How to not look middle aged

[Justtakeatowel]

I've seen a few pictures of my recently and I look frumpy. I don't mind looking my age (mid 40s) but I just look uurgh.

I've started curly girl and I think curly hair ages me loads! Where do I need to buy from to make myself a bit more with it? I've a tendency to buy cheap supermarket stuff which I think isn't always cut the best and I'm willing to spend a bit more.

I'm 5 ft 7 and 9 stone 9 if that makes a difference but a definite apple and have a bit of a belly which I think adds to the frumpiness

Thanks!

In a nutshell posture, weight, personality (upbeat rather than moany) & presentation.

How you achieve & maintain all those elements can become more difficult as we age.

So, if as someone up thread said, midi dresses with trainers and denim/leather jacket are ageing what should those in their 40's be wearing to not look middle-aged?

What I would say though on the appearance front, but it's much more of a health issue as well, is having a strong body and good muscle tone really helps in all sorts of ways. I'd really recommend anyone to do exercise where you lift weights or better still, use your own body weight such as with yoga. It will avoid the look some skinny older people have that look as if someone let the air out of them.

@Justtakeatowel Keep going with the curly hair, it looks lovely!! You've also got a really great figure. You really don't look very apple to me,
I think the key thing to not looking frumpy is to splash out on a few really great more expensive pieces. Like the pic of you in the shorts and cami- you've got great legs and lovely arms, if the shorts were a more modern and younger cut (frayed at bottom for eg) and the cami was more of a square, flowy cut I think you'd look much more modern and trendy. Invest in some nice trainers for day to day (veja are great and still quite smart looking) and they make any outfit look cool.
Some of my favourite brands for modern silhouettes and cuts are COS, Arket, Other Stories (all part of the h&m family). Toast is beautiful but v expensive but there stuff is timeless and would never go out of style. Whistles stock great shaped trousers and lovely loose blouse type tops that I think would work well for you. Again, these are much more expensive than supermarket clothing but you'll feel great wearing them and they'll last years :)

Fascinating thread!!!

Can I just pop up over the parapet to lament the fact that though it seems to be a very popular thing to say a good haircut and tidy hair help, WHAT IF YOU HAVE THE TUPE IF HAIR THAT LITERALLY ALWAYS LOOKS A BIT SCRUFFY NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO TO OR SPEND ON IT??!

I remember a thread on here once about Carole Middleton and how fab she looks for her age and I realised at that point that the ability to have a neat, sleek bob, shortish or a bit longer, is a HUGE advantage in the looking-like-youve-made-an-effort and ageing-well stakes.

I have insane hair. A tonne of it: wavy in parts, curly in parts, straight in parts. If I cut it short it goes like a toilet brush. If I bob it it goes like a truly horrific inverted triangle haystack job is. It needs layers and the layers need to be long. So I have hair down to my shoulder blades. But long hair doesn’t suit my long face so I wear it up all the time, with a fringe and strands pulled down to look
Less severe. But it is so thick that it’s very very hard to put up neatly. So I bung it in a clip and try to pull off the whole French left bank just-rolled-our-of-bed look. This is HARD WHEN YOU ARE 43.

I make a huge effort with skin, I dress as well as I know how (I bloody love clothes) and I stay slim and exercise.

These things I hope keep me looking Ok and relatively fresh/put together.

But my hair is never going to behave itself, is never EVER going to look neat. I do pay a lot for ‘a good cut’ with a stylist who knows how to layer my hair properly but there is more chance of me voting for Trump in the next election (I’m not American and even if I were this would never happen) than there is of me ever looking neat, tidy and well-groomed.

If you have behaving hair and can have it in a style that suits your face, you’re already onto a massive winner with this stuff. Take that away and you have to find other ways to get older in a way you’re happy with.

And I think Next and Mint Velvet etc can have non frumpy things if you look regularly, it's a pity to wipe out the whole store like that. For me though I want to look my best and dress for what suits me, rather than trying to turn heads!

Someone said what to wear?

Skinny jeans , nice top like a tucked in pretty blouse or off the shoulder top in summer With either sandals or pumps depending on where going

Denim shorts with casual T shirts

I have loads of summer dresses from places like boohoo, new look, topshop, shein and wear with sandals and various cardi

Never ever wrap dresses I hate them

If you stay slim and do toning all clothes look nice on you basically

Do NOT lift heavy weights unless you are strict with macros as you will just look big and bulky and legs with be chunky

Bodyweight a la Tracy Anderson is best or Pilates for toning

I hate Next - find it big and boxy shapes and the arms are always really short

@Clockonmantlepiece

Unfortunately you are going to need to spend more money. Much more. I went through this too. It's like a taboo / secret that no other woman will tell you but it's quite simple, and they all do it, then lie about it.

Buy more expensive clothes from cool shops.
Do not shop for clothes in supermarkets.
Have expensive haircut. Keep it maintained.
Have botox. This is important.
Optional - Have fillers.
Wear heels. Watch youtube video on styling and copy them.
Have nails and eyebrows done professionally in 'natural' (ha!) beauty style.
Keep fit - optional
I'm not sure about face cream. I think its a myth.

