follow them into a rut, experiment with projecting more of you. I found it could be really fun to wear things that made other people feel fun too - I hadn’t realized how life affirming it could be to dress up. It is like adding a bit of zing. I used to dress ‘older’ I think in a bid to be taken more seriously.

Agree with the yoga and exercise... I hate gyms but to feel good in our clothes we need to feel good in our own body first. As we age, it is health that I think about more and more.

@Clockonmantlepiece

Unfortunately you are going to need to spend more money. Much more. I went through this too. It's like a taboo / secret that no other woman will tell you but it's quite simple, and they all do it, then lie about it.

Buy more expensive clothes from cool shops.
Do not shop for clothes in supermarkets.
Have expensive haircut. Keep it maintained.
Have botox. This is important.
Optional - Have fillers.
Wear heels. Watch youtube video on styling and copy them.
Have nails and eyebrows done professionally in 'natural' (ha!) beauty style.
Keep fit - optional
I'm not sure about face cream. I think its a myth.

I know you'll think the above is ridiculous and not for you.
The secret is, it can all be done so subtly, that 'maybe she's born with it'. (Like fuck she is!). They perpetrate the myth that the above is only for barbie / Katie price types. They are lying. Above is most often just done to a 'naturally healthy' stage to eliminate frumpiness.

All of the above. It’s lots more effort and cash. Long hair on middle aged women looks awful, also box colour hair dyes. Cool specs help. Maintain your teeth too.

As some of the advice seems to have progressed from de-frumpy to impact and attractiveness, I'd recommend a good signature fragrance (good being from a good house and not anything with a celebrity name).

Some PPs have mentioned having your 'colours done' so you buy the right clothing. Has anyone found this to be reliable (consistent over time so the same palette) rather than just paying money for someone like Edina from AbFab subjectively or randomly picking colour swatches before laughing all the way to the bank. Are there any reputable companies doing this? I can see lots of companies and individuals, I just don't know if there is anyone doing more than subjective opinions.

Have a look at blogger
Midlifechic , she is really good and looks polished without being ott.
Also follow a famous person whose style u admire and is similar in hair / weight / height fir inspiration

I have a nice pair of denim knee length shorts, fitted ones.. I'm afraid if I keep reading I will feel pretty frumpy!!

Early forties here too, also with unmanageable wavy hair but I've learnt to live with that. There's a lot of good advice on this thread. Not drinking and doing lots of exercise really works for me.

Bras, though. Where do you guys get them? I'm about a 30/32 DD/E and these puppies are painful for two weeks of every month and generally unsupported. I can't seem to find any that fit right and give me the support I need. What brands are good? At the moment I've given up and just wear sports bras all the time!