How to not look middle aged

[Justtakeatowel]

I've seen a few pictures of my recently and I look frumpy. I don't mind looking my age (mid 40s) but I just look uurgh.

I've started curly girl and I think curly hair ages me loads! Where do I need to buy from to make myself a bit more with it? I've a tendency to buy cheap supermarket stuff which I think isn't always cut the best and I'm willing to spend a bit more.

I'm 5 ft 7 and 9 stone 9 if that makes a difference but a definite apple and have a bit of a belly which I think adds to the frumpiness

Thanks!

Op - stop messing about with your hair and go to a really good hairdresser! A really good cut professionally done will make more difference than anything. They should be able to give you expert advice on what will suit you.

Your figure is good, your legs are fab, your hair is drab. Sorry.

@Arrivederla you don't need to apologise I know it's not right, I'm just trying not to use hair straighteners to give my hair a break and hope it'll grow. Can't do much about it right now with lockdown so I've at least another month of looking drab

Arriver That's difficult because they aren't opening till July 4th. According to mine. And some hairdressers have little or no idea about coping with curly hair.

I feel I should add that I normally have highlights every 9 weeks but due to money constraints didn't have them done in January when I had my hair cut but was planning on having them done again in March when it was cancelled so it's drabber than usual!

@ppeatfruit yes I'm not sure where my nearest curly hairdresser is. I've been feeling out an inverted bob that went up the back a bit so it's been a while and I was just trying to get it one length so I could then decide what to do next. I had always planned to ditch the straighteners and go curly but this in between stage is driving me mad!

I've read about half the thread, with lots of posters saying to do/wear the opposite of other posters

I'm 56. I'm in a newish relationship and have lots of sex. I don't look 56. The two may or may not be related 😂

You look lovely OP, your clothes don't look 'intentional' however. I agree with a PP about accessorising/adding a third thing (I can't bring myself to use the word piece when referring to an item of clothing).

Well, I had my haircut last week so some hairdressers are open.

Waiting another couple weeks won't hurt though but do please prioritise your hair!

In the UK they shouldn't be opening till July but assuming you have access to your own hairdresser at home possibly?

Have been reading this thread over the last few days since it caught my attention in "trending" and have really enjoyed reading everyone's thoughts and opinions - OP I think you look fine :) but the important thing is that you don't feel as fine as you want so changing things until you do is what matters......

I stopped paying attention to trends generally when I was 42 and my life changed completely - divorced, started from scratch and got involved with a chap who is very theatrical with a basic style of Goth which I had always been drawn to but not had the courage to follow through on because I was too worried about what other people would think...... my background many moons ago was theatrical design and I loved flamboyant clothes but was a bit shy so while at college in London my style could be quite out there, but at home in my seaside town I toned it down.

Having my son I cycled through a variety of Yummy Mummy / Boho / actual biker rockchick looks because ExDH was an actual biker so of course one had to fit in......

Over the last nine years my lifestyle has changed so much - I have modelled corsets in alternative live performance (and I am by no means a supermodel so I was more shocked than anyone else lol), my DP and I have done events embracing Steampunk, mad max styles - all sorts - and now I just wear what makes me happy (with a nod to occasion of course).

Current style is pretty witchy - not Killstar youth style, but kind of Stevie Nicks cross Peaky Blinders. My wardrobe is 85% black, I love velvet, silk chiffon, texture and trimming, my hair is dyed black waist length and I wear eyeliner and red lipstick and occult jewellery - because it's fun - Visiting my Mum during the beginning of lockdown, I passed a woman on the way who hissed "Witch!" at me (I kid you not) which made me turn round startled and she followed it up with a sneer and "God...." so I just smiled and said "Blessed Be" which upset her a bit but hey ho..... I was wearing a long black ratty coat, a wide brimmed black hat and sunglasses and a mask due to shielding efforts and that was all ...... I found it highly amusing.

Since menopause I am chunkier than I'd like to be but working on it. People find it hard to put an age on me - I get anywhere between late thirties to my actual age but I'm not that bothered either way.....

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think alot of it boils down to how comfortable you feel and how happy, and also there's nothing wrong with experimenting from time to time - Old Shakespeare said all the worlds a stage and each must play his part - no limit on costume changes stated.....

Oh, and I have moisturised every day since I was 16 on my nana's advice, kept out of the sun for at least 15 years (nocturnal anyway) I do drink and smoke but not to excess.....

Have fun with your style journey OP :)

@Arrivederla Assume you're not in the UK then as hairdressers are not permitted to open until beginning of July. The 4th I think.

@OldQueen1969 you sound awesome.