I know you'll think the above is ridiculous and not for you.
The secret is, it can all be done so subtly, that 'maybe she's born with it'. (Like fuck she is!). They perpetrate the myth that the above is only for barbie / Katie price types. They are lying. Above is most often just done to a 'naturally healthy' stage to eliminate frumpiness.

Bloody hell, that list. I'm guessing it's a wind up.

Good skincare regime and use decent make up. The only foundation I get on with is Estee Lauder Double Wear. Nothing compares. Keep hair fairly short. Annual fillers. The suggestion above about kettle bells sounds interesting. May try that out.

I think botox is quite ageing. I know several people who've had it and they all have that slightly waxy, stretchy look. They got it from top rated places too. Looked younger before. I wouldn't tell them that though!

@candilemon I think you've got it about the curly hair. It's not the curls that are ageing but the style. I feel a bit like I'm heading for a shampoo and set. It definitely needs to grow if it does stay curly.

Perhaps in my statement it should read rat tail hair is awful and ageing!!

This has been so useful all. Thanks, I'm going to have a google at lunch time and see what I come up with

i think the key is to not go against looking middle aged.. it comes whether we like it or not and people can see it eventually, i would love to look younger but like past posts have stated it is harder to keep looking younger.. the older you are... and the more health problems that comes with age in some cases, going through a stage of wanting to embrace the age thing and to see the positive sides of it like comfy shoes and not needing to wear so much make up, not feeling the need to be trendy but to wear what i prefer for myself etc, we are who we are and the more we except it the more content we will be in our own skin, the more we can be present.. its a new faze in life... and it doesnt have to be depressing once we have come to terms with it, really doesnt. middle age women are still attractive without trying to look younger! its about who we are within, and our endearing sides, always has been

I look tired and I definitely don't look fashionable and polished, but one thing I am never told is that I look middle aged. Over the past year or so I have decided the whole growing old gracefully thing can feck off, the whole living up to people's expectations of how I should look at this age and stage of life and in this job can feck off, and the only person whose opinion on my appearance actually matters is me. So my hair is a strong red again and most days is a big wild curly explosion, my nose has a ring in it again, and I wear clothes that I like. Maybe people think I look stupid, who cares.

@YoureBreakingMyHeartCecilia yes my hair is wilful too. People don't get it at all! My friends with straight hair that you wash go and look good have no idea! My hair is cut regularly but you can only work with what you've got and mine is definitely the short straw end of hair choice!! This is why I've tried curly girl but I've found it depressing as I hate walking past the mirror and catching a glimpse of myself as I feel awful seeing what I see! I'm holding on to the fact that it's doing my hair good not using straighteners and hopefully this will help the front to grow!!

I'm a similar weight and height to you (but early 50s 😞) and find it's the waist area (Middle-aged spread) that's ageing. I work hard to slim it down and wear things that slim it down - dresses or tighter clothes.

Perhaps try a new make up style too.

Nothing divides people more than Botox and fillers. I’d never, ever have Botox but I don’t like the lines that have appeared round my mouth and the thought of fillers has crossed my mind. But - and I know this sounds vain - I really like my face and I don’t want to take any risks with it. If I had fillers and they went wrong or didn’t suit me, I’d be distraught. Better to leave well alone I think and be grateful I’ve lived long enough to get those lines.

Do NOT lift heavy weights unless you are strict with macros as you will just look big and bulky and legs with be chunky

That really does depend on your genetics. I lift heavy weights and I'm not strict with anything. I don't think I could be described as big and bulky!

Whoever said to he careful not to end up looking like a mad art teacher has made me feel so called out that's literally how I describe my look. But at least that's what I'm going for!

To be on the safe side avoid: all John Lewis, Next, M&S, Hobbs etc.

In other times, I would say go and people watch in cafes near universities but I know that is not possible right now. Spend some time with fashion magazines/insta/Pinterest.

Ignore the advice of anyone who advocates converse, Breton tops, tunics, Mint Velvet or Boden. These are not nec frumpy per se but they are too close to the danger zone when you are trying to re-invent yourself.

@NotQuiteUsual

Whoever said to he careful not to end up looking like a mad art teacher has made me feel so called out that's literally how I describe my look. But at least that's what I'm going for!

i always admired my art teacher... she always had a free spirit vibe about her look, thats how everyone should be.. themselves

Don't agree about M&S, their jeans are amazing. The straight jeans are the best cut and best value for money and look brilliant turned up. I also have an amazing blazer and their plain cashmillion jumpers.

I am sure there are non-frumpy items in M&S, just as it is possible to look fashionable-ish in skinny jeans.

But if a poster is switching up their look to avoid frumpiness, then it might be best to completely shake off out of date styles and potentially frumpy shops. At least until the OP is confident in her new look.

Hear, hear. There is a wide range of jeans in M&S. The downside is that they start at size 6, and at size 8 in other shops, they are too big for me.

I like M&S and like their clothes, and shoes. I think it might depend where you shop as they stock according to demographic, but the ones I go to are good. I haven't bought from them online, and tend not to buy clothes online, so can't comment on their web site.

Ignore the advice of anyone who advocates converse, Breton tops, tunics, Mint Velvet or Boden. These are not nec frumpy per se but they are too close to the danger zone when you are trying to re-invent yourself.

I agree. Steer clear of the converse!

I also agree that M&S can have some good pieces (generally autograph).