@Oldqueen1969 you sound fabulous and I love the “blessed be” so funny! Hope she thinks you’ve cursed her 😆

@Justtakeatowel keep an open mind on the curls. I had a go at curly girl. My hair is wavy and very fine. It just didn’t work for me. It made me look older and it was so messy and frizzy. In the end I got volume extensions which is a vast improvement.

I can highly recommend sorting out which colours suit you. That’s made a massive difference to me. It just lifts everything- your mood too!

@BatshitCrazyWoman and @Railingsohno aww thanks :)

Some days are better than others - humidity today has tested my patience - just waiting for my face to stop sweating enough to apply make up lol - I just muddle through really but after years of trying to fit in and stressing about stuff, I want to pack in as much as I can and to hell with anyone who disapproves cos how I look doesn't affect them and life is too damn short.....

Hope you are all having as good a weekend as possible in these strange and interesting times - we're having a small socially distanced Solstice gathering and trying to generate a bit of positivity for the rest of the year - there may be mead !!

OP may have this too with curls - my hair frizzes and looks ‘old’ with more grey hairs. It looks amazing after the hairdressers though! But I cannot blow dry it and don’t want to...

How do I stop the frizz?! Prepared to pay for expensive product if need be?

This would really help not look middle aged! I look about 20 years younger coming out of the hairdressers.

I think your hair is fine, you just need to grow it out a bit and have highlights/balayage when the salons open. It’s all very well telling op to go to the hairdressers, but in my experience hairdressers are not good at curly hair, and prefer to just blow dry it straight, which doesn’t always work well for curly hair as it doesn’t have the right texture and can look a bit like a helmet when blow dried. The problem with specialist curly salons is that often the haircut can end up very old fashioned, in a sort of bowl shape at the back, with immaculate curls which are old fashioned. I think a slightly frizzy/beachy look in a long bob to your shoulders is more current, but good luck finding a hairdresser to do this.

My least frumpy friend is almost 50 but looks 10 years younger. She isn’t that slim and always wears all black. Black coated skinny jeans, vest top, thin jumper that falls off one shoulder, biker boots. She doesn’t have any particular skin care routine but is lucky enough to have thick long hair that she ties back in a messy bun. I think that the reason why she never looks frumpy is totally down to her young personality that shows through.

Thank you for the thread OP, this is the kick up the bum I needed to change a few things.

I have extra baby weight and it is aging, I need to lose it asap.

Face yoga is great. Also focusing on skincare. The Ordinary, The Inkey List and GOW (Garden of Wisdom, find it in the UK on Victoria Health) are great on a budget. Just be careful and don't mix too many actives together, they can be irritating. Squalane oil is great for moisturising, azelaic acid is great for rosacea and bakuchiol is a natural retinol which is meant to be less irritating for sensitive skins.

I also find Next very hit and miss, they aren't as good as they used to be.

@Wanttpsleepnow have you noticed a difference with face yoga? Which one do you do? Thanks.

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[quote Justtakeatowel]@YoureBreakingMyHeartCecilia yes my hair is wilful too. People don't get it at all! My friends with straight hair that you wash go and look good have no idea! My hair is cut regularly but you can only work with what you've got and mine is definitely the short straw end of hair choice!! This is why I've tried curly girl but I've found it depressing as I hate walking past the mirror and catching a glimpse of myself as I feel awful seeing what I see! I'm holding on to the fact that it's doing my hair good not using straighteners and hopefully this will help the front to grow!! [/quote]
You need to find the right products for curly girl to work. I can’t use anything too heavy - cantu conditioner for example - nor anything with coconut or almond it seems. What I’m rocking at the moment is a co-wash with some £1 ginger conditioner from B&M and apple conditioner from Aldi as my leave in. If I want rocking, voluminous, slinky curls I add a little cantu hair cream after that. If I switch the 2 conditioners around : bad times - flumpy, frumpy , flat hair!! You look like you are in the flumpy hair stage, I recommend a change of product!

Op the beat curly salon in the UK is Spirals in Birmingham IMo. Worth a biannual trip to Brum. Colour can be done elsewhere.

*best

I so agree with stopping paying attention to trends I am not buying any fast fashion. Due to environmental concerns, it's great I wash everything carefully so they don't wear out, also mend and alter.

IMO the 'messy' hair style never looked good on anyone. I do feel your pain JustTake I had similar hair before the menopause. I did use warmed almond oil as a treatment before washing because I had very dry hair. Now I just put a tiny bit on the dry ends after washing because my scalp isn't dry . My hair just has a slight wave now still nice and thick thanks to the scalp massage I give it every day

I think you look a bit nondescript.

Try adding colour and highlites to your hair. Blowdry for volume. Get a good cut.

Wear some colour that suits you. Ditch the cheap boring clothes.

Use accessories - sunglasses, jewellery, belts, hats.

The wash and go days are over